she-wolfwrites

[she-wolfwrites]

080715

Do u ever think of me ?

[she-wolfwrites]

His kisses were a prelude to my death

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝗻𝗲 | 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗽

Eleven out of a ten.

She would rate the number of pain as he left her that night in June 2019. 

Today is a manic Thursday. 

Sunny. 

The weather of Tesa's choice, their choice, but now in the past tense. She grabbed her favorite novel authored by John Green and cycled to her favorite coffee shop downtown, where they first exchanged favorites.

Medium-Dark Roast with a Chocolate Hazelnut Croissant, for heaven's sake, this duo will never taste the same without him there sitting across with her, sharing a playlist full of freedom and intense feeling of their admiration. She thought of freeing herself from the consistency of having him back again to love her with all of his unsweetened and confusing goodbyes. She enjoyed all the longtime half an hour before a guy with a plain white shirt, tall and brown-eyed, came across the store and reminded her of his lost love, Jace.

September nights are Tesa's favorite. She enjoyed her scrolling on Instagram, and then suddenly, someone snapped her notifications.

"I saw you yesterday."

"Oh, where was it?" She hastily replied.

"At the corner of the coffee shop, you were reading a book."

"An Abundance of Katherines!"

"Good read for never-ending feelings."

Tesa was deep blue until she was painted golden by Jace. They enjoyed their talk until the night progressed and slept already at dawn. 

She could still remember the finished quote of words they both exchanged as they get to know each other for the past four years. 

She was still weary and trying to get herself a grip that it was a very long time, and she should move on. But, she was bugged by the thought of not having her questions answered, starting from;

"Where did he got my number?"

"How long did it took him to unloved me?"

"Why did he just leave without having to tell me the reason?"

"Was he really in love with me, or was it just all a lie?"

She just sat there and finished her medium-dark roasted coffee and chocolate hazelnut croissant while attempting to find something at the guy he once pictured as Jace, along with a girl whom she fancy as his girlfriend.

[she-wolfwrites]

In its first week of January, I started writing this novel and mostly inspired by my personal life experiences, trended longing emotional state, and the vagaries of love.

This novel, I complain, is a dishy warm-weather read. I hope that this draws the readers into the intimate life of teenage love filled with intensely emotional currencies of sex, middle-aged happiness, failed ambitions, and wrestled parenting.

Some are my ideals as a result of the birth of fictitious feelings and demands. All of the chapters are still on hold, and I will continue to complete the story before summer.

[she-wolfwrites]

Letters I should have sent to him | 08-07-19

It was not an ordinary summer's day for both of us. People were on the beach, enjoying themselves being soaked in the heat and gone to such relaxing places with views that remark their moments of summer love.

Some booked for fancy hotels and resorts, tied together with sports and fitness, and some people met for the first time and promised never to let distance and space come between them. We both saw how their laugh & cries were plastered all over their beer pongs and endless cigarette nights.

All the winds and waves of summer were unforgettable. All of the streets were filled with laughter and joy, holding each other's hands that promised the first time. Everyone was happy. Everyone was in love.

We were both happy as we were, as we thought. I held captivated from the night you messaged me again about getting you to leave me broken in pieces since 2015. I spent silence, counting seconds into minutes for almost an hour of looking at the message you sent. I felt the dryness of the absence of hope of getting you back to where we were before. You promised not to leave me, and yet you left me believing that fairytales are all but a young teenage love truce.

For me, all I ever knew was you never planned to hurt me & by breaking me, you did not mean any guilt that it would make me carry all the pain until God knows when. I was never ready for anything that I will carry on for the rest of my life—wanting to dwell more on unsophisticated heartaches. My friends, I never wanted them to evenly remember the envy I have for the two of us.

We were going nowhere anymore, and I am still fully aware of that. And I cannot beg for a heart to keep on beating for me. I will no longer ask for your company when it is evident that you finally moved on. You are now in your haven. The silence spoke better as if you did not mean to have the timing of stopping me first before I did. You were that someone who loves goodbyes.

And so, it was a long mid-summer night of June 2019 where I stopped believing in love, and up until today, it left me hating myself because I can't even take the blame on you for what I have been through since the day you left. You broke me again and again and again, using my selflessness to set you free. I felt hurt when you got the most out of all my courage and fate.

It was your choice of leaving - you always broke me first. I don't want you to see my stillness of being stuck in a cycle of getting you to love me.

[she-wolfwrites]

Coffee Cups & Cigarettes'

It was mid-October, and the nip in the air had become icier as the night progressed. He was braced up against the balcony railing, lazily taking a drag from a cigar and a cup of coffee. Shrouded in the smoke from the cigar, he had lit up almost the full pack, one after the other; a death stare was indicative of his present mood.

"What am I doing?" he thought to himself.

Running an agitated hand through the thick swathe of hair, he stubbed his half-burnt cigar on the wall. He was tied to his first love, Abby, by the most basic and primitive feelings; he wanted it until he shook with the emotion. Yet, it wasn't loving. He had never taken any women for the sake of it. But he did it now. Twice in the last week itself. He was waking up disgusted with himself, eager to get away from her. She loved him. He saw it in her eyes, in the way she smiled at him. He tried to love her too, but it died as instantly as it had begun.

It was lust.

He wanted to tell her the most soul-destroying, unsatisfying truth that a man could ever admit to a woman. He even tried to tell her that he has been using her in the most degrading way for months. But he can't just speak it honestly without having to doubt her reactions.

"I'll talk to her in the morning and tell her everything, whatever it takes." he carefully considered his plan as he hurt himself with another cigar and blow his demons into the mid-October cold air. Still, the coffee cup was left empty on the table with Abby's photo in it.

[she-wolfwrites]

Looking for a good talk

Sometimes, people just really need a special slap. ON THE FACE!!!

[she-wolfwrites]

Dreaming-Of-You

That was the worst dream. It all felt real and I expected so much that even the whole new me started to come back from where you once left.

[she-wolfwrites]

Chapter 2 - California Dreaming

Nicholas, at the age of seven, took delight in his favorite watermelon-flavored Ice Cream at Panini & Ice Cream's shop at Belmont Park. There he met a young girl at the swing set of two, utterly having a mournful cry named Ally Sherlock.

Nick offered his licked-over ice cream to Ally as he asked why she cried in a shriek. Then they had their very first conversation that lasted the whole afternoon.

"Thanks for the ice cream. What's your name?" Asked Ally while she tongued the flavor into sweetness and grimaced.

"Oh! I forgot to make the introduction. Nicholas, I live down the street. We moved here about a week ago and still trying not to miss California." Nick replied.

"Tell me about California. It is everyone's dream. Ugh. And I am Ally Sherlock. My father works at the Park as the manager. I travel in order with him on weekends. We only bond that way because I lived in my aunt also near your street." Ally asked in excitement.

"Might stop you there. California dreaming became California's Struggle. Not a land of leisure anymore." Nick replied and utterly asked another.

"So, neighbors then?" He laughed.

"I can offer you a tour around Belmond Park and the other side of the streets after school. If you would like." Ally offered respect while finishing her ice cream.

"Sure. But I am not enrolled yet. My mom is as busy as a traffic light since we moved here." Nick replied waiting for Ally to offer him help in his enrollment.

"My aunt takes me to school every day, Nick. I can tell her to escort you while filling the form. You have it already do you? Ally answered.

"That's is so good of you. Sure. See you then?" Nicholas attempted his farewell.

[she-wolfwrites]

080715

rlly wanna talk to u tho

[she-wolfwrites]

hush

it is a lot better here :))