sharpnothashtag

[sharpnothashtag]

[sharpnothashtag]

My dad was a music minister. I was at church every time the doors were open. I watched VeggieTales before I could speak. I spent long nights in the church while Dad worked and Mom prepared for VBS. When I was too sick to go to school, I slept in my dad's office on a handbell cushion.

I was at church almost as much as I was at home. I did my homework there; I ate meals there; I worked one of my first jobs there.

When I was 12, I joined the youth group. My friends left me. I still had baby teeth when my Sunday School class, who had decided I was gay, gang sodomized/raped me with a box of tampons. When I asked them why, they said this was for when praying the gay away didn't work.

I put it out of my head. They were trying to save my soul, right?

A few months later, the leadership team (older people from the youth group) beat the shit out of me in the garden my mom and I started years before as a mother-daughter project. When I asked them why, they said they cared, and they didn't want me to go to hell for being gay. They HAD to beat it out of me.

I cleaned myself off and put it out of my head. This literally meant that they cared enough to keep me from eternal damnation. I was worth saving, right?

No one talked to me. I stopped talking at church. I was kicked out of every group except for my dad's choir. I only sang--I wouldn't speak unless I was with my dad. Every once in a while, I would muster up the courage to say something, but then my entire body would tense up. I didn't deserve to be there. Something was wrong with me.

I had accepted Christ. I read my Bible every single morning. I prayed for God to change my circumstances or change me. The Jesus they were talking about didn't seem like the one I read about in the scriptures, but that didn't necessarily mean that I was right about that.

I was truly, truly alone.

Through all of this, I was a teenager who LOVED VeggieTales. So, at the end of the day, even though I was alone, I had Bob to give me a good talking to; I had Larry to keep me laughing. I had Jimmy and Jerry and Jean-Claude and Philipe and Junior and Archibald and Scooter and Madame Blueberry and the Scallions to keep me going (and yes, all the rest, too). When I had a question about scripture, I brought it to Grampa George. When I was having a bad day, I'd go talk to Laura and Annie. When I needed a hero, LarryBoy was always there for me.

At 14, I was an on-and-off member of the Praise Team. We sang contemporary Christian music by Chris Tomlin, Hillsong, Casting Crowns, etc. I listened to it and sang it constantly. I did that kind of singing nonstop for different churches until I was 24.

My background in Dad's choir was mostly Hymn arrangements and Gaither Vocal Band. I sang a LOT of that as well. When I got to college, I was hired to do that at churches as well as the Contemporary thing.

Finally, at 24, I discovered that I was NOT past my church trauma--in fact, I was just remembering most of it. I changed denominations to get back to a more traditional service.

I've worked hard in therapy on my church trauma, and church is still hard for me. I keep going, and I continue to heal in new ways every day.

In my head, I still had the community of Veggies. Even though I also had people, the Veggies were always there to keep me grounded in what my faith was really about.

Today, on my way to church, God told me to play some Christian music in my car. As a rule, I don't listen to that in my car unless I'm working on something specific. I kept trying to find something that wasn't going to trigger me.

I stumbled across this:

This album is every bit as silly as you think it is.

Every single one of these songs is really triggering for me. They make me feel like I don't belong, even though it's been years since I experienced that. My heart rate skyrockets, and I can't breathe.

Not today.

Because today, Bob and Larry were there to remind me that God can redeem anything. The silly voices in my head/on this CD reminded me that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. Not barbed wire, or a mean dog, or a really bad haircut. Not people who hurt me beyond what I'm ready to talk about here. Not my dad's death. Not PTSD. Not anxiety. Not OCD. Not Prozac. Nothing.

Why?

Because God made me special, and God loves me very much.

[sharpnothashtag]

Patrick: Why didn't you do something? Kai: I tried. I uttered my first word since the experiments began--STOP!  Brutus saw me as a host and obeyed my order to stop. I am not a healer, but I yelled for Joy and their mother to come find William.  He looked at me as he was dying and began to sing:  Down in the valley, valley so low Hang your head over, hear the wind blow Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow Hang your head over, hear the wind blow It was confusing and beautiful.  I heard Joy coming, but by the time Joy found him, it was too late. They had a funeral for him--everyone was in so much pain. They came together, and they began to sing an anthem. It was so beautiful that I didn't even see the ship--if you could even call it that. Patrick: Borg Cubes are not the most ergonomically designed. Kai: (a chuckle) Agreed. Patrick: How long were you a drone? Kai: When Beverly finished the surgery and I saw her face, I saw a smile for the first time in 30 long years. Patrick: I can imagine Beverly's smile would be an amazing first smile to see. Kai: (also smiling) It was. Biquv told me about Beverly, and I knew I had to find her and thank her. Patrick: How did you get to work for Starfleet Command Headquarters? Kai: My ability to teleport came back. I tried to go back home, but the boh-GED brought me back to where we met. I saw the faces of those same "researchers" for the first time in 70 years. Patrick: I hate to point it out, but your math doesn't add up. How are you able to have been experimented on for 100 years, then have Ruach, then spend 10 years on Mintaka III, then-- Kai: I am The Keeper. I keep all the Kaanori memories from before I was assimilated. I wasn't tortured for 100 years. Patrick: I understand. Or at least I think I do. Kai: (another chuckle) You don't have to keep it all--that's my job. Patrick: So, what does this mean for the Joy I know? Kai: They don't know anything about how they came to be. They don't know about how we suffered. They don't know their own history. Patrick: They would fight with you if they knew. Kai: Of course they would--they are there to help. (Kai hears something.) We have to go back now. Patrick: Why? Kai: We're not really here. I wish we were. If you are gone for too long, they will know. Patrick: I have so many questions! Kai: We shall return. But I have to get you to safety.

Kai stands. He points both of his hands to the sky and then folds them down. The portal folds out of existence, and he puts Patrick back in a tight grasp. His hood is back up over his face. He leads Patrick back to the cell, throws him in, and slams the door.Kai (VO): (telepathically) It's all for show, Jean-Luc. I will be back as soon as I can.

[sharpnothashtag]

Kai: For those here now, it is. But that's not what it originally meant. Patrick: They were the researchers. Kai: The ones who came asking for help and never left. One day, all of the originals (what you now call hosts) came together. We called out to whoever might be listening. We asked for a change--a way out. There was a mighty quake. We held to each other. We passed out. When we awoke, we all came to at once, taking a deep breath. At first, we breathed out into the dust. Other versions of us came out of the air and the dust. They smiled, and then they faded. We didn't know what was going on, but we immediately tried to determine where we were. We could find no one else on this small planet. It was just us. Eventually, we came to accept it as our own. We called it Ruach. Patrick: Breath--the breath of God. Kai: The boh-GED had taught us some Earth history, and we saw ourselves in the plight of the ancient Hebrews. This planet was a gift--much like their promised land. Probably not given from the Hebrew God, but definitely from something bigger than ourselves. We rejoiced in our newfound freedom, but we grieved those we had left behind, as well.  We thought of them often, and we sent them our good energies as much as we could.  Eventually, we received another gift. They were so small and innocent, and they brought us utter Joy. Patrick: Joy? Kai: Yes. Joy, the host, was our first child. Many others came after them. As they grew, they wanted to know how they came to be--what had come before. We just...weren't ready to talk about it. We thought we would eventually tell all of them our story. Then, one day the originals decided to move away from our children because they wanted a warmer climate.  I guess they were no longer children--it had been another 35 years at that point. The rest of my generation seemed content to grow old away from our children, but I was not. No one would return with me, so I journeyed back to our children alone.  I would wander day and night.  One morning, I woke up in a distinctly different place than I’d gone to sleep in.  After doing some calculations, I found that I was 10 kilometers further than when I had gone to sleep.  Kaanori are incapable of sleepwalking (one of the positive side affects of the “research”), so the impossible conclusion was that I could teleport.  I experimented with it throughout the next few days.  One night, I fell asleep thinking about what I would give just to see them one more time.  I came to the next morning, and I thought I had reached them. I saw Joy and William and Olivia--but then I also saw myself. I observed them from afar. They called themselves "spirits". I didn't understand. One day, I saw Olivia fall and scrape her knee. Joy began to sing, and Olivia's scratch healed up immediately. Joy's voice had developed so nicely--they used to do that when they were younger. Now it was strong, clear. I stayed and observed them, trying not to interfere.  I saw their laughter and their weeping.  I helped them silently when I could.  I stayed out of sight, and the years passed. One day, Brutus came.  He was supposed to be a protector, sent from the hosts.  Something was off about him.  Then, one night, he...killed William.

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 65 (part 1)

The scene unfolds as we hear the 3 admirals pass their judgment. Each character is seen in the receiving seat except Riker.

A1: For stealing a ship, you are sentenced to six months probation to be served out here, at command headquarters. You will act as the Board members' personal assistants for that time. You will be stripped of your current rank temporarily, serving only as Ensigns. Patrick: And what of Will Riker? What is to be done with him? A2: That is none of your concern. Patrick: Perhaps not, but I still need to know. A3: You are dismissed, Ensign TusNua. (Patrick does not move.) I said, "Dismissed!" Patrick: You may say all you wish, but I am not leaving until I know what will happen to Commander Riker and what has happened to him. Why did Headquarters fake his death? What is so dangerous about the Kaanor that you had to devastate those of us who are closest to him? A1: Do not test me, Patrick. I will throw you back in that cell to rot. Patrick: (indignantly) Do you really think the rest of Starfleet will let you get away with that? A2: WE (gesturing to himself and the other two admirals) are Starfleet. Do not forget that. Security! (Kai enters)Patrick: (as forebodingly as possible) You will hear from me again. (Kai takes him away forcefully until out of sight of the admirals. He loosens up and takes him down a side hallway. He pulls Patrick close.)Kai: Follow me. Patrick: (confused) Wha- Kai (VO): (touching Patrick, telepathically) Silence! (Patrick takes the hint and follows Kai closely through a maze of halls. Finally, Kai closes a door, and in this new room, a portal opens. Kai holds out his hand. Patrick hesitates, but he grabs Kai's hand. They are transported back to the burial grounds where Joy killed Brutus.)Patrick: What is going on? Kai: (revealing his face, he is Kaanori) I am The Keeper. Welcome back to my homeworld. Or, at least, a version of it. Patrick: You are Kaanori? Kai: Yes. Patrick: Host or spirit? Kai: I am a host. Or at least, as of your current understanding, that's what I most closely resemble. Patrick: Where--? Kai: (seeing all the questions he needs to answer, he gestures for Patrick to sit) Be comforted, friend. I am here to help. (Patrick sits.) Do you remember Mintaka III? Patrick: (it takes him a minute) Yes, vaguely. Kai: Welcome back. Patrick: Where are the rest of you? Kai: The generation you met? Long dead by now, unfortunately. What happened is--quite a story. Patrick: What happened? Tell me everything, Kai. Kai: Okay, Patrick. First, a question. How long ago was it when you were last here? Patrick: 5? 7 years? Kai: For us, it was 115 years ago. Patrick: What?! Kai: There was a tear in space-time. When you beamed down to help the observers, the hole tore a little further. My ancestors saw you as a god. Once you helped them, they began to evolve more naturally. Time passed very quickly, and within 20 of our years, you were a legend--a fable we told our young. Then, they came back. Patrick: Who? Kai: Time travelers. They said they wanted our assistance with research. We knew what happened the last time we saw a person come from the sky, so we wanted to help. (Kai winces. Patrick touches his shoulder instinctively.) I haven't told this story in a long time--I'd forgotten what being The Keeper feels like. (Kai collects himself) What followed was a hundred years of inhumane experiments. Some of us could fly, heal, destroy, transform. We could read each other's minds. These abilities would have been fine, but they came at too high a cost. Too many of us died in the process. We'd suffer through strange, painful surgeries in the day and grieve our loved ones at night. (Kai takes a moment. Tears running down his face) I died. And then I was back. I was in so many places. My brain swelled. It was so (reliving it) painful. I was afraid of everything. Every sound pained me. I stopped speaking. I used my telepathic powers to communicate with the others, and they did the same. They still wanted to help, even after the boh-GED took everything from them. Patrick: I thought the boh-GED were...was Q?

