shades0fblu3

[shades0fblu3]

no weapon forged against me has ever been cool or well made

[shades0fblu3]

do you want love or do u want proof that you are loveable

[shades0fblu3]

Where do men get this kind of audacity from istg

[shades0fblu3]

i understand (literally cried for hours)

[shades0fblu3]

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

[shades0fblu3]

i keep thinking about this: maybe love isn’t a destination or a possession but an influence. a force that changes your shape. that helps you become. and when it’s gone, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost it. it means you’ve absorbed it. the people who leave don’t take it with them. they leave it behind in you.

[shades0fblu3]

stay earnest, be crazy, study study study, flirt with philosophy, cry at 2am then ace the test, fall in love with sentences, question everything, romanticize gray weather, seek truth like its art, read freud for fun, argue like you’re defending a dissertation, quote camus in casual texts, fear nothing but mediocrity

[shades0fblu3]

All the grip I lost on reality went straight to my pussy

[shades0fblu3]

— Fyodor Dostoevsky (via lunamonchtuna)

[shades0fblu3]

I'm so tired of people being ok with losing me actually

[shades0fblu3]

The one & only thing I've learnt from my sister is how to be kind. I did not have the faintest idea about how to be a good person until I was 12 and she told me how important it is to do good. I've never done it any other way. I've clawed my way out of graves but I've never stopped being kind and I'll always be grateful to her for that. My goodness is the only thing I have that makes me want to stay alive. The irony is that my sister can't see it

[shades0fblu3]

Booked two back to back sessions with my therapist because that the fuck is happening in my life

[shades0fblu3]

I hope vienna waits for me

[shades0fblu3]

propaganda a lot of y’all should fall for:

whispering “thanku” to your tea or coffee before the first sip.

telling your friends you love them when they least expect it. especially then.

googling “what kind of flower blooms twice” at 3 a.m. to feel hopeful again

deleting apps every two weeks and calling it a spiritual reset.

naming your plants like they’re ur friends. apologizing when you forget to water them.

believing ur younger self would still think you’re cool. even on your worst days.

using perfume before bed. for no one. for you.

making eye contact with yourself in the mirror when you cry. giving the pain an audience.

taking selfies when you feel awful. proof you existed even when the light wasn’t flattering :-)

[shades0fblu3]

I don't want to fucking do this

[shades0fblu3]

Call me fleabag the way I don't know what to do with all the love that I have for him

[shades0fblu3]

I'm too weak to do this. I've done everything alone but I can't do this. I loved him with everything that I had and I'm not willing to start over. It was him. He was it. I no longer want to be loved by anyone else if it isn't him