shekinahmae

[shekinahmae]

I hate that I still think that you’re a good person.

I hate that I still think about seeing you again. In the street, at a cafe, in a crowded room. I hate that you would still affect me. I hate that we would make eye contact and I would crumble, we would small talk about everything happening in our lives, and I would have to quiet my heart from jumping out of my chest. I hate that you still get me.

[shekinahmae]

SAKIT.

Sakit, mga alaalang mapapait, mga pusong naglapit kailangang magupit. Napakasakit sa tuwing ipapaalala ng iyong malulupit na mga mata ang sugat na pilit gustong kalimutan na dulot ng iyong pangalan. 

Ikaw, ikaw at ako, ating mga ngiting ubod ng saya ngunit unti unting napawi na. Yung akalang tuloy tuloy na isang araw ay babawiin din pala. 

Sakit, ang sakit sakit yung unti unti kong nakikita kung paano ka nahuhulog sa iba - samantalang ako, hulog. Hulog na hulog sa mga salita mong obra maestra ng iyong dila, na tila ba parang iyong sadyang ginawa para akoy mahila

. Durog. Durog na durog na kasabay ng iyong pag basag sa mga pangakong napako na. Ang sakit, hilahin pababa ng taong nag-angat sa buo mong pagkatao pero itatapon din pala- ang sakit pala.  

pero ganon talaga nakapagtataka bakit mahal paden kita kahit pigilan, kay hirap titigan ng ating mga kamay na dumudulas palayo sa isat isa. Pero ganon talaga pag pinaglaruan ka, pinaglaruan ng tadhana na itulak ka sa iba at ako iwan na nagiisa. Pero ganon talaga mahal paden kita kahit ang sakit sakit na. 

Tatakbo palayo pero babalik paden talaga. Masakit pero una pa lang alam ko mahal, mahal ang katumbas ng magmahal. Isusugal higit pa sa oras dahil ikaw ang taya, madaya ikaw na ang nagmahal ikaw pa ang may sala. Pait, kahit anong anggulo tignan kahit saang dulo o sulok ka dumaan,  sakit paden ang iyong patutunguhan.

 Pero wag ka magalala mahal, kung sakaling ikay mahulog, madurog,masakit man , pero sasaluhin kita. handang muling mabasag ngunit mahal - sasaluhin kita. kahit mapuno ng luha aking mga mata.  

Ganon talaga, Masakit pero kasi, mahal paden kita.

[shekinahmae]

0813

I have never been as down as before. For the first time I felt that I have no brighter side to look at. You ate away my optimism and tortured me with silence. I couldn’t explain the agony. I have been avoiding you for the better, to stop myself from crawling to brokenness after falling so deep. This is by far the fastest but at the same time slowest moment of pain. I couldn’t remember your face anymore. The way your eyes eat me up and bring me inside your soul, the way your smile always caught me off-guard making my heart skip a beat. Your voice that weakens me and even your hand that was so familiar for it gives me shiver when you hold mine. For the first time, I have known someone from his inside out but barely remember him anymore. I wanted to make excuses. Excuses to see you, talk to you hold you, but I couldn’t move anymore. Every time I try, it makes me cry. I find it so unfair to risk and give away everything, yet losing at a game I never known we were playing. When I look at you from a far, it got me thinking who am I looking at. I don't see pain, I don’t see anger i don’t see any bitterness but love that I have always felt for you. See why I find it so unfair? All you have offered is pain but its still love that I chose to give away.

[shekinahmae]

If ever you stumble upon this...

08/28 Idk what happened to you, what u might be going through but that moment you entered that room, I felt it. I felt the heavy feeling that started showing in your eyes. I didn’t want to approach you because i don't know what to say, because I really felt that heavy burden. You approached me and I asked you if you are okay, then u said you were just tired but I see you’re teary eyed. You don’t want to talk about it so I tried making you laugh, but I feel it, i feel how heavy it is. I don’t know how come our hearts are slightly connected. I didn’t want you to cry that time because at any moment i know i would cry as well. During times like this, I want to go deeper in our conversations more than being anyone in your life, I wanted to be your friend. I wanted to make you feel better but i know I cant. The least I can do is to pray that God would send His comfort and peace to you. I am still thinking of you and wondering how are you doing, I hope you’d be fine. I love you <3

[shekinahmae]

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

For the past few days, I have been feeling a little down and it’s because I have this awkward feeling with a person whom I am not close to. I am the kind of person who easily opens up and easily jive in to different kinds of people. But this person has just given me this feeling that there’s a big wall between us that I can’t seem to climb. I just realized that it is becoming a big issue and not just a feeling that I could brush off and move on the next day.It has created fear in me that might eat me up. Little by little the awkward feeling started to hurt me on the inside and kill the love that I am supposed to give to that person. 

