seatrance

[seatrance]

I had my reoccuring living by the ocean side dream.

In the place I have been living in, the clouds have been covering the view for some time. to the point that I didn’t know I lived near the beach. All the residencies are on a cliff/hill, and there is a steep area until you can get to the open beach.

At last when the clouds parted I was excited to see the beautiful ocean. whenever I see it in my dreams I am filled with happiness.

I went downwards towards it. usually in these dreams the sand is very very fluffy, like sandy clay in those asmr vids? idr what they’re called.

but, when I finally made it I realized there was a commotion and it was pretty crowded. This was because there was a dolphin stranding event, and the professionals were dealing with it. Because I know my marine mammal code of conduct I watch the dolphins squirm and get rescued from a distance. it was interesting, but it did get sad pretty fast because two of the dolphins died. For some reason, one of the dolphins was stuffed into a crevice of the cliff😨 that was gruesome, the rescuers were responsible for that.

I also saw a beached baby whale shark, which later on turned out to be..a different creature...since dreams like to suddenly change these sorts of things.

lastly, towards the end of thedream, I saw that this one dolphin has hind flippers, and was actually trying to crawl back to the sea. thats when I woke up I think.

[seatrance]

‪had a dream where I was watching someone in a hospital die which was ofc very strung out why man .

the person was dying because of a cardiovascular problem.

‪and the dream made it be three different people..‬

first it was a random man.

second it was a childhood friends father.

third, it was my own father.

it was very depressing and I cried a lot.

[seatrance]

I’ve had about 5 vivid nightmares in the past few days..

I kind of wish I recorded them here bc I was able to remember them 100% after waking up...maybe I could have figured out whats wrong with me this time

but the thing is I’m really sad and scared about it. I actually can’t ignore the feelings they give me. and wake up very exhausted so I don’t wanna try to remember it and write...

this sucks and I hope it stops...I think it’s a phase I have every now and then where I have constant nightmares...obviously due to stress. but I dunno, maybe it’s another reason and I’d really want to know..

[seatrance]

I have dream this morning where I confess to two people I’m autistic, crying about it, but then comforted which felt really good

in reality it’s nothing to be ashamed of but It felt like an enormous weight off my chest once I said it

I don’t even know yet, but my brain desperately wants to know the truth that’s been hiding within myself for all these years

and that’s why it feels like a confession

[seatrance]

oh also had a dream where I was at this muddy shore that had really shallow, calm waters..and I saw killer whales swimming frantically in it...it was pretty amazing...until I came close enough to see two whales mating...seeing a huge orca dick...lol I was freaking out

trigger warning

had a bogous dream that ended with me being assaulted and it was very frightening…and the thing is I was feeling pressure on my hips by the rapist because my cat was sleeping on me while I was sleeping so it felt real 😂

I was screaming for them to stop in my dream and I woke up to whispering it irl..

the person was a burly man with blond curly hair and brown eyes and pale complexion. was wearing a hat and dark clothes and he approached me because I was listening to linkin park on this radio clock I was fiddling with..

[seatrance]

trigger warning

had a bogous dream that ended with me being assaulted and it was very frightening...and the thing is I was feeling pressure on my hips by the rapist because my cat was sleeping on me while I was sleeping so it felt real 😂

I was screaming for them to stop in my dream and I woke up to whispering it irl..

the person was a burly man with blond curly hair and brown eyes and pale complexion. was wearing a hat and dark clothes and he approached me because I was listening to linkin park on this radio clock I was fiddling with..

[seatrance]

absolutely depressing and terrifying dream this one.

