seathesee - Tumblr blog

[seathesee]

They're very honored to get this award.

[seathesee]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[seathesee]

[seathesee]

someone stop me if ive made this post before but does it ever occur to anyone else that qfit, a prisoner to a contract and a prisoner to the wastelands, first grew in admiration towards pac because of his ability to escape?

[seathesee]

i miss deathduo so much

[seathesee]

also this now means that every team has has had the experience of being beaten into the ground in the first half of hte day and almost giving up and clutching up in the final so please no more talk of who doesn't deserve to be called underdogs everyone is the underdogs and everyone is the top dogs and they're all playing in the dirt together and it's all a lot of fun

[seathesee]

We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of the Rojas Bolas Mesa Base, she had a good run, was a beautiful base, and we will all miss her dearly. Her death was not in vain, as badboyhalo was slaughtered in her innards, and his body will feed the caves.

[seathesee]

wsit before i go to sleep i need to share this (now mind you this is my understanding as someone who isnt a regular bbh watcher, but i do check his vods regularly cause i like to find out context):

it seems to me that when bad does something to tesm bolas, to him he sees it as himself -just him- doing something to them. he's the one making the decision, he's the one taking action. that's it. it's just on him.

however team bolas see eachother as s collective, they see themselves as part of a whole, and what is done by one of them, is equal to something they all did -after all, they are always in call together, so almost all decisions sre taken collectively. and therefore when bad does something to team bolas, they see it as an action done by the entire team bad is a part of.

bad does not reslize (q!bad, obvs) that anything he does is telegraphing to red that his entire team is burning bridges with them, and therefore they have cart blanche to respond as they see fit

[seathesee]

The new Team Bolas Rojas members and how they were welcomed to the team:

Mouse is one of them before she's even chosen to join the team. She puts on the gas mask by herself as she sits in her seat. Her seat is still green, the color of death. She's one of them. Chose her. She's one of them. Chose her, please. She's one of them, finally. Mouse is welcome into the team with open arms. They chose her. There's cheers as she stands on their side of the room. She smiles beneath the mask. The seventh circle finally has its queen.

Etoiles is part of the team, of course he is. He joins them in their base and shares in jokes. He's no longer a leader, a weight off his shoulders. Cellbit deems he needs to be initiated into the team. He seems to be joking, but also, they're seriously waiting for Philza to join them. Etoiles stands in the fire with Cellbit, one of the original sacrifices, and Philza, their leader, stands over them. He's welcomed into the team, with burn marks covering his armor.

Roier cheers with the rest of the team when air turns purple, turns toxic. He had his mask on as soon as he discovered he's part of the team. He's finally reunited with some of his family. His mask will break soon. He follows Foolish's advice and takes it off to keep it from breaking too quickly. Roier chokes on his own lungs as they fill with toxins. Foolish holds him as he doubles over. He survives the last few moments of gas. He's fully welcomed into the family.

[seathesee]

Oh god, it's SO FUNNY when a character asks if red team will ever forget day one, because the answer is very simple: No, they won't!

Day one is literally their core and everyone from the other teams had their hands in giving form to what team Bolas is today! Blue and Green made their biggest enemy with their own hands! In the beginning, they didn't want to play this game, they said time after time that they weren't made for it and it was so very clear; they died a lot, they couldn't figure out how to get good armor, their base was a mess, but even so Blue and Green team didn't show any mercy towards them, no one talked to them and being the weakest they were also the easiest target.

Q!Cellbit being killed by q!Bagi and q!Fit? It resulted in him not even giving q!Bagu a chance to talk days later. q!Philza being killed by q!Etoiles? It resulted in him isolating himself from the other teams. q!BBH spawnkilling q!Slime? It resulted in a rage from red team towards him that to this day still burns. All of that contributed for team red to slowly descend into madness and for them to take similar attitudes towards the other teams later.

That day got branded in their minds because it was their lowest point, there was no crawling out or keeping hopes up, they were fucked, the whole team was just in such despair that it hurt to even watch. But they made their way through that day with jokes and macabre attitudes like killing themselves in the fire and planning a fucking CULT! (i loved how they decided to use their strongest trait, which is RP, even if the event wasn't focused on that.) While the others teams were focused on winning, red team was getting used to the bottom and the loss, they had no fucking pretension of winning shit.

