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21. 1/3/18

Name: B 2

Age: 24

Date #: 1

How we Met: OkCupid

Date Length: 4 hours

Location: AMC Van Ness, Tommy’s Joynt

Thoughts: I’ve known B since September. When we first met online, he told me he wasn’t looking to date (just got out of a relationship, busy with work, etc) but was interested in hanging out as friends. I was ok with that situation, and we’ve been hanging out generally once a week since then. Just before we both left for vacation at the end of December, he asked if I wanted to go out when we got back, that he felt his life was stable enough now to try something more with me.

So while we’ve known each other for months, this was our first time approaching it as a date, and I was excited and nervous. We went to see a movie, and I spent the whole time wondering when he’d make a move. It wasn’t until the credits were rolling that he asked how I felt about a kiss. It felt very natural. Afterwards we grabbed a drink and he walked me home. There’s some awkwardness since we don’t quite know how to act around each other in this transitional state, but he seemed excited about it, and I know I am.

Likelihood of seeing him again: Since we’ve built a strong base before this, I know he’s not just going to disappear. We’re most likely going skiing this weekend, and maybe seeing a concert if something good pops up.

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20. 11/26/2017

Name: D 2

Age: 23

Date #: 2

How we Met: Hinge

Date Length: 3 Hours

Location: Chili House SF, his place

Thoughts: We had been talking non-stop since the first date, and it seemed like things were going in good places. We were supposed to meet the next day but he has a stressful trip home for Thanksgiving, and wanted to see me as soon as he got back to SF. Things seemed very natural at dinner and just hanging out. We pretty much just hung out in his bed. I was a little disappointed that we didn’t spend time actually just getting to know each other, but I understand that sometimes you need to get the sexual stuff out of the way to be more comfortable with each other. We talked about exploring so much together and ended up doing nothing, but I guess there’s time for that in the future. I’m a little worried that I’m not feeling it as much as I was when we were just texting, but time will tell.

Likelihood of seeing him again: We’re still seeing each other the next day as originally planned

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19. 11/23/17

Name: A

Age: 25

Date #: 2

How we Met: Meetup

Date Length: 6.75 hours

Location: his place

Thoughts: I went to see him on Thanksgiving after I was done with family since he’d been alone all week and suggested I come spend time with him. When I first arrived, he was awkward and didn’t quite know how to approach me. We warmed up with Stranger Things, when he didn’t even sit close to me on the couch. Then he busted out some booze and we cooked dinner together and fooled around with his music recording setup. Switching back into Stranger Things mode, a few drinks in each, he seemed much more comfortable around me and we cuddled through an episode before becoming distracted by each other. It took everything in my power not to just sleep over again, since I was meeting family early the next morning. He didn’t seem to want me to leave either.

Likelihood of seeing him again: I mentioned I was free all weekend and told him to let me know if he wants to hang out again. Not sure if he’ll actually follow through.

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18. 11/20/17

Name: D 2

Age: 23

Date #: 1

How we Met: Hinge

Date Length: 2 Hours

Location: Blackthorn Tavern

Thoughts: We had previously matched on JSwipe and he asked if I wanted to hookup, so I was hesitant to go into this date. I don’t think he remembered that interaction, because he seemed a lot more sincere in person. We spent time getting to know each other, and we definitely have a lot in common. He seemed a little distracted, and at times he sort of gave up on asking questions and we sat in silence for a little bit until I moved the conversation along. It’s not that we didn’t have anything to talk about, I think we were just both tired and it was hard to stay motivated. But, we had a good time talking and learning about each other. There wasn’t really flirtation, but he asked what I was looking for and brought up the fact that this was a date multiple times, as opposed to other dates when they treat it more like a friendly hangout. He drove me home and hugged me goodbye, and I was fine with taking a slow start.

Likelihood of seeing him again: He asked if I wanted to go on a second date when he said goodbye, and I said yes.

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17. 11/11-12/17

Name: A

Age: 25

Date #: 1

How we Met: Meetup

Date Length: 26 hours

Location: Hornblower Cruises, Hard Water, The Page, his place, Little Star Pizza

Thoughts: I knew him from a meetup group I regularly attend. He’s a new member, had only been to 2 meetups. At the first one, we didn’t talk much but I saw him stealing glances from across the room. At the second meetup, he mentioned that he had a work party the next day and needed a +1, so he asked if I wanted to join.

