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no one:

cal kestis:

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Superman: thanks everyone for turning out today. before we get started I'd like to give y'all a quick run down of-

Superman: ........Billy. are you wearing a Shazam t-shirt?

Billy, wearing a Shazam t-shirt: yeah, and?

Superman: why are you

Superman: why??

Billy: because it's hilarious?

Superman: you realise we're supposed to be incognito today?

Billy: ...I'm sorry, are you suggesting someone might see me walking around and be like 'oh hey, that kid's wearing a Shazam shirt, maybe he's the real actual Shazam?'

Superman: look just turn it inside out or something

Flash: that's a pretty sweet shirt though, where'd you get it?

Billy: oh um my foster brother gave it to me, I don't know where he bought it

Superman: why would he give you a shirt with your own symbol on it

Billy: why am I the only one here who gets how funny this is

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star wars legends + onion headlines

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where are the milfs.

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What

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ugh, okay. Unfollowing. I was a fan of him and his friends solving mysteries together but I didn’t know he thought Coolsville sucks.

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The purest expression of Love in Tolkien’s works is following

Sam follows Frodo into Mordor. Arwen chooses to follow Aragorn’s fate instead of the one she was born to. Amroth will not leave Middle-earth when Nimrodel cannot follow. Sam, Merry, and Pippin will not let Frodo leave the Shire alone. Beren and Lúthien follow each other into the darkest places in the world, or rather Beren goes, alone, repeatedly, and Lúthien pursues him with the same fervor that he once used to pursue her.

Tom Bombadil follows the river to find Goldberry and once he finds her he’s always following the path home to her; the only paths in the Old Forest that are dependable and constant are the ones that lead to his home and to Goldberry’s pool. “I have my house to mind, and Goldberry is waiting,” for him to follow her home at last.

Gimli follows Legolas and Galadriel into the West, and bears a love so powerful that he is the one exception to the rule; he bore no ring and yet is welcomed for the sake of his love for them. Sam swears to return to where he thinks Frodo died after the duty is done, but in that moment, the hardest thing is not the weight of the Ring or the fear of Sauron, but the burden of leaving him. Éowyn and Faramir stand together on the walls of Minas Tirith as they wait for the end. The Three Hunters push themselves to near impossible feats of endurance pursuing their friends when they are in danger. The ents constantly followed the entwives to their gardens, even though they didn’t care for them much, and the story goes that one day they will follow them and find “a land where both our hearts may rest”, a place where they can both be happy.

They go only because they would not be parted from thee – because they love thee, Éowyn whispers.

You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin – to the bitter end…. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word, Merry scolds.

Don’t go where I can’t follow, Sam weeps.

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nothing will remind you that eating is good and okay like fantasy books will. “and that night in the valley they brought out the best plum cake and sweet cream, trout and turnips roasted over the fire, mead and goatsmilk and fresh cold water from the spring-“ and it’s like yeah dude you’re absolutely right. then sometimes it’s like “as he slept that night in the woods, he sorely missed the valley, where they brought out the best plum cake-“ and it’s like man that sucks i’ll have some seconds in his honor

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The last three digits of your current follower count is the Dewey Decimal Classification subject on which you must immediately give a 15-minute presentation.

How would you do?

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revenge of the sith is hilarious, imagine getting up one day as a jedi knight faithful to the republic with a secret wife, and then proceed to have a day that is so ridiculously bad getting dismembered isn’t even the end of it. by the end of the day you’re a jedi butcher, servant of the empire, bereft of all limbs and your lungs and your face and your voice, your wife is dead, and you’re seven feet tall now, that is RIDICULOUS. between the shock and incredible physical trauma, the second palpatine says padme’s dead and vader has his defeated screech to the heavens, i think he just topples over like someone’s felled an omnicidal redwood tree

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thinking about how orpheus turning to look back at eurydice isn’t a sign of mortal frailness but a sign of love

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TH/LOTR but cardi b makes the sound effects 

yes. i made this trAsh.  ur welcome. 

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This came to me in a vision