secretlyamie-blog

[secretlyamie-blog]

a concept: you and I both on the floor. we're lying next to each other and the only things on my mind are the gentle caressing of your fingertips and the relaxed and pure smile of yours and the warmth of having you beside me in my arms

[secretlyamie-blog]

writing of you; poem 5;

I find myself writing again of you.

Again, I can't collect meaningful words.

Yet eye to eye we find just what to do,

As we only believe our love's own worth.

These broken rhymes do not--will not--feel right,

As I write things that never have made sense.

Iambic poems and heartfelt songs unite,

Furiously writing dreams of days hence

I wish I could give you more than these poems.

I know you hold my heart so carefully.

With that, I feel somehow much less alone,

As you have made my world much more complete.

My heart has sung of these feelings so new.

In that, I write again thinking of you.

[secretlyamie-blog]

craving; poem 4;

Oh, I just want to hug you,

And kiss you,

And apologize for things

I didn’t even do

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things; poem 3

I am everything.

But still, I am nothing.

I could be anything,

but never something.

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something about happiness; poem 2;

There's this beautiful, light feeling

knowing you're loved.

like somebody filled your stomach with cotton balls,

like you're breathing clouds and butterflies,

and god, the smile you can't wipe off your face,

reading the words over and over again

I love you, I love you, I love you.

and sure, love hurts.

the times it comes and sets your chest afire

and stakes your heart against the wall.

it's like walking, wrapped in, and breathing wires.

but it doesn't always feel that way.

no, sometimes it's just knowing

you've met your best friend,

a friend who feels this light feeling that you do

[secretlyamie-blog]

07/22/18; 12:42 am; soulmates

This terribly late-at-night entry is now dedicated to my one follower. Hey there. Looks like it’s just you and me tonight ;)

...GOD I’M SO WEIRD

Anyway, street fair was fun. I got a clock that, instead of numbers, the values were dictated by the duration of music notes. Basically like 1 = a quarter note, 2 = a half note, etc etc. But it’s really fxcking cool ‘cause like!! Music!!! I LOVE MUSIC!! Oh, and I stuffed my face with cheese curds too. So the fair certainly was fun.

I really didn’t appreciate both my mom and my boyfriend being sick today though. They both sounded like they were having a rough time and there wasn’t anything I could really do other than be there. And I want to do more for them than that. But y’know.

You know... a conversation with my boyfriend (hereby known as Mason) kind of induced some thinking about soulmates. Like, what is the deal with that? I personally never believed in them until a couple of months ago. People aren’t made for each other. They’re made for themselves. And part of me still is completely on board with that. But yet... I’m his. Mason’s, I mean. I love this boy to absolute DEATH and I would scream it from every rooftop if it’d make him happy. And I feel like... he’s mine. I wouldn’t want anybody else. I want a life with him and I and me and him.

So soulmates are so confusing because now I know what it’s like to be pulled towards someone. Sure, I never had that love-at-first-sight moment that was so frequent in romance movies. Sure, he was average to me at first. But now... I can’t believe there was a time I looked at him and didn’t melt to the floor. Because I do that. Especially today. You know, it should be illegal to look that goddamn good when you’re sick. This is ridiculous.

Aaand since I’m off on a tangent about my lord and love, I might as well add that it... isn’t really a traditional relationship either. It’s a long-distance. We’re a good 1000 miles apart, and I don’t actually know what it’s like to have his lips pressed against mine. But God, am I ready for it. For him. Just gotta wait three years wooo

Anyway ‘cause I think that’s all I wanna say for right now, AS signing off at 12:54 am

[secretlyamie-blog]

lovers and letters; poem 1;

The girl and her letters waited by the door,

her messy hair blowing around her face

as she waited quietly, patiently,

for her lover's response.

But you see, this girl wasn't that patient,

in her heart she was kicking and screaming,

for the letters she held so fondly

never felt good enough.

She would write word after word,

fill pages by the thousands,

and still, her heart was overflowing

with the words she hadn't yet said

she cared with a fury, a maddening power,

her handwriting fumbled her own feelings

as she tried to pour out every word left

but her lover deserved more.

every single day, every single smile,

the girl was left wordless, speechless,

for her lover loved with more than love,

and she never felt her words were enough.

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07/21/18; 9:06 am; street fair

My mom is really sick.

See, she isn’t... mentally sick though. At least, I think so. But she’s... really frail. And she’ll get sick like every other day. I feel horribly bad for her, but also pretty frustrated. I know! There’s nothing I can do to make her not sick. I just have to be there for her when she is and try to console her, but I just... want her to get better and stay better.

Today my family was supposed to go to a street fair. My sister (Seth) and I are still going, but now my mom and my littlest sister Evelyn have to stay home. Mom’s boyfriend is going to work, so Seth and I are gonna go with our grandparents. Step-grandparents? I never really considered them grandparents, but you know. They’re gonna take us to the street fair to chill. My grandpa’s gonna divvy up like fifty bucks between my sister and I based on how many US History questions we can answer correctly. (Whoop, me! I just took US this year!) But it’s still not going to be nearly as fun without Mom. In fact just chilling with our grandparents is gonna be awkward. Because of me. I make things awkward.

Of course, it won’t be too long. We’ll probably be back after a few hours, but still. I want Mom to come haha. And God, I would love for Evelyn to come too. She would love it!! She loves parade sorts of things!! She loves going outside!! Yeah yeah she’s only three but she would thrive in that kind of environment!! But she’s stuck at home, too.

I need to stop whining about this, honestly. It’ll be fun. I’ll stuff my face with cheese curds and buy random shxt and enjoy myself. And while it’s not going to be as fun without my mom and littlest sister, it’ll still be fun. At least, I’m hoping so xD

AS signing off at 9:15 am

[secretlyamie-blog]

07/21/18; 12:49 am; A New Beginning

This is honestly one of the stupidest ideas I’ve ever had. L-Oh-Fxcking-L. Wait, should I swear in this? Um I’ll figure that out later I’m too busy writing.

To anyone reading this, I don’t really expect to get famous over a goddxmn online journal. I’m 107% certain that nobody will give a flying shxt. But y’know. I’ve kept a lot of journals up, and I never really got too much out of them. Maybe publishing them to a public space with a mask will help a little more? I don’t know. But I’m here now, and my new alias is Amie Schmidt.

Yeah... I’ve had a lot of aliases before. I’ve always loved being somebody different for once. To escape from my actual name and actual life, y’know? Be on a little stage I set for myself and be a star. It’s a weird wish for somebody who actually gets a lot of attention in real life... I don’t know. But this Tumblr thing is gonna be different. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used Tumblr as a source for fanart ever since the 7th grade, but the fact that I’m gonna use it as an online journal... this is really weird.

Anyway, what’s really weird about this is that I’m gonna be giving fake names to people I reference instead of just... writing it down like the journal knows. But you guys don’t know. And I’m certainly not going to give my friends and families’ identities away just because I’m doing this stupid thing. It’ll be kinda fun giving them aliases of their own, though. Like making them heros and heroines alongside me. Who knows? I might really enjoy this.

Amie Schmidt signing off at.. exactly 1:00 am wow

oooh I’m really gonna like this name