semislug - Tumblr blog

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just need to get some things out of my pea brain

i am having some really scary health problems at the minute that just came out of nowhere and it’s really messing me up. i have basically overnight stopped being able to eat without being in massive amounts of pain and as of yet have no idea why. i am waiting for some test results to find out what’s going on but until then i am living off meal replacement shakes and pills to stop my stomach spasming enough to eat like one small meal at a push.

it sucks because as well as the pain i have realised how much of my life and social life revolves around eating and how isolating it is when you can’t do that 🫠 plus there’s the fact that there’s no clear explanation of what’s happening so it could be months of tests before i even get a diagnosis, months of trawling through google trying to find symptoms remotely like mine to see if there’s anything i can do.

this is gross but i made a joke to jordan saying ‘hey at least i’ll be skinny’ but actually… i have noticed myself starting to get smaller and it’s actually quite surprising to realise how much i hate it?? all that time spent thinking about being thinner and actually it’s the last thing i want. who knew!

the thing that sent me over the edge this evening was my mum telling me she’s sending me some meal replacement shakes that she used to give to patients who couldn’t eat. literally sobbing at both the guilt of making my mum worry when she’s so far away and the crushing realisation of now being an adult who has adult health issues and has to navigate them whilst holding down a job and a marriage and a life. i am scared!

[semislug]

sculptor worldwide “keepsake” bag

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The Westbury Horse, 1939 by Eric Ravilious

Train Landscape, 1940 by Eric Ravilious

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a real nice time :-)))

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source

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small quiet saturday 🥰

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i am feeling a bit all over the place at the minute honestly. this morning i ordered a birdwatching book and started looking for local birding courses and i have reserved a hotel room in gothenburg for a solo trip in june as i just feel the biggest urge to run away. my brain is just so restless all the time!

last friday i was drunk for the first time in ages for a friend’s birthday and spent so much of the night sat on the kitchen floor with his 19 year old colleague who was telling me how he feels so stuck and like he’s wasting his life and i was just like… man idk what to tell you lol i still feel like that all the time! i am never content and existing in the moment and it’s a real problem!

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my favourite hobby is stalking my former best friend on social media to see if her life is better than mine and then feeling really bad about myself when it inevitably is because i am an insane person lmao

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crazy that i used to work in an office with a hole in the wall that leaked when it rains and now i work in an office that steve coogan holds meetings from every month hahahaha