septictankofdreams - Tumblr blog

[septictankofdreams]

Something interesting about the rare occasions that Sam and Dean actually talk about their childhood or their parents that I've noticed is how it reveals really how little Sam knows about his own family. Like in s1 when they have to return to their childhood home after Sam has a vision he asks Dean how much he remembers of the night their mother died. Dean tells him he carried him out the house and Sam is shocked at this development; clearly this was a day that they haven't talked about at all. Despite that night being the foundation of what drove John and Dean to even start their relentless hunt in the first place, it was always this unsaid thing that Sam never understood to the same level as they did.

Later in the episode Dark Side of the Moon in s5 Sam is put in the position of a passive observer to Dean's memory of a moment with their mother. Even in this good memory Mary has an argument with John over the phone and Sam is suddenly struck with the realisation that their life pre-Mary's death wasn't this ideal picket-fence family dynamic he thought it was. John and Mary's relationship was strained and even before the age of four Dean was 'cleaning up' their father's 'messes' (as Sam calls it). To me its such an interesting concept because no wonder Sam felt like the odd one out in the family (and this is not considering the whole demon blood freak thing). He was constantly in the position of hovering on the cusp of understanding this unsaid past, which is the key to understanding Dean and John themselves. No wonder he wasn't inclined to be a hunter; to him Mary was was an absence of a mother, and yet to John and Dean it was at the very core driving them to relentlessly peruse this lifestyle.

And its frustrating because neither John or Dean seem to ever want to acknowledge of even try to understand this position Sam's in. Dean continues to berate him for 'abandoning his family', when really Sam was being suffocated under a lifestyle that had been forced upon him, forever unable to fully understand the all consuming grief that came from Mary's death like John and Dean did. To me this idea seems to culminate in Dark Side of the Moon, which is also an episode where Dean frustrated me the most. Because of course I understand why Sam's memories of running away from home and going to Stanford being considered as good memories would hurt Dean - family is everything to him. But it really shows how Dean just refuses to even try to understand Sam's perspective in this. These aren't good memories to Sam because he abandoned his family, they're good memories because they are the pockets of moments in his life where he has ever felt any agency over himself. Sam tries to explain himself to Dean but no it's about as good as justifying your actions to a wall and this is something that Dean has held over his head since the pilot. And then he's apparently so angry that he throws away the amulet Sam gave him?? My god, like I wasn't already screaming at my screen.

These complexities to their relationship really wouldn't bother me so much if every time these interpersonal issues were brought up they weren't resolved with Sam having to acknowledge that he was the one in the wrong. Like I get Flagstaff obviously dregs up some real bad memories for Dean of their father but come on, Stanford?? Surely after this many episodes we can understand that Sam was just perusing something he wanted to do for once. What's worse is that all Sam really wanted out of it from his family was for Dean and their father to be proud of him. He compares their situation to 'normal families' saying that most families would be overjoyed that their son got a full ride to Stanford. And that's really at the crux of all he ever wanted from them... Anyway sorry this is deeply unstructured I just have some Thoughts occasionally whilst watching Supernatural for the first time in 2023. Currently on the first chunk of s7 and jesus the whole shit with Amy is the other Dean thing that has made me yell at him in frustration but I won't open that can of worms. I swear I do love Dean and his messed up complexities... I just like Sam more and find him to be a more sympathetic character (which I am beginning to think is an unpopular perspective but what do I know; I've been watching this show for like a month).

[septictankofdreams]

sam winchester not being the top choice of spn fans will always be astonishing to me like we did not watch the same show.have you missed the part when he's an allegory for a daughter and jesus christ and queer people and when his demon gf girlbossed a little too close to the sun and they accidentally freed satan or when he knew the most niche random mythology facts or when he started allucinating the devil and when he heard voices and when he jumped into a pit with the devil to save the world and let's not forget his insanely beautiful tits what more could you ask for.what the fuck you guys are not getting

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MEOW MEOW??? Jfc I can’t right now I will literally think of this every time I see him do this now 😭

meow meow...

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Clois (sv) text posts part 4

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watching early seasons of smallville is so fucking funny it’s like. cut to the kent farm for a rockwell painting come to life. cut to the high school and it’s a teen drama. cut to lex and clark having homoerotic tension in a mansion. you cannot tell if lex wants to fuck clark or chain him up in the basement. cut to lionel and lex playing a machiavellian emotional chess game spitting shakespeare and war at peace quotes at each other’s faces. clark kent develops new abilities to the sound of nu metal. and while all of this is happening the locals are killing people with mutant superpowers. amy adams ate a deer. it’s terrible. it’s incredible

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What the fuck <3

this is my brand now (low-quality clexana photo shoots that look like promotional images for an indie band)

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Kit Connor’s delivery of “since his…birth” was incredible and I DIE of laughter every time I watch it

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Why does Dean always ask Sam if he’s okay by being like “are you going darkside” and then as soon as Sam is like “I’m not okay actually Dean.” Dean is just like “push that shit down” like are you trying to get him to open up or not?

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No. I don't like it, it's not gonna happen. SUPERNATURAL 1.05 | Bloody Mary

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Okay but like no one is talking about this enough. This is fuckin hilarious. The cut to them full making out with the graphic of “good mates” above them??? I love Heartstopper.

HEARTSTOPPER S2 | 03. PROMISE

#yeah they're just good mates #the best of bros #just bros doing bro things

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#get him again for me!

HEARTSTOPPER (2022—) 2x07: "Sorry"

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"I think of you as King"

"Queen Cobra, you coming or what?'

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Shout Out To Tao’s Mum

not only did she

(Bare minimum) respect Elle as a trans woman and respect her as a girl (which as a trans person myself, just makes me so happy, because personally, my parents friends see me as ‘The Trans Friend’ rather than just a guy)

but she also

2. she didn’t tease Tao for having a crush. This is the main thing I want to talk about. Since fourth grade I haven’t told my parents about a single crush I’ve ever had, because when I do, I just get teased. It made me so happy for Tao when she just went ‘yep, go get her’ and didn’t make fun of him in any way.

also bonus points respect to her for thriving as a single mum.

there really isn’t enough recognition for Tao’s mum

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"they were all idiots for assuming you were straight." friendly reminder that tao was talking right through the tv screen to YOU GUYS for what y'all did to kit it's literally a gut punch to see nick coming out handled with so much love in this show while the very fans of said show ruined this kid's life

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Me after watching Greys Anatomy.

Like John can die in a hole but Denny can do no wrong sooo I’m feeling very conflicted here.

have the people who hate John Winchester for neglecting his children ever considered that he served so much cunt while doing it

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anne carson // heartstopper