First of all, in this dream I am a student for this class. I don’t remember for what, where, or why, but it was a very surreal experience to go to this class and learn something. but it had a vibe of a high school class combined with a college class...? I got to meet some of my classmates. A majority of them where made up people, some of the people I know of irl.

the buildings I were in are no building I’ve been to irl. still in awe in all of my dreams that make up their own architecture, they are all so surrealy uncomfortable and usually have a brown color indicating that these buildings are made of wood.

one day, a person, maybe our teacher, put us all on a train and she started driving it. we are about 100 classmates and I remember this number because someone told me, only 30 out of 100 of us survived......70% of us died including me.

how did that happen? in the most traumatizing way. the train captain was determined to kill us all. she was recklessly speeding and driving the train in the most unsafe manner. the weather is also really rainy and depressing and it’s dark, so this is all extra scary. The train has no tracks btw so it’s skidding and wobbling like crazy on these concrete roads in a highway bridge like setting, especially the last few carts where I am at. suddenly, the train starts moving at a very high speed. we are all terrified and wondering why, and then suddenly in our view is a sort of very very tall bridge/road, above a body of seawater, with a chunk of its road missing. the driver was speeding because she wanted the train to fly over to the other side. she wanted us to die though, so it purposefully didn’t make it. now the train is falling, and a ton of us meet our death. since this is first person view for me, and my brain makes me experience my dreams super vividly cuz I’m autistic, this is the most scariest shit I’ve ever experienced...

we fall into the water in the opposite direction though, not head cart first but back cart first, where I am. I can see behind me, the door glass shattering and showing a glimpse of the ocean before I die. but, for some reason the train is actually moving away from the water and moving forward towards the bridge... but the sheer velocity of this action causes many of us to die, including te driver. so actually, the train finally “lands” on the bridge and skids to a stop. a bunch of family members, fbi, and police are called to the scene. my brother was apparently in the train too and he survived. and friend of mine from middle school was there too, and as I am a ghost I try to talk to her.....and I do.

now, the thing that happens automatically for some reason is some adults from the family members tell the survivors to remember the dead and to honor them with remembering their good traits. as I am trying to communicate with my friend, who can’t see me but can hear me in her head, I ask her if she remembers how special our bond and friendship was in middleschool...this is a real thing..but she tells me no, and this hurts and breaks my heart to the core so much, I feel sucha huge wave of sadness and being uncared for and being destined to be forgotten. and also reminded me that I’m the only one who sees more in relationships with people than there is to see. Her being so cold to me suddenly brings me into a lucid dreaming state, and so I try to re-exerience the train ride and crash, to start over and figure out a way to survive.

after replaying the scene in my head a few times finally I figured out that when the train has almost fallen into the water, if I jump out of the shattering back door of the last cart before it starts flying away from the water, I can jump in without any injuries or drowning. I will be safe from the oscilating carts and bruising and death that would be caused.

and I do make it...I am in the ocean water when it’s raining and extremely dark, but thankfully the posts of the road/bridge in the water have a ladder, so I climb up the very very tall bridge. it was probably a 1000 feet tall.

I make it to the top, and view the crashed train. I am so so happy I have survived. I see another childhood friend, she has a notecard with a name, I think it was james. this adult gave it to her to force her to start commemorating this dead classmate by writing all the things she liked about him and any good experiences with james. this adult was his mother. and then my friend gives me the card because she doesn’t want to do it.

this is a really weird stressful thing, to be told to remember the dead before this trauma is even over...

then I somehow have access to social media and see a tweet about my characters that make me happy...people that didn’t even tell me about it drawing fanart and talking of them lol...this makes me happy which in turn makes me guilty because I’m being selfish in this catastrophic moment.

[seatrance]

Before I woke up at 2 pm today I had a vivid dream doing various things. only one part I can recall was me being in this zoo viewing an antarctic themed exhibit containing weddell seals. someone was making fun of them or critisizing them and I got quite angry and started talking to them.

feel like I saw this dream bc of all the comments about orcas I see on ig critisizing them for hunting and eating food lmao

[seatrance]

[seatrance]

Two detailed dreams (that I could remember) in a row involving wheelchairs and robots.