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 64

Starfleet Command

Admiral 3: You don't suppose we could just tell them the truth? A1: And risk losing almost a 100 years worth of work? I think not. A2: Then it's settled. We tell them nothing. A3: And we just LET Janeway bring him back home to Alaska? A1: We don't have much of a choice. A2: How do we know he remembers? He was not in good shape when we last saw him. A3: If you only learn one thing, learn this: do NOT underestimate William T Riker.

Back on the Ohana, Worf and DeAnna in Ten-Forward with drinks

Worf: I am very glad he is better. DeAnna: Me, too. (pausing) Thank you for understanding how much he needs me. Worf: You need him, too, DeAnna. And so do I. I wouldn't be your husband without him. DeAnna: Again, thank you. I didn't want Will to ever come between us. (Worf does the Klingon equivalent of blushing) What is it? Worf: Do you remember that one night all those years ago? DeAnna: The one with Will? Of course, I do. (She chuckles, too.) What about it? Worf: I just thought it was funny that you didn't want Will to come between us...until he did. (DeAnna and Worf laugh uncontrollably. Once it's died down.) Do you think he remembers? DeAnna: That it happened or the arrangement we made? Worf: Either. DeAnna: (being serious for a moment) I'm really not sure. His mind was in such a state of disarray that I don't know which memories are intact. He remembered me on some level, but everyone else? Everything else? I have no idea. Worf: (seeing that she is still distressed) When the time is right, we can talk to him--help him remember. (Worf takes DeAnna's hand and squeezes it)

Bridge

KJ: Daneel, hail the shipyard. Communicate our unconditional surrender. Wesley: Surrender?! We didn't do anything wrong! Daneel: Wesley, we stole a ship-- Wesley: It wasn't being used! Daneel: rescued a political refugee-- Wesley: One of our own who specifically asked for help! Patrick: And someone committed genocide. Joy: (there is an awkward silence where everyone turns and looks at Joy. They finally speak.) It was not my intention, but the offense still stands, and I deserve to be held accountable for my actions. Patrick: We all broke some rules--now we have to answer for it. Picard: Agreed.

Hailing noise

Voice: Dock the ship at Docking Bay 7. (They do.) Prepare to be boarded.

Everyone on the ship comes along peacefully except Bev, who refuses to leave her patient.

Bev: He just had a massive mental breakdown. If he wakes up without someone he knows there to explain where he is and why, he's going to turn violent. Enforcer 1: (upset, but nodding) You can stay with him until he wakes up. Then we separate you. (Bev nods. The Enforcer, his face covered, helps her move Riker to a stretcher, covers him with a weighted blanket, and they head out together.)

Patrick and Picard are in one cell, and Bev and Riker are in another. Everyone else is in a cell by themselves. An Enforcer tries to take Little Guy away from Joy.

Joy: He is a service animal--it's against the law to take him from me. Enforcer 2: You are in serious trouble. When you break the law in Starfleet, your right to a service animal is suspended. DeAnna (from her cell): No it isn't! Enforcer 2: As if you would know. DeAnna: I DO know. I was on the research team for the legislative board that made that law. Give. Him. Back. Enforcer 1: (angrily) Lieutenant, that is enough. (gently, to Joy and DeAnna) We have to take him for now to make sure he has been scanned. While I'm sure he doesn't, he could have something smuggled in inside him. Once he is scanned to ensure he is safe, he will be returned to you. Enforcer 2: (incredulously) Major, you would have her have this canine to soothe her (mocking) emotional distress? DeAnna: First of all, Joy's pronouns are they/them. Joy: Thank you, DeAnna. I will handle this. Secondly, I am blind. He is a seeing-eye dog. I know those aren't very popular on Earth anymore, but he makes sure I do not confuse the bed for the bathroom. Enforcer 1: Lieutenant, you are relieved of duty. (Enforcer 2 begins to exit) Lieutenant! (Enforcer 2 turns) They're right, by the way. (Enforcer 2 angrily stomps away.)

DeAnna: Thank you, Major. Joy: Yes, thank you. Enforcer 1: (his head low, face still covered) Biquv told me about you, Counselor Troi. And yours (Bev) is the first face I remember seeing after the surgery. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, but anyone who starts a program to rehabilitate a species that has hurt Starfleet as much as the Borg has deserves it even more. And if all of you are here with them, you deserve respect as well. Worf (from his cell): You have shown great honor, fellow warrior. (Enforcer 1 bows to Worf and leaves.) KJ: Everyone, we knew the risk when we went to get him. We remain strong. We tell the truth. We make sure Will Riker is safe. Picard: Well said, Number One.

Riker sits bolt upright on his stretcher, panting heavily. Bev comes to his side, checking his vitals. Riker grabs her hand.

Riker: Beverly, thank God. Where the hell are we? Bev: What's the last thing you remember? Riker: (quietly, he knows he's not supposed to reveal this information) I had just been briefed on a long-term undercover mission. Jellico had just left on the Excalibur, and then... Bev: What about Faith? Riker: Faith in what? Bev: And Jean-Luc? Riker: What about the Captain? (loudly) What the HELL is going on here?! Bev: (grabbing his hand, quietly) Keep your voice down! Riker: (getting dizzy) Wait (We see his mind flash to Faith in a pleasant scene, immediately followed by her death scene. Jean-Luc's naming ceremony, Jean-Luc's death. The both of them together and happy, their deaths. Riker screams. Bev puts her hand over his mouth.) NOOOOOOOO! Bev: (pushes him up onto the stretcher, hissing) Will! If you don't keep your voice down, you and I will have to be separated. Do you want to be alone?! Riker: (weakly, sobbing) No. Bev: (taking her hand off of his mouth) Then close your eyes. Riker: I'm afraid, Beverly. Bev: (a tear slipping down her cheek) Me, too, Will. Now close your eyes. I'm right here. (she holds his hand as he pretends to be asleep)

Enforcer 1 returns, his face still covered. He slowly walks down the hallway, and stops at Joy's cell. He opens the door, and gives Little Guy back.

Joy: Thank you, Major. Enforcer 1: You may call me Kai. Joy: Thank you, Major Kai. Kai: (a smile in his voice) Little Guy did just fine. Now, Joy, I need you both to come with me. Joy: All right, Little Guy. Lead my way. (in their head) Will you stay with me in here, DeAnna? DeAnna: (also in her head) Of course. Keep me updated, Joy. Joy: (still in their head) I promise.

Once the door closes, Riker opens his eyes.

Riker: (in between deep, cleansing breaths) So, where are we? Bev: What's the last thing you remember? Riker: You all rescued me. How did you know where I was? Bev: Captain Picard told us. Without hesitation, we hopped on the first ship we saw and came to rescue you. Unfortunately, there just wasn't time to officially request it. Riker: You stole a ship?! Bev: And we may or may not have participated in genocide. Riker: (stuttering) G-g-genocide? (He faints.)

Picard stands up in his cell.

Picard: Kathryn, do you really think we should cooperate? KJ: What's our other option? Hostility? Because that ALWAYS goes well. Picard: For all we know, Starfleet left Will alone to die out there. They didn't send anyone to check on him. They listed him as DEAD, Kathryn. Patrick: I agree, Captain. I smell a conspiracy. KJ: I do, too. But we'll never get to the bottom of whatever it is if we don't at least pretend to cooperate.

Kai opens the door again and enters, his face still covered. He stops at Picard and Patrick's door.

Kai: Which of you is which? Patrick: I am Patrick. He is Jean-Luc. Which of us do you need? Kai: (clearly he is trying to make this less politically incorrect, but he gives up) It's easiest to just bring both of you at once. Patrick and Picard: We understand.

(Picard and Kathryn share a look as he exits.) A new scene. Dark room, Joy sitting in a chair.

A1: State your name, species, and rank. Joy: My name is Joy; I am Kaanori. I am not a member of Starfleet. A2: Joy, tell us about yourself. Joy: What do you want to know? A3: Let's get right to the point, shall we, gentleman? Are you a spirit or a host? Joy: A spirit. A3: How do you know Will Riker? Joy: I don't, really. I was born, and he was near me. I went to help him, and he said the best thing I could do for him was to retrieve his friends. Then I was on Earth. A3: What do you know about Starfleet's involvement with the Kaanor? Joy: I was under the impression that Riker was the first ambassador to the spirits or the hosts. Is this not true? A3: (surprised they don't know anything) What happened when you returned with his friends? Joy: I was drawn to a field, where I fought and killed my world's protector. Riker was there, and his friends rescued him. A2: You murdered someone? Joy: The person in question murdered my father because he believed himself to be superior to all spirits. I killed him. I did not know what species he was. I know that there should be punishment for my actions. Arrest me if you will--I will cooperate fully. A3: (...) Was this protector the last of his species? Joy: In a manner of speaking--yes. Do you not know about what happened? A3: (trying to cover) We do know what happened. We want you to put it in your own words. A2: (catching on) It is a Starfleet tradition when someone is convicted. Joy: (convinced, nods) I killed a Q. The Q, rather. I take full responsibility. A1: (giving it all away) You killed the entire Q Continuum? Joy: (crying) Yes. I only meant to kill Brutus, but instead, I have wiped out an entire species. A3: (looking daggers into A1) Joy, allow us to confer privately.

(Admirals 1, 2, and 3 walk out. A3 grabs A1 by the collar.)

A3: What is the matter with you?! A2: We wanted them to tell us what they knew! A1: Are we going to ignore that they are a being powerful enough to end a Q?! This Kaanor is more powerful than our flagship! A2: Why does that matter? A1: If we punish this Kaanor for genocide, who's to say that they can't just break out? And who are they going to go for once they do? A3: (letting A1 go) You make a good point. A2: They still committed genocide! That's a hell of a crime. They said themself that they knew they deserved to be punished. A1: This is not a stupid person. They're going to figure out what we've done. We cannot afford to let them know anything else. A2: You're right. We can't let them go. A3: No, we HAVE to let them go. If they are arrested, the crew is going to attack the station and find out anyway. If we don't let them know that anything is going on, they have no reason to poke around. A2: So what do we do? Send them to the Academy for basic training? A1: (realizing) That's a brilliant idea. (A2 and A3 look skeptically) We know they're already interested in doing that. What if we just say that that is their "punishment"?