That’s when I realized that it might not be her fault. Maybe the fault is in me. There must be something in my heart that hinders me from loving this person and building our relationship. I have never felt this bad to feel bad and awkward towards another person whom I really want to be friends with. I started praying about it, surrendering all the “feels” I have and give it to God. Then God reminded me of His word in Mark 12:31.

“The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” ESV

I have been reminded of how it is to be loved by God. God has always the choice not to love me because there is nothing really that I can do for Him, I am not a lovable person, He doesn’t benefit from me in fact I keep on hurting Him every time I sin. And that person whom I am awkward with, or basically the person whom I am irritated to, is also God’s child. Jesus died on the cross for that person as well. He reminded me to extend His love to that person because that’s His command and that’s His heart as well. 

That’s why whenever I can’t find the love, I’d always go back to His love then I’d be reminded and  be able to extend love towards others.

[shekinahmae]

Still, two of thebest voices I’ve ever heard. 

[shekinahmae]

2015Highlights. Hello 2016!

ANG BILIS NG PANAHON. 31 nanaman! Same date last year sabi ko, “Next year kaya what are my thoughts? Masaya kaya ang mga pangyayare ng 2015 ko?” So now, I’ll be sharing my thoughts for 2015:) and... 2016:)

2015 was wonderful!

Bago pa kayo mapailing kasi feeling niyo hindi naman naging maganda ang 2015, papaalala ko lang blog ko to so yes masaya po ang 2015 ko haha.

2015 was one of the best years of my life. All that happened to me this year are all memorable. As you can see walang pictures tong post ko na to because there’s just too much memories na hindi magkakasya dito.At kung di niyo magustuhan yung blog ko, sorry because I am so overwhelmed sa lahat ng pangyayare ng 2015 to put it pa into flowery phrases. So here’s my blog, read heart out! 

First of all, itong nag tytype na to hindi na to iyong shekinah ng 2014. God has changed me radically maybe not so much on the outside, but trust me and God, I’ve changed in a good way. Una yon sa pinagpapasalamat ko kay God. He moved in my life ng sobra this year. First few months of 2015 pa lang, one2one, Victory Weekend, lahat ng classes that helped me to be equipped in serving God and making disciples. Yung nakapasok ako sa Music team and sa pagseserve ko sa CC (Kids) super naging blessing lahat lahat yon. Yung buong VGH family ko na tumulong and naging motivation ko to be better! I thank God kasi sobrang blessing sila sa life ko. I found friends and family na safe yung pakiramdam ko. 

Siyempre, I thank God for my family! I am very blessed to celebrate my 2016 with them. Healthy kami lahat, buo paden kami including my cute dog. We have encountered lots of trials but God’s grace remained kaya kami nakakapag survive! Natutunan ko makuntento kahit hindi naman lahat ng gusto ko nakukuha ko, just having them around filled my heart with love, joy and contentment. #Tuloyangforever

And yung OJT ko and simply all the fears that I have overcome with God’s power and guidance. Blessed ako sa lahat ng natutunan ko sa OJT ko and sa OJT mates and bosses ko<3 I am very proud of myself. I am no longer as timid as I was before. I’ve learned to accept compliments and positive comments and actually believe that I deserve it. Kasi ganon yung grace ni God. Di man kapani paniwala pero yes mahal na mahal ka niya kahit wala ka pang gawin for Him.

Sa lahat ng nakakakilala sakin before and sees how different and happy I am now, here’s the secret (Accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and answering His call and moving in His plans.) :) The joy and contentment that I have didn’t come from the world. It’s God’s faithful love that keeps me happy and pretty HAHA.

“Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Thoughts for 2016

I don’t have a clue of what will happen next year. But one thing that I am sure of? That His love will remain and His plans are great. As long as I remained in His love and walk with Him, I’m pretty sure of another great year! 

“Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! GODBLESS!

