shakespeareondrugs

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play this at my wedding or funeral I don’t care where but just plAY IT

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Iconic The Office quotes

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“I saw life branching out before me, like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a wife and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet, and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantine and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black. One by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

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this is probably the best cutest thing I have ever seen

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when you accidently read a spoiler

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Patrick Kane Appreciation Post

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My only relationship goal is to be with someone who motivates me to become a better person and show me the potential I don’t see in myself.

http://twitter.com/goodquoteco (via kushandwizdom)

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Guess who’s acid kicked in first.

➨ funny tumblr

[via lolsnaps]

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different types of drunks

1. Party Drunk:

will talk to anyone and everyone

only does shots

has to literally be dragged home at the end of the night because they refuse to acknowledge that the party has ended and they’re the only person still there

2. Blissful Drunk

does nothing but laugh

just happy to be included

too good for this world

loves you so much even though they just met you four minutes ago

probably also does acid

3. Emotional Drunk

not great at parties

is either crying tears of sorrow bc there’s no chips left or crying tears of gratitude bc someone showed them where the bathroom is

brings out everyone’s inner mother

4. Parent Drunk

keeps everyone’s shit together

everyone thinks they’re sober but they’ve actually had 5 shots in an hour

knows when u need to go home and will make sure you get there

holds back your hair when you’re vomiting at 3am

5. Slutty Drunk

never gets cold

makeup never smudges

never has to buy their own drinks

you think they’re sloppy and have no idea what they’re doing but every move is calculated and intentional

6. Sloppy Drunk

wasted by 10pm

needs to be taken home early

will drink anything you give them as long as there’s alcohol in it

a Mess

never learns from their mistakes

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Vine

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i don’t hold grudges. you may never hear from me again…but we good fam, don’t sweat it.

Wolftyla (via kushandwizdom)

  (via kushandwizdom)