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Leading With Character

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” - John Wooden.

In this post, I want to share some thoughts about the importance of developing our character, both in our lives as leaders and as followers of Jesus.  I would like to start by sharing a story with you.

A long time ago there was a boy. He was smart, talented and handsome. However, he was very selfish, and his temper was so difficult, that nobody wanted to be friends with him. Often he got angry and said various hurtful things to people around him.

The boy‘s parents were very concerned about his bad temper. They considered what they could do, and one day the father had an idea. He called his son and gave him a hammer and a bag of nails. The father said: “Every time you get angry, take a nail and drive into that old fence as hard as you can.”

The fence was very tough and the hammer was heavy. Nevertheless, the boy was so furious that during the very first day he has driven 37 nails.

Day after day, week after week, the number of nails was gradually decreasing. After some time, the boy started to understand that holding his temper is easier that driving nails into the fence.

One day the boy didn’t need hammer and nails anymore as he learned to hold his temper perfectly. So he came to his father and told about his achievement. “Now every time, when you hold your temper all day long, pull out one nail.”

Much time had passed. At last the boy could be proud of himself as all the nails were gone. When he came to his father and told about this, he offered to come and take a careful look at the fence. “You did a good job, my son, but look at the holes that are left from the nails. The fence will never be the same. The same happens when you say hurtful things to people, as your words leave scars in their hearts like those holes in the fence. Remember, we need to treat everyone with love and respect, because it doesn’t matter, that you say you are sorry, the scars will not disappear.

While this stories main topic is about the damage our words can do, I think there are some broader lessons we can learn from it.  Our character is a precious commodity that hinges on our daily choices. What is interesting about character is that it is often not paid attention too until it is suspect.  We can spend an enormous amount of time and effort to build good character but as the nails in the fence, once they are removed, they reveal the damage that was done.  

The interesting thing about character is that you cannot choose whether you have it or not as every individual possesses character.  While we can sometimes hide or cover up our character from the world, we cannot hide it from God.  He sees our inner most being.  He sees our heart, our motives, and our intentions.  Character is what defines us as a person.  In the book “9 Disciplines of Enduring Leadership,” author Kent Ingle states, “It all comes down to who you are, not what you do.” Therefore, character is an essential area we have to develop.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:12-15 NIV).

This passage of scripture is a great reminder that when we allow Christ to rule in our hearts and lives, our character will be affected and gives us a great place to begin asking important questions. Ask yourself, “How do I appear to others and am I reflecting the love of God in my words and actions?”  Here are a few other important questions to meditate on in taking the “temperature of your character.”

Truthfulness:  Am I displaying honesty through sincerity?  Am I truthful or am I misleading?  Do I withhold information out of fear of conflict?  

Responsible:  Am I fulfilling my obligations and promises in a timely manner?  Do I do it with my best effort or do I only give the bare minimum to get the job done?

Respectful:  Do I put others needs before my own, being courteous and polite?  Am I willing to recognize others successes and accomplishments before or instead of my own?  Am I accepting of others differences and strive to celebrate them? Am I an attentive listener; placing value on the person over what the person is saying?  

Kind:  Do I display compassion and encouragement in my words and actions or am I quicker to criticize and correct.  Am I slow to anger and quick to forgive or do I hold onto offenses and refuse to give grace?

Attitude:  Do I approach people with positivity?  Do I look for the best or the worst in others?  Do I grumble, complain, and whine?  Do I sulk when things don’t go my way?  As leaders, we need to recognize our attitude sets the tone for those we lead and will be mirrored.  

Integrity:  Do I stand firm in my convictions and beliefs or am I easily swayed by the influences of those around me.  Am I  a “Do what I say not what I do type of leader or do I put my words into action?”

Because character is about who we are at the core, we need God’s transforming power through the Holy Spirit. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2 NIV).

Therefore, as leaders striving to improve our character, it is crucial for us to focus on growing our relationship with God.  We need to be purposeful in submitting to his call and will for our lives on a daily basis so that he will clean us from the inside out.  If we simply try to clean up the outside, we are only being deceitful and eventually will be exposed as hypocrites.  

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.Blind Pharisee! First, clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean” (Matthew 23:25-26 NIV).

In order to develop our character, we desperately need to meditate on scripture daily and allow God’s truths to infuse us so that our lives reflect a passion for Him. Leader…. How are you living your life? Is your character reflecting a believer who is on fire for God and his people or is it reflecting someone who is living a life of apathy that is centered around self?

Lastly, while this conversation is important in no way should you walk away thinking leadership means perfection. Leadership is simply influencing. Author Kent Ingle says, “I’m not in my position of leadership because I’m good; I’m here because God is good.” Therefore, when God leads us, we can be confident in knowing he will help us develop our character so that we have the potential to lead others well.   May each of you lead contagiously!  

February 2, 2017