sheikhlaurent

[sheikhlaurent]

Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's being old, maybe it's just being at the other side of youth, maybe these are all the ways to say the same thing

I love a yap session. Of course I do. Who doesn't. And I always love seeing the girls engaging in it in the safety of their own bubbles they think they create (i mean other than someone who's too old and too bald and too broke to still be non binary commenting on their business). But it's in that same realm that I really hold so much fear. It's in getting old and becoming the age of the opps I had as a child, even when they were only a few years older than me. Gossip of course is a social need. Without it, how are you supposed to know if someone at work is moving weird and are on the side of the company, if that guy is testing his boundaries to see how he can abuse you later, if you're just seeing the terrain for what it *actually* is. Perhaps it's even just being in Texistan and being in such a.....concentrated level of aunty dynamics and surveillance state that let's the watchers pretend that as long as they perpetuate that watching, they'll be safe from it. Who knows? Because it's fun you know? You do all of these things because in so many harmless ways you care. But those harmless ways do harm. They turn around and hurt and in those ways of hurting, you twist someone into something they don't want to become. But they have to be. This isn't some manifesto but I just think about how in a time where we loop back around to this weird place where I have to go back to tumblr to be a lil gay kid, I'm also this sentinel of....something? Maybe it's wisdom, maybe it's self -assureance, maybe it's isolation, maybe it's being on the other side of youth, maybe i'm just saying the same thing over and over and over again and again and again repeatedly repeating.

[sheikhlaurent]

you might think you've peeped the scene/you haven't! the real one's far too mean/the watered down one, the one you know/was made up centuries ago/they made it sound all wack and corny/yes it's awful...blasted...boring/twisted fiction/sick addiction/well gather 'round children! zip it! listen...!

When it's fall (or whatever it is supposed to be the name for this 'season' it is in Tejasistan) I can't help but come back to the most indelible album of my young (let a girl have a second puberty) life and the most arresting lyric that comes to mind through it. It's my second autumn not in a collegiate classroom and i cannot believe that I went from a damn near cinematic picture of what is a midwestern college town to this Half Acre From Hell. Look what happens when you finally are able to move on from an 8-ish year hellscape! You get to romanticize it some!! I'm in this moment where I'm delaying an inevitable for what I know I want utlimately but....I look for this penultimate stage. I tell myself that it's to build a life before I'm this therapist but....how many more lives should I live?

Perhaps it is in this scene, in this life, where i can be that thing everyone thought of when you were on tumblr in a decade gone past. this time i don't have to smell athletic i can just be athletic. now wearing black all the time is a normalized Opiumcore, barista ting. Of course it always was, but now we're coming back around. we are realizing the real scene was pretty mean through our watery eyes. So now in a pivot towards the art curation you've been on the periphery of because of places such as this, i can come off the bench and play some! if it's about the vibes, time to go set them like the screens you had no problem picking for. box out. crash the boards before we ultimately crash out. and then crash out into A Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

[sheikhlaurent]

.. or : how i learned to let go and love the blog

I've been thinking a lot about how much I've missed this format and what the internet used to look like ten~ years ago. So much has happened, so much has changed, but somehow someway, my old tumblr username i used when i thought i would ride the COMME des FUCKDOWN era into a cohesive brand of cultural commentary is here this time? idk last time I tried to have this @ it got taken and no shade to @/sheikh-laurent but I had to snatch this one up lol I can't lose this chance again lmaooo Hopefully I can step into the lineage of so many people who have had this pun and contribute to the mantle. A winding road of discovery and retelling truths I already know about myself both because of this site and the ways it's manifested itself IRL. Now that SuperWhoLock is just a reflexive jaw clench that won't hurt you anymore. you've done the MOGAI discourse in real life because you finally finally finally graduated from that midwestern state school with the help of a lot of barista brekkies.

Maybe the ghosts of the people who taught you how to be you can finally quiet down long enough for you to come back to the home you built with an astigmatized vision and carpal tunneled hands. They aren't here anymore but somehow you are. Maybe they're dead, maybe they got shipped out, maybe they got the diagnosis after all, maybe they're comitted, maybe they just got it together and got out of here. And now here u are.

You've come crawling back to this place where you just threw a few gifs and moodboards and Warsan Shire Rupi Kaur screenshots with a lil bit of Potterhead tings sprinkled in with the A$AP Mob/Odd Future blog era things. In this reanimation of teenager's past, we might just be all of that and more.. So be ready to see posts and reposts and do a bit of obama presidency revivalism, from the memory of the child raised by it. Hopefully there are gems in these musings, but mostly I just want to be able to do the job of what a blog is supposed to be: A Peek Into My SICK SAD WORLD.

in the end, why lament the dead internet blogs and just Frankenstein's Monster my way to another one from the buried and semi sanitized recollection of the times past. Who knows, maybe this modern Prometheus will finally finally finally get taken out the paint? hopefully not doe.

Thank you for having me back; TTFN but will see ya real soon :D