shards-of-mind

[shards-of-mind]

I’m just so fucking Angry

I went to buy something and try to calm down. And I was listening to my favourite Florence + The Machine songs and walking to the beat. And my legs started hurting but I kept going.

And a part of me was telling me to just keep walking, even if the traffic light was on red. Just keep walking. And it was telling me to not even look at the street, no matter if a car is coming. Just keep walking.

And I was sure that if I did that, and a car, bus or even better yet, a very fast going truck was to hit me, I would explode upon contact like a fucking supernova, letting out an ear shattering sound and massive amounts of light and radiation. And when all of that was over, there would be a million of little colourful pieces of paper that would float around, and each one of them would have a different swear word written on them. And hopefully no one would die, but maybe, and everything around me (pavement, houses, cars etc.) would be absolutely destroyed, and no plants would ever grow on the soil again.

[shards-of-mind]

I went on a walk today. Picked up a friend on my way.

And we walked together for more than an hour. And somewhere in the middle, we both felt silent. And in the silence we stopped to admire what we saw. The rolling hills, snowy and glistening. Man made fences that split the landscape into fields that would be sown in he spring, and small patches of forest in between, with missing leaves and branches bearing the weight of white snow.

And in the silence, I looked towards the horizon, where the earth met the sky, a grey and white mass of clouds that hanged lazily with some blue patches in between. And I looked towards the horizon where the sun struggled to illuminate us through the clouds. And the horizon looked so peaceful, so beautiful, the way the dark trees contrasted against the cloudy sky. And I wished to walk forever. To never look back and keep walking, following the feeling of awe. To walk even if my feet hurt, even if my legs grew tired, even if someone would miss me. The feeling of wanting to walk forever was so overwhelming. To melt into the landscape.

Then we turned right and the sun was left behind us, and we kept walking, back towards the houses that we came from, and even though I was talking to my friend about other stuff, I could feel the sensation I just had, like a little feather thing, nesting itself in the back of my mind, with others of its kind, and turning into a becoming memory, a reminder, or a temptation, of leaving everything behind and just walking forever.