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[secretlyunder]

I haven't properly indulged in hypnokink in months now, rarely get time and space, on top of being busier than ever. I still look up stuff but I miss listening to files the most.

Today I got a little time and decided taking a risk and listen to a few files. I thought I'd be out of habit by now, and while the first file didn't do much, the second and third still took me so deep and it was bliss.... And I also got interrupted (luckily not in a compromising way) but man. It sucks. I genuinely miss when I had actual privacy and way more time.

[secretlyunder]

Slightly longish update so I'll start adding cuts for convenience; I really enjoy documenting my experiences in a way I feel appropiate, and if that means longer posts, so be it!

So I really don't have as much space and time anymore to freely and comfortably engage in hypno audios and conditioning, so I stick to mostly rubbing every now and then to calm the urge and carry on with my day.

But tonight I decided to play games, and I did for some minutes until.... I really missed my audios so I decided:

I'm not that invested in the game, so why not play a few audios while playing to at least add some fun and arousal to it? And that I did.

And God it felt nice. Now playing the game just became secondary as I focused in dropping and letting the words enter my mind... to the point I had to put the game down. I wanted hypno to get me completely so I just focused in that...

Now, while I like obedience play, I usually do not follow any commands that require much of me. Like leaving comments, I just don't. Yet after being commanded to repeat a mantra for many minutes (which deliciously melted me), and then being commanded with writing a comment, I wrote the comment. I was thinking "Not gonna do that, nah" and yet I started writing it anyway, wondering why, while the arousal hit me and the feeling that this was natural invaded me. It was normal, writing the comment was natural to do, it felt good and right. And If I was told to do it again, I obviously would.

And it's a strange experience. I didn't feel a special way, of course I just woke up from a nice drop and I was feeling nice, but nothing special. it just felt normal to obey. Even as I thought I wouldn't do it. I was doing it. Why wouldn't I?

And all I could think about was, the bliss, the satisfaction that I am going down and it's being more effective. Even after a few weeks without audios, I thought I would be out of the habit. But it felt so nice and easy and strong enough.

Repeating that mantra was <3

Hearing the words and feeling my brain go foggy was <3

Listening and submitting to someone was <3

And I wanna do it more, and go deeper, I wanna feel nicer, and see what other commands will arouse me to obey <3<3<3

I thought that after that, my mood was soon gonna be gone, so I switched to my usual clicker audio, not expecting much, but I missed listening to it, and It would be nice to end the session.

And boy it was.

While at the beginning it was just ok, not doing much for me, I put a bit of effort. After all, I spent the last few hours responding well to orders and dropping fairly easy. Even if this audio didnt do much for me usually, it should be more easy to follow along, right? I was right.

After starting a bit of resistance play, not only did the clicks shut my brain up and slowly drop me, they were also sending pleasure to my groin and shutting down any thoughts even faster. It was so hot and exciting, to hear the click, get that horny feeling down there, and feel my brain ridden with bliss. Something was building and I was slowly losing my mind but managed to calm down and just enjoy it moderately (unfortunately I am really not in a place where I could have had a HFO, if that'd what was about to come 🥲).

It all eventually subdued, and while I still tried to enjoy the bliss of dropping, I couldn't, I was absolutely done for good. And also absolutely wet.

I still feel disappointed I couldn't keep going, I didn't get to properly cum so I'm still in a horny mindset and I wanna keep going and dropping 🤤 This took a while to write so maybe my brain and body are ready to drop again for a bit more though, even just rereading my own post feels hooot <3

[secretlyunder]

I always use the same earbuds to listen to audios, but sometimes I still listen to normal music, except, when I want to put them on for music I always feel hmmm about it, and I kinda want to not to put them cuz the urge to play audios instead might be stronger than i think.. I'm listening to music right now but damn.. the urge, and thinking about it... makes me a bit hard.. maybe... not the kind of conditioning I was expecting but making me a bit wet still😵‍💫

[secretlyunder]

just had something hot happened to me... i still struggle to feel the effects, but i was listeing to my usual audio on loop, and after a bit i got tired and meant to change to another.. so i started nogging myself to stop and change, but still stalling it a bit to see if i could make it work... then it came to my mind:

"if i can stop it whenever i want, why am i still listening to it?"

and the realization that maybe i didnt have as much control downed on me as i felt a rush of pleasure take me deeper suddenly... then i started a play of resistance, pretending i could still stop it, but as the clickers happened they slowly drowned that voice more and more, until it was nothing but relax and warmth and head empty.. it looped idk how many times more and it was... 🤤

unfortunately the effects wore off slowly and i finally stopped it, gonna try another audio now, and as per usual, not really a horny feeling but ill get there eventually <3

it was so gnhheeee to realize that even if very slowly i can break my mind bit by bit, to the point i wont be able to tell if im still playing pretend or not.

now i really wanna keep listenin to audios...until the next update, whenever that is

[secretlyunder]

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it took me monts of listening often to audios. sometimes they would work vry well the first time but then stop, or just not work altogether. it frustrated me, often doubting if i could ever really go under and condition myself. At the very least Id have a good time feeling good and rubbing.

Today I think i finally stepped into the right direction. I was getting frustrated as I listened and i kept thinking about other stuff, until I had an angry moment of "Enough! I'll focus and listen the voice, I will force my brain to give in!" and it finally did?

I felt as if everything tuned out and I really was only focusing in the voice, with it replacing any attempt at thinking. The voice started to sound more nice, really enjoying listening to it, calming me down, every suggestion and order just calming me further, over the idea of submitting and obeying. I even ended up smiling, wishing for nothing but to keep listening. After it was over, I put on more audios, to keep it going, and even though it took me longer or shorter, I managed to keep falling in that nice feeling eventually.

I stopped now to give my body a break, but Im excited. I wanna go further, I wanna empty my mind and just program myself and feel calm and good and submissive and obedient. Im not sure if ill ever get really aroused, as i seem to have a low libido, but even so the idea of reprogramming myself alone is sooo hot that I wouldnt minf if the arousal barely shows up. (though i hope i can bump it up eventually and feel horny more often<3)

I also seem to struggle with triggers, but all due time. I think i finally made real progress. Just need to keep practicing, cant wait to further brainwash myself <3

ive been touching the entire time while writing this too, i need to get used to rubbing to stop the thoughts and reinforce stuff ~~~~

so heres my first post i guess