How do you forget your lowest? How do you forget those who helped you get in there? You don't.

Winning on day two came by luck for them, but it gave a new perspective, it gave them determination to try. Bolas already had the loss guaranteed, so even if they tried and failed, it wasn't as if they didn't know the feeling already. That's the mindset they kept, win after win they always kept the attitude of a team that would lose on the next match for sure. Some people say that red team are pitying themselves because they keep reminding themselves of that, but it's not that! It's precisely because they know exactly where their capabilities lie and they know that to win they had to give more than 200% all the time, deep down the red team still thinks they're gonna go back to day one and that's why they always bring up that day. It's their trauma.

They became a scary group of people, they couldn't win by force or by mechanics, so they relied in strategies and companionship. There's never a single member of Bolas alone for more than 30 minutes, except if they're inside their base, and they're always in VC, they planned and distributed work between each other based on what each one is good at, they started to train pvp from scratch and looked for ways to make farms from zero. Bit by bit, the team started to take form and they're in total sync now, they understand each other so well that it seems crazy. On top of all that, they're INSANE and have trust issues with everyone that isn't part of their little family.

They're a formidable opponent because they learned how to play the game, which is ironic because Bolas was the worst in the beginning, you could even call them unfit for the Purgatory. But because of Day 1 and because of the other people's attitudes towards them on that day, they HAD to learn how to play in order to SURVIVE. They threw their morals out of the window, they took risks, they did things that no sane person would do.

You don't forget what you learn, you use it as much as you can. And the red team learned their lesson very quickly. They're merciless, they kill, they destroy and they have fun doing it, most important they support each other through all that, there's no one in that team to tell them not to do something, even their leader slowly started to accept their ways.

So no, they will never forget day one, because that day made them what they are today. They may be at the top today, but they will never forget the pit they came from and how they had to leave all their sanity and morals behind in order to crawl out and reach where they are today. That's a feeling you simply don't forget.

[seathesee]

I feel like every team other than red starts the day with some modicum of hope. they want to put care into what they build for their base, for missions, they start thinking that they have a chance. while red starts the day in the dirt and just has no hope at all. no expectations. their main worry is not getting spawnkilled by badboyhalo again. so when red wins everyone is beat into the ground because man they tried their hardest and put stock in their ability. while red’s motto is ‘we won today and fuck tomorrow!’. the rest of the teams got dreams still, which allows them to crumble - reds already been there, and they’re running on pure spite and mania. blue and green are trying to talk with them a few days too late, they’re already wearing matching gas masks planning on eating people. it’s whatever it takes to win, and red has decided early that they’re together so it doesn’t matter if they get curb stomped every day.

they’ve won by the power of several miracles purely because they coordinate, and they have absolutely nothing to lose - which means everything to gain. The other teams have their hopes and plans for victory still, yet somehow red has the best morale because who cares who fucking cares, this is hell! this is hell!! but at least we are together!

[seathesee]

aLSO ARTISTS: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD INCLUDE CARRE IN YOUR ART OF RED TEAM!!!, mans did not log on for hours jsut to not get include in BOLAS ROJAS art with everyone else

[seathesee]

Baghera (Swiss) asks Carre (Argentinian) a question (in English) and Cellbit (Brazilian) answers (in Spanish)

Welcome to the QSMP

[seathesee]

BOLAS ROJAS BOLAS ROJAS BOLAS ROJAS

[seathesee]

"But if all the eggs were there, where was Techno?"

See that small house up on the top of the Wall? That's the one; surrounded by vines and crows and field after field of potatoes.

What, didn't you wonder where Philza was today?

Old friends have a lot of catching up to do. And it's best done over some farmwork.

[seathesee]

Helloo!!! sorry for the self-promo BUT I will be participating in "Goopers For Palestine"! We will donate all of the money earned to Palestine Children Relief Fund! Please spread the word, anything as little as one dollar can make a change, please boost this if possible, tysm! :3

[seathesee]

ok sorry . can we go back to "pizza boy, you haven't made your last delivery" i never left i can't move on from that