What a wheelchair in a dream means from DreamBible:  “ To dream of a wheelchair represents an emotional or psychological dependency on something to barely function. Feeling held back or that you have handicap which you can comfortably function with. Feeling that barely "getting around" works. Overcoming adversity. A limitation or need to "reduce function" that doesn't stop you from doing something minimally. Something you think you need or feel you can't function without. An important person that helps you is not around and leaves you barely able to comfortably function. A situation may have left you feeling lost, powerless, or impotent with minimum function. Something in your life that you may feel helpless or depressed without. It may also reflect something you have difficulty letting go of believing isn't important. Negatively, dreaming about a wheelchair may represent your frustration or dislike of overcoming a weakness. Feeling hindered, but not stopped. Feelings about an obstacle in your way whether it is related to physical abilities, skills, or your ability to maneuver around your daily life. A wheelchair is a sign that you can't do something on your own or that you are dependent on certain factors in order to function. It may also point to situational requirements in order to feel safe.”

From DreamMoods: “If you do not use a wheelchair in your waking life and dream that you are in a wheelchair, then it suggests that you need to stop depending on others. A situation or relationship has made you feel helpless. Alternatively, a wheelchair indicates that you are literally letting others push you around. You need to start standing up for yourself.“

Robots meaning, from DreamBible: “To dream of a robot represents a mechanical, methodical and rigid thinking style. Automatic thinking or responses that are not thought out. Totally straight forward or emotionless decisions. Behavior that unemotionally doesn't explain itself.“

From DreamMoods: “To see a robot in your dream indicates that you are going about life in a mechanical, methodical and rigid way. You have lost the ability to express your feelings. Alternatively, a robot symbolize the way you view your working life.“

Considering that the robots in my dream resembled transformers, which resemble humans, they are definitely an extension of myself and the “destruction” I do to my own world, with the “mindset” a robot would have. It in someway does represent the emotions I have been feeling and the numbness to rationality messing up my current life and future..

It is kind of messed up of my brain to try to equate my invisible disability as a visible disability, but it is truly something that is stopping me, something I cannot live without, and all those other feelings described.

[seatrance]

Had a dream of being in apocalyptic setting where

transformer-like robots were taking over the world trying to kill humans. (wtf second dream like this..)

I was with my mom when the dream started going thru this hallway or tunnel, and then getting to an exit that was connected to the inside of a hospital.

In front of us were two boys in a wheelchair. ( a weird wheelchair that was accommodated to hold two children..)

one of them was able to speak, the other was mute. they both looked similar to each other but the one that could speak was pale and had black sleek hair and kind of looked like mob, while the mute one had a more ashy brown scraggly hair. 

they were trying to reach for pudding and jello that was put on their trays but for some reason was too faraway from them..my mom helps them and brings the food to them. she looks incredibly stressed and exasperated while doing this though, as I guess that she’s just really worried what will happen to these boys since for some reason no one in the hospital is looking out for them.

I try to adopt her mindset and decide I’m going to take care of the boys. and so I take them everywhere with me, trying to keep them safe from any danger. We are mostly in the hospital but at some point I have to move around outside and into other buildings. I get separated from my mom after this.

I keep worrying about their hunger so I asked them at one point what they wanted me to buy to eat. of course the one that can speak only tells me.. I try to buy them stuff but I get this stuck feeling of “oh wait I don’t have any money and I’m gonn be really embarrassed of asking my parents for it.” idg why we still have to pay for stuff when an apocalypse is happening but people were still working in their cash registers in stores.

later on I come to this building which was being ambushed by a transformer, and the way to be safe from them is to stay out of their view and be quiet. it was easy to do that even though it was very frightening. the robot finally leaves this building, which has a really large room with glass panels all over it. idk why I thought it would be safe to stay in there when you are exposed to be seen outside..this thought was making me feel uneasy but it was so nice and sunny outside that I wanted them to feel the sunlight and not be in a gloomy hospital, and safe from outside.

but anyways, once I go in there with the boys I find elderly people hanging out in that same room too. now I take it to myself to feed everyone and hope everyone is safe. a second time I ask everyone what should I buy from the grocery store and stuff. this time I am able to buy the stuff and then I bring it back to them, everyone is really happy, especially the black haired boy who tells me he loves me. I’m really flattered by this but then he whispers in my ear that it’s a romantic kind of love, and I tell him he can’t feel that way about me because he is so young. (he says he’s 16, but he looks 10)

the other brown haired boy is doing fine too, but for the entire dream I was not able to get a good look at his face...which gave me a bad feeling because I was not able to see how he was doing.

