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[shahadthesentinel]

A Prisoner In Your Own Home

You ever felt like you were a prisoner in your own home? It’s not a pleasant feeling. It feels like you are suffocating. I wonder if it can be compared to drowning or being caught in a burning building? In this case, though, you don’t get burnt alive, but rather you die gasping for air. 

Knowing how to love can be your gift, but it can also be your curse. I took for granted that everyone was taught how to love, but when I was thrust into the real world, I was faced with hate, victimization, shame and lust. How could people love selfishly? How could they have taught me how to love selfishly when all I knew was selflessness. I was taken advantage of too many times. 

Its been over three years since my last significant dose of poison in my life. It feels good. It feels refreshing. I feel free. It is not without its challenges though, because like with everything toxic, it somehow feels good, or at least you believe it does. The highs are real, and the lows are nightmares. Oh, how I wish I was talking about drugs, but social poison, seems to be the worse of its kind. 

Your home is probably the most sacred place there is in the entire universe. If you have ever had anyone that has come into your home and disrespected that peace, it’s mind-numbing. While we all have our fair share of family arguments that can sometimes shake windows and disturb the neighbours, this disruption of peace is a bit different. 

Sharing secrets are fun. However, when secrets become a burden, or paranoia sets in, it can destroy people. To this day my strength and resilience have continued to impress me. Trust is hard to find and when secrets are no longer sacred even the closest friend you considered a brother can turn against you.

I’ve let a lot of people into my home. We shared great memories. Some of them I am still in contact with, while others refuse to respond or have nothing to do with me. Its okay I guess. I wish I can tell them that my life has gotten easier without them, but its only gotten harder. I’ve surrounded myself with people who believe that life is an uphill battle and that I must continue to make sacrifices and face challenges. Let’s just say that these are the ‘right’ kind of people. 

These people, never made me feel like I was a prisoner in my own home, but you did. To this day I wonder why? Why did you do that? To save yourself? To save yourself from your own secret? This admission is not an ode to have you back, but rather an admission that I do not want you or anyone else like you in my life ever again. I want to continue having the ‘right’ people in my life. 

My free space. My home. My world where everyone accepts me for who I am and I do mean EVERYONE. I stopped keeping my secret my dear friend because even I myself had shackled my body against the walls of my own home. Acceptance by others is beautiful, but self-acceptance is like a choir of angels praising your own name. 

I’m no longer a prisoner in my own home because I used the keys in my own back pocket to free myself. The very keys that I have can unlock your chains too... If you want to borrow them....here... catch...I’m pelting it out to you! 

Best, 

SA

[shahadthesentinel]

Put your best foot forward in everything that you do! #Mondays #TheGrind #HelpOthers #PushForward

[shahadthesentinel]

Place value on the friends that have been with you for many years. Love u chic <3 @trinishaina

[shahadthesentinel]

With this darling :) @trinishaina #DateNight #WeLit #WhereToNext #WeDohWannaDealWithHumans

[shahadthesentinel]

Always a pleasure @ms.chanii #Shahaday #Saturday Live your life to the fullest <3

[shahadthesentinel]

Spent the day with @peptalktt and KIND to assist with sorting books to add to KIND's library. Make time for thise who need it most <3

[shahadthesentinel]

#Kindness #Respect #Love #Life #Peace #Happiness #WeAlwaysFinishLast

[shahadthesentinel]

#Love

[shahadthesentinel]

#HappyTuesday #DoItYourWay #GetThemGearsGoing #SipsOnTuesday #ThirstyTuesday

[shahadthesentinel]

It's Monday! Time to make them movements! You are a part of the bigger picture. Do not make your problems an excuse for your performance! #Motivation #SocaMondays #Hulk #MashUpDemProblems

[shahadthesentinel]

Nothing is better than your true self #WordsFromShahad #BeYourself #YourTruth

[shahadthesentinel]

Extremely proud to be a part of your magical day. We have been friends for just over a year and I'm more than happy to share this special moment with you and be the Master of Cerremonies on your Wedding Day. Also you are the first person to allow me to do this professioanlly, and my fourth experience as an MC. I promise you I would not dissapoint. Let's bring the show home sweetheart <3 @leeannlisa #Excitef #WeddingBells #Happiness #Love #Life #Kindness

[shahadthesentinel]

Keep your chin up and focus on your successes. You will be unstoppable! #Motivation #ConfidenceIsEverything

[shahadthesentinel]

We would like to thank you for the invaluable support provided to us during our first book drive donation that commemorated International Children’s Book Day on April 2nd, 2018. Children are our future and believing in them is believing in a better Trinidad and Tobago for everyone. Special thanks to everyone who donated books as well as those who collected books on behalf of PEP Talks TT. We also express great appreciation to those who volunteered their time on April 2 and 8 at Cyril Ross Nursery and Ezekiel’s Children’s Home to read and distribute books to the children. We are also grateful for our corporate donors, Diana Candy Co. Limited, Keith Khan Books Etc., Plantastic Events Management, Shelcom Shipping and Brokerage and Unit Trust Corporation for their donation and believing in our vision.   We greatly appreciate the assistance you have provided to PEP Talks TT thus far. Best regards, @ms.chanii Project Lead @peptalktt

[shahadthesentinel]

Sano is always the center of attention #Doggy #Puppers #DogsOnInstagram #Dogs #Boi

[shahadthesentinel]

Celebrate the life of those who have passed on. Their legacy must be carried on no matter what. My mom was a pillar of hope, strength and resilience. Today she would have been 58! This year will make it five years since she passed on. I've never met someone like her, but strangely enough I met people who share some of her qualities and I don't believe that was by accident. I truly believe that God has a plan for me. This loss was not easy, but through this loss, I knew strength. Many people have hurt me intentionally, unintentionally and some don't even know it. But you know what... I forgive them! My mom taught me how to forgive. Sometimes people reactions are a result of something bigger than you. To keep the peace, she taught me a lot. I love you for helping me find happiness in myself. I love you! #MotherIsEverything #LoveMeTillIDie #NoLoveLikeYours #IMissYourHugs #IMissYouMissingMe #IMissYouBeingProudOfMe #YouBroughtMeMeaning #YouAreStillInMyHeart #LoveYou YOU LOST THE BATTLE... BUT MA YOU DID NOT LOSE THE WAR!!!!!

[shahadthesentinel]

It was a pleasure working with @ms.chanii @peptalktt on this fantastic initiative. I was also glad that my team Connective Pros could have also lent some media support for the initiative! Reading is important for knowledge and growth #internationalchildrenbookday #ReadingIsTheKeyToSuccess