self-proclaimed-detective

[self-proclaimed-detective]

sorry haven't been using this blog often, honestly just feels easier to scroll on social media or something and forget to check my own accounts at all. But I'm alive i promise!

Just haven't been in the mood to do anything really, maybe that game took a bigger toll on me than I originally thought. Why did I even think it didn't, it was a killing game for God's sake

[self-proclaimed-detective]

just woke up and I already feel bad. Why do I always have to be the one that wakes up first? Even Ryoma wakes up after me. I should be happy he’s fixing his sleep schedule but now I’m lonely

Can’t stop overthinking, hopefully my phone has something on it that can distract me

I hate this feeling

[self-proclaimed-detective]

well. Now that I've discovered were a system this blog is a while different light now

Anyway I think im fronting now. Shuichi time

[self-proclaimed-detective]

um???? Why are we discussing this.. if I say something I have a feeling either you or Kaito san is gonna get mad at me so I am going to respectfully stay uninvolved

yeah no you’re totally right

unfortunately they both think theyre the hot yaoi seme

[self-proclaimed-detective]

@checkers-and-concussions

i didnt make this but my fuck i love this so much

[self-proclaimed-detective]

I like to think that my current body is just the person I used to be before the 53rd killing game

Like, they just straight up changed EVERYTHING. "Oh, you thought you were a guy? SIKE now you have TITS" /silly

But on a more serious note, it fits. I'm the same height as "canon shuichi", similar demeanor, etc. And that's so tragic, isn't it? To experience such horrors and fight to survive with everything you have.. only to forget everything except bits and pieces, not even remembering what you've gone through, treating your past trauma as if it was just a simple video game?

Who am I, really?

[self-proclaimed-detective]

Remembering the first time Kaito san started those daily training sessions

there’s no way he hadn’t seen the way I’d been spiraling, right?.. he must’ve known what he was doing. Was my mental state really that obvious?

I’m thankful for him though. That was a very very effective distraction, and I couldn’t even spiral when I went back to my room because I was too tired to

[self-proclaimed-detective]

rewatching a playthroguh of our killing game..

I forgot how shy I was at the start. I know I'm definitely not the most assertive person in the world, far from it. But when I first met everyone I had even less of a spine

[self-proclaimed-detective]

if I actually did that in real time during the trials I think I would’ve lost all credibility day 1….

Shhhh theyre thinking

[self-proclaimed-detective]

no no.. im not doing anything out of the ordinary. Just trying to help. I'm certainly not "charming"..

anyway, uh. Hope you're doing well ouma kun

Maybe I should go out to lunch with them all… but what if they’re lying about caring? I feel like they still hate me

But I really miss Kiru-mom…

I wanna be held

Rocked back and forth

Covered in a fluffy blanket

Given a drink or food or something to have in my mouth for the texture of it

I wanna be cared for

[self-proclaimed-detective]

ah.. you don't have to go with everyone all at once. The idea sounds overwhelming, even to me, and I've been talking to them for a while..

I can tell one of them, maybe someone you trust the most (Kirumi chan?) To meet up and have a one on one conversation. I can be there too if being all by yourself is too intimidating.

I think easing yourself into things is better than doing everything at once. Its less of a.. struggle. To adjust.

... I did that too when we were still hospitalized

Maybe I should go out to lunch with them all… but what if they’re lying about caring? I feel like they still hate me

But I really miss Kiru-mom…

I wanna be held

Rocked back and forth

Covered in a fluffy blanket

Given a drink or food or something to have in my mouth for the texture of it

I wanna be cared for

[self-proclaimed-detective]

im so tired

[self-proclaimed-detective]

i dont want to be alone but its too humiliating to knock on someone's door and ask them myself. so i guess ill just listen to music until i feel better or fall asleep, whichever comes first

[self-proclaimed-detective]

i forgot how fun playing fnf mods were, i havent in ages

[self-proclaimed-detective]

I mean, she got two out of four correct...

i wanted to doodle one of my favorite exchanges from the game LOL

plus another one vvv

[self-proclaimed-detective]

mm I should probably go, I did promise after all. Or at least say I would

really don’t want to though

but that would be rude and also I do genuinely want to hang out but also I don’t want to talk to anyone and uuuuuugh

[self-proclaimed-detective]

I don’t think I’m gonna go to the group lunch or whatevver today I’m not in the mood