serviceisgolden - Tumblr blog

[serviceisgolden]

Struggling to carry an unexpected and profound grief. Exhausted, really. But the weather is pleasant, the hammock comfortable, my body of relatively sound health for all its problems, and there are smart people in my life who have decided I am worthy of love and loyalty. I feel barely human and all too human both at once right now, so I’m trying to draw strength from all that and trust their judgment more than my own. One foot in front of the other — fee fie foe fum.

[serviceisgolden]

I’ve been working on my cooking for the last few years. It’s not something I’m great at, but it’s a service skill I wanted to add to my repertoire. Normally I cook with the boyfriend creature now that we live together, or my housemate, but a couple of times now I’ve really risen to the occasion and made the boyfriend creature a dinner mostly by myself. We are both having a challenging week, so I made him dinner, and I’m particularly proud with how this turned out.

[serviceisgolden]

Kudos to you, boy, for responding to this gracefully.

Dear reader: nakedboyservice helps raise significant chunks of money every year for LGBTQ+ institutions. In this case, he reblogged the GoFundMe I signal boosted because he wanted to help someone and trusts my judgment. His Sir has used findom in the past to do matching donations for charitable causes as well. If you read the GoFundMe in question, it’s an unfortunate shitshow involving healthcare and employment and pandemic stuff that has been sadly far too commonplace that last year.

Can we please not insult people for things like compassion and caring about the health needs of those around us? You don’t necessarily know how much nakedboyservice makes, or how much he shares with his dom, or if he’s donated to this GoFundMe himself. That’s not my info to disclose. But “I sometimes share money with someone I’ve been involved with for years” doesn’t disqualify you from trying to help people afford healthcare. Surely, we can agree on that.

You send money to Maxtem but you’re asking us for money for a tooth?

I figured it was just a matter of time before the trolls came rolling in.

I do participate in findom. It’s a fetish and one I enjoy quite a bit. I also enjoy being a good person and helping other people who need it. Serving and tributing to @maxtem19 has nothing to do with the post you’re referring to. I shared a GoFundMe of someone who’s asking for help, which is not an easy thing for him to do. I’m just offering an incentive for people who are able to help put a smile on his face. (pun intended)

If you aren’t able to or interested, feel free to keep scrolling. No need to stop and send judgy asks.

[serviceisgolden]

All right guys, gals, and non-binary pals: I just turned 35 this month and my birthday wish is for you to throw some cash at achillestickler. Dental problems can lead to many other problems, and we want to take good care of one another in fetish world. Even if you can just give a little, every little bit helps.

As a bonus incentive, if you message me here on Tumblr with a screenshot showing you donated, I’ll hook you up with a little treat.

So guys, this is me. I’m facing a time-sensitive medical issue and, because of COVID, I’m finding myself unable to deal with it on my own. If you’ve ever been a fan of my work, I’d humbly ask if you could take a look and possibly send me a buck or two. It’s been a tough year for everyone so, if you’re unable to donate, a share of this post would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[serviceisgolden]

Today was my first day physically back in the office since the attacks in DC on the 6th. After thirty minutes of looking for a perimeter checkpoint I was authorized to use, I was able to start my day. FBI wanted posters on bus stops. Fences with barbed wire. The whole thing reminded me of my Army deployments.

It amazes me that there are people in government who can go through these every day, seeing that the threat is still very much ongoing, and then downplay the events that left people murdered as these buildings were evacuated. It also amazes me there are kink lifestylers out there who also play down what happened. The whole idea of proudly calling yourself a creature of service and loyalty, and then siding with people who seem unconcerned that their own underlings were in danger, seems at odds. I am deeply grateful the subs in my life aren’t going around making pro-Trump statements while insulting people and amplifying wild conspiracy theories that have been disproven. It would reflect on me as a dom very poorly. And it’s really, truly sad and disheartening when I see kinksters fall down that road. It’s a lot of effort all to still be factually wrong. And it’s a lot of loyalty to people who don’t seem to have much of a sense of loyalty themselves.

[serviceisgolden]

As part of my efforts to bring more intentional decisions to my rare private time, I’ve started unwinding in the evenings with a cup of non-caffeinated tea or hot chocolate. Sometimes during this time I read, too. I normally just do a bagged chamomile with some honey and lemon, but as part of the new year, one of the boys kindly treated me to a few fancy loose leaf teas (from a supplier someone recommended during a chat on an app). To help celebrate the inauguration I ordered a favorite from the local diner chain (bison huevos rancheros) and am having my first cup of raspberry lemon mint while I look out the window into the back yard. I’m feeling gratitude and relief.

[serviceisgolden]

No MAL this year due to pandemic concerns, and my sweet competent loving local boy is isolating due to a recent exposure. Both are the right decision, but it’s easy to miss the people and events that have come to help me me mark time in my life over the years. Plus with the wild terrorism stuff happening here in DC this month and some other personal things, 2021 is off to a doozy.

But I’m making progress. Working remotely with a personal trainer to keep my body moving. A sweet boy who used to serve me sent me and my boyfriend creature some free HelloFresh over the holidays, so I got to have some really lovely date nights and learn more about cooking. Medical and legal stuff I’ve been dealing with for a long time had some legit, fascinating breakthroughs. Finances are almost where I want them to be. And my little family of kinky folk are all throwing themselves pretty hard at online gaming — so even though the local boy can’t come over, he and the boyfriend creature are having fun saving the world together and whatnot and doing voice chat together.

So I’m just letting today be a day to connect with myself. Bringing myself into my body and into my own heart. Taking care of myself the way my boys would if they were here to do so, and the way a dom would want me to do so if they were counting on me. Despite my frustration and my anger and my fear, I’m a very lucky human in many ways. Making some space to celebrate this fact despite my many other yucky feelings is not exactly what people always think of when they think of kinky sexy power, but it still makes a good foundation for a good household.

