seandoon99-blog

[seandoon99-blog]

Nothing But Darkness

In Summer of 2014 through Mid to late 2015 , I fell into a severe dark,dark depression period ,so dark to the extent I wanted to take my own life. I didn’t know where to go or what direction to go into in life. and I felt very very alone,and felt like my world was crashing down. I tried to reach out to my friends from high school at the time,but they never seemed to really get it at all,what I was experiencing,how severely depressed I really was feeling,and would become annoyed at me,when all I would be doing is reaching out and trying to find someone to talk to about this. This was an incredibly dark period for me ,I was very depressed on a daily basis ,felt very alone, and felt like no one understood how I was feeling,how depressed I was feeling. how I wasn’t doing it for attention,I really,really was depressed. It was a very dark period. and all I could see was black clouds,and no colors of the rainbow. I used to lock myself in my room ,isolate myself from society, except for work , and listen to music and ignore my dad and sister’s pleas to come out of my bedroom and be with society.  One afternoon , on the way home from work , I tried to take my own life , I attempted to throw myself in front of an oncoming Metro Train inside the Pentagon Metro Station, during rush hour one evening,and this was like with allot ,allot of people there on the platform. This very nice sweet sarmatian ,saw me as I was attempting to take my life. one footstep away from throwing myself onto the platform. And took me to the side and comferted me as I was very,very hysterical ,and suicidal and went out of her way to drive me home to my dad that evening,and was able to remove me , without anyone freaking out and calling transit police. During this time period ,after feeling like this ,and feeling like there was no one I could talk to,as my freinds didn’t get it at all,they really,really didn’t. I attended a Depression/Bipolar Support Group Meeting .and I eventually found myself reaching out on a daily basis to CrisisLink,as I was severely depressed,felt like I was in an incredibly dark place ,my freinds acted like they didn’t get it at all. and became annoyed by my severe dark depression which was real and in no way an act. I used to spend hours on the phone on a daily baisis talking to a crisis counselor. as I was desperately reaching out to anyone I possibly could , I needed help,I needed someone to talk to ,none of my freinds would honestly listen and would become very annoyed and aggrivated ,didn’t seem to get it that this dark depression was serious ,very serious.  With God’s strength and guidance ,I was able to overcome this depression period and my suicide attempt . and feel like a much stronger person now. God was with me every step of the way during this deep dark depression, My father was praying and praying for God to send me an angel . And I feel allot stronger having overcome that now. and fighting the battle . and Now feel inspired to want to be a voice for others out there who are suffering with severe depression,like I was. and let them now they are not alone.