Back in the room

A3: In light of your grievous disrespect for the lives of others, we sentence you to 8 years at Starfleet Medical. You will find the source of your healing abilities, and you will find a way to heal every known injury you can. Joy: (they stand tall, somberly) I shall take joy in my punishment. I shall learn to heal the sick and needy. I know I cannot right my wrong, but I can help. That is all I require.

[sharpnothashtag]

[sharpnothashtag]

TAZ ETHERSEA

Another day, another character that was very well described multiple times and yet I still saw something else in my head.

Cambria. Cambria was supposed to be this giant weird worm thing that was the beginning of all organic life. They were filled with green goo and brought the sallow so people could exist underwater. But yall...

I don't even know if I can explain why this is what I see in my head, but here it is on a sticky note at my work so Cambria can stare into my soul.

LIKE

YALL

IT'S THE EYES FROM EVIL PATRICK STAR AND THE BODY OF A WEIRD STAR

DURING THE BATTLE SCENE IN MY HEAD THERE WERE JUST EXTRA APPENDAGES EVERYWHERE WITH THAT FAAAAAACE

MY GOD

HOW MANY OF THESE ARE THERE

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 63

Right where we left off.

Bev: (taking Joy aside) I have a few questions. Joy: Of course. Bev: How did Faith die? Do you know? Joy: Kaanor hosts are very sensitive to sound. It is part of the reason they do not travel off-world--loud sounds can be fatal. Bev: So when the alarm went off, Joy: They were in terrible pain. The instinct, even though loud sounds are fatal, is still to scream. Bev: Is it like a self-destruct button? Joy: Not quite. Sound sensitivity is a genetic trait, but screaming is innate. It is the same desire that all creatures have--when there is trouble we cannot handle on our own, we alert others so that help is able to come. Bev: It's like a feedback loop--trouble comes, they scream. Help doesn't come, so they scream louder, which creates more trouble, so they scream even more. Joy: I have only heard of these tales. To have someone see their family perish because of this? The only thing that can heal him is the passage of time. Bev: Would it not be better for him to forget? Joy: The memories of happiness are stronger than the pain of tragedy and the sting of death. The more time that passes, the stronger the memories become.

Joy leaves as Worf and DeAnna enter. Joy inhales deeply and bows.

Joy: It is an honor to be in the presence of so great a warrior. Worf: (bowing) The honor is mine. To end the one who ended my father is still my life's work. Joy: May you achieve all you seek.

Before Joy can exit, DeAnna hands them Little Guy's leash. Joy holds her hand tightly, and a light illuminates her hand for a moment. DeAnna kisses Joy's hand, and Joy exits. DeAnna, with tears in her eyes, looks to Bev.

Bev: He's exhausted. DeAnna: I don't care. KJ: (coming from behind a divider) You're exhausted, too, DeAnna. Worf: Captain. How is Commander Riker? KJ: (defensively) As my wife just said, he's exhausted. DeAnna: (sobbing) I have to see him. (She runs past them to where Riker is. KJ runs after her.) KJ: He is NOT ready for visitors! Bev: Keep an eye on them, will you? (Worf nods and follows her.) Worf: Captain, please let her be with Commander Riker. They are connected. KJ: Beverly said he's exhausted and DeAnna immediately blew past her! Bev: Let her be, Kathryn. (angrily, once KJ comes to Bev) Kathryn O'Dell Janeway, you will not talk to DeAnna or Worf in that manner. KJ: (confused) I was defending you. Bev: (angrily) I do not need defending, especially not from my best friends. KJ: Bev- Bev: Dismissed. (She walks away with tears in her eyes.)

KJ watches her walk away, befuddled. She follows everyone else back to Riker's side. Picard is still sitting on the bed with Riker in his lap. He wipes Riker's tears. DeAnna is holding Riker's hand, clearly communicating with him telepathically. Picard stands, allowing Bev to scan him and give him a hypospray. Worf removes Riker's shoes and socks and puts them on another biobed. He waves the fumes into the air.

Worf: nI'be'puq, muSHa'ghachlIj tlhaQ nIv puS. 'ej qIbmaj luSovmoHtaHvIS, lalDan tuq. (close to his face) bangwI' DaSovpu'bej. (Translation: While your family is in Sto-vo-kor, may the smell of you comfort them. May they know how they are grieved. May they know how you loved them.)

DeAnna: (telepathically) Imzadi. I'm here. Riker: (telepathically) Faith? DeAnna: (telepathically) No, Imzadi. I wish I could have met her. Riker: (telepathically) Faith. She's gone. DeAnna: (telepathically) It's me, Imzadi. Faith may be gone, but I'm here. (Riker's hand squeezes DeAnna's hand--part of him knows she's there. The hypospray takes effect, and Riker finally closes his eyes. Bev pulls up a chair and sits with him, stroking his hair as he sleeps. Picard sits cross-legged with Riker's head in his lap, just staring.)

KJ: (coming onto the bridge, prickly) Data, you're relieved. Data: Thank you, Captain. How is Commander Riker? KJ: (matter of factly) He is sleeping. Data: May I go to see him? KJ: (more prickly) You may join the rest of the crew at his bedside. Data: Is something wrong, Kathryn? KJ: (snapping) Of course not. Data: (He can read her just enough to know that he shouldn't ask again.) Have a good evening, Captain.

KJ sits alone on the bridge. She's clearly upset.

Back in Sick Bay, Wesley and Data have joined the bedside crew.

Data: Please let us know if there is anything you need for us to do, Doctor. Wesley: Or if you need us to get out of your way. Bev: I couldn't kick you out if I wanted to. Worf: I still can't believe Starfleet let us think he was dead all this time. DeAnna: I should have known. He is my Imzadi--we are connected at the soul. Bev: There are plenty of people who live on without their soulmates, DeAnna. DeAnna: Maybe those who are fully human. Bev: Hey. If you had gone through the same thing, he'd be right where you are. Worf: He is one of my closest friends. Starfleet's behavior is without honor. Picard: I will raise hell at Starfleet Command when we return. Wesley: He looked out for me while you (Bev) were gone at Starfleet Medical for a year. He made sure I was safe so many times that I lost count. He's the closest thing I've had to a father since Dad died. The fact that he's here again--I'm still in the state where I am happy. I can't be mad at Starfleet yet. He's--here again.

(They sit in silence for a while. Data eventually stands, walks over to a panel, and taps a few keys. Liszt's "Un Sospiro" plays. Patrick enters, hears the song, and is transported away, back to his original reality.)

(Riker and Patrick are in bed with one of those ridiculous shiny blankets. Patrick is absolutely knocked out. Riker is tossing and turning. Patrick stirs.)

Patrick: Will? What's wrong? Riker: I can't sleep. Patrick: My aunt Adele's reci- Riker: I know. I already tried it. Patrick: (sitting up, concerned) Aunt Adele's recipe works every time. Something's going on. Riker: Jean-Luc, I have a decision to make. Patrick: Between me and DeAnna? Riker: Yes. You've helped me so much. I'm a strong, bisexual, polyamorous man who knows his own power. Patrick: But? Riker: But nothing. Being with you has been like nothing I've ever felt before. Patrick: But? Riker: You're absolutely the most wonderful man I know. Patrick: But? Riker: (sadly) DeAnna. Patrick: DeAnna is a very special woman, Will. Riker: I feel like I'm choosing a side. Patrick: You're choosing a person. Riker: If I'm attracted to her, I'm straight. If I'm attracted to you, I'm gay. If I'm attracted to you both, I'm bisexual. Patrick: There are other terms you can use if they make you feel more comfortable, but bisexual is accurate. Riker: If I choose her, then I give up being bisexual. And our relationship becomes invalid. Patrick: Will. Calm down. Your sexuality is not attached to your partner. What we had was...is special. It's not invalid, no matter what you choose to do or who you choose to love. Riker: How can I retain my queerness without cheating on DeAnna? Patrick: (chuckling) Trust me, Will. You are more than gay enough to retain your queerness. Plus, (more seriously) DeAnna may not be polyamorous, but I'm sure that if you talked to her about it, she might be open to something. Riker: I don't want her to feel like she's not enough for me. Patrick: She is more than enough, and she knows that. Riker: And you. I can't imagine losing you. Patrick: William Thomas Riker. You know quite well that I am never far from you. Riker: I don't want to sound like a child, bu-- Patrick: I promise you. I will never be further than a breath away when you need me.

(They hug. Patrick comes back to this reality, quietly crying. He enters the room, and everyone sees him. They silently back away as Patrick takes the hand DeAnna was holding.)

Patrick: Voir? Je t'ai promis. Je n'en suis qu'à un souffle. (Translation: See? I promised you. I am only a breath away. The Liszt continues to play quietly.)

(Daneel enters the bridge.)

Daneel: Captain, I've come to relieve you. KJ: Understood. (a beat) Daneel, may I ask you a question? Daneel: Of course. KJ: Does Data understand your relationship with Wesley? Daneel: What do you mean? KJ: You and Wesley are...soulmates. Right? Daneel: Sort of. KJ: Is there a better, more accurate term? Daneel: Not really. I suppose "soulmates" works. Data understands that Wesley is very important to me, and I don't think he would ever stand in my way or make me choose between them if Wesley ever needed me. KJ: If Wesley ever questioned your abilities as a strategist, would Data defend you? Daneel: Wesley would never insult me, but I guess so. KJ: Would you be mad at Data for defending you in that situation? Daneel: No--but you're becoming awfully specific. What's the matter? KJ: Beverly snapped at me. I was just trying to back her up. DeAnna just couldn't-- Daneel: Wait, you went against DeAnna? KJ: And Worf, for the record. (Daneel looks at her, mouth agape.) ...what's wrong with that? Daneel: Partners do not get to contradict best friends. KJ: What do you mean? She's my wife! Daneel: That's not the point. Beverly and DeAnna (from what Wesley tells me) have been through hell and back. Worf, too! Beverly has brought him back from the dead--you do realize that, right? KJ: That doesn't matter--no one in my life that comes before my wife. Daneel: That may be true for you. You don't strike me as the "best friend" type of person. KJ: What does that mean? Daneel: Do you have a best friend? KJ: Yes--I married her. Daneel: Other than her. KJ: Okay. She was standing right next to me when I got married. Daneel: What's your history with her? KJ: We've known each other all our lives. Once we were old enough, we dated. She broke up with me to focus on herself when she transitioned, and then we dated again. We both decided it was best that we break up when I went to the Academy, but we've been there for each other through everything. She came when I graduated from the Academy, when I was made a Lieutenant, a Commander, and a Captain. She...knows every part of me, and I know every part of her. Daneel: So, what if she had asked you to stay when you were made aware of Commander Riker's situation? KJ: I would have considered it, even though it wasn't what needed to be done. Daneel: What if, before you even got to think about it, Beverly told Lady Fierbolg that she was being selfish? KJ: (dawning on her) I would have defended Fierbolg, too. I have to apologize. (KJ enters the turbolift and heads for Sick Bay)

Sick Bay. DeAnna has passed out from exhaustion, so Worf is putting her on another biobed. KJ enters. She and Bev lock eyes and meet in Bev's office.