[shekinahmae]

#Highlightsof2015

I don’t know where to start 2015 was really good to me. I’ve been through everything this year and the transition and changes are radical. This is one of the best years of my life. I am just thankful and grateful of how God has sent me blessings and how He answered each prayers that I have.I didn’t expect this year to be as wonderful and full of breakthroughs and love from the people that I have in my life right now. I have never been so happy to be around the people that I am with almost everyday. I cannot even explain the feeling of having around people that you’ve been praying for a long time. Yes I have friends I am satisfied with my friends but I’ve never been this real to myself around them. For the first time we can part ways without me worrying if our bonding will still be the same as yesterday and the other days when we meet again. They helped me in building trust to others as well as to myself. They are great encouragers and they made me believe that I can, that I am accepted and loved. I have never been so carefree in showing the goofy side of me, sharing my thoughts and giving value to my opinions. Legit ang SEPANX(separation anxiety) pag maghihiwalay na kami pagkatapos ng isang foodtrip. What gives me real joy is the thought of having friends who you can ask prayers for and who you can pray with. Sarap lang sa feeling na yung common grounds niyong lahat ay si GOD. I can’t find the words to express yung happiness and joy sa heart ko to have you. That’s why I wrote this blog for you guys I don’t care if this sound cheesy but hey minsan lang haha pabayaan niyo na ko. Thank you for everything. For helping me get to know God more.I am very blessed sa life niyong lahat at naging drive ko kayo to deepen my relationship with Him <3. I am currently very emotional right now kasi nag fflashback sakin lahat ng bonding natin lahat ng pag rereachout natin and praying together yung mga deep convos and yung mga bloopers natin lahat, na realize ko na ito ang squad goals. You guys made me realize the real essence of friendship. Kayo yung literal na kahit san at kahit anong gawin natin for sure enjoy! I always feel safe. Grabe yung love ni God sa bawat isa sainyo kasi nakikita eh nagooverflow. Nakakainspire yung passion niyo in serving Him. Ang bilis ng one year na kasama kayo ang every gala natin (Yes team dora) is worth to keep sa core memory ng brain at heart :) Love you guys!!! more food adventures together! New year’s resolution natin lahat ay umuwi ng maaga at wag naman masyado mamiss ang isa’t isa kasi mahal ng every gala eh. hahaha. Wag na sana magyaya yung isa diyan araw araw jk. solly hehe. I honor your love for Christ  each and everyone na nasa picture sa taas even yung wala diyan :) Let us strengthen each other with prayers and I am very excited in honoring God and making disciples with you this 2016! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[shekinahmae]

5 Things I want to tell my dad.

Years are like months, months are like days, days are like hours and hours are like seconds. That’s how fast life is changing. Day by day we are busy thinking of the future or what tomorrow will bring. Growing up, we became busy and focused on our issues in life and forget that as we are growing up, our parents are getting old. This past few weeks this is what I’ve noticed and reality is creeping inside of me that led me in writing this article.  

Few days ago, my dad sent me a message out of nowhere telling me that he loves me, asking me to take care and that I’m his only treasure. My dad and I are really close when I was just a kid. That text message from him made me miss how we used to hang out everyday. I think that he is missing his little princess since I’m too busy dealing with stuff in my life.

1.I miss you.

I miss you dad, even if we still see each other everyday, I miss how you used to tickle my right foot when I’m too lazy to get up for school. I miss how you carry me at your back whenever I’m too sleepy to go down the stairs. I miss how you bring me to the play ground and play with me until I stop crying because mom has to go to work. I miss you picking me up at school and always have something for me like a toy or my favorite food. I miss how I’m excited to go home to see you and watch our favorite cartoon series together. I miss how you kiss my forehead when you thought I’m already asleep. Those days that I get to sing with you while you play the guitar and those days that we team up to piss mom off are the best memories I have. Those moments with you are the real one’s that filled my heart with joy.

2. I do notice.

              Even if you don’t speak up, I do notice that you are getting old. I can hear you moaning because of joint pains, I can hear you loud snoring because you’re tired from work. I can hear your heavy breathing because we hop from a mall to the other to look for my dress. I notice that you can no longer hear me when I’m calling you from up stairs. I notice that you are losing weight and your favorite shirt is already too big for you to wear. I notice your hairline is getting higher and higher each year. And I still remember that day when you nearly didn’t recognize me from a distance running towards you with open arms just like when I was a kid. I may not say it but I do notice the changes time has done to you. And yes it hurts me as well. Not seeing you the way you look before, the way you dance and carry me when I was still your little princess.

