serenitea-boyyo

[serenitea-boyyo]

Yk, I recently got rid of a deep part of my brain that kept telling me ‘yeah, u like boys and girls but u like boys more bc ur fav characters are men’ and when i did that i knew that i grew tf up. I realized that yes i like fictional men, FICTIONAL!! But I LOVE real life women. And when i was staring up at my ceiling, trying to sleep but couldn’t, it dawned on me. I’m a lesbian! And its actually made my heart so full! It felt like I could breathe finally, like nothing in the world could stop me. And i think back to high school me vying for boys attention so i could prove to my girl friends that ‘yes, i can get a man, bc of course i’d love to go on a double date with you’ even though i just wanted to hang with her. I would use them as a crutch. And when things inevitably didn’t work out, as most high school relationships do, I found myself missing them, my “boyfriends”, but not romantically. I’d miss the way they’d joke around with me, the way I had a male perspective just at the ready, the way I had a cushion from the outside world bc they saw a boy and a girl giggling on the back of the bus and assume we were flirting instead of making fun of each other for something dumb we did at lunch. That they’d see someone normal. Someone who lives up to unsaid expectations, someone who is youthful and not complicated. Someone I was faking to be. I missed their friendship, and yes i know that some ppl are friends with their exes but once they realized that I wasn’t who they wanted me to be, and that I wasn’t who I wished to be… we parted ways. I do have male friends, I have female friends, I have enby friends, I have trans friends, I have friends. But is that enough? When what I really want is only available in the years 2017-2019?? I want to be an uncomplicated teenager, the way I never was before. I want a do over. But time travel hasn’t been invented yet so here I am, rambling into the vast space of the internet. Hoping that it’ll reach someone. And maybe it will. And we can talk about how uncomplicated the teen years were and how our parents had to of known what we were doing at our friends house. But now I’ll lie back, reminiscing on the past, figuring out my present and manifesting my future, and hopefully, one day, I’ll find a woman, get married, and love her with my whole being, something that I never dreamed of doing back then, but will allow myself now. I’ll indulge a bit, I deserve it, and when she comes, I’m here.

[serenitea-boyyo]

like oof that shit hurted

[serenitea-boyyo]

in retrospect, yikes

[serenitea-boyyo]

My birthday and New Years with Snail House

[serenitea-boyyo]

WATSKY, xInfinity, 11-25-16 San Francisco, CA Warfield Theater

[serenitea-boyyo]

Many guys visualise giving BJ’s and say "eww” but can we just give smoking pole a calm objective view?

WATSKY//Going Down

[serenitea-boyyo]

P L A N E 6 5 1 , W A T S K Y O O P S! A L L B E R R I E S