It started out pretty friendly. I enjoyed hanging out with him at the party, meeting his coworkers and taking advantage of the open bar. It wasn’t until the car ride to the bar when we sat a little closer before and got a little cuddly. I ended up going back to his place later on in the evening and we watched one episode of Stranger Things before things got a little raunchier. I slept over and we spent most of the morning cuddling in bed and watching dumb YouTube videos before deciding it was time for food. At the restaurant, he went back to being quiet and awkward, how it had been before we went to the party. We went our separate ways to run weekend errands, and he only gave me a hug goodbye.

Likelihood of seeing him again: It’s hard to say. He was really hard to read after we left his place, and I couldn’t tell if his goodbye was cold because he’s an awkward guy or if he just wanted to see me this once. I’m hoping it wasn’t a one time thing, I definitely want to see him again.

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16. 11/8/17

Name: E

Age: 27

Date #: 1

How we Met: Hinge

Date Length: 4 hours

Location: Pacific Cocktail Haven, The Page

Thoughts: He had been very forward about meeting up despite barely having a conversation. I went into it hesitantly, but thought I’d give him a chance. Things started out slow, with typical small talk and some awkward silences. After a few drinks and discovering that we had some mutual friends, the conversation flowed a lot easier. I definitely didn’t feel any sort of chemistry between us, but I had a fun time talking and just hanging out. There wasn’t any flirting and he didn’t try anything, even seemed to keep a far distance when sitting next to me at both bars.

Likelihood of seeing him again: probably pretty low. He didn’t say anything about wanting to see me again and I wouldn’t contact him first about it

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15. 11/5/17

Name: O

Age: 26

Date #: 1*

How we Met: OkCupid (and we work together)

Date Length: over 2.5 hours

Location: Club Deluxe, Murio’s

Thoughts: *it’s hard to call this a first date. Since the last time we met up (which I called half a date) we’ve spent time together because we work in the same industry and have ended up working the same events. This was the first time it was the two of us alone (intentionally - we were previously alone at a bar in Vegas for a few hours but a coworker was near us on a phone call).

It’s still hard to call this a date, though. We met up for music and drinks, and mostly talked about work. There wasn’t any flirting, and no moves were made. He’s so hard to read that I can’t tell if he’s not interested or if he’s holding back. Over text he’s pretty flirty, and he had mentioned wanting this to be a “romantic one on one.” Yet it didn’t feel like that, just two friends hanging in a bar on a Sunday night. 

Likelihood of seeing him again: He says he wants to hang out again, but he’s so hard to get a hold of because of his busy schedule. He also doesn’t initiate anything, so if I want to spend time with him I have to set everything up. Hopefully after spending time with me he’ll start to initiate things himself. 

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14. 10/31/17

Name: B

Age: 26

Date #: 1

How we Met: Hinge

Date Length: 2.25 hours

Location: Alembic

Thoughts: Didn’t have high expectations. Our brief conversation before meeting in person wasn’t memorable, but I thought I’d give him a shot. The date went as I expected; he didn’t have much of a personality and the conversation dragged on about boring topics. I feigned as much interest as possible while we sipped cocktails. Luckily they were strong enough to keep me sitting there, but I think he also felt that it wasn’t working.

Likelihood of seeing him again: not high

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13. 10/20/17

Name: M 2

Age: 23

Date #: 1

How we Met: Hinge, then JSwipe

Date Length: 1.5 hours

Location: Noc Noc

Thoughts: We had only talked briefly before agreeing to meet up, but it seemed like he was a friendly guy. The date was short but sweet. We basically talked non-stop over beers. He was really easy to talk to and I was comfortable being around him. Yet another situation where he seemed more into me than I was into him. We’re at very different stages of our lives and he seems to have different enough interests that I don’t think we would mesh well.

Likelihood of seeing him again: He expressed multiple times that he’d like to see me again, and I agreed to in the moment. When he tries to confirm plans, I’ll let him know that I’m down to hang out, but don’t see it progressing beyond a friendship.