I wake up here I think..

[seatrance]

‪I had a crazy ass horror dream. first involving robots r*ping humans. and doing destruction, killing, and pain in general. this was like a video game, with me being the main character. everything at first is fine and there are other characters around me just talking out in the open of this trailer park I think..but I was able to see the future, or maybe I had just restarted the game because it terrified me and I wanted to survive. those people had no idea what was coming and I was so scared and trying to hide, while this group leader sort of person was trying to get me out and was concerned over my behavior. the robots come in drones and kill everyone anyways.

there is an inbetween dream. I am in my house.. I am renovating the living room / sisters room which is connected to it. there are also guests coming. Idk I just lift furnitures with ease and place them somewhere, just in time for the guests. and then I get this idea that everything below the seats and bed should be water, so I can have my merman friend/lover ?? with me. so suddenly somehow everything below the knees is water. I duck into the water, but then I’m suddenly naked, and I’m in the middle of the floor/water where guests are sitting around me kn couches. I ask my sister to bring me a bra and underwear from my room. she doesn’t understand. I ask her again, and she doesn’t understand again but tries to do what she’s told. she brings me the wrong undergarments. I get a little mad, unjustifiably so, and so I get up even though I am nude and just walk over to my room to get it myselfinstead.

suddenly I have a mug in my hand that contains live goldfish and some other type of fish, like really small ones. I decide my room also should have an underwater part so my merman can come here too. once water fill to the top of my stomach (while I’m kneeling) I slowly acclimate the fish inmy mug into the water. suddenly there are other animals in the water too. and then our cats come swimming in. there is a enormous salamander that is suddenly living under a bed next to me, I see it’s huge tail sticking out. I’m afraid it will eat my cats when I see one of them approaching it to attack it...but it doesn’t, and I grab my cat in time. sorta ends there.

and then the next part of my dream also took place in a video game, but it was a pc flash game. I came across it when I saw someone live projecting their internet searches in the living room..? with a projector on the wall basically. they were showing google searches that were pictures of people in a factory + bakery hyrbid building lol. anyways this game was about a guy in a wheelchair being the main protag (also me) trying to..do these tasks that were given to me from the enemy..and it takes place in the factory bakery. and I don’t know who this enemy is. extremely hard to describe it was so detailed and odd.‬ there is a sort of metal box shed outside of this factory that I spawn from and sleep in. the outside is also like a trailer park. but it is raining a lot. I go to sleep there at some point, then a visual of a daily calender (like spongebobs) having a bunch of days ripped off of it comes up, showing me that I have fallen asleep for quite some time. but the fucking. dream almost ends here. it’s really funny and vivid.

I get up, into my wheelchair, get out of my shed and to near the factory entrance, and I whisper..”britney.. britney! is stephen king still around..? britney is he around..?”

then suddenly, out of the entrance, a man runs up behind me and grabs me from behind. this is quite frightening so I wake up.. but I recognize this man to be “one of ours” but I was confused as to why he surprised the protag like that.

[seatrance]

‪had a dream where I threw up four raw eggs that I ate, but they became slightly cooked after being in my stomach,‬

‪and saw my proffesor, she asked people that came into the library if they ate something before coming in. I asked why she was asking, and she said something about a survey for bacteria content in whoever comes in...idk‬

‪and also I got outside of that library going for a walk, and I come across four sea otters at an abandoned mini cartwheel ride..(I forget what theyre called Lol) and that thing got on fire. but the otters were fine. and then I record myself petting the otters. it was theCUTEST THING TO EXPERIENCE IN EXISTANCE!!! they were so smooth and friendly, like a cat. and then I would keep having these thoughts “I don’t want to live in a world where I don’t get to coexist with such amazing creatures” a sort of environmentalist feeling...and then that same idea came up in a psa that was being announced by a lady with a loudspeaker..nearby the library...we have to save the animals..‬

[seatrance]

Really weird dreams of being in a game like resident evil, but...everything was focused on the events of this one building that was sort of like a restaurant but also like a community center with entertainment...

in the first playthrough the zombies were scary creatures. but in the second playthrough...THEY WERE extremely oversized demonic gummy bears that could move???? it was crazy. but military was shooting them with all they got.

in the first playthrough the building is filled with people and events happening that I can’t remember, but in the second it was empty and was being closed for the night...

ugh so many things happened I wish I could remember them better.