KJ: (simultaneously) I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. Bev: (simultaneously) I'm sorry I snapped at you. (a beat while they observe that that was cute) DeAnna and I have been through hell and back. I brought Worf back from the dead. I am Alexander's godmother. I love you, but KJ: She's your best friend, and I had no right to call her out like that. Bev: (shocked, but beginning to smile) Thank you for understanding. KJ: Daneel helped me put some things in perspective. (a beat) When we return to Earth, do you want to tell me about you and DeAnna and Worf? Bev: When the time is right, I'll tell you. That can most certainly be during our extended honeymoon when we get back to Earth. (she winks) KJ: (they share a laugh, a beat) Well, I'll let you go so you can sit with him. Bev: (holding out her hand) Why don't you come join us? (KJ takes Bev's hand and follows her in.)

Patrick, Worf, Data, Picard, and Wesley look up as KJ enters. They make room for her. KJ sits at Riker's bedside and holds his hand.

KJ: Hey, Riker. Before you left, you told me to take care of her. I asked you if you meant the Enterprise or Beverly. I've really tried to take care of both. (tearily) Luckily, I had a good deal of help. (realizing what she is really saying, looking around at Worf, DeAnna, Picard, Data, Wesley, and Patrick) She is not just mine to care for.

Starfleet Command: Several admirals gather around a small table.

Admiral 1: They've found him. Admiral 2: Please tell me they found him dead or with amnesia. Admiral 3: No such luck. Admiral 2: At least tell me it was only Janeway. Admiral 3: You think you'd get Janeway without Crusher? And where one Crusher goes, another follows. Where Beverly goes, DeAnna will follow, and Worf will come with her. Where the other Crusher goes, Daneel Akares and Data also go. Admiral 1: And since nearly the entire Enterprise D crew is together, they can't go anywhere without their Captain. Admiral 2: And they're going to raise hell until they get answers. So, what are we going to tell them?

[sharpnothashtag]

TAZ Graduation

TAZ Graduation

In a similar vein as my last post, I've been listening to Graduation for a 2nd time.

I looked up fan art for the Fierbolg.

He's got skin. And ears. And hands.

His accent doesn't match my image for him.

And yet

He's

Eduardo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

And this GIF is how I feel he greeted Fitz and Argo every morning, regardless of canon.

Stay tuned for the rest of these--I've got a lot of 'em.

[sharpnothashtag]

TAZ Ethersea

Upon a 2nd listen to TAZ Ethersea, I realized that I never looked at fan art for it. Therefore, I looked it up and...

folx

Why was my image of Zoox just the blue sour patch kid

Like

this looks nothing like sentient coral

but all the other breinar looked like coral in my head

so when SPOILER

Phineas Cawl was like, "Zoox, you've never been with Einar"

I wasn't even a little bit surprised.

In my head, he was A SENTIENT GIANT SOUR GUMMY CANDY

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 62

Right where we left off, the scene freezes. Ian appears.

Ian: Are you sure this is what you want to do, my child? Joy: Did I just kill God? Ian: (chucking in spite of everything) No, you didn't. You killed someone who killed a part of you. Joy: I can't do anything to stop it, can I? Ian: You are a healer, Joy. Joy: But can I heal this?! (They gesture to Q's half-body.) Ian: I don't know. Can you?

(Joy, very unsure of themself, closes their eyes. They begin to levitate, speaking slowly) Joy: This I have, mine own grief. This I know, Time's a thief. This I regret, thine death unplanned. This I give, now I stand. (They float back down onto the ground, standing. The goo floats up to them. It is puzzled.) Goo: (Q's voice) What are you attempting, little one? Joy: Take back thy form, it is thine own. Forgive me, Q, together (struggling) I've sewn? Goo: You want to put me back together through slightly fancy rhyming words? Joy: (opening one eye, whispering) Q, this takes a lot of concentration! Goo: (whispering) Sorry! Joy: Heal thy body, heal thy soul. Heal thy heart, make thee whole. Goo: I'm pretty sure that's line from a Terran Judeo-Christian hymn. Joy: I've lost it now. Why must you make it so difficult? Ian, may I have another chance? Ian: Maybe one day. For now, Q, it is time to go.

The scene unfreezes. Q's body dissolves into goo, and Patrick cries. Joy lifts him, and they walk back to the ship. Once they've arrived, Picard and KJ call for Joy. They are not happy.

KJ: Start talking, Joy. We need to know about your species, your father--everything. Joy: The Kaanor are a species that exist in two parts: the spirit and the host. The host produces as many spirits as are needed, and the spirits go where they are needed most once they are born on the planet. Many years ago, two spirits cohabitated and had a baby--me. I grew up normally and happily. One day, my father didn't come home. My mother and I searched for him, and we found his body: beaten, bloodied, and bruised. I tried to heal him, but he died. I remember bits and pieces of the time after he died, but within a year, I was assimilated. Picard: To clarify, the spirit you were at that time was assimilated? Joy: Yes. The Joy you originally met, Captain Janeway, was very old. They wanted to find Brutus and avenge their father, but they died before they could. The host sent me to finish what they started. The host equipped me with catlike reflexes so that I could end Brutus swiftly, which is why I pinned you to the ground. I am sorry about that, by the way. (Picard does not seem placated by this apology.) KJ: If your mission was to kill Brutus, why did you come to us saying that Riker needed to be rescued? Joy: Kaanor spirits are bound by a code: wherever one is hurting, we will go and help. When I was born, Riker was near--I heard his cries. I went, and he asked me to bring you--his friends. Then I was on Earth. Before I could tell Beverly about him, you (Picard) and Patrick came to reveal that information. Picard: It just so happened that your purpose in life coincided well with rescuing our fallen comrade. Joy: Yes. KJ: We will have more questions for you soon. Picard: Stay here--we need to talk to you and Will. (combadge) Picard to Riker. Riker: Riker here. Picard: Report to the Ready Room. Bev: You'll have to come to him, Jean-Luc. He needs rest. Picard: Fine. Clear everyone else out of sick bay. Bev: ...You do know there's no one else here, right? Picard: We'll be there in a moment.

Sick Bay. Bev gives them their privacy.

KJ: Will, I think I speak for everyone when I ask: what the actual fuck happened to you? Riker: Not long after I was given my own command, Admiral Jellico came to see me. He took over my ship, and Starfleet sent me, undercover, to the Kaanori system. Not long after, I received word that the ship was lost. Jellico was lost in that tragedy, not me. Command wanted to send me further undercover. Picard: What do you mean? Riker: Originally, I was undercover on the spirit home world. They sent me to the host planet. That's where I lived until Brutus came along. He could see something was different with me, but he couldn't tell what it was. Picard: What did he do? Riker: Every party I attended, every religious gathering, every day while I was working, he was watching me. Picard: He was there in the flesh watching? Riker: Yes. Now that we know he was a Q, that makes more sense. I thought it odd that he would be there instead of...well...everywhere else. Picard: Did he ever speak to you? Riker: Sometimes. He was aloof, but I did eventually approach him and introduce myself. Picard: What did you say?

The scene changes. Riker is in his Kaanori makeup at a gathering. Brutus makes his way over. Riker: Hello, my name is Earnest. Picard (VO): What did he say? Riker (VO): He kind of mumbled. Brutus: Brutus, security (shambles away) Riker (VO): was all he would say. Riker: Faith (a female-bodied Kaanor turns, she has a nametag)--Is something wrong with Brutus? Faith: Brutus is a bit strange, but he is wonderful at his job. When he meets someone new, he is always a little out of touch. Once he gets used to you, he will become more approachable. Riker: Thank you, Faith. Luckily, I do not take long to get to know. Earnest, he/him. (He takes her hand, spins her around, and they laugh.) Riker (VO): Around a year into my stay on the host planet, I realized that Brutus was occasionally missing from his persistent watch over me. It was a relief, so I didn't think anything of it. Riker: Faith! It's time to go! Faith: I'm com-(tripping noise) Riker: Faith! Are you alright? Faith: (rubbing her foot) Yes. What is this? (she holds up a strange device that appears to be broken) Riker (VO): Whatever it was was broken, with wires coming out of it. Riker: I don't know. Maybe the council will? Faith: Maybe so. We shall bring it with us.

Riker (VO): We were planning to move in together, so we had to go to the council to obtain their blessing.

Council Member 1: Earnest and Faith! How good it is to see you. Riker: And you as well! We would like to address the council as a whole. Council Member 1: Be comforted, friend. We are here to help. Faith: We have come to obtain your blessing for cohabitation. Council Member 2: There are others on this council that would grant your petition immediately. However, I have questions. Riker: Please, ask them. Council Member 2: Earnest, what is your purpose here? Faith: That is a question one would ask a Spirit, not a ho- Council Member 2: I asked a question of Earnest. Riker: (a tense silence) My purpose is to find peace. Council Member 2: Where is your home, Earnest? Riker: Right here, in the capital city. I am confused; why are you asking? Council Member 2: No, not currently. Where did you come from before the capital city? Riker: Why do you want to know? It has no bearing on my current state. Council Member 2: Where did you come from, that peace was so far from you? Riker: I came from the northernmost part of the world. Fighting for food, for land ownership, for the right to exist--that's all we did there. Finally, I realized that not only was the outside cold, my soul was cold, too. I journeyed until I found the capital city--it was then that my life truly began. Riker (VO): I'm from Alaska. It isn't that far of a stretch. Council Member 2: Your life began when you came here? Riker: And I met Faith. (He pulls her close and looks deeply into her eyes.) My reason for being. Council Member 2: You love her? Riker: Yes, more than I've ever loved anyone. Council Member 2: Then I see no reason why you should not have the council's blessing--and the blessing of Faith's best friend. Faith: (smiling widely) Come now, Olivia! That's enough. (Riker and Faith kiss, and the council applauds them.) Riker: We do have one more question to ask. What is this? We found it in my home this morning, and we thought someone here might know. Council Member 3: Where did you find this? Riker: On the floor in my bedroom. Council Member 3: This is one of Brutus' secret recording devices. Riker: Is he spying on me? Council Member 3: As the Minister for Defense, I have not asked him to do so. I shall speak with him, reassure him that you and Faith are not a threat, and have him remove all devices from your home. While he is working, please visit the market in celebration of your union. This voucher should be enough for the delivery of a few simple items. Olivia: Consider it a gift from the council. A very happy union day, to you, Faith. (Faith gestures to Riker.) And to you, Earnest.

Riker and Faith survey a market and begin building their home together.

Riker (VO): We didn't think about it after that--after all, the Minister Alec said they would take care of it. Faith and I began building a life together. Soon, we adopted a child. Picard (VO): A spirit? Riker (VO): No. Somehow, there was a child. Bev (VO): A Kaanori-Human hybrid? Riker (VO): No--one day, he was just there.

A little Kaanor boy, about 10 years old, approaches Riker and Faith's house and calls out at the door.

Little Boy: (singing) Here I am; I call to you. Will you make me home, like you? Please help! Faith: (opening the door, speaking) Be comforted, friend. I am here to help. Little Boy: I am not sure. I am...lost? Faith: (calling for Riker) Earnest, there is a lost child at the door. (to the Little Boy, singing softly) Come with me, don't be afraid, my darling. (Riker appears and follows Faith and the Little Boy.) Little Boy: (singing) Where are we going? Riker: (singing softly) When we are lost, we seek an audience with the council. They are there to help.