[serviceisgolden]

It’s so easy to carry baggage from our past relationships into new relationships. In power exchange this sometimes means a dom has to untangle all kinds of yuck the sub is bringing from not great doms they’ve encountered in the past. If you’re going to be a dom, be compassionate. It’s ethical in its own right, but also, it’s courteous to the next person. Rack your weights, flush your toilet, follow the campsite rule, and treat people as well as you can.

[serviceisgolden]

i still look at your tumblr. probably visit it every day to see if there's new content. shy/quiet here but wanted to let ya know. cheers ^.^

Thank you! I understand being shy/quiet. One of the reasons I do allow for anonymous asks is that I remember wanting to reach out to people before I had an actual account handle, and not being able to do so. It’s sort of my way of saying “hey little bunny, it’s okay to say hi.” Also I love ending things with cheers! Cheers to you, too. I hope you’re managing okay.

[serviceisgolden]

Last post was written in May.. for sure you have something more to say about your life with the corona going on? Any new books?

I have lots to say, but not a lot of it is for Tumblr right now. Some stuff also changed in my work situation; I’m looking at screens a lot now, and would rather not spend my personal time staring at them, too, or sitting at a desk with a computer.

Reading has mostly meant working my way through the books that survived my last several moves and the konmari tidying. I’ve lugged some of these puppies back and forth halfway across the country several times now, so I’m trying to make time to really give them my attention.

That said, I finally finished Lilith’s Brood, by Octavia Butler, and I’m so glad I did. I had to start at the beginning since it had been so long, but it was worth it.

[serviceisgolden]

if you want to completely abandon your blog, at least notify everyone?

Hi there. The three most recent asks in my box are anonymous messages that seem increasingly frustrated with the fact that I am not generating new content, and frankly, that just discourages me from sharing more. But sure, here’s an update.

So, it’s been a pretty difficult year for everyone. This includes me. For various reasons Tumblr isn’t where I’ve wanted to express those things. I’ve got a complicated relationship to both social media in general and Tumblr in particular, and that’s been the case for a long time, including when I was posting regularly. I usually just think about it, rather than make posts complaining about it, because of the tone I like to have here. I’m going weeks or months at a time not checking Tumblr; it’s not abandoning anything, I just have, like everyone else, a life that requires a fluctuating amount of attention. It sounds like you have enjoyed my content and for this I am glad! Adding a realistic voice for power exchange in a frequently full-on-fantasy space has been rewarding for both me and for many people. But no, I’m not going to commit to updating every x often, and I’m not going to say whether I’m done with it or not, because figuring out what to *do* with my feelings re: Tumblr just isn’t my big priority right now.

[serviceisgolden]

If anything, a dominant who knows a sub has a hard limit and continuously puts that sub in a position of having to refuse it is ... bad? Like, that’s not a good way to treat people. It certainly isn’t powerful.

And a sub isn’t phony for being honest with themselves, and their partners, about their needs and limits. It’s quite the opposite. That honesty is a form of service; serve people who can appreciate that it’s good service.

I would go farther than @maxtem19 and say kink world is full of enough interests that you don’t need to convince yourself a barebacking hard limit is really a soft limit. There are people out there who don’t need barebacking at all, or physically can’t do it, and you can play with them instead. If your limits change as you explore, then cool! The “set yourself up for success” thing is important, and it can manifest in lots of ways.

If a sub has a hard limit that was known upfront, and refuses to break that limit; does that make him a phony sub?

No, of course not.

There’s no such thing as a “phony sub”. As long as you’re being honest with yourself about your desire to serve, limits are fine.

The limits should be reasonable, and you should generally be open to expanding your limits if they are generally accepted as being a part of sub culture. For instance, having a limit of “not wanting to take BB loads” is fine in the short term, but generally, a sub who is in a longitudinal service situation will (probably) have to take his owner’s load at some point and should be open to that.

Scat is generally a hard limit for many people—doms and subs alike. Having that as a limit is fine, and not wanting to expanding that is fine too. Scat doesn’t fall into a “reasonable part of sub culture” in my experience.

The trick is to find a dom whose kinks align with yours more or less. If you meet a dom who you really like, but seems really intent on scat training, then maybe you’re setting yourself up for failure. If you meet someone whose previous subs have all been of the rubber gimp variety and you’re a sissyboy with limited interest in being gimped— you’re gonna have a bad time.

Limits aren’t obstacles to be smashed through. They are guardrails— they guide your play experience so that you can arrive safely at your destination.

[serviceisgolden]

Haven’t worn these in a while. Feeling privileged and grateful that I have a yard-like thing out back where I can get my blood moving through and fresh-adjacent air into my body.

[serviceisgolden]

Welcoming myself home from work with a few spoonfuls of dark cherry gelato.

What are you doing this week to take care of yourself? It’s hard to provide service if you’re running yourself until your wheels fall off.

Let me know!

[serviceisgolden]

Spending time at home with all of my housemates traveling is one of the best gifts I could have asked from myself. Some soup I froze however long ago is thawing out on the stove, and I’m enjoying a little quiet before a dinner date arrives. I’m feeling extremely fortunate, lucky, blessed, that so much of my hard work over the years has paid off in such unexpected ways.

Not everyone is so fortunate. If you can, I encourage you to volunteer for a cause or donate to a cause you believe in before the year is up. If you can’t, that’s okay — take care of yourself, or make time to ask for the help you need if taking care of yourself has gotten too hard.

We’re halfway out of the dark.

[serviceisgolden]

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals. ;)

[serviceisgolden]

To everyone who is dealing with difficult family this holiday season, sending you love and light. Deep breaths.