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David Cameron: "In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked." Buckingham Palace?

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"What charities do you donate to?" "I mostly just leave sunglasses all over the world."

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Well, well, well, if it isn't my inability to cope with life.

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I hate w.hen my period comes early

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'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo.

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Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover pie, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, quitter *said thru a mouthful of pie*

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"the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"

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DA: Where r my legal briefs? Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!

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ok i'll bite.. what is Britain

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Dear Britain, This Brexit vote is all wrong If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war. Sincerely, America

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Mormon cats have 9 wives.

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Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting

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All the king's horses and men stand over Humpty. Puzzled, they go back to reading the IKEA instructions.

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Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.

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Peter Pan is my favorite story about how running away from all your problems will allow you to remain youthful and to possibly fly someday

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WIFE: He’s just so distant lately ME [skywriting]: U N T R U E

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ME: in closing, all of the facts I've presented today prove that Bush did 911 PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written