3. I’m still here.

              Hey dad cheer up! By this point I assume that you are already crying. But I want you to know, that your little princess is here somewhere inside me. I know that I’m all grown up and I no longer have the luxury of spending the whole day everyday with you but this is all part of reality. I want you to know that if ever I have the chance of going back in time and be a kid again, I would love to.  Your little princess isn’t gone she’s just sometimes shy to show the goofy side of her. The clingy kid still longs for your hugs and kisses.  She still longs to spend time with you.  You can still hold my hand at the mall and I still can hug you and kiss you in public even at school. Know that I am still me. And I’ve grown up to be someone you want me to be.

4. I’m sorry and thank you.

              I’m sorry I had to grow up dad. I’m sorry for the times I fell on the ground because of disobeying you. I’m sorry for not keeping the words that you say in my heart. I’m sorry for not appreciating what you give me and what you’re doing for me. I’m sorry for not spending time with you because I’m too busy figuring out what group of friend I’d fit in when you are always there willing to be my best friend. I’m sorry for looking for love and giving my heart to the wrong guy when you always make sure I feel loved each day. I’m sorry for complaining when you always give your hundred percent for your family. And I want to thank you for being selfless. Thank you because I grew up not noticing that sometimes we don’t have money to buy food but instead you make me feel that we have more than enough. Thank you because while I’m busy pointing out my insecurities, you are always there loving me despite my flaws and my mistakes and insisting that i am beautiful because I look like you. Thank you for giving me your trust even if I don’t deserve it anymore because you want me to explore because you believe that experience is the best teacher.Thank you for setting a standard of the guy whom I should look for in the future as a husband. Thank you for being the epitome of God’s love to His children,And most especially thank you for introducing God to me because it led me to the greatest decision I ever did in my life which is accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Lastly, I want to say I love you dad. I don’t get to say these things to you everyday because it’s a teenage thing (I guess) but when I say it, believe it because if there is one thing I believe that didn’t change, it’s the degree of love I have for you.  I love you dad!

[shekinahmae]

5 Things I want to tell my dad.

               Years are like months, months are like days, days are like hours and hours are like seconds. That’s how fast life is changing. Day by day we are busy thinking of the future or what tomorrow will bring. Growing up, we became busy and focused on our issues in life and forget that as we are growing up, our parents are getting old. This past few weeks this is what I’ve noticed and reality is creeping inside of me that led me in writing this article.  

Few days ago, my dad sent me a message out of nowhere telling me that he loves me, asking me to take care and that I’m his only treasure. My dad and I are really close when I was just a kid. That text message from him made me miss how we used to hang out everyday. I think that he is missing his little princess since I’m too busy dealing with stuff in my life.

1.I miss you.

I miss you dad, even if we still see each other everyday, I miss how you used to tickle my right foot when I’m too lazy to get up for school. I miss how you carry me at your back whenever I’m too sleepy to go down the stairs. I miss how you bring me to the play ground and play with me until I stop crying because mom has to go to work. I miss you picking me up at school and always have something for me like a toy or my favorite food. I miss how I’m excited to go home to see you and watch our favorite cartoon series together. I miss how you kiss my forehead when you thought I’m already asleep. Those days that I get to sing with you while you play the guitar and those days that we team up to piss mom off are the best memories I have. Those moments with you are the real one’s that filled my heart with joy.

2. I do notice.

               Even if you don’t speak up, I do notice that you are getting old. I can hear you moaning because of joint pains, I can hear your loud snoring because you’re tired from work. I can hear your heavy breathing because we hop from a mall to the other to look for my dress. I notice that you can no longer hear me when I’m calling you from up stairs. I notice that you are losing weight and your favorite shirt is already too big for you to wear. I notice your hairline is getting higher and higher each year. And I still remember that day when you nearly didn’t recognize me from a distance running towards you with open arms just like when I was a kid. I may not say it but I do notice the changes time has done to you. And yes it hurts me as well. Not seeing you the way you look before, the way you dance and carry me when I was still your little princess.

3. I’m still here.

               Hey dad cheer up! By this point I assume that you are already crying. But I want you to know, that your little princess is here somewhere inside me. I know that I’m all grown up and I no longer have the luxury of spending the whole day everyday with you but this is all part of reality. I want you to know that if ever I have the chance of going back in time and be a kid again, I would love to.  Your little princess isn’t gone she’s just sometimes shy to show the goofy side of her. The clingy kid still longs for your hugs and kisses.  She still longs to spend time with you.  You can still hold my hand at the mall and I still can hug you and kiss you in public even at school. Know that I am still me. And I’ve grown up to be someone you want me to be.

