seecne

[seecne]

I wanna use again, it’s been a month I thought about it everyday, I feel like the people who I have met along the way don’t talk to me as much anymore, before I pushed them away, because I’m not the remotely the same person as I made myself out to be. She wasn’t me, she will never be me even if I pretend that’s who I really am under all the layers of guilt and passive aggression. She was someone who was so influenced by the drugs and the environment around her. I’m sick of being me because I’m nothing like her. I want to be back to what I was calling normal last year. My body to go back to the way it was, sleepless nights, thinning hair, and just wanted to enjoy all hours of the day, she was on the brink of losing it everyday, but would I want to be remotely like that? But she had all the friends she would ever need, she knew how to have fun and knew how to make a good,outgoing impression of herself, no matter who it was infront of her. My biggest fear is being alone, I didn’t care if I was pumped up with dr^gs and was someone completely different than to now because she wasn’t alone. She was someone I could never be sober

[seecne]

Struggling with sobriety lately. . . I wanna use so bad it hurts

[seecne]