secretboots

[secretboots]

literal dialogue

he really just went and said all that huh

[secretboots]

♡ seen bits of the route where peter amputates one of Y/N's legs and my brain decided to blurb a bit on that ♡

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

fandom: your boyfriend

tags: HCs, word salad, disturbing themes (kidnapping, at-home amputation), graphic description of medical procedures, peter being peter, not edited b/c i'm too lazy to bother

he's read the relevant material. watched the videos, studied the basic techniques- so for a night, he can be a surgeon. for one night, he can be the man who manufactures the hurdle that keeps you safe with him. swallow the distant, queasy horror that comes at the prospect of hurting you, because sometimes, love hurts.

and then it heals. that's the deal, that is the living truth etched into every bone, every muscle, every fibre that makes peter dunbar.

love hurts. it heals, it frightens, it comforts, and you? you are love. at least, the closest to it he's ever been. perfection, resplendent, in human form.

so it's worth it.

it was worth preparing your room.

organising the instruments on your bedside table with a cold resolution settling heavy in his stomach, protecting your bed with a shower curtain stretched taut across the mattress, and laying you down to rest on that sterile field with all the tender care of a heartsick lover. brushing a kiss to your shin, a wordless apology offered to the part of you he has no choice but to part with. it hurts him more than it hurts you. he wants all of you, whole and undamaged.

it hurts him more than it hurts you.

you can't feel the tourniquet twisting, twisting, twisting into place around your thigh. you aren't forced to mark the tibial tubercle, or the anterior and posterior incisions. you can't feel when he makes his first cut, the way his soul shrieks for just a second of rational thought when he guides his vertical incision with shaking hands over the anterior crest of your tibia. identifying and misidentifying those perfect, delicate nerves and resecting them, dissecting muscle and ligating the thick, gorgeous tibial artery with a gasping prayer that the tourniquet holds.

but peter, he feels it.

he feels it when he pulls back the flap that will become the stump, when he marks the fibula cut and the saw whines to life. peter feels it, in his blood, when he saws through sweet tibia and blood-pinkened water speckles his face. he feels it, when he transects and tapers the masterwork that is the posterior musculature, brows pinched tight with the hope he's done it right.

it's amateurish, the way he closes the wound and prays to a power he's never believed in, that his stitches aren't so tight they rot the fatty stump of your knee. and he's sorry, you're beautiful, he loves you so much, and he's so, so sorry.

but the life he has laid out for you is one that comes with sacrifice.

so he can accept the fact that you screamed and sobbed when you woke up and the drugs wore off, though the sound of your voice so broken fractured his psyche into miserable, tiny little fragments that each cry their self-hatred and vitriol for what he's done. because he can fix it- fix you, you just need time to see! to understand! he can kiss away your tears and whisper his hollow apologies when he checks your dressing every day, and again when he feeds you antibiotics and checks your drain tube for the little markers of surgical complications.

he can hold you tight even when you punch and scratch and kick, and he can promise he buried your leg somewhere pretty, because there is no world that exists where peter handles any piece of you with anything less than love and reverence.

he knows it hurts, love, when you need to move. but movement is crucial to recovery, and the leg raises are a safe start to the long, beautiful road ahead. you're so strong, and it's okay to cry- his shoulder exists to catch your tears. you're doing so well, and it's for your own good. one day, when you understand, he can find you a pretty new leg, and then- and then! then, it will be like none of this ever happened. you'll walk, you'll run, you'll go outside again, one day. together. happy, and together.

but first you need to be honest. with him, with yourself.

you love him, don't you? he knows you do. you just don't know how it feels to love and be loved in turn. he's learning to cook, just for you! your favourite meals, so you don't need to worry about making them yourself. that's love. the way he holds you, like you're something precious and fleeting that he can't ever let go of. the way he dresses your residual limb and peppers kisses across your knee and helps you through the physio he'd researched just for you, because while that piece of you is gone, he loves you all the more for it.

you don't know what it means to love. but you'll learn.

for your own sake, you'll learn.

[secretboots]

Peeter x Perfect Blue 💛💛💛

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he's been plaguing my bird app feed

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Y/N and Lucy having a rare night out and someone is really not liking that

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Some doodles of the colorful Peter's from @TamonsterRex on the app called 'X' (still can't get used to that 🙃 twitter just sounds better lol)

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Lil goofy ookie pookie golf ball is here!! (•̀ᴗ•́) ❤︎ [old]

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emotions challenge

"poker face, happy, sad embarrassed/shy/blushing, surprised, in love bored, fear, anger"

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I'm back with more your photographer content jsjsjsjjs

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I congratulate all the girls on this day on the eighth of March😋

[secretboots]

about

i'm boots, i'm 26, and this is a side blog where i'll be posting everything i'm not strong enough to post on main lmao

i do a lil writing sometimes, and i don't mind requests. just drop 'em if you got 'em & i'll hop to it when i get the chance

lazy intro, don't mind it. autistic, mellow vibes, & generally low energy over here. not on Tumblr every day

i got a discord for cool peeps that wanna be friends. just ask, i love making friends when i can (‾◡◝)

minors DNI, please

fandoms

♡ your boyfriend

♡ naruto

♡ cod / rainbow 6

♡ gangsta.

what i write

♡ headcanons, imagines, word salad drabbles sometimes

♡ freaking love pretty much any AUs, yandere!/reader, angst, fluff, etc.

what i don't

♡ incest, hard non-con, hard kink, hard nsfw, any minor characters.

♡ prob'ly some other stuff i'm too tired to think of rn. i'll update if anything comes to mind tbh

dividers by @benkeibear