shazzy11

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About Trauma

Nothing about the mechanics of trauma really resonates with me. All this talk about flashbacks and dissociation...i mean I've experienced all that but i don't need it spelled out in response to questions about why i don't want to be alive anymore.

What is much more devastating than the superfluous tricks of a fickle mind is its utter failure to effectively reconcile with being harmed, in spite of efforts to pretend it never was. Seems like a pretty lousy system.

I feel devastated by life but in the same vein its really not a justified feeling in a world where women casually suffer sadistic violence in a society where they are told they must remain unchanged, unaltered and unaffected but it all.

Fundamentally, there's too much pain in the world for any of it to matter. I am almost offended by the suggestion that I should care about my pain, because you only want me to care to the extent that it may facilitate my return to functionality and utility in service of a culture that will put me in harms way all over again.

Don't ask me to care about my pain in the confines of a small cold room where it will remain as meaningless and elusive as it is in the halls of my mind. Don't ask me to be pleased with self-acknowledgment when that was never the problem and it wont be the solution. So i remain, pathetic and dysfunctional, radically indifferent.

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I used to think loneliness came from being alone but it really comes from not being known.

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I’m so desperate for love I would probably pet a shark or hold a knife backwards because I don’t know the difference between harm and care as long as I’m being touched.

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sky engulfing sky 

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I’ve yet to see a single radfem call out that actually makes sense…attributing random disjointed phenomena to rad-feminism when it’s usually a misunderstanding of the scope of patriarchy or just outright blatant projection. Feminism as a whole is just a lightening rod for things people dislike about women in general but ideologically coded and concealed.

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Angelina Jolie photographed by Stéphane Sednaoui - 2000

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Marc Melander (British, b. Liverpool, England, based Norfolk, England) - Buttercups photographed from beneath. Cheshire, 2010, Photography

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source n/a

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Intersections of Play: Paul Pfeiffer’s The Playroom, 2012

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Kiko Mizuhara for Vogue Taiwan (2024) Photography: Zhong Lin

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Elegant Encounters: Vogue Italia’s January 2021 Animal Issue through the lens of Carlijn Jacobs

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Times Square.  New York City.  2006.

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