shadeaux-be

[shadeaux-be]

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When you believe in things you don’t understand then you suffer..!

So, do you believe in love?

Do you understand it?

Which type(s) springs to mind when you hear or see love?

Storge? Philia? Ludus? Philautia? Mania? Agape? Eros? Pragma?

When you believe in things you don’t understand then you suffer..!

So, do you believe wealth?

Do you understand it?

What type(s) springs to mind when you hear or see wealth?

Financial? Physical? Spiritual? Emotional? Intellectual? Environmental? Social? Occupational?

When you believe in things you don’t understand then you suffer..?

So, do you believe in self?

Do you understand you?

What role(s) springs to mind when you hear or see self?

Child? Partner? Spouse? Employee? Parent? Sibling? Citizen? Friend?

When you believe in things you don’t understand then you suffer..?

Awhile ago I lost my mind and decided not to find it.

I was suffering because I wasn’t understanding .

Now I am wandering because I am constantly connecting.

I can no longer pretend to be found.

I am love.

I am wealth.

I am self.

A formless body of many.

Constantly becoming.

A never ending journey.

We are always here.

When you believe in things you don’t understand then you suffer..?

I know enough to know that I will never know enough.

When you observe things because you don’t understand then you wander..!

[shadeaux-be]

Digital 👣

I would say I haven’t been writing but I would be lying.

I write everyday now.

I knew this would happen because I wrote it down.

Today is another new beginning for me that I am bravely stepping into.

I have been saying, “I need to get in here to write something.”

Peep how I have randomly been battling being addicted to smoking black and milds??!

One day I asked a friend to hit theirs.

“Nigga was like what?? You iight?”

I was like, “yea”

Then every other day I found myself facing them.

Well I’ll be back to the regular schedule program of being repulsed by them.

I am still able to run great times but that ish is fasho impacting me.

I have been wanting to come up with something to put here but I just draw blanks.

So I decided to just stop by and say hi.

I’m no writer but I am a writer.

Middle way type shit.

In other news.

It’s been so long since I had a really good hug!

It’s been so long since I had a kiss.

It’s been so long since I had some 😻!

It’s been so long since I had a date.

Ok enough of that just gotta have it documented digitally for my outside of here writings lol.

As far as where I am going? Ain’t no tellin!

Know this for anyone who ever reads this which I know is really just me lmao! Something will always be going on, the time is always now! It is the only time that is real in this nonlinear plane that you perceive to be linear!!

It’s better to wear your heart putting it to use then rusting it out “guarding it!”

[shadeaux-be]

Walking is a series of falls interrupted by the foot

Therefore running is how you take flight

If the road runs out treat it like a runway

Spread your wings or face 1000 deaths

I choose to ascend

I won’t land

I won’t crash & burn

I will enjoy the everlasting journey

If I must be a bird in the sky

I choose to be an albatross

[shadeaux-be]

$cholarship $hadeaux

Doubt I will ever be able to express in words how big my heart is.

It is with great hopes it can be displayed through actions.

I apologize if this only makes sense to me but I promise it connects plus most will never see this.

During Ramadan 3 years ago I got this wild idea to fast M-F from sun up until 4:20pm.

Why? To never forget the struggle of going from surviving to thriving.

I thrive in a nonlinear time and space….

But yea somewhere a child is only eating at school M-F and that’s really why they have perfect attendance. So I’ll not eat during the day since at night I have what they do not!

During this 2025 Lent I got the wild idea that after Ramadan I’ll fast 24 hours once a week.

Why? Mainly to maximize health & wellness buuuut to never forget the struggle of going from surviving to thriving.

I thrive in a nonlinear time and space….

Like I was saying somewhere a misunderstood child wants to go to college or pursue some goal but they haven’t taken school serious until senior year due to growing up faster than necessary!

I suppose that my time as an educator has been to expose me to how the youth are forgotten.

Society wants them to reach heights they don’t know how to or even aware of just because they have things we didn’t.

No one stops and wonder if they truly know how to use these luxuries.

No one takes time to consider they can not afford some of these things and will do anything to get them.

For years society has blamed the youth for issues but the elders are really the problem.

I want to be a $olution

The last few years I have been hosting events in December!