I believe I had a third dream where I was running away from cops because I did something, and somehow I was able to outrun them with stealth and speed....when I finally found a safe place to hide I woke up from the dream

I woke up and went back to sleep a lot so there is another dream, with the same people in the first dream but we were in a differebt area? or the building was? the setting, compared to the other dreams (which was nighttime and gloomy and pretty dark other than street lights) this dream was very sunny and fressh feeling.

I was supposed to go on an arranged date with someone. and for some reason that someone was a teacher in high school who emotionally abused me.... H

it was really weird. I was very uncomfortable but then they ditched me.. I was upset and relieved at the same time..they had pcked leftover food...and I was holding onto it. but when they never came I let peopke around me on a picnic table eat them..

there was also a part where I was able to collect very cute paper crafts from thus art class like place because no one uses them.

hard to describe all of this sigh..

[seatrance]

had a dream about using social media

traveling and exploring places by foot

conflict and the seeking of reconciliation with family member

making paintings and other art

[seatrance]

Had a dream where I was in a very spacious mall. it wasn’t very crowded and I went to a few stores. In one of the stores, I was thinking of stealing stuff, it was very fandom themed...? like it was dedicated to a series and there was exclusive stuff. But I didn’t steal and went on my way. But then I realized I lost my phone because I put it down somewhere, and I remembered it was in that same store lol. Finding my way back was very hard but I finally did. The store clerk found it luckily and kept it. I was very grateful and decided to give them 3 dollars. They told me they can’t take it... so I was like well, you can take at least 1 $ right? and I take back 2 $ and quickly left.

Then I decide to go home so I try to find a bus. There was this woman at a bus stop, who had this dillemma. She appeared very frazzled and about to combust. She was moaning A Lot. (it was so loud in my ears...) And I asked her what her problem was. She said she really had to pee but the bus was about to arrive, so she’s afraid she’ll miss it if she used a bathroom. I am really confused, because I thought it’s pretty easy to hold in pee. So I thought she was being overdramatic. But then I realized she was pregnant, and I guessed that makes it so much harder to hold it in. The bus arrives at that moment. I decide to help her finally. I ask the bus driver if he can wait, this pregnant woman who needs the bus really needs to pee. He swiftly brings the bus forward to reveal that the bus has its own bathroom! (in the back entrance) we were relieved. But, it was an extremely weird bathroom...everyone can see you use it...it’s nothing like the ones on planes... you have to sit in a sink like thing to pee, and it kind of looks like a very uncomfortable carseat. and you have to use it without pulling down your undergarments so much. but well, she manages to use it, while I’m holding on to a rail that is NEXT TO the bathroom but also outside. I am riding the bus from the outside, like a train hitchhiker, because her using the bathroom is blocking the back entrance, even tho there is a front entrance. I guess I wanted to make sure she would be ok.

[seatrance]

in my dream I was at a beach in monterey

whale watching

and I was somehow controlling this boat with ease

was trying to come back to shore, but when I did I came across a beach filled with whales.

4 humpack whales were washed ashore, one of the was a mother with a newborn calf :(

and one more whale was a bowhead whale. I told my mom “get a good look at it because you’ll never see one like that again”

bowhead whales live in the arctic so...

I felt kind of panicky and was wondering if anyone even called the people that would help in emergencies like this (forgot whatbthey were called)

I assumed someone did, but even if they didn’t it woulf be impossible to move such heavy whales...and moving just the calf would be futile too because it would die in the ocean without its mother...

all the whales were breathing slowly but loudly, it was very intense to watch the dying.

a second part of my dream, I was in a survival scenario, lots of things happened.

in the last part tho, some persons arm had to be replaced with an amputated arm. it was weird. I had to lookaway when the operation was going on and that’s when I woke up.