secretworldofbella - Tumblr blog

[secretworldofbella]

im losing myself, i dont know who i am anymore.

[secretworldofbella]

i find everyone annoying and stupid. i hate everyone.

[secretworldofbella]

i dont feel like im scared of death anymore. i just want everyone to shut up and be quiet and just sleep forever.

[secretworldofbella]

everytime when im in bed, i lie down on my side and lay my arm on my waist as there's a person behind me. i even clasp my hands together and caress it together and pretend im holding another person's hand. i really dont know whats wrong with me.

[secretworldofbella]

yes, i am aware i am talking to no'one. i only do this because i feel lonely and whenever i talk to anyone about it, they get distracted and most of them tries to avoid it. i understand if it makes them uncomfortable or just doesnt want to talk to me, i am pretty weird. so instead, i only talk to myself instead.

[secretworldofbella]

Whenever i talk to my parents, i never really reveal my true side. ive always acted like who i was when i was 9. clingy, annoying, childish and a narcissist. i always show this side and never the true one because i dont want to explain to them why i changed. how do i even explain? because if i did explain, my parents would put their hand on my shoulder and give me pep talks. its bloody annoying and uncomfortable to me.

[secretworldofbella]

i really hate how i see people laughing and enjoying their time, it feels like im watching them from afar inside a dirty window.