serotonin-man

[serotonin-man]

23 September 2021

Title: Organizing Place: Home To summarize: - Earned money which I'm not sure how to spend - Bought a saxophone - Found out that truth-or-dare is the way to success(1st, finally 1st :smile-cry-emoji:, and 2nd as well) - Decided the one thing I'm going to pursue. - Started my personal website. Let's begin, - Earned money which I'm not sure how to spend I've earned around 3.5L rupees in the past 2 months, which though not a huge amount in any way whatsoever, is still big enough to make me confused how to spend it. Till now I've spent around 2L out of that.

- Bought a saxophone Proving the previous point, I don't know what to spend money on. Bought this saxophone for 33,000 INR, and have played it 3 times in the past 2 months. Like seriously dude, why did you buy it? - Found out that truth-or-dare is the way to success (Sept 3, 2021) Reiterating the point, everything happens for a reason. And that everything will work out in the end. Yayyy! (Adding this point here so that I never forget it) - Decided the one thing I'm going to pursue I couldn't decide on 1 side hustle for well over a year now, finally decided to stop thinking about doing multiple things at once. I've decided to pursue trading with full focus. (Crypto for now)

- Started my personal website Finally, after putting it off for so many months, I bought the domain for {my-name}.com and deployed it. Adding book reviews in it, along with some random lines/quotes I like. Let's see if anyone finds out about this without me telling anyone.

This update isn't that interesting, but I guess that's what life is. Okay that didn't make much sense. Life is what you make it out to be. Okay that makes some sense. Guess I'll be trying to make my life more interesting before the next update.

[serotonin-man]

19 June 2021

Title: Success (Sorta) Place: Home To summarize: - Rejected by Goldy (again) - Got a PPO from the startup I was working in - Got a great offer by India's largest OTT platforms - Started watching Anime again - Need to start doing something else and have some sort of balance in life - Not sure how to spend money Let's follow the same pattern as the previous post, point by point. - Rejected by Goldy (again) I got the interview call for Goldy after passing the coding round and the apti round. Went through 2 rounds of interview. Got rejected again. Regretted this at that time but no regrets now. One thing that I keep on realizing every now and then, everything happens for a reason. Events keep on happening which keep on reiterating this. - Got a PPO from the startup I was working in I like to think that I was performing pretty good consistently for the past few months. Result of that, I got a spot award for being the best performer in my team for that month and also got a pre placement offer. This was a relief but not so much at the same time. Didn't feel anything different after getting the offer. One thing I noticed about me, I'm good at coding(relatively). Even though I was an intern, I worked like a full time employee for the past 5 months and delivered good features. - Got a great offer by India's largest OTT platforms This is a funny story. But the way the pieces fell together perfectly make it kinda awesome. I applied for the role via referral which I got through linkedin. I got the test link which I was too lazy to attempt. On the last day(which I thought it was), I slept and forgot that I was supposed to attempt it. Got a call from the HR next day nudging me to attempt the test. Attempted the test and was able to solve both the questions. Got the results a week later and was shortlisted for the interviews. I wasn't expecting the call but started revising the concepts after that. In the first round, was asked a couple of hard level DSA questions, none of which I was completely able to solve. But, the interviewer seemed to like by way of thinking so got selected for the next round. In the second round, I was asked 3 questions. 2 of which I had done over 10 times each and was pretty successful in explaining my approach and writing the code in 1st attempt. The third question had a few edge cases which I didn't notice but after some help, I was able to form the logic. I knew I won't be able to write working code for that in the time left, but luckily the interviewer was satisfied by my solution. Before the third round, I had practised explaining my projects pretty well and luckily I got the same question and was able to explain in detail about the projects. Got selected for the HR round which was easy. Got the results a week later while I was getting vaccinated and my family was way more happy than me. Hadn't seen everyone so excited in so long. The happiest were my parents, brother and grandmother(her smile was a sight to see). My father actually said he was proud of his son. His friends and other knowns congratulated him and that felt pretty good to hear. Had a mini-party that day. Did I feel any different? Not really. Everything seemed normal. Not much excitement at all. - Started watching Anime again Started watching it again and have completed 2 series in 2 days(sPeEd) - Need to start doing something else and have some sort of balance in life My life has been pretty out of balance for the past 5 months. All I did was work day-n-night and that needs to change. I'm trying to phase out of the "job" phase and try something of my own. Have been a lurker on IH for the past couple of months and that life seems nice too, not chasing any deadline. Will try it out. Have been writing any ideas which come to mind but haven't acted on any of them yet. -Not sure how to spend money I've earned quite a bit over the past 5 months and I'm not sure how to spend it. I could get a new phone but the newer versions would be out in a couple of months. Same for new laptops. I thought of buying an XBox but was out of stock.