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12. 9/27/17

Name: D

Age: 24

Date #: 2

How we Met: JSwipe

Date Length: 3.25 hours

Location: Exploratorium, Slanted Door

Thoughts: It’s been 3 weeks since our first date. He went on a business trip in Asia and when he got back I was on a business trip in Vegas. But we talked every single day for those 3 weeks, and that left me pretty excited for our second date. We decided to do late night at the Exploratorium, a stereotypical second date spot. It took a little bit for him to warm up to me, despite how close we felt from talking. Halfway through our time there he started being more physically affectionate. We had fun together, but didn’t have any meaningful conversation. After that we grabbed a quick bite and he drove me home. Again, didn’t have too deep of a conversation, which surprised me because we both said we were excited to learn more about each other. Maybe it wasn’t the right time/place. We stopped in his car outside my place and had a long goodbye. Couldn’t really pull away from each other, and each time we said goodbye we just went back in for another kiss.

Likelihood of seeing him again: very. We’re already making plans to see each other before I fly to LA next week. We’re making sure it’s not another 3 weeks before we see each other again.

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11. 9/3-4/17

Name: S

Age: 24

Date #: 3

How we Met: Bumble

Date Length: 16+ hours

Location: El Rancho Grande, Madrone Art Bar, my place, Oakside Cafe, Panhandle

Thoughts: Decided to give him a third chance to see how I felt about him, and things seemed to go pretty well. Of course there are aspects of his personality that still bother me, but hanging out with him seemed much more reasonable. He continued to be very affectionate in public, which I’ve gotten more comfortable with.  We went to Madrone to see some music, but got bored and went for a walk. When we were out of things to do, I brought him back to my place. We fell asleep cuddling and woke up at 3am. I offered he could stay over instead of driving back home, and he agreed to stay. It wasn’t until after we had gotten ready for bed that he fully made moves. We eventually fell asleep somewhere around 4am, and woke up at 7:30. After some morning fun, we took a walk around the neighborhood and he went home.

Likelihood of seeing him again: high. I don’t see things continuing long term, but I’m comfortable still seeing him until I decide things are going too far. 

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10. 9/2/17

Name: D

Age: 24

Date #: 1

How we Met: JSwipe

Date Length: 2.25 hours

Location: Tunnel Top Bar, streets of Union Square

Thoughts: Leading up to this, he had been very persistent about meeting up before he left on a work trip, not in an obnoxious way but in an endearing way. He lives in South Bay and I happened to swipe him on the app when he was in the city. I really enjoyed our conversation, so I agreed to a late-night date. I think we hit it off well. Continued the conversations that we had been having over text and things seemed to flow nicely. There were times when there were lulls in the conversation, but I think that’s because we were both pretty tired, and I think he was a little nervous. When he was sure I was comfortable, he became very affectionate. We kissed after we avoided a rough encounter with an angry homeless man in Union Square. Then we found a cozy stairwell nearby to cuddle and continue the conversation. I’m definitely excited to learn more about him.

Likelihood of seeing him again: high. He’s about to leave on a business trip for 2 weeks and then I’m gone for a week, so it may be a while. But he seems very interested in continuing this, and so am I.

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9. 8/26/17

Name: S

Age: 24

Date #: 2

How we Met: Bumble

Date Length: 3 hours

Location: Massawa Restaurant, Bix

Thoughts: I decided to give him a second chance after the first date. I enjoyed his company enough to overlook his crude way of asking for sex, and wanted to see if I liked him enough to continue pursing something. I think it went pretty well. The conversation reminded me that there are aspects of his personality that put me off a bit, yet we still have a lot more in common than I expected. He was a lot more affectionate tonight, seemed very comfortable being with me. I still think he’s into me more than I’m into him. I can’t tell if it’s because I’ve closed myself off emotionally, or if I just don’t feel us clicking. Like the last date, he kept affirming that he really liked me, and wanted to see me again. He still tried to figure out if he was going home with me; I would have made it more obvious if I wanted that.

Likelihood of seeing him again: High. I think I’ll give him a third chance to see if I can figure out what he’s looking for (other than sex).