Riker, Faith, and the Little Boy approach the council.

Council Member 1: Earnest and Faith! How good it is to see you. Riker: And you as well! We would like to address the council as a whole. Council Member 1: Be comforted, friend. We are here to help. Riker: (on Little Boy's level, singing softly) Tell them what is wrong. Little Boy: (shyly stepping forward) I am...lost. Council Member 1: Where are you from, young one? Little Boy: I have no memory. I am here, but there is no before. Council Member 1: What is your name? Little Boy: (light bursting forth from his chest--a melody erupts) I am only here. I have no name. Faith: (on his level) Little one, what is this light you bring? (saying nothing, the Little Boy approaches Faith and takes her hand. A small cut on her arm heals instantly. Faith notices.) You are a healer! Alec (Minister for Defense): That little one is a Kaanor and a healer at that. Healers are rare. Council Member 4: We must find someone to care for him. Faith: May we be blessed with him? Olivia: Take him home. We will search for his progenitors. If none are found, we will convene with you again. May you travel well, Earnest. Riker: We thank the council for meeting on such short notice. (Faith and Riker bow and each take one of the Little Boy's hands.)

Riker (VO): We went to our home, and the home, as if it was alive and listening, had grown another room for him. We began to teach him what we knew. Picard (VO): And this is not how Kaanor hosts reproduce? Joy (VO): Kaanor hosts do not reproduce as hosts. They only produce spirits. However, spirits reproduce similarly to other humanoids. Hosts take turns being born into children. They also have the ability to birth fully grown spirits like me. Picard (VO): And is there any way for a spirit to visit the hosts? Riker (VO): No. I was only able to get to the host planet because Starfleet picked me up and took me there. While the spirits and the hosts are aware of other races and planets, neither have any real interest in space travel, even within their own system.

The scene changes, and Riker, Faith, and the Little Boy are before the council again. Author's Note: To save myself a little time, all of the following dialogue is sung. As the scene unfolds, a dim light on Brutus, who is standing guard in a corner, gradually increases and illuminates him.

Council Member 1: Earnest and Faith! How good it is to see you. Riker: And you as well! We would like to address the council as a whole. Council Member 1: Be comforted, friend. We are here to help. Little Boy: I have chosen a name for myself. Olivia: What is your name, Little One? Little Boy: I am Jean-Luc, the bringer of the light. All: You are Jean-Luc, the bringer of the light! Riker: (teary-eyed) Jean-Luc, will you be our son? Jean-Luc: I am your son, Earnest. Faith: You are our son, Jean-Luc. Riker: Together, we shall forge ahead in this world. I shall guide you; I shall love you. (looking deep into his eyes, tenderly, as if Picard can hear him) Jean-Luc, I shall always be with you.

The singing stops. The scene changes, and we are back in Sick Bay, where Riker is beside himself with tears. Picard motions for Joy and then sits on the bed next to Riker. Joy sits on the other side of Riker.

Picard: Did you name him? Did you tell him about me? (Riker, still sobbing, shakes his head.) Riker: (broken) Somehow, he just knew. Joy: You are safe, Will. Riker: (crying harder) I know I am safe. Joy: Right now, you are who matters. Riker: (angry crying) No. Jean-Luc--my son. (He breaks again. Without him telling us, the story continues.)

(Faith and Jean-Luc are walking in a park. Jean-Luc sees a songbird on the ground.) Jean-Luc: What's wrong, little bird? (It's dying. It tweets weakly. Jean-Luc's light surrounds him, and his melody bursts forth again) Live again! (In as much as a bird CAN smile, it smiles and flies away.) Faith: (smiling) You amaze me every time you do that.

Brutus is sneaking around behind them, following them. Faith and Jean-Luc do not see him, and they continue on their way. They visit the council building, waiting outside for Olivia. Brutus comes out of hiding and walks into the council building. He catches Olivia before she leaves for the day.

Brutus: Olivia, may I speak with you? Olivia: Yes, Brutus. What is on your mind? Brutus: What can you tell me of Earnest? I have been watching him for many years, and I know there is something off about him. Olivia: He is my best friend's partner. I do not think something is wrong with him. Brutus: He seemed to just appear out of nowhere one day. Olivia: He traveled here from the northern continent seeking peace. We granted him passage into the capital city because he needed help, and that is what we do. Has he done something wrong? Brutus: Well, no, but-- Olivia: Then you must cease your stalking. He is just a host living with his family. Leave him alone. Good day.

Olivia nods to Brutus and exits the council building. Brutus is angry, angrier than we have seen him. He marches directly up the stairs, where he enters a futuristic flying cop car and takes off toward Riker's house. He lands on the roof, enters through a window, and sprays Riker's pillow with a chemical. He places a sensor on the wall. He climbs back out the window, flies the cop car back to the council building, and lies in wait.

Olivia, Faith, and Jean-Luc leave the council building and return to Riker and Faith's house. Riker joins them, and they all have a meal together. They retire to the living room, and Jean-Luc pipes up with a question.

Jean-Luc: Father, what happens when someone dies? Faith: Isn't it time for you to go to bed, dear? Riker: No, I think it is time he learned. Faith: (aside) Earnest, I'm not ready to have this conversation. Riker: (aside) There is no shame in telling him. (to Jean-Luc) We don't know, son. Olivia: If I may, Earnest? (Riker nods.) Kaanor hosts have an extremely long lifespan, thousands of years. While there are old tales of hosts drifting off peacefully, no one has died on the planet in a thousand years. If death does exist for us, Earnest is right--no one truly knows what happens to us. We don't know if our spirits die, too, or if they live on without us. Faith: What we're saying, Jean-Luc, is that you have no need to worry about death for a long, long time. The four of us are under 100 years old--we have centuries left to live. Jean-Luc: Am I a Kaanor host? I don't have any spirits yet. Faith: We don't really know that, either. We don't know where you came from, but your biological workup seems to suggest that you could be a Kaanor host. Olivia: There are certain hosts that are considered healers, and your healing light resembles theirs. Jean-Luc: So, you think that I am a healer? Riker: We know you are, Jean-Luc. And a damn good one at that. (he pats Jean-Luc on the back and winks, smiling.) Now, I think it's time for you to go to bed. Jean-Luc: Goodnight, Father. Goodnight, Mother. Goodnight, Olivia.

A bit later, after everyone has gone to bed, Riker stirs. Thinking he might be sick, he gets up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Jean-Luc is also in the kitchen. Riker smiles at him and grabs a glass from the cabinet. An alarm goes off, making all kinds of racket. Jean-Luc screams. Faith runs to the kitchen, sees Riker, and screams. They both seem in physical pain as a reaction to the alarm and their own screams. They melt onto the floor as the alarm grows louder and louder. They eventually stop moving, dead on the floor. Riker goes to help them, catching a glimpse of himself on a reflective surface: His antenna has fallen off. He screams.

We return to Sick Bay, where Riker is sobbing again. Joy, the healing light surrounding them, touches Riker's face.

Joy: (melody playing) Your tragedy is felt, Will Riker. Riker: Please heal me, Joy! Put this tragedy behind me. I want to forget. Joy: (Joy bends down and embraces Riker. After their melody ends, they put Riker in Picard's arms.) Their memories live on in you--in you, they cannot die. (beat) This healing is only temporary. Such is the case with all emotional healing--as you humans say, some days are harder than others. (Joy's light fades, and Riker is still pretty unokay.) Picard: Be comforted, friend. We are here to help.

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 61

All except Joy, Riker, and DeAnna pick up their phasers and fire on a different traitor.

Joy: Set phasers to kill!

They do so. After several sustained blasts, the traitors begin to phase and glitch out of existence. Once they are all gone, a white-hot light blinds the entire party. They all fall back, and what I can best describe as a puddle of goo approaches them.

Joy: (sitting up) Wha--? Goo: (many voices whispering as one) What have you done? Joy: I have betrayed the betrayers of time. I have avenged my father. Goo: The boh-GED as you knew them were history's traitors, but they weren't just traitors.

The Goo goes up into the sky and becomes The Mighty Nine. They spin around in the sky, and as they do, they transform. Ja'Rod-a caring, kind father; Rula-a fair judge; Intendant Kira-a generous lover; the rest show a softer side of themselves.

Joy: They still committed unspeakable atrocities. The Mighty Nine: No one acts alone. Joy: But, my father-- Brutus: Was just a spirit. Joy: No one is just anything. The Mighty Nine: Our point exactly.

The rest of the crew wakes. KJ walks up to Joy.

KJ: Joy, we're behind you. We'd do it again in a heartbeat. You got justice for your father. Joy: What I got was revenge, not justice. KJ: These people murdered your people in cold blood just because they thought they were a lower form of life. Joy: But they're people. KJ: (getting Joy to face her) Everyone is deeply flawed. That is not a sign of weakness. That is life. (addressing The Mighty Nine) They took a life to repay a life taken. That balances out. The Mighty Nine: (addressing Joy) Did you come here to kill Brutus? Joy: No. When we arrived, he was here, and it--just happened. KJ: Someone fired on our ship! They brought it down, onto the planet. Who shot us down? The Mighty Nine: We did. Wesley: What kind of weapon is that?! The Mighty Nine: It is fueled by our suns. Wesley: Is that why your suns are going supernova? The Mighty Nine: Yes. We realized too late. Joy: Will you please start over from the beginning? I want to understand.

The Goo comes back together as Goo and then, it forms into Joy's father.

Goo: Many years ago, Brutus, made to protect this world--this system by force, began killing spirits. He believed them to be inferior to the Kaanor hosts. Joy, your father was one of the many Brutus killed. (The Goo forms into Brutus again.) Brutus was a mighty, powerful being. Too powerful according to some. KJ: What about the others? Goo: There were no others. (Brutus becomes smaller, and the rest of the mighty nine are formed off of him.) Brutus divided himself into nine to watch over the nine planets in this system. The Kaanor developed a weapon using the power of their seven suns, and Brutus took advantage of that to bring you down here. Riker: (weakly) Starfleet sent me on a top secret, peaceful, undercover informational mission. Everyone had to think I was dead. Once my antenna fell off, Brutus was alerted. I was able to outrun him and send a message to the Captain, but then he found me and beat me senseless. Goo: He wanted to run a test on all of you. When you found Riker, Brutus wanted to see if there would be any negotiation. He didn't know about you, Joy. Joy: Then I killed him. And I got everyone else to kill the others. Q: (appearing out of nowhere, with frailty) and you have now become the first being in the history of all the universes to kill a Q. Picard: Brutus was a Q?! Q: There was only he and I. He was a part of me. Now there is no Q continuum. There is only me. Picard: No one to keep you in line?! Q: (sitting down on the ground) Yes. (slowly) I am alone. (to Patrick) I told you not to come! Patrick: I couldn't have known this was going to happen. Q: (screaming) DON'T YOU SEE?! I AM NOT WHOLE! (He turns to his side, and we see that he is literally half of himself--viscera and other things are hanging out of him. Riker vomits.) Patrick: (very freaked out) Beverly, isn't there anything you can do? Bev: (shocked, scanning) His physiology is too different from our own--I can't heal him. Patrick: Can you live like this? Q: No. I'm dying. And I'm afraid.