[serotonin-man]

15 Feb 2021

Title: My Book Place: Home To summarize the previous 10 months: - Almost got in a relationship with AB (...almost) - Messed up a lot of opportunities - Got an internship at a good product based startup - Got fat Lets go point by point -  - Almost got in a relationship with AB It was the first day back to college when two of my friends told me that she was beginning to like me after her breakup. I got excited and went out eating with her and a few of my friends that day. “Thought” I had a great time and all was good. Next day thought she was avoiding me but maybe I was thinking too much. Next day came to the lab, saw her sitting, went to her and asked if she wanted to go out at lunch. She said that her friends mislead me and that was that. 2nd try failed. Next couple of days, no contact, blocked, done with. Got a call from her telling me she’s sorry. Started chatting a bit. She said maybe she deserves another chance. (hahahaha But who am I to blame, maybe I’m just that good). Started talking a lot for the next couple of months. I thought I had her. But one thing that bugged me a lot was no reciprocation at all. I thought maybe I was taking it too fast and gave her the benefit of doubt. Then the uni opened up again for exams and I opted for offline exams(obviously for completely unrelated reasons). Those 10 days I saw her for maybe around 20 mins in total. Each day it was the same excuse-work or no excuse at all. I was done. Blocked again(need to stop doing that). After around 10 days, called her again, the fool that I am, listened to the usual excuse and believed her(wow!). Wished her on her birthday. Thought we’d atleast start talking normally again, but its been over 2 weeks since I talked to her. 3rd try failed. Not even angry this time. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, damn bitch, gotta respect that” - Messed up a lot of opportunities Gave interviews/tests for a lot of companies and fucked up each and every one of them as I was so unprepared, but thought otherwise - Got an internship at a good product based startup Saw an opening on LinkedIn and applied without thinking much about it. Received a call for an interview a few days after. Prepared as much as I could in 1 day and had a decent interview. Got selected for the next round. Got a week to prepare for it. Interview went in a totally different direction(system design) but turned out to be a lot of fun and informative. Got the internship and have been working for around 3 weeks now. I’m sure the next few months will be great and I’ll get to learn a lot I watched a video of Kevin Hart on JRE and really liked one particular thing he said. It was something like-- If your entire life story was written as a book, what would that book be like?  I know one thing for sure, I’ll be one tough act to follow. 

[serotonin-man]

Does your environment affect your thinking or is it the opposite?

[serotonin-man]

24 March 2020

Title: House Arrest

Place: That’s a million dollar question.

So I’m basically Anne Frank minus the Gestapo for the next few days.

[serotonin-man]

23 March 2020

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when its summer in the light, and winter in the shade.

Place: Home

Title: No Idea

Currently: Happy-Sad-Not excited-Bored-Melancholic-Confused-Desperate-Fed up

[serotonin-man]

28 February 2020

Place: Home

Time to move on I guess.

I spent the past week depressed as hell and not wanting to do anything but watching Youtube all day and listening to sad songs. That changes from today. I accept that I messed up, but I can’t let that stop me from achieving my goals. I gotta stop thinking about her, which I guess will be a bit tough, but what other option do I have anyway. I think I’m able to do that. The only problem is that I’m gonna meet her on 17th on my friend’s birthday. That’s gonna be enough content for a cringe compilation for sure.

But as my friend “TP” says, who hasn’t been rejected? I know my mistakes and know what not to do the next time I’m in such a situation. 

