serpulalacrymans

[serpulalacrymans]

Yeah, I'd love to learn how to make your favorite tea! Maybe we can drink a different kind together first though. Something that's safe to have more than a drop or two of lol.

I haven't had weed in a long while but I'll be willing to smoke with you occasionally, if that's what you mean? Or are there other plants you prefer?

Thank you for being willing to hear me out! I promise I'll look at your work with an open mind.

Are you still against trying to figure things out with me? I'd like to work with you, for... wherever this may lead. ❤️

- 🍄‍🟫

I don't want to "work" with anyone. I don't know what that means or what it entails and I don't care to find out. But yeah I mean weed but also other kinds of plants I've tested... Some are weirder than others. One made it feel like I had hooves once. I haven't used that plant since and I've even gotten rid of it so don't worry... I can make a lot of different drinks for us to try.

[serpulalacrymans]

One can tell a lot about poppies. I feel it's a flower that one could stay hours talking about. How they paint the landscape like drops of blood when in multitude, how they were the crown of Hypnos because of their opium properties...but it's the first time I seen it from such a perspective, you really are one of a kind. I had never thought about it that way. Now that you've said it I'll never unsee it.

I myself have many I like but at the same time I have favorites. I love roses, grew very close to them and am very well acquainted, it's a bit on the mainstream but I have a close bond with "Red Moor Princes", the non-colloquial name, they're...safe, like home. But then I also love Monstera, the way of their natural cut and how big they get fill a place with green, I'd love to have my apartment filled with them so at night it'd look like there's dark corners on the walls, like a rainforest. Give the impression of wider, like a predator will come out of it at any moment. Might get one eventually.

Lastly, as weird as it sounds, I like Pansies, I know they're growing grave flowers but they're so small and have pretty little faces that stare at you.

-🌹

My apartment is filled with plants... It keeps me busy. Very very very busy. But it's good. I like watching them change and grow.

I like pansies...

[serpulalacrymans]

I'm glad you find it comforting. Is there anything else you find calming? Maybe you can teach me sometime, or let me help a bit with yours. I'd really like that.

Sadly, people's intents are not always obvious at first glance. It seems like mine is being misinterpreted too right now. I don't want to hurt you, and I'll never want to.

If you do show your art, I'll let you know what I think your intentions are and you can let me know if I'm right or not, okay?

- 🍄‍🟫

My tea. I think I forgot to answer that earlier. I make a lot of tea to calm myself down. I also smoke a lot. My plants I mean not cigarettes I don't like the way they taste... I could teach you how to make my favorite tea but it's not the kind you can drink often or a lot of. Actually I think you should only have a drop or two here or there...

You don't want to hurt me... Okay...

Okay... That sounds easy. If I ever release any I'll try to hear you out... I guess...

[serpulalacrymans]

Oh, that's fine, sorry...I blabber about these things. Don't mind me...

What would you like to talk about? Maybe what plants do you like and why? I'm really curious.

- 🌹

It's okay. I didn't mean to be rude. You had good looks into things I just don't like those plants.

I like poppies. Red ones... They look like they're decaying from the inside out.

[serpulalacrymans]

We both know that's not true. You don't actually want to be completely alone. I don't think anyone does.

That's really admirable to me, being able to take care of plants. There's a lot of know-how and effort that goes into it!

Do you have a favorite plant? What kind of drinks do you make? If you're ever comfortable sharing your art, I am curious about it and would like to see.

I told you before; you piqued my interest. Do I need a deep reason to want to be around you?

Thank you for talking with me, Lawrence. ❤️

-🍄‍🟫

i mean... it takes a lot of time and it's kind of hard but anyone can learn to do it... i like plants. i like them a lot. taking care of them is comforting.

i don't think i can post my art on this website. i don't think anyone could understand it anyway. no one ever does. My intent is never seen in the work even though I implement it as clearly as I can...

You don't need a reason I'm just confused. I think you want to hurt me. No one's ever just curious.

...you're welcome.

[serpulalacrymans]

I'm not a therapist haha. I'm just a person who wants to get to know you and be around you. I won't force you but I'm not going to change my mind.

Tell me more about yourself, please. What do you like to do in your free time? And uh, would it be ok if I got your name?

- 🍄‍🟫

Why? I don't do anything good for anyone. I just want to be left alone.

...My name's Lawrence. I really like to take care of plants... And make my own drinks... I like going for walks at night and making art and I usually post it online but not everyone gets it so I don't do it very often.

...What's your deal? Why are you even talking to me?

[serpulalacrymans]

You're right that I won't be able to understand, not completely anyway. I haven't gone through all the same things you have, after all.

