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[shelleyvanniekerk]

A Letter to Lou

A Letter to Lou,

 When I met you, I was full of fear. It was a scurry of appointments and most of it a blur. There were days that I was not myself – you lose that when you are faced with a terminal disease. I was scared, angry, depressed and I was undeniably not the easiest patient to be around.

You gave me my injections – in the gentlest way. You apologised each time, as if you yourself were responsible for the pain it inflicted. The injections were painful, but I knew that if you were the one administering them, I would be okay. You made sure it was as painless as possible. Not all the nurses were that kind. I appreciated that, even if I didn’t ever say so.

You made my appointments – to the best of your ability to ensure that I could be the least inconvenienced as I lived far away from oncology. I appreciated that, even if I didn’t ever say so.

You arranged my three-monthly scans and tried your best to make sure I did not have to wait for my medication unnecessarily and I know that this was not always in