shelearnsposts

[shelearnsposts]

Exposing my Husband --

It's been hours, and I already think about it. I'm gonna expose him on how he cheated on me. Yes, you read it right. He cheated on me. It was with his colleague. I'm sure the girl knew that he has a girlfriend that time (which is me) because basically, you can see it through facebook. Viber was their means of communication. I checked it from time to time because I already have an instinct. But there's no trace of them having a conversation. Then I remembered Viber has its special feature wherein you can hide your chat. That's it. 3 AM in the morning. His pin was his birthday. I saw it. Idk if that's everything but the conversation is still there. I threw his phone in his body, asking what's this, what's that. Sex talks and stuffs. I asked him things, "when did it start", "why did you do that". He answered all of my questions but I don't believe any. The truth is, I want to blame him and the girl, I want to break up with him, wanna start a fight with the girl (but hell no, I won't stoop that low because I'm not that kind of girl) I want to move on and finally free my mind again. I want to leave him hanging, I want him to beg but I don't wanna take another heartbreak, I don't wanna make this hard. I just want an explanation. He explained, though. Still, I didn't believe. Because the trust is not there. I still love him. Me being crazy and martyr, I forgave him.

Months have passed, a lot has happened. We're married now, still together and we already have a 3 months old baby. He also changed. I'm free to scroll through his phone, I have access to his accounts. And the peace is also there. But being a paranoid doesn't end there. There are times that I'm gonna ask him why did he did that, what did I do wrong and if I am enough.. Stares at him blankly, asking why I'm still with him when he's the one who broke my heart. It also came to a point wherein I created dummy accounts to follow the girl in her facebook, instagram and twitter (I used his twitter account and it got accepted right away) to see if they're still communicating. Looks like the girl found her new boyfriend.

Then it hits me, what am I doing? Anong ginagawa ko at bakit di ko pa pinapalaya ang sarili ko sa sitwasyong ito? Hindi ko deserve. Gusto ko ng manahimik, gusto ko ng katahimikan. I don't wanna remember it all but it's time for me to finally let go. Going back to the first sentence, I guess this is my way of moving on. I'm going to deactivate the dummy accounts that I made and gonna stop stalking or checking her profile. She's not pretty though, she's just white. Lol. I want to be fully healed, and I wanna start it with myself. I want to move on with life and if, if ever that he's going to cheat on me again. I have no choice, but to leave him. It'll bring no good for the both of us.