Picard, Riker, DeAnna, Beverly, KJ, Data, Daneel, and Wesley politely rise and walk back toward the ship. Patrick and Joy sit on either side of Q.

Joy: (gently) When I die, I sing this song--I'm not sure why, but I do. It's kind of comforting. Down in the valley, valley so low Hang your head over hear the wind blow Hear the wind blow dear, hear the wind-- Q: (clearly in a great deal of pain, struggling to speak clearly) You sing it when you die because that was what your father sang when he died. He wanted you to hear his voice on the wind. When you die, you get to be close to him. Joy: (silently crying, singing softly) Hear the wind blow, dear. Hear the wind blow Hang your head over, hear the wind blow. Patrick: I'm here, Q. I'm holding you. Rest now. (tearing up) Go to Ian. They are waiting for you.

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 60

Joy suddenly appears in the middle of the crowd at the reception. They are, naturally, caught off guard. Wesley approaches.

Wesley: Hi there. Joy: Hello. Forgive my ignorance, but where am I? Wesley: You're on Earth. (moving quickly to get them to a chair) Do you know your name? Joy: My name is Joy. Wesley: Okay, nice to meet you, Joy. Do you know what year it is? Joy: No. Wesley: Okay. Are you a member of Starfleet? Joy: I have been considering it--I might want to be a nurse. Wesley: How many fingers am I holding up? Joy: I can't see them, but that's because I'm blind. Wesley: Understood. Will you stay right here? I'm going to go get my mother--she's a doctor. Joy: Okay, I will stay.

Wesley runs over to Bev. Bev pulls him aside.

Bev: What's wrong, Wes? Wesley: There's someone over here that needs a doctor. Bev: Let's go.

Wesley takes Bev's hand and leads her over to Joy.

Bev: Joy!? Joy: Beverly! So I did come to the right place. Bev: What's going on? Joy: The spirit you knew was very old. They died suddenly, but they knew their job was not yet finished. So, I have returned. Bev: (embracing them, a tear slipping down her cheek) I'm so glad you're back. I thought I'd lost you. Joy: (from the embrace) I promise you, Beverly, that you will never lose me. I will always return for you. Bev: (releasing) Thank you. I do have someone who wants to meet you.

Bev leads them to Firbolg.

Bev: Firbolg, this is Joy, my friend. Firbolg: The Kaanor?! It is so wonderful to have you. I am so glad that I get to meet you. This is my dog, Angeloux. (Angeloux comes to Joy and kisses her hand.) Joy: It is so nice to meet you both. Firbolg: Kathryn and Beverly told me about you before your spirit's death. If you'll come with me after the reception, I'll introduce you to your little guy. Joy: I'd be thrilled to meet him. Bev: There's no need to leave now, though. We haven't even had the toasts yet! (Joy tries to say something, but they're cut off) Firbolg: Oh, yes. I forgot. We should go ahead and have that.

Firbolg taps her glass a few times, and she gains everyone's attention.

Firbolg: I'll do my best not to take very long--I never just say a few words. (laughter) I've known Kathryn my whole life. She was my first girlfriend, and even after we broke up, she was and is my best friend. She helped me transition and has never said a bad word about me. Angeloux loves her and knows her by name. Beverly, I can't think of anyone better for my best friend than you. You love and respect each other in ways I've never seen. You are wholesome, and I couldn't be prouder to know you. So, raise your glasses, all, to Kathryn and Beverly. May you have a long, beautiful life together.

(Everyone toasts them. Wesley stands up to make a toast as well.)

Wesley: I'll do my best to be brief, too. My mom is the best person I've ever known. After my dad died, I didn't think she would ever find anyone else--they were just too perfect together. Then, a few years ago, Mom called me to tell me about Kathryn. I saw a light in her eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. Even back then, I knew this was coming. Since then, Kathryn has been a second mom to me, always sending support. On behalf of Starfleet Academy, I would like to welcome you both into the Hall of Fame. Firbolg: (clearly coached) How do you have that authority, Wes? Wesley: Because I'm their newest professor!

KJ, Bev, and the rest of the guests explode into applause. Bev, true to her word, looks surprised, even with the wink she gives Wesley. Picard and Patrick come running back out of the building they were in. They pull Bev and KJ aside, and they both look horrified.

KJ: Folx, I'm afraid we have to cut the festivities short this evening. Thank you all so much for coming. Please be safe travelling home. (everyone disperses) Joy: (to Patrick, Picard, KJ, and Bev) Is this about Will Riker? Patrick: How di--who? Joy: That's where I appeared first. He told me to go get help. I am Joy, a Kaanor. I don't know how I got here, but Will needs your help. Picard: He told us to bring DeAnna. Bev: I'll go get her. (runs off) KJ: Do you know where he is? Joy: Sort of. KJ: Close enough. Meet back here in an hour--we'll leave then. Everyone else: Aye, Captain.

Firbolg takes Joy's arm and whisks them away to her house. There is a beautiful baby beagle boy, and Joy loves him. Joy returns after they learn a few commands from Firbolg. Then, they return to Data, Daneel, Worf, DeAnna, KJ, Bev, Patrick, Picard, and Wesley.

Bev: Wesley, you don't need to come. Wesley: You need an engineer you can trust. I've already sent a message to the Engineering department delaying my teaching by a semester. I'm going. KJ: (chuckling) He's as headstrong as you. Bev: He does come by it honestly. KJ: I checked the manifest. The Aiftadaa is still in the dock for repairs. The Ohana is inactive, so it's best we take her instead. Wesley, can you get her up and running? Wesley: Yes, Captain.

Picard is in the Captain's chair; KJ is in the first officer's chair; DeAnna is in her spot, Worf is manning tactical. Daneel and Data are at the helm and conn respectively.

Picard: What is our heading, Joy? Joy: The Kaanori system--my home world. Daneel: According to the charts, that's heading 511 mark 304, Captain. Picard: Engage.

Joy is in their quarters, playing with the dog. DeAnna rings the doorbell.

Joy: Come! DeAnna: It is so good to see you again, Joy. Joy: I am sorry it's under these circumstances. DeAnna: I actually came by to see if I could have some dog therapy. Joy: I'm having some myself. Please join me.

Joy and DeAnna play with the dog for a few minutes. The dog gives them both very good kisses and even gives DeAnna a high five.

DeAnna: What's his name? Joy: (smiling) Little Guy. DeAnna: It fits him. Joy: DeAnna--why did Riker tell Patrick and Jean-Luc to bring you? DeAnna: Honestly? Will and I are old friends. We used to be more than friends, but that ended when Worf and I started dating. There's something special about the two of us. I would die for him, and I know he'd do the same for me. We're...connected in this unique way. Joy: Like Wesley and Daneel? DeAnna: Yes, I suppose so. (a beat) I thought he was DEAD. Joy: I have gotten the impression that maybe that was what everyone was supposed to think. DeAnna: I don't know what to think anymore. Joy (reaching for DeAnna, hugging her close): You don't have to think. Just breathe. All too soon, we will know what happened. (Little Guy crawls up in DeAnna's lap. Joy holds her as she cries.)

Bev and KJ are on the holodeck watching the Northern Lights. They snuggle close in a bed in a glass tent (no seriously look them up--they're super cool).

Bev: I know it's less realistic when it's not cold, but putting on all the gear is so exhausting. KJ: I completely understand. I wasn't really in the mood to do that either. (beat) Are you okay? Bev: I won't believe it until I see him. KJ: And if you do? Bev: I'll take care of his wounds as quickly as possible. KJ: Then what? Bev: I don't know. (KJ hugs Bev closer. They stare up at the Northern Lights, trying to savor the moment. They both know this is going to change things.)

Picard is manning the bridge by himself, analyzing the star charts and trying to make sense of everything.

Picard: How am I to do this, Will? Starfleet declared you dead. It's been hard without you, but I've managed. Now...could this be Thomas? I don't understand. Why Kaanori? They're relatively new to space travel, and Starfleet hasn't made first contact. Joy just happened to have the surgery, and then--then this happened, and I don't know what to feel. Hope? It's much too soon for that. (He sinks down into his chair.) Will, what the devil have you gotten us into?

Patrick is in his quarters alone. Q appears.

Patrick: Hi, Q. (they kiss) To what do I owe the pleasure? Q: I know this is a strange time for me to come and a strange thing for me to say, but this is when I have to do this. Patrick: What is it? Q: Don't save Riker. Patrick: But he's hurt! He needs to be saved! Q: I can't explain it to you without damaging the timeline. Just trust me. Don't save Riker. Patrick: Are you in danger? Is this about Ian? Q: I can't say. Listen to me, Patrick. Don't save him. Please.

Q vanishes. Patrick taps his combadge.

Patrick: Patrick to Captain Picard. Picard: Proceed. Patrick: We all need to have a meeting. Q came to visit me--to warn me. Picard: All staff to the conference room.

The conference room

KJ: Let's remember that this is the guy who killed me to go on a date with you. Patrick: This was different. He seemed...scared. Picard: And Q doesn't scare easily. Worf: Especially since Captain Sisko isn't around. Wesley: What would frighten an eternal being? DeAnna: If Will is alive, there is no question. We have to save him. Bev: Agreed. Daneel, you're the only one of us that doesn't know Riker personally. What do you think? Daneel: What do you think, Data? Data: If I were thinking from your perspective, I would not have enough information to construct a response. Daneel: That's what I was thinking. Joy? Joy: I know Riker is in danger, and that he wants to be saved. However, I don't know what he's to be saved from. Picard: Could the Kaanor have captured him? Joy: Theoretically, yes. Picard: Is your government in the habit of torturing people? Joy: There is no record of that, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You must understand--I was assimilated at 53 years old. I was practically an infant. Bev: If Will knew that his rescue would hurt anyone, he wouldn't have asked. Picard: Agreed. Patrick, as regrettable as Q's warning is, we can't just leave Will for dead. Patrick: When we arrive, can we stop to consider the information presented us? Picard: Of course, and we will. Dismissed.

The Ohana approaches the Kaanori system. The whole crew is on the Bridge, waiting for the scanning process to end.

Data: One life sign on the planet Commander Riker described. Picard: Have the scanners been updated to scan for Kaanor hosts and spirits? Data: No sir; I have not had the time yet. Bev: Kaanor hosts would register on the scanners--spirits would not. Joy: There wouldn't be any hosts on the homeworld. Picard: How do you know? Joy: The homeworld is similar to a human nursery--it is where newborn spirits appear, and where they live until they know where they are to go. Picard: And these spirits are capable of holding him captive? Joy: (flinching, deftly pinning Picard to the ground) Just as capable as I am. Bev: Joy! Joy: (coming back to themself) I apologize, Captain. I am not sure what came over me. (they turn to walk away, and Worf goes to help Picard up) Picard: Apology accepted, Joy. Please try not to do that again.

Bev pulls Joy aside and begins to scan them. She starts to question Joy, but before she can, a huge burst of power emanates from the planet, completely engulfing the Ohana.

Daneel: Aft shields down to 10%! Wesley: Multi-system failure! We're going to have to land on the planet! Patrick: We have no way of knowing if we'd be landing on any spirits! Picard: We don't have a choice! All hands, prepare for impact!

The Ohana lands on the planet, destroying a giant field, but surprisingly enough, nothing else. The crew exits the ship, but they don't see anything anywhere near them.