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8. 8/18/17

Name: S

Age: 24

Date #: 1

How we Met: Bumble

Date Length: 4.5 hours

Location: Local Edition, Sheba Piano Lounge

Thoughts: I really didn’t know what to expect going into this one. We had only chatted briefly on the app before agreeing to meet up, and he seemed kind of quirky leading up to it. In person, the quirkiness definitely showed. He was very passionate about a lot of things, and definitely made it known that he’s not afraid to talk (on and on) about those passions, whether or not I wanted to listen. But he did make an effort to get to know me, and we realized we had very similar upbringings and a lot in common. The conversation was flowing really great and I was enjoying the night up until about 3 hours in. We had just finished up food at Sheba and he said “That was a good boost, now let’s go get laid.” I thought he was joking, as he sat there staring at me with a goofy grin. When he realized I looked confused, he repeated it. This made me very uncomfortable. We had spent most of the conversation beforehand discussing our ideologies and a lot about liberal viewpoints. I assumed he would be more respectful of my wants knowing his political background. At no point in the night had I indicated that I wanted to get physical with him, beyond him playfully touching my arm and I didn’t shy away. I responded with “uh, not tonight” and we sort of pretended it didn’t happen. I let him walk me home and he ended up kissing me goodnight. While waiting for his lyft to arrive, it definitely became apparent (at least to me) that he was more into me than I was into him.

Likelihood of seeing him again: I will definitely give him another shot to see if I feel more of a spark after brushing off the “let’s get laid” comment. I have a feeling I won’t let it progress too much further, unless he really wows me the next time I see him.

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7. 8/5/17

Name: M

Age: 26

Date #: 1

How we Met: Coffee Meets Bagel

Date Length:  2.25 hours

Location: Academy Bar & Kitchen

Thoughts: On the app, I saw we had 3 mutual friends. So I did my pre-date stalking and found that he was previously part of a Meetup group that is now my core friend group. That gave me some confidence that we’d have similar personalities going into it. The date was alright. We had good conversation, definitely had things in common, but there were also too many awkward silences. We’d nod and stare at each other until I asked another question to keep the conversation going. There was also no flirtation, which I get doesn’t always happen on a first date, but I thought there was enough chemistry that he could have gone for it. At the end of the date we split the check, despite the fact that he ordered more food than me (that I couldn’t eat because I’m vegan). Not saying this is a deal-breaker, but I’m not the biggest fan of paying for things I didn’t even use.

Likelihood of seeing him again: Considering the fact that we’ve only been communicating through the app and our conversation closes in 2 days, I doubt we’ll exchange numbers and hang out again.

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6. 7/17/17

Name: O

Age: 25

Date #: .5

How we Met: OkCupid (although we technically met in person almost 2 years ago at a music festival)

Date Length: 3.5 hours

Location: Bottom of the Hill

Thoughts: I call this half a date because he was working the show that I went to. We’ve been talking for almost 2 months, but both our busy work schedules have prevented us from meeting up. I’ve been looking forward to seeing him for so long that I just invited myself to his work for a show featuring a band that we had been discussing. It was a busy night for him and, as expected, he didn’t have too much time to pay attention to me (which he apologized for both before and during the time I was there). So I spent most of the time awkwardly standing at the bar hoping he’d talk to me at some point. Then his friends showed up and I felt really uncomfortable, not only because they were watching us interact, but because they stood right next to me and discussed going into his tinder and messaging matches on a night he also happened to be texting me, which makes me wonder if he was talking to me or if it was his friends. His friends also hung by the bar and demanded most of his attention, so I waited quietly for my turn. After they left we had a little time to chat before he had to go back to work. Nothing groundbreaking, except that he admitted he plans on leaving SF probably in a year. I’m really into him, and definitely want to see him again, but I also question whether or not it’s worth getting involved with someone who’s not going to want anything serious because they’re leaving soon. This is person I have been most excited about spending time with, and the fact that I already know how it’s going to end makes me wonder why I get excited to begin with.

Likelihood of seeing him again: We’re making plans for next week when he’s a little less busy. In the mean time I will try to calm myself and bring the excitement level down a notch.

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5. 7/7/17

Name: J

Age: 25

Date #: 2

How we Met: Bumble

Date Length: ~4 hours

Location: Oakland First Fridays, various art galleries

Thoughts: After I sobered up from the last date, I realized I didn’t actually like him as much as I thought I did. So this date was a second chance, to see if I really wanted to spend more time with him. We had fun wandering into art galleries in Oakland, drinking and chatting along the way. Conversation was as good as last time, but as expected, I didn’t feel that spark I was hoping to feel. So I made the excuse that I needed to get up early tomorrow for a trip to Napa with friends and cut the date shorter than he would have liked.

Likelihood of seeing him again: not very. Unless he wants to stay friends. If he asks me out again I’ll explain that I don’t see it progressing more than it already has.