What I Can do is work with you. To help figure out the underlying reasons for you getting upset and find ways to calm you down when you are angry. Even if you do end up hurting me a bit in the process.

It will take a lot of talking things out though, OK? So, will you work with me?

-🍄‍🟫

...No. I wont. Sorry. I don't need help I just need to stay away. Why do you even want to? What do you want from me? I'm not paying for anything I can just barely keep my water running. I can't afford therapy and I don't even like therapists. It's all superficial garbage. I don't want it. Sorry.

[serpulalacrymans]

Laurel wreaths are symbols of victory and glory. Normally made of Bay Laurel, supposedly, but some say it was Oleander leaves.

Anyway, Oleanders can be crowns of either Divinity or Glory.

- 🌹

I don't want to talk about those anymore.

[serpulalacrymans]

Camelias are also strong, they withstand negative degrees and even the cold, but...

Oleanders were extremely sacred for the Greeks, especially for the oracles of Delphi who used them as crowns to help in their trances and ecstasies.

There's a theory that says that laurels were actually the leaves of oleanders.

- 🌹

Laurels?

[serpulalacrymans]

No one person is exactly the same, but there's a lot of people out there who can still relate to you. There are also people who would willingly stay by your side, even if your history says otherwise.

...You've piqued my interest. I'd like to understand you better; if that's OK with you, that is.

In my eyes, whether someone is dangerous or not isn't nearly as important as their willingness to talk things out and come to solutions that will work for both of us. Call me naive, but also being able to understand Why someone does what they do goes a long way for me.

So, in what ways are you unsafe? Do you do things to hurt people on accident, on purpose, or both?

-🍄‍🟫

I don't know. It's accidentally on purpose. I get so angry sometimes and I can't control myself. It's like my mind stops being mine and I just act out sometimes it's not my fault... It's not like I don't try to make it better either but every time I do that they always end up worse than before.

It's funny you want to understand. But it's a wasted effort. No one can and no one will. Anyone can feel like they relate to anything but unless they've been there nothing they say matters. Not even the people who were supposed to wanted to stay by me.

I am unsafe because I can't control myself and I never know how to react to things. It gets people hurt.

[serpulalacrymans]

...Seems to me that you've been burned so much that you're wholly convinced that letting someone close will only result in more hurt. No wonder you're so bitter about the idea of love.

You're wrong. I've also been burned, betrayed, cast aside.. Love is terrifying because I'm fully aware that it can and probably will happen again. I choose to love anyway.

There's no one there because you wall yourself off so heavily. I certainly don't blame you, but recognize that you're closing yourself off to save yourself.

- 🍄‍🟫

You're wrong. I want people so badly. I want anyone. But I need to know they're mine and that just doesn't exist because no one else like me does. I'm not a safe person. I'm saving them.

[serpulalacrymans]

Do you keep a personal diary? If so, what are you writing about there?

I don't want to talk about it. There's a lot about my special places and I don't want anyone finding them and messing them up but that's what they're about I guess

[serpulalacrymans]

dont be scared. im harmless.

i still couldnt touch you even if i want to. you are too fragile for my dirty hands. believe me, flower.

flower... thats a nice name, huh?

im watching you.

— 📷

I'm not fragile. I'm not even safe.

[serpulalacrymans]

you are more than a person to me.

it feels like a reward to see you every day. even when i take pictures, it doesnt feel the same as seeing you in person. i like being your... silent fan.

i wish i could touch your hair someday...

— 📷

You're scaring me... If you ever come close enough to touch me I swear you'll see why I'm never seen with anyone. I don't want you watching me I don't want you walking up to me I don't want you as a fan I don't want you touching me

Why?

[serpulalacrymans]

Magnolias are pollinated by beetles because they're so primordial they predate bees, it's beautiful...

- 🌹Eden

I feel really special about magnolias. I like them a lot. They're everlasting and even in wilt they're graceful.

[serpulalacrymans]

flower, you are a person. you are more than person. i bet you are something else. someone better than person. someone...

more divine.

i

i just need to look at you a little longer

— 📷

Why? Why me? I'm just a person

I'm just a person

[serpulalacrymans]

oh, dont be confused! im not going to hurt you. im just a silent observer.

you have very beautiful plants on the windowsills. i like to look at them in the evening when you turn on the light.

— 📷

Stay far away from my home. Stop looking in through my windows! I'm not some kind of animal or creature to admire like you're at the zoo I'm not I'm a person I'm a person who likes privacy and needs it I need it don't look at me I'm not some kind of THING