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jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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This disability pride month I'm BEGGING you to acknowledge and care about the people in this community who often fly under the radar when it comes to positivity and information. People who require equipment to live, like ventilators, pacemakers, and feeding tubes. People who are bedbound. People with visible differences. People who have disabilities caused by things like substance abuse, overdose, or self harm. People with conditions so rare that they've never met someone who has the same one. People who need full time care and have to have help to use social media.

If you want to support the community, that means supporting all of the community. Disability pride means being proud of every last one of us, and making sure everyone feels heard. Make sure to amplify the voices of those who need it this month, and ideally for the rest of the year too.

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Welp.

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Jokes aside, I am feeling rather anxious that there are so many CEOs still at large.

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LRB my wife was like "I wonder how it feels to be Vietnamese or Korean in the US, having to deal with old white men demanding a big boy discount at the store because they walked in wearing a hat that says I PARTICIPATED IN AN ATTEMPTED GENOCIDE OF YOUR PEOPLE."

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its funny when events that probably couldve been traumatic dont bother you so you'll end up casually dropping stuff like "so after that time i almost got lost at sea as a kid-" and theyll be like WHAT and youre like. oh yeah dont worry its just part of my lore. its honestly not even a top five interesting backstory moment. focus please.

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boyclits were actually made to be overstimulated! thats why they get so pretty and twitch and leak and harden so much when you do it- theyre literally begging you to keep using them!!! it would be mean to deny that desperate swollen cock what it so obviously needs! go ahead and force another few orgasms out if it!!

help me get top surgery

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therapy is expensive, pulling whiny little "ah-ah-ah"'s out of your pretty boyfriend with just your mouth is free

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i think somno is so sweet like im all tired and sleepy and im all cozy in bed in my loves arms and im just so tired i don't notice them grinding lightly against my thighs and eventually pulling down my briefs to get in between my legs . im fighting sleep at this point feeling their hands running along my body to stop at my hips and pull me closer to them . my boycunt starting to get wet as i slowly realize whats happening but my mind still hazy . resting my leg on their hip so i stay comfy and sleepy . quiet moans and sighs escaping my lips as they thrust into me, trying to be gentle despite how desperate they are . so desperate they couldn't even wake me up and ask they just decided to use their little doll like it was intended to be used . as a sex toy . just a dumb little receptacle for their cum . too sleepy to even care about what was happening to it . it wouldn't fight back anyways, it knows its purpose and serves it well . eventually they're panting and groaning after bucking their hips harshly into me . suddenly growing tired of not getting deep enough and picking me up and flipping me onto my stomach . jarring me awake only to find im being held down and filled up .

i just think that would be so great

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hey u need a chew toy? (flirting)

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wanna be sleepily cuddling with a tboy and feel him start to get more handsy… teasingly asking what he’s doing before his hand is down my boxers and i’m a brainless, whiny mutt for him in a second

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I can’t stop rubbing my dick while trying to fall asleep, I want someone to hold it while we cuddle. They don’t even have to jerk me off I jus wanna feel their hand on my cock

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God, something about being fucked doggy style is so mind melt to me. Having my face shoved into the pillows, lifting my hips to display how wet I am, just being so vulnerable and needy for someone...

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Boys are for throwing around and manhandling. It's just roughhousing after all.

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I NEED to make a pretty boy so fucking horny, so fucking needy for me, that he will do or say just about anything just so I'll touch him even just a little. Need to have a needy little thing barking on command and whining, something that will make their face all hot and red from embarrassment when I mention it later

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"My daughter turned out fine"

Your son is touching himself because I called him a good boy and threatened to shove my cock down his throat

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it is absolutely essential to have friends you can have extremely insane pervert conversations with. this is kind of what makes life worth living