I will turn these events into a scholarship raising function!

I spoke with my cousin about us doing one on June yearly in Dallas.

Since that’s the case the S in scholarship may as well stand for Solstice lmao.

Gotta understand the nature to catch that…

No but seriously I will get these scholarships going.

I want the first amount to be at least $2500.

The goal is to help the community achieve whatever endeavor.

The thing about these scholarship it won’t just be for college!

It can be for trade school, to start a business, cosmology, etc. just some sort of positive endeavor!

I promised myself to know and be love!

I intend to keep it!

[shadeaux-be]

37 Years Young

First off Happy Earth Day 🌎 :)

I do not like surprises.

I should grow out of that because I love surprising people lol.

I allowed my friends and family to “surprise me”

The only real surprise was finding out about a niece/nephew for my birthday again clearly my brother has it more figured out than me..

anyway, they gotta know that I could see it coming from a far.

No matter what I am grateful for them and their choices.

They out thought themselves though lol.

They should’ve just signed up for the classic and walked it instead.

Would’ve made everything easier and cheaper on them lol.

Speaking of the classic, I accomplished 67% of the intended goals!!

I wanted to be top 500 for my gender to get a poster, DID THAT!

I wanted to PR, DID THAT!

Wanted to run a 42, DID NOT DO THAT LMAO!!!

Despite that I am happy with what occurred and have set a goal to be top 250 next year!!

Why such a high bar? WTF not??

I spend a lot of time with myself so I might as well utilize it to push limits.

Considering running in a 5k with Syas this weekend.

After having such a good time I can feel depression on me.

So that 5k may be what I need to to tame that monster!

Want to get out there and break 20.

Crazy thing is I wanted to run in this race for my birthday a couple times because it has fell on it twice in the last few years.

Anyway I’m really rambling.

Just know I have been sticking true to my promises.

Nothing like creating some good stress!

It would be nice if my next “surprise” is from my wife!

PLP!

[shadeaux-be]

Time is starting to run together.

Could I really be starting to thrive in a non linear space & time?

I have now been to New Orleans at least once a month for 4 Gregorian years…

Today was Easter in 2024, here I am today resurrecting with my born day being the Easter of this year.

The Rise of Shadeaux mixtape otw lmao.

In August I will be in Liverpool studying abroad.

lol how the fuck did this happen??!

Yet another time of participating in Ramadan and my cousin invited me to Eid of which I declined.

I have no desire to joint any religious organization.

I have decided that once every 7 days that I will only hydrate.

I may start this on 4/21 and continue it throughout time.

If course there will be occasional times it will not take place.

I am grateful I can start eating at 4:20 and hydrating throughout the day again.

Really just missed the water aspect then runs were becoming so difficult.

I am walking away from ig for awhile again. I’ll pop in for the bEarthday “love”

I’ll explain those quotes at another 📍

I am growing tired of watching single mothers bash men but also wanting protection from me..

I am growing tired of seeing married men lusting over women that look nothing similar to their wives or women they previously dealt with…

No judgement but it is quite overwhelming to see.

Unsure of the path I am on but it isn’t a “normal”one!

I promise to not create a single mother.

I promise to not be a baby daddy.

I promise to maintain fidelity.

I promise to move with integrity.

I promise to live up to my 3 promises I carry in my wallet.

I promise to read.

I promise to write.

I promise to run.

I promise to play capoeira.

I promise to know and be love.

I promise to keep my promises!

Peace, love, and prosperity…,

R. J. Bolds

[shadeaux-be]

Start at the end lmao

👁️ promise to uphold the promises I made to myself.

There was a reason those promises were made.

3 major choices that require many minor deposits.

One with the infinite

“7 billion souls that move around the sun”

“Often times I wonder if I’m supposed to be here”

“In the wake of a hurricane”

“Waitin in the storm”

“After the storm is when the flowers bloom”

Am I not drenched enough?

Like the lone wolf I seem to be crying under water.

Perhaps I am seamoss.

Expanding the wetter I get.

Constantly growing.

Constantly nurturing others.

[shadeaux-be]

There was a post that said explain your dating life in track terms. Instantly thought of Lolo Jones in the 2008 Olympics.

Not only was she the favorite she was blazing!

