she-was-chaos

[she-was-chaos]

A Series of Unfortunate Concussions- An Audio Essay for my WRITE 298 Final

A Series of Unfortunate Concussions- An Audio Essay for my WRITE 298 Final

By: Kinley Link Please click on this audio to follow along as I read through my essay. I don’t talk about my experiences as an athlete often. However, I have come to a harrowing realization that more people relate to my experiences than I initially thought. So, I am going to talk about them. And it is not going to be comfortable. But I think I need to say these things out loud. I started…

[she-was-chaos]

Brutal Honesty Part. 1

Brutal Honesty Part. 1

I have always torn myself apart for people who would never repay the favour.

The split skin and broken bones were too much for some.

Other’s devoured me in seconds, entrails dangling from their gaping mouths.

That was always the problem,

people always wanted too little,

some took too much,

leaving me dangling in an array of confusion and disappointment.

I was never…

[she-was-chaos]

The glow of my screen illuminates my face and I ponder why I am unable to sleep. It’s quite ironic if I am being honest with myself. The same kind of irony I feel when the cat we rescued shows me her loathing with a swipe of her claws. The same kind of irony I feel as that angry cat hops onto the couch next to me, purring, just as I typed that sentence. Turns out she is friendly, but only at…

[she-was-chaos]

Bruises

The hands wrapped around my neck are invisible to the naked eye. They belong to you, yet you have not returned to claim them.

They coil around my neck, leaving bruises in the shape of fingerprints. A constant reminder of you, and the suffering I allowed myself to endure.

The restless nights I would move throughout my house like a ghost, an uninhabited shell, wondering where you were and if you…

[she-was-chaos]

“My hand need your hand, my lips need your lips, and I need you.”

— I miss you

[she-was-chaos]

new beginnings in may

new beginnings in may

The lapping of the ocean’s waves at my feet agitates me.

It tugs me forward and draws me towards the peculiar abyss.

I want to go.

It kisses at my ankles, and I am tempted.

The sirens are calling my name, screaming in the most inexplicable, lovely manner.

I drop to my knees, allowing my fingertips to imprint themselves into the damp sand- hoping it grasps to my memory with every grain.

I am going…

[she-was-chaos]

Why do I always feel as if I am burdening you when I talk about my feelings?  I am baring my soul to you, yet you can barely lend me your ear for even just a moment.  I want to be able to talk freely with you, without you making me feel as though you don’t even want to be talking about whatever I am talking about in the first place.  I want you to tell me that things will be okay, I don’t need much.  I just need your shoulder to rest my head upon as I spout out my daily issues or tell you about the worries running through your brain.  You don’t need to say much, just listen.  Understand.  I get that you’re tired, but I have supported you no matter how I am feeling, so what is so different from you to me.  I get that you’re tired, but you’re always tired, and you will always be tired, but you still need to take care of me despite being tired or not.  There comes a time where you can no longer use an excuse, and I have about reached my limit.  All I want to do is talk.  I don’t want to listen to the TV show you’re watching.  I want to hear your voice, genuine and beautiful, caressing me through the telephone.  I want to feel the unconditional love you have spouting from your finger tips, but it hasn’t reached me yet.  You need to stop convincing yourself of how much you love me, and you need to start convincing me.  

[she-was-chaos]

i need to sleep

i need to sleep

There are scars lining my fingertips. They are maps littered with paper cuts, all leading to a new story- a new destination. A fresh start, with only the memories I carry around in my skin. Memories I cannot rid myself of no matter how many times I wash my hands, or let the scalding water try to burn them off.

The scars hold me together the same way veins hold the heart. Securely, desperately.…

[she-was-chaos]

I Haven't Written in a While

I Haven’t Written in a While

It has been quite the last couple of months for me. It’s been incredible, painful, and astoundingly eye-opening. I have learned so much about myself, and I have recognized things in my life- and in my person, that I will strive to improve. I suppose first comes first, let’s recount what occurred over the months of October, November, and December. I sustained an awful concussion, I withdrew from…

[she-was-chaos]

Resurrection

You make it impossible to sit still.  Whenever I catch a glimpse of you, your intuitive eyes, coffee begins to stream through my veins.  My heart palpitates, a beautiful, unpredictable rhythm.  Sometimes I cannot differentiate between the effect you have on me, and a possible heart attack.  I feel as though I am far too young to have a heart attack, but then again most people tell me I am far too��

[she-was-chaos]

Scar Tissue

Your name is heat.  A brand laid delicately in the burning embers of a forgotten flame.   It attached itself to my heart, maybe accidentally or perhaps purposefully.  It burned with such ferocity in the beginning, but no longer evokes the same passion.  Now it sits, an itchy scar- acting up every once in a while.  Usually at the most inconvenient of times.  The times when I can feel my ever so…

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[she-was-chaos]

[she-was-chaos]

“I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via coral)

[she-was-chaos]

It's 5:30 am, at an airport.

It’s 5:30 am, at an airport.

I have been lost before.  I’ve never strayed from the path that I’ve always heard whispering my name, but I’ve questioned it.  Lately, however, things that once seemed so clear cut have become blurry.  Seemingly indistinguishable from past or future.  My everyday activities have become difficult, and even the simple act of breathing feels as though it is suffocating me with the very oxygen that…

[she-was-chaos]

Complexities

Human beings.  The most complex, magical creatures.  They can rip your heart out with a single utterance of carefully impulsive words.  They can piece you back together with a single touch, a small caress.  Players of phrases, even the most spastic of talkers can persuade you.  Even the smallest boned can convince you that you’re safe next to them.  It’s horribly disgusting, yet fascinating how…

[she-was-chaos]

A Poem for You.

A Poem for You.

Summer is no longer summer,

the leaves have changed,

my hair has grown,

your smile has faded.

Fall has flown by

so quickly,

yet summer has not ended.

I know that your happiness

does not co-exist

with winter.