Data: Captain, the life sign is coming from this direction.

They look, and Joy is already walking in that direction, as if being pulled forward painfully by an invisible force. Everyone but Bev silently follows. Bev runs forward and helps Joy take faster steps so that it looks a little less painful. KJ takes Little Guy's leash off of him so he can support Joy without restraint. After two hours of walking, Joy collapses, pointing ahead of them. In front of an entrance to a cave, Will Riker, beat to hell, is slumped over. He is bound to a chair by ropes across his chest, hands, and feet. His mouth is crudely sewn shut. His face is covered in dried blood. His nose is bent unnaturally, and one of his eyes is swollen shut.

DeAnna: (running) WILL! (something we can't see tackles her painfully) Unidentified Voice: Who dares help this wretch?! DeAnna: He is a good man! UV: He has been with us for years claiming to be a host. He fooled all of us. He was going to escape with all our secrets. We cannot let that happen. (We hear a spitting sound, and something spits a thick, bubbly, acid. It lands on Riker, who wakes and screams behind his lips sewn shut.) This one deserves to die for his crimes--impersonating the host Kaanor, the race above all races! Joy: (from the ground, singing. As they sing, Riker begins to heal from the spit.) Since all that is will come to an end--Since all on Kaanor are friends, we will care for our forest and neighbors. We will care for all in need. (speaking, struggling to stand) ALL in need, Brutus. UV (Brutus): Joy? Joy: A spirit, but yes. Brutus: Why would you defend this man? Joy: Because (panting) unlike you, he is innocent. Patrick: Joy, what's going on? What has happened? Joy: This flaming pile of refuse is Brutus. He murdered my father. He spit on him, telling him that he was just a spirit, so it wouldn't matter to anyone when he was gone. You were wrong then, and you are wrong now. You are an old soul, set in your ways. You will soon see as I see--not black and white. Only darkness. (screaming) EEB NOCH MEST NOV EEB, BRUTUS! (they charge forward as a strong-looking human appears in front of them. Brutus is angry.) Brutus: So, you finally figured out that your father died helpless and alone? It's about time. LET US FINISH THIS!

Joy's antennae crackle with green energy. They slam Brutus to the ground, ripping his hair out in one bloody mess. Brutus screams. Bev pulls out a phaser and fires on Brutus. Data and Daneel fire their phasers at Brutus. Patrick joins, as well as Wesley. Brutus wails in pain. Joy smashes his face in with their fist. They cry. Everyone is confused, but Bev runs straight to Riker. She phasers through his chest ropes, and then she pulls out a laser scalpel to cut through the lip stitches.

DeAnna: (telepathically) Imzadi, can you hear me? Riker: (weeping externally, telepathically) I knew you would come. DeAnna: (to Bev) You heal him--I'll get the ropes. Picard: (running over) WILL! Patrick: (also running over) RIKER! You're...you're alive?!

Bev shoves the newcomers away as she heals Riker, who motions for DeAnna to help him up. He leans heavily on her as she helps him to a sitting position.

Riker: (after Bev cuts and heals the lip stitches) I must be really bad off--I think I'm seeing double, Jean-Luc. Picard: (chuckling in spite of it all) You are, a little bit. There are two of us. Patrick: It's a long story. I believe you have a longer story to tell us. Joy: (running toward the cave, as if they see something) NO! HE IS INNOCENT!

(Everyone in the party is flattened to the ground. A number of voices begin speaking from the ether.) One: You have killed Brutus. Joy: He killed my father! Two: And you killed him. Three: We are Brutus' family. He cannot go unavenged. Joy: He killed one in need. Kaanor care for all in need. Four: As I've reminded you before, we are NOT Kaanor. Joy: Let the others see you, you cowards. One: If you insist...

(Out of thin air, Ja'Rod of Kronos appears. Worf growls. DeAnna recognizes Rula of Betazed. Before Daneel appears Intendant Kira Nerys, sneering.)

Bev: (looking around at all of them, completely baffled) I don't understand. Data: Ja'Rod of Kronos. Rula of Betazed. Intendant Kira of Bajor. Mir Jafar of India. Adolf Hitler and Richard Wagner of Germany. Hercules Mulligan of Britain. Judas Iscariot. Judas: Traitors of history. Brutus was our leader. Joy: בּוֹגֵד (author's note: pronounced boh-GED, Hebrew for Traitor) tell them who you are. Ja'Rod: We were the mighty nine. Rula: Brutus, killer of Caesar, went in search of history's greatest renegades. He gathered us all, and we went in search of a world that knew nothing of us. Hitler: The Kaanor were a dispersed community, consisting of hosts and spirits. Wagner: These spirits were weak, believing they were real, having feelings. Jafar: When we found the Kaanor, we convinced them to bring us on as their "protectors." Joy: You have been killing innocent spirits for more years than can be counted. You looked for a Kaanor to join you. Riker: I was undercover to the Kaanor, attempting first contact. I spent years on the host planet waiting for Starfleet to contact me. One day, one of my antennae fell off, and it triggered a sensor in my house--a horrible screaming. Mulligan: We had found him--a Starfleet traitor. He escaped briefly, but we found him blubbering--too afraid to face us like a man. Intendant: So we brought him here to the burial grounds. It was time to defend himself. He seems to have brought reinforcements. (a small laugh) No matter. (She cracks her knuckles.) Joy: (to everyone) Please trust me. Once they are dead, the truth will finally be revealed. FIRE!

[sharpnothashtag]

VERY QUICK RANT

I'm finally watching SVU and then Mariska Hargitay was like Olivia: A is for ally!

NO IT FUCKING ISN'T IT'S FOR ASEXUAL I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH THIS ARGUMENT AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 59

Picard, Patrick, Miles, and Data play a string quartet (violins substituted for flutes) arrangement of La vie en rose. Wesley is walking towards dressing rooms for KJ and Bev. He knocks on KJ's door sheepishly.

KJ: Come in. Wesley: Hi, Captain Janeway. KJ: Wesley. Please come in. (Wesley enters, and KJ is, of course, in the white tux.) What can I do for you? Wesley: What do you want me to call you? KJ: Kathryn is fine. Wesley: I'll see if I can manage that. Can we talk? KJ: Sure. What's on your mind? Wesley: ...What do you want with my mom? KJ: Nothing more than what we've had these last few years. Your mom, and partly my mom, are the ones that want the ceremony. Wesley: Mom has always been a hopeless romantic. KJ: (laughing with him) I love that about her. Wesley: So, you love her? KJ: More than I have ever loved anyone. All I want is to come to the end of day every day and have her with me. That's all I want for the rest of my life. Wesley: What if you meet someone else? KJ: I've met plenty of people in the last few years, Wesley. None of them compare to your mom. Wesley: No one? Not Data, Daneel, Patrick? KJ: Data is extraordinary, but he is my friend. Daneel is brilliant, but too young for me. Patrick is fantastic, but I've never had that connection with him. Wesley: What if Mark tried to come back into your life? KJ: Wesley (taking his hands in hers) I will never hurt your mom. Wesley: (locking eyes with her) I will end you if you do. KJ: (not intimidated in the slightest) And I will deserve it. Wesley: I guess I never thought my mom could find someone as good for her as my dad. It's not a shock that you're getting married. It's a shock that you exist at all. You, a person who was declared lost/dead. Then you met my mom, and Together: Everything was different. KJ: My heart belongs to her. Wesley: So, the age difference doesn't matter to you? KJ: No, not at all. She has lived a little more life than I have. That doesn't matter to me. All that matters is that we spend the rest of our lives together. Wesley: (with tears in his eyes) Will you come visit me? KJ: Of course--as often as we can. Where will you be? Wesley: I want to tell you both at the toast. (he goes in for a hug, releases, and leaves. He knocks on his mother's door.) Bev: Come in. Wesley: Hi, mom. Bev: (stopping everything, hugging her son) Wesley. I'm so glad you're here. Wesley: I'm so glad to be here. What can I do for you? I am your best man, after all. Bev: You can tell Lady Firbolg to come see Kate. She is going to need her help. Wesley: Of course.

Lady Firbolg (Firbolg), a beautiful, full-bodied trans woman, approaches the quadrangle area of Starfleet academy. She smiles a wide, toothy grin as she hears the strings and flutes play. A great dane/mastiff mix is at her side.

Firbolg: (snapping) Come on, Angeloux. Let's go see Kathryn! (Angeloux perks up and yelps excitedly. They both run/walk to where KJ and Bev are getting dressed. Firbolg opens KJ's door.) Firbolg: Yoohoo! KJ: Firbolg! I'm so happy to see you. (Angeloux all but tackles KJ, giving her kisses. They both laugh.) Firbolg: I may not be as excited to see you as Angeloux is, but I am so happy to be here. I know that I am an odd choice for your person of honor, but-- KJ: I'd have no one else as my person of honor. You and I have history, but you are my oldest and most cherished friend. (another knock) come in! Bev: (shielding her eyes so she doesn't see KJ) I just came to see Angeloux. How are you, Firbolg? Firbolg: I'm thrilled to be here for you both. Say hi, Angeloux! (Angeloux waves one of his paws at Bev, who giggles and gives him a big kiss.) Bev: Good boy, Angeloux. (She lets out a short sigh.) Joy would have loved you. KJ: I know it's sad to not have them here, but Joy would want you to be happy--it's our wedding day! Bev: (wiping away a tear) I know. All they wanted was to have a seeing-eye dog of their own. Firbolg: Kathryn told me about the Kaanor. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a beagle ready for them. Truly a good boy. Bev: They would have loved him. Firbolg: I'm sure they would have. Kathryn, I saw your mother outside. Rocco and Molly are here, too. KJ: This wedding is going to have as many dogs as people. Firbolg: Is there any other way to be?

Joy is with themself, dead on the ground. Joy tries to pick them up. They pull and pull and have no success until another hand comes into view. It is their father, smiling.

Dad: I'm so glad that you're here with me. Joy: I've waited so long to see you. I'm so glad you didn't change. You're just as I remember you. Dad: I did change. But I am how you remember me because that's how this works. To your mother, I am how she remembers me. Joy: You left too early, you know. Dad: I didn't have a choice in the matter--you know that. Joy: Yes, I know. But I didn't get a chance to tell you goodbye. I thought I had 20 more years with you. Dad: So did I. But I didn't feel any pain. I wasn't scared. I was prepared for it. I'm here, in peace. Joy: If you couldn't stay, I'd rather you be here. Dad: You know I love you, right? Joy: Of course I do. (They embrace.) Dad: Leave them there--they can come on their own. In the meantime, you have a job to finish, and possibly a new one to begin? Joy: Indeed, I do. (They look up, sigh, and a part of them fades away.)

Rocco and Molly come running to Kathryn, kissing her. KJ laughs, Firbolg gets them to sit, and GJ walks into the dressing room.

GJ: My sweet girl! (kisses her cheeks) KJ: This--this is it, Mom. GJ: I've known you your whole life. You and Beverly are perfect for each other.

Bev in her dressing room with Wesley.

