seagoat6

[seagoat6]

Isn't there someone who can love me for my self!

Just one person in this 8 billion people living on this massive oval rock formation floating meticulously in space?

No one? Absolutely no one?

With all my beauty? My kind soul? My success? My positive behaviour? Really? No one?

But how am I able to love unconditionally when other people can't?

How can I give when no one can?

"you can't have everything"

I can't have everything

The thing I thought would be the easiest to have has turned out to be the most difficult

No matter how much effort I put, the person I want will never be mine

Maybe because I want what I can't have

And maybe because I can't have what I want

Like an inevitable curse

You work, you see results

But that's all you will ever see

Be successful at work and suffer in loneliness that no one can ever understand

You with all the trauma that keeps you going

Same trauma that wil forever keep you alone

[seagoat6]

I know why I'm upset now, I'm jealous of what they have.

Not that I could ever have it with him, i never liked his perverted desires and I thought it indicates weakness and instability which is so unattractive in a man, even though I admired his fun presence and child like behaviour I still despised him needing to cause pain to feel like a man, it means he is aware of his insignificance and is not at peace with his role as a service provider in a hospitality role so he's always looking for a woman with inferior nature and a guilt+daddy issues to dominate.

I want what they have, with the perfect partner for my perfectly imperfect self.

I want a spirit that makes my spirit feel at home.

I am a person who has always felt lonely and like I don't belong anywhere and I can't wait for that person who will finally make me belong in a world that is created by me and him for just us.

[seagoat6]

“I wanted it so much. I don’t know why I wanted it so much.”

— Ernest Hemingway, Cat in the Rain

[seagoat6]

My sister told me that the reason why I always tend to have feelings for the wrong guy is that I'm still a kid on the inside! Always attractive to shaped and colors that's why I always like the good looking badass guy who is usually always emotionally unavailable or just not into me.

I think it all makes sense now.

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

The odds of you to existing is 1 in 400 trillion.

[seagoat6]

سألته: ينفع تدّيني اختبار واحد للحب؟

--

قال:

هقوّلك اختبار مهم، بس مش وحيد!

اللي بيحبّك ..

هيتلكّك عشان يكون مسؤول عنّك ومعاك ..

مهما كانت المسؤوليّة كبيرة!

واللي مش بيحبّك ..

هيتهرّب من أي مسؤوليّة عنك أو معاك ..

مهما كانت المسؤوليّة صغيرة

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

No I want you still, even if you can't give me anything at all. I want you and I want you to want me like you did before.

[seagoat6]

I'm drinking so much because I am trying to get my self distracted from calling or texting him and telling him how my day was like a kid. It's also possible that I'm using him as an excuse to drink so much.

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

[seagoat6]

I'm so lost without him.

[seagoat6]

He really doesn't love me at all.