Resolutions (which I never actually follow)=>

No inappropriate joking.

Behaving nicely.

No sarcasm.  I repeat, No sarcasm.  

No more lies (this is downright impossible).

[serotonin-man]

Everything's a meme if you're depressed enough.

A meme

[serotonin-man]

26 February 2020

Place: Home

Sadness is addictive

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I keep on feeling sad for myself and not doing anything to change that.

Went on a date with “AT”. I bombed that date which I didn’t realize at that time. It seems like I lost the one chance I got. I hate myself for it. I really loved her and still love her a lot. She isn’t replying to my texts and its killing me. I would prefer her yelling at me over this silence. 

She’s been the only thing on my mind for the past week and I don’t know what to write anymore.

[serotonin-man]

16 January 2020

Place: Home

The title of this post should be “Identity Crisis”. This pretty much sums up what I’m feeling right now. 

One of my school friends got placed at Flipkart and I’m happy for him. But this really got me thinking what have I done till now. I’ve got nothing to show. I am so-so at Web Development and just average at CP. I am a jack of all trades and mater of none which is really eating me up from the inside. I might joke around a lot but the “identity crisis” is real with me here. I don’t know what I’m going to do in my life. Being average is just isn’t acceptable but I can’t get myself to work hard to do something about that. I start something and just can’t get myself to finish it. I waste a lot of time overthinking things and making up things which I wan’t to happen or the ones I wish had happened. 

Getting rejected everyday by companies is also starting to get me. I usually receive a rejection once every couple of days.  

I don’t know what else to write. 

This month’s goals:

=> Competitive Course

=> CodeChef/ Leetcode 50 questions

[serotonin-man]

16 November 2019

This Place: Home

Didn’t do much for the past 30 days. Did none of the things I planned to do last month. Will try to set achievable goals this time.

Bought a new harmonica. It seems pretty easy to play and sounds nice too. Getting pretty decent at guitar now too. Made a few covers which I shared on Instagram.

Went on a trip to Manali which was pretty fun. Drank a lot. Video called the girl I liked (lets call her AT). And another one (lets call her AB). I thought that was gonna be embarrassing but was actually pretty fun. Now it seems I’ve lost interest in AT and have started day dreaming about AB again. Not that it matters as she already has a boyfriend and seems happy. But still, the past few days have been the most I’ve talked to her for the past year since she rejected me. She seems to like talking to me too which is driving me nuts. Now that I’m typing this, it seems I’m not over her after all. Definitely not over her *sigh*. Also, for the first time in my life, I rejected a girl. Definitely not how I thought it would be. Just wasn’t interested in her that way. But, I guess that’s progress *laughing emoji*.

About AB - As said in Somebody Else by THE 1975 but with a bit of modification: Want her body and I hate to think about her with somebody else.

On the career side of things, I didn’t do much this month which I obviously regret. Still haven’t decided on what I’m gonna do. For the past year if anyone asks what’re you gonna do, I’ve been replying that I still have time left to decide. Guess that answer is gonna change pretty soon, or at least needs to be changed pretty soon.

This post has gotten pretty big. I always tend to write these posts when I think I’m depressed, which surprisingly is pretty fun sometimes. It’s something I can’t put in words. If you know, you know. If I try to explain it, it would be like having nostalgic thoughts about how you wanted the things to happen.

One more thing I noticed about myself is that I’m funny. Not everyone gets my sense of humor, but for those special few, I’m funny. Like Chandler said he was gonna be crazy man with a snake, maybe I’ll be the funny guy with a harmonica. Again, not funny to everyone.

The second thing I noticed is that I love music. I really really love music. Hardly more than 10 minutes pass without music playing from my phone. Thought about pursuing it as a career but as I said earlier, I’m funny.

This was really cathartic(if that’s actually a word).

To do list:

=> Competitive Programming Course

=> 12 hour Continuous Coding Challenge

Deadline: 5th December, 2019.

[serotonin-man]

16 October 2019

Place: Home

Didn’t post anything last month due to lack of motivation. Will try to make one more post this month. 