4. I’m sorry and thank you.

               I’m sorry I had to grow up dad. I’m sorry for the times I fell on the ground because of disobeying you. I’m sorry for not keeping the words that you say in my heart. I’m sorry for not appreciating what you give me and what you’re doing for me. I’m sorry for not spending time with you because I’m too busy figuring out what group of friend I’d fit in when you are always there willing to be my best friend. I’m sorry for looking for love and giving my heart to the wrong guy when you always make sure I feel loved each day. I’m sorry for complaining when you always give your hundred percent for your family. And I want to thank you for being selfless. Thank you because I grew up not noticing that sometimes we don’t have money to buy food but instead you make me feel that we have more than enough. Thank you for loving me despite my flaws and my mistake. Thank you for giving me your trust even if I don’t deserve it anymore. Thank you for setting a standard of the guy whom I should look for in the future as a husband. Thank you for being the epitome of God’s love to His children,And most especially thank you for introducing God to me because it led me to the greatest decision I ever did in my life which is accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Lastly, I want to say I love you dad. I don’t get to say this things to you everyday because it’s a teenage issue but when I say it, believe it because if there is one thing I believe that didn’t change, it’s the degree of love I have for you.  I love you dad!

[shekinahmae]

Kaartehan 101

[shekinahmae]

Amazing right? <3

[shekinahmae]

“There’s no sin too great There’s no pain too deep The cross declares it is done There’s no shame too real That His love won’t heal Forever the victory is won”

I just really love listening to this song because it reminds me of what God did on the cross for me.Word by word it reminds me that hey princess it is done :). Jesus already paid the price for you, you are already free from sin and you can declare that Jesus is your Lord and you are blameless in front of God’s eyes.It always make me cry God’s love is just truly great <3

[shekinahmae]

June 02-04 2015 is the best 3 days of 2015 so far. It’s my first time attending ignite and I didn’t know what to expect but I’m sure of one thing, that God would reveal something and would change me. I learned so much. While sitting at the gen ad part of Araneta Coliseum, I thought it wouldn’t be fun because were far from the stage and all that.. I realized that it is not the people, the worship team or the preachers that we are trying to seek. It is God. And God can be anywhere and it doesn’t matter how far we are from the stage but it’s about how we invite God’s presence and the Holy Spirit and amazingly, it didn’t matter to me whether were far from the stage and close to the ceiling.I really felt God’s presence inside me and I believe change is happening inside me. All fears are cast out all inhibitions and doubts were erased. Now I’m very sure of my life purpose and what I want to do. To honor God, and share the gospel. Romans 10: 14 (ESV) “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to belive in him whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?”

If we don’t speak of the truth, how will they hear? The love of Christ is overflowing that I can’t help but share it. The love of God is so great that everyone must hear it. I believe that this is what the people need to complete their lives. This is the year where I’ll be able to fulfill what God has called me to do. 

(Super inlove with Christ) <3

[shekinahmae]

Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.

St. Francis of Assisi (via littlechristianthings)

[shekinahmae]

“Hey man, take my picture!”

“I can’t do it. It’s too dark.”

“Yeah, we need some light. Let’s go over there.”

“Are you homeless?”

“Yes, I am.”

“How long have you been homeless?”

“15 years. I’ve been in Boston 8 months. Before that I was in Washington, Virginia, New York, Philadelphia, Louisiana, Florida…”

“Why didn’t you stay in Florida? It’s so much warmer.”

“I wanted to see my family. But they don’t want to see me. They don’t understand depression. They treat me like dirt. Homeless people treat me better than my family.”

“And what happened 15 years ago? How did you end up on the streets?”

“I tried to burn myself twice. I had 30 surgeries. I was dead two times, but God brought me back. I don’t know why.”

“And why did you do it?”

“I was depressed. Why you crying?”

“Because you are a beautiful person, and my family is really messed up, and I’ve been very depressed. I think I can understand you.”

“Yes, I am a good person. And when you take people’s pictures, don’t disrespect them.”

“No, man, I won’t. I like people. That’s why I take their pictures.”

“And when you make your portfolio, don’t denigrate people. Let the pictures speak for themselves.”

“I will. Are you safe on the streets?”

“Yes, I am…And now I have $8 to buy me some food.”

“That’s all I have. Next time I see you, I will give you more.”

“No, man. It ain’t all about money. Give me a hug. And next time you see me, give me a hug again. And thanks for taking my picture.”

[shekinahmae]