Bev: (looking concerned) You know that I'll always love your dad, right? Wesley: (smiling) Yes. Of course. I was just thinking about what he'd be doing if he were here today. Bev: (sitting down next to him) He'd probably be in here helping me get ready. Wesley: telling all those stupid dad jokes Bev: Bragging on you and your new position. Wesley: Wait, you know about that?! Bev: I'm your mother. I know. (looking at Wesley's dejected face) I won't tell Kate. And I'll act really surprised. Wesley: (shaking her hand) Deal. I'm going to go see how close the service is to starting. Can I get you anything? Bev: Some ice water would be nice. Wesley: I'm on it.

Wesley exits Bev's room and heads towards the festivities. Then, he stops in his tracks. Daneel is there.

Glasses: Hi, Wes. Been a long time. Wesley: Y-yeah. It has. Can I give you a hug? Glasses: Of course. (they hug) Wesley: I've really missed you, you know? Daneel: I've missed you, too. Trying to explain what this is between us is just so hard. Wesley: I understand that. I haven't really told anyone. Daneel: I inadvertently told your mom something, but she didn't think anything of it. Wesley: If she had, she'd've said something. Daneel: ...has Data told you? Wesley: Told me what? Daneel: (blushing wildly) We're dating. Wesley: (immediately becoming the biggest fanboy) OMG OMG OMG (Miles begins rehearsing the Bach cello solo that everyone knows) Glasses: Let's dance!

By no means is this dance actually any good. It's very much just two people who haven't seen each other in a while moving around in a funny way to Bach, and it's charming. It's finally time for the wedding to begin. Firbolg and KJ walk down the aisle, and Angeloux carries the ring pillow in his mouth. KJ is barefoot. The small crowd gathered there stands as Wesley takes Bev's arm. Wes nods at everyone as he walks, but Bev's eyes are focused on KJ. KJ is sobbing. Bev, of course, is barefoot, too. She is stepping on all sorts of stuff, but she doesn't care. KJ is there, and nothing else matters. Picard brings the two of them together at the end of the aisle. Bev is also crying at this point.

Picard: My friends, we are gathered here on this mall of Starfleet Academy to ceremoniously join together Kathryn O'Dell Janeway and Beverly Grey Crusher in matrimony. (he tears up) And, apparently, we're all here to cry, too! Kathryn, do you take Beverly to be your wife--your best friend, your confidant, your partner for life? KJ: I do. Picard: Beverly, do you take Kathryn to be your wife--your best friend, your confidant, your partner for life? Bev: I do. Picard: The brides have chosen to write some dedications to each other. KJ: (still sobbing) I'm not sure I can get through my vows, Bev. Bev: (also sobbing) Me neither. KJ: Shall we just say "Je suis a toi"? Bev: Je suis a toi, aussi. Picard: I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may now share a kiss. (They kiss; it's adorable; everyone's crying; it's fine. The quartet starts to play "La vie en rose" again. Wesley pushes a button, and all the seats slide off to the sides by means of a high tech, futuristic thing that I don't have the brain cells to create right now. KJ and Bev have their first dance. After a little while, Patrick and Picard approach the happy couple.)

Picard: Well, Number One, I'm so happy for you. You're taking one of my closest friends off the market, you know. KJ: I'll keep her well, Jean-Luc.

Patrick and Picard nod, smile at the couple, and then walk off. Patrick is deep in thought.

Picard: What's on your mind, Patrick? You look as if you miss someone. Patrick: When you called Kathryn "number one" back there--it just made me think of Will. Picard: I miss him, too. Patrick: He would have loved this. He and Deanna both. I know your Deanna was here, but in the reality I came from? They were inseparable. When they got married, they wanted it to be a ceremony just like this one--at the academy where they met. I just wish they could have had their happy ending, too. Picard: Me, too. They really deserved it. Ensign: (through the communicator) Enterprise to Captain Picard and Counselor TusNua. Picard: Picard and TusNua here. Go ahead. Ensign: Starfleet Command has sent both of you a Priority One message. Marked Triple Omega status.

Without another word, they rush into the nearest building. They find side-by-side panels.

Picard: Computer, pull up Priority One message to Picard, Jean-Luc. Picard-Gamma-6-0-7-3. Patrick: Computer, pull up Priority One message to TusNua, Patrick. Picard-Epsilon-7-3-4.

Both Computers pull up a screen only featuring text.

Computer: My friend, this message is coming to you because I am in trouble. I was able to hack into the command secure channel, but I don't think I'll be able to do it again. Jean-Luc...please come find me. I am in need of medical attention, and I am scared. This system has seven suns, and I am on the fourth planet from the second sun. There is an asteroid belt between the sixth and seventh planet. In a month, the seven suns will supernova, and I will be dead. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. Bring DeAnna and come quickly.

Patrick: Computer, who sent this message? Computer: Unknown. Picard: Was the message sent from a ship? Computer: Negative. Patrick: Computer, was the sender's face scanned? Computer: Quality of image is severely degraded. Picard: Enhance and reconstruct facial scan.

The computer beeps several times, and then the last shot is of a familiar face: William T. Riker. He is bruised: his nose broken and his beard bushy and overgrown.

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 58

So I totally didn't mean to post that last chapter the way it was, but everything in it is canon to this story, so it's no big deal. Now, back to the Trek already in progress. Joy is back in their dreamscape, looking down again at their body.

Joy: Joy. All three of the surgeries went well. You have to get up and move. They're still counting on you, Joy. You have to get up. (they bend down and attempt to pick themselves up. They are not successful. They sit down and pull Joy's head into their lap.) I will stay here with you. You are with me.

Daneel rings Joy's doorbell. No response.

Daneel: Joy? It's me, Daneel. I wanted to talk to you about...my friends. (still no response) Computer, override door 5518, Daneel 680Delta Mu Phi. (the door opens. Joy is on the floor, unconscious. They tap their com signal.) Medical emergency! Beam 2 to sick bay. (they are beamed away, and Joy rolls over and looks at Daneel meaningfully before drifting away again.) Bev: Daneel? Joy! What's going on?! Daneel: I found them unconscious in their quarters. I panicked and beamed us both here. Bev: (nodding firmly) Let me see what the computer knows about Kaanor anatomy and physiology. Computer! Program the EMH with all the knowledge we have on the Kaanor. EMH: (appearing) Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Bev: We have an unconscious Kaanor. EMH: Female or male? Bev: Neither. EMH: Start with their heart rate. (EMH presses his hand down on their right hip) Get me something to decrease their pulse. Bev: 2 diphenhydramine. EMH: (hand still on their right hip) Good. (beat) It's leveling out. 20cc s tricordrazine. Bev: Uh, wait. That's enough to kill a large animal. EMH: Kaanor physiology works the reverse of that of a humanoid. This will put them in a deep sleep. (EMH doses Joy.) Bev: Okay, what now? EMH: We have a problem. One of their spirits is dying. Bev: Joy told me that was peaceful. EMH: Normally, yes. If the spirit is in another reality, the spirit returns to the host peacefully. However, to the people in the reality with that spirit, it is very difficult--like the sudden death of a friend. Bev: Wait. Joy, as we know them, is dying? EMH: It's hard to say. I do not know if Joy in this plane of existence is the host or a spirit. Bev: Would the host have pictures of the spirits that had returned? EMH: I'm not sure what you're talking about. Show me.

Bev goes to Joy's quarters and video calls the EMH.

Bev: Do you see them? EMH: Joy told you those were the returned spirits? Bev: Yes. EMH: I don't know what those are, but they aren't the returned spirits. There is no sacremotiona feeding off of them.

Joy is sitting where we left them. There is a storm with heavy wind.

Joy (singing slowly):

Down in the valley, valley so low Hang your head over hear the wind blow Hear the wind blow dear hear the wind blow Hang your head over hear the wind blow.

Roses love sunshine violets love dew Angels in heaven know I love you Know I love you dear know I love you Angels in heaven know I love you.

If you don’t love me love whom you please Throw your arms ’round me give my heart ease Give my heart ease love give my heart ease Throw your arms round me give my heart ease.

Joy sits up in sick bay. Bev runs to their side.

Bev: Joy! What's going on? Joy: Get Daneel and Data. It has to be now. (Bev motions to a nurse, who calls Daneel and Data.) Bev: What has to be now? Joy: Beverly, (pained beat) I am dying. Bev: Tell me your symptoms. There has to be something I can do. Joy: Get Daneel and Data. Then you can help.

After a minute, Daneel and Data run into the room and to Joy's side. Daneel approaches with a duranja, trembling as they light it.

Daneel: Raka-ja ut shala morala... ema bo roo kana... uranak... ralanon Leenik Zidi, Hoannith Zeeda, Nurti Eroso, Ridi Kaikial, Joy... propeh va nara ehsuk shala-kan vunek. Data: (translating) do not let them walk alone... guide them on their journey... protect... the ones named Leenik Zidi, Hoannith Zeeda, Nurti Eroso, Ridi Kaikial, Joy... take them into the gates of heaven. Joy: Come to me, Daneel. Take my hand. (Daneel approaches and takes their hand.)

We are transported to another plane of existence. 14 Joys greet Daneel in unison, bow, and then take them inside a large, holy place. 4 Bajorans appear out of smoke.

Hoannith Zeeda: Daneel. It has been so long, my friend. Daneel: (falling to their knees, sobbing) Zeeda! Zidi! Eroso! Kaikial! Kaikial: We have something to give you, Akares. (Daneel is so overcome that they can't speak. The group of friends come together in a ceremonial dance around Daneel. After a good 90 seconds of this, Daneel's chest begins to glow. Kaikial touches their chest, and the scar appears in the air. Eroso waves his hands, and the scar floats away. The device from Daneel's chest is in the air, and Zidi waves his hands, and it disappears. All four give a loud shout, and Daneel's chest returns to it's normal color.)

Daneel: You mean--the device is gone? Zidi: A gift of thanks to you, our living sibling. Eroso: You protected us. You saved us. Daneel: You still died. Eroso: When you die, you still live on in the impact you made on others. By saving our families, you saved what was left of us. All: We show you our gratitude in collecting your burden. Zeeda: But we leave the mark of the Traveller--a sigil of peace, of deep, cleansing breath. (Kaikial touches the Traveller's mark. It glows a darker orange. Eroso touches it, and it glows a warm red. Zidi touches it, and it glows an inviting yellow. Zeeda touches it, and it seals itself: a deep, worldly green.)

The Joys turn to Daneel, and gesture that it's time to go. Daneel bows deeply before their friends.

Daneel: My captain taught me this phrase, and I leave it with you. Je suis a toi. I am for you. I exist to love Zeeda: and help Zidi: and support Eroso: and cry Kaikial: and laugh with you. Daneel: I exist because you need me.

The Joys take Daneel out of the holy place.

Daneel: What will happen to you? Joy: It is time for me to go. I can only give this gift when I am about to die. Daneel: Will I see you again? Are you the spirit or the host? Joy: One of my spirits will come to you. The host is in a safe place...with their father. Daneel: Peace be with you, Joy, as you continue on your journey. May the end not be far from you.

Daneel comes to, and Joy's body is lifeless, lying on the biobed.

Bev: (in tears) What happened to Joy, Daneel? Daneel: We will see Joy again. Bev: Was this Joy the host? Daneel: The host is safe--with their father. Bev: Their father is dead. Daneel: The host or the spirits? Bev: (eyes widening) I don't know.