These past few days were pretty crap. Got rejected by Google, got ghosted by Microsoft even after performing really well in the online test. Got pretty demotivated by that. But, I guess this is the part of the journey. I just hope the destination this path leads to is good enough. I’ll know pretty soon as not much time is left now. Everyone seems to be knowing for sure what they want to do ahead except me. Surprisingly, I’ve been enjoying coding for some time now, or at least not hating it. The thought of MBA hasn’t popped up in my mind for quite some time now. 

Nothing much has changed on the “relationship” part of my life. The girl I really liked is in a relationship already. So, no progress on that front. The other girl whom I tried on already last year started talking to me again out of blue. As I was starting to get my hopes up, I got to know she got back in a relationship too. Another missed opportunity. This hit me hard. 

Goals for next 30 days: 

=> Complete the Competitive programming course

=> Apply to at least 20 companies.

=> Do 5 leetcode problems everyday.

=> Maybe do the React Course 

[serotonin-man]

22 August 2019

Place: Home

So today was a pretty fine day. Got an internship offer from Fidelity International today. The interviews went really great. Turns out I’m good at giving interviews. Both were really fun and the time flew by. One was in morning ans the other was in the evening. My phone’s battery went out like around 12 PM so had nothing to do in that time. Almost slept a lot of times. Rest of the students had to give only 1 interview so when I was called for the second time, it was pretty nerve wrecking, but it all turned out to be fine. 

The moment they announced my name which was the first in the list, I thought it would be like - “Fuck Yeah!!” , but it was actually more like -”Finally!!”. All in all it was a pretty nice experience. 

The best part was definitely the congratulatory messages from my friends and the smile on my family’s face.

[serotonin-man]

15 August 2019

Place: Home (Sonipat)

So back from Delhi now. There’s still a bit of training left. The stay in Delhi was pretty fun. Made some good friends. The party on my last day there  was so wild. 

Finally about to finish the Web Development course after so much time. Its pretty simple now that I think about it. I had been delaying it for no particular reason and should’ve finished it long ago. There’s a hackathon on 24th and I’m pretty excited about it.

Binged on The Office today (the original). Seems to be a pretty great show. Going to re-read Harry Potter I guess now. 

Lost my guitar pick. Bought new one. Wanted to try a thicker pick this time so got a 81 mm one.

Tomorrow’s plan: Complete the course || Solve all Tree problems of the Java Course.

Resolution Update: Did nothing I planned to.  

[serotonin-man]

3 August 2019

Place: Janakpuri

Today was alright. Solved a few Codechef Long problems. Started reading “No Longer Human - Osamu Dazai” today and will probably finish it today. Picked it because of its aesthetically pleasing cover. They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover but I’m not regretting the decision right now.

Read “All The Bright Places” yesterday. One of the best books I’ve ever read. Depressing and downright suicidal but still a great book. Got this book recommended by a girl I really like.

Ate a pizza cone for lunch which was really good.

Tried learning a few card flourishes/cuts. Was partly successful in one. Looking forward to try them with the Bicycle cards I ordered a while back.

Opened LinkedIn as usual and saw that a classmate of mine (from the coaching days) got intern at Goldman. Now that was way too depressing.

So a “New-Week’s” resolution I guess, solving 6 SPOJ problems everyday. Lets see how that turns out.

This week’s classes were cancelled so had ample amount of free time.

Add-on to that resolution: Read a book every week.

[serotonin-man]

Apathy's a funny feeling

The Japanese House

[serotonin-man]

25 July, 2019

Place: Janakpuri Flat

Today was a bit more productive.

Attempted the test which was due of Coding Ninjas. Perfect Score.

Spent a good amount of time on NodeJS. 

Went out to eat at night. Tried the famous Mithlesh Ande Wala. Seems alright, nothing special. Ate a Nutella waffle with ice cream after that for the first time which I really liked.

Discovered a really good song (haunt // bed - The 1975). I like most of the songs by this band.

Got invited to participate in a Hackathon by a friend which I’m really excited about.