Then boom a lil mishap she was off the medal podium.

I am about to sound contradictory in a sense but not really.

What's wrong with society is people are fixated on romantic relationships while sucking as people and want to be accepted that way.

The problem isn’t being being fixated on the relationship it’s the other part.

So in the space of correcting that problem they are solely focused on them.

Seems like the right answer but it’s wrong and leading to the rise of narcissistic tendencies.

Just like the rest of the world I have a lot going on but you’d never notice because I like to believe a lot going on is trying to get me.

Well it is and will continue to fail miserably.

I decided a while back to just pass out love.

Not even to get it in return it’s just because the world needs it.

Love is about big action though and is not a feeling but you can feel it…

Lately I’ve been feeling a lot.

I have been validated in being able to feel a variety of ways at once.

Not only have I fell in love with running again but also reading.

I have a new love for writing.

I have a running journal, a capoeira journal, a planning journal, a journal journal, this tumblr journal, and a write it and destroy the page journal.

Anyway I wrote a letter to myself and it’s full of promises.

Ones I intend to keep.

I have to keep them so I can be fixated on being with my lover and learning to love her unconditionally.

I also have to keep them because I have to ensure I always like me despite the pros and cons I may have.

Being in this know will make me optimal not only for self but all those around me.

Peace. Love. & Prosperity (:

[shadeaux-be]

It was once illegal to read and write in a land that we inhabited well before Columbus.

Yet every leap the focus goes on voting.

1461 days slip by to the next election.

1461 days that most people fail to do one of each.

1461 days we choose to disrespect what others were fighting for.

For the next 1461 days I vow to read or write at least a page if not both.

I can’t fathom all the things people did for me to walk around with such luxuries.

The whole world is before our eyes but we rather covet our neighbors lives.

We seek attachment when we need connection.

We want to receive but we ain’t giving.

We the people are fools.

We the people are idiots.

We the people don’t deserve our floating rock…

[shadeaux-be]

…Shadow be to have I so failure implies Trying…

Go back and read that sentence left to right lol..

My mother drove home her ideology that friends show themselves friendly.

Well did she ever consider that maybe I didn’t want to be friendly?

Probably not…

Now I have so many “friends” people think I’m so nice news flash I’m just thoughtful.

Big difference in my world.

Truth is I am quite antiseauxcial but my devilish smile is captivating and confusing…

Doesn’t help that I am in this wormhole people like to call education.

Love my students but love doesn’t foot the travel bill.

Ok maybe it does for me.

What about the family that’ll pop up sooner or later?

What about for the “tricking” I planned on doing?

Being friendly has brought me more headaches than being selective.

I lost a great connection from being friendly.

Ok having friends is not that terrible but don’t believe the hype more is not merrier.

I am starting to realize that my own ideologies serve me better.

I can not pretend to be normal anymore I just ain’t it.

Call me an asshole but don’t call me with bullshit!

I have failed miserably at protecting self from being conscientious.

Return of Shad thanks to Shadow 🥹💚

[shadeaux-be]

Dear family & friends,

Stop lying you don’t know me.

Stop lying you don’t love me.

You can follow me nowhere, as I end up everywhere.

I blame my mind cause my heart has always been in it even when it shouldn’t be.

This is my 🎞 of EVOLving truths.

Sooner over later I’ll be the unknown tech guy living remote in Vincy.

I was born to be born.

I have spent the past decade of my life attempting to create a purpose.

I’m done with that.

I am going live a simply luxurious life of linking with nature and my people.

Forever young, forever wild, forever free!

Don’t look for me now you didn’t want to get to know me..

Don’t look for me now you didn’t want to love me….

[shadeaux-be]

To my Valentine 💌

Can we create something?

I aim to escape, care to join?

Do you prefer to find reasons to remain anchored to this distorted reality?

I realize that information can contain real lies blinding our real eyes.

I want to be found with you. In a beach. In a mountain. On a desert. On a waterfall. Through a portal. On a forest. In a glacier. On a volcano. In a meadow.

I can even be lost with you. Looped in a mortgage. Walking a business. Playing a job. Owned by a pet. Conforming children.

I rather the former. As I descended from a farmer.

Look me in my eyes.

see eternity?

If not, look away.

If so, all aboard!

Love infantly $hadow!

[shadeaux-be]

Start at the last paragraph since we supposed to start with the end in mind!!

- $hadow

Love always and always love,

Peace, love, and Prosperity!

Deep in our genetics we have illness of all types that have passed on to us from our ancestors. That mixed with the conformities we have fallen victim to have led us to focus on one area to bring us into balance.

Speaking to your spirit about your desires will lead you to find the mind to input healthier things. Your spirit woke you up but that toxic body is telling you that you are tired.

This consumption starts on an intellectual level of what we talk about, write(or lack of writing), and read.

No matter the environment we was must find beauty in things we see. If there’s no beauty to find we must take our eyes off it. If we have to live in until we are free, then we must walk blinded.

Financial sounds like money but that includes barter. Are you wasting your services on stagnant people and things?

To believe that we have only simple emotions is to accept that we aren’t a complex species which couldn’t be further from the truth.

If the flesh is weak with a willing spirit we have already lost. That means the calories being intaked are not sufficient. Our diet includes the things we experience in our intellect and environment. It includes over consumption of products that involve toxins. This includes alcohol and tobacco so I often take breaks to maintain balance 😵‍💫

Work can double as socializing. This is why people without employment are on edge. This is why people who despise their work are on edge. You have to focus on the controllable in environments that you work.

Over indulgence into social spaces we have created is one of top things throwing off our wellness meters. In this y2k era. See most people thought it was a single day. It is the last 25 years… in that time period social spaces have become how much we can be a consumer instead of a producer..

Food for thought 💭 on the dimensions of wellness as we board various planes of existence. Maybe it’s plane of experience? Who really knows?? The more knowledge I gain the more foolish I feel…

Dear Sacred Beings,

[shadeaux-be]

Today is my “alleged” Great Grandfather’s 118th Birthday from my dads side..

He was 15 when my mother’s father was born.

He was 9 when my mother’s mother was born..

Like I said awhile back I was born a little different than most people.

I never met my grandfather for a variety of reasons.

Being a tree without roots means you fall but that doesn’t mean you aren’t useful.

I visited the burial site of Harry this past weekend. His name isn’t on the plot but my great grandfathers name is.

I am considering putting his name on the plot for a variety of reasons.

The top being to pay back any turmoil caused if he isn’t really my ancestor.

I have learned that the Clouds and Bolds do a lot of mingling of families over the years.

I have learned something’s that remind me of my self both positive and negative.

I could just be wanting to be attached but I don’t believe that to be the case!

I look forward to cultivating my own family and saying it started with us and we fell from the stars ⭐️

Dear James,

Your son has a questionable past. I am aiming to free myself from unwanted generational curses to heal “our” dna. You were a farmer man. I had visions of land that I hadn’t seen until I seen photos of you. Maybe I am crazy. Even if not related to you I heard great things of you. Guide me as I navigate this wicked world.

Peace, Love, & Prosperity,

$hadow Be

[shadeaux-be]

Habari Gani??

Imani!

Faith!

Love is stronger than fear?

Well I’m just happy to be here!

Hello 2025.

366 days stronger.

A new opportunity to display 365 things worth writing about.

Maybe 365 opportunities to write something worth reading.

Who am I?

I am a sacred being that is learning and growing continuously.

Why am I here?

I am here because I said I wanted to start writing.

What am I meant to do with my life?

Still figuring that out & maybe always will be, but spreading peace, love, and prosperity is good for now.

Dear self,

Always remember to enjoy all the destinations throughout the journey. Remember that tears are not just for moments of sorrow. Remember when many others are reasons not to you can be the reason so! Keep getting ready to embrace your personal power. 👁️ 💚🫵🏾♾️!

[shadeaux-be]

🤌🏾🤯

Moooola!

[shadeaux-be]

Ole Man River

Started my day on ‘December 14,2024’with my best documented 5k. I somehow found a way to lack being present, by focusing on the uncontrollable. What good is growth without appreciation of it?

The photo says 10th but I came in 12th. It’s says 5th for age but, it’s 4th.

I’ll be back for my trophy next year!

Dear SHADow,

…Stay Ready So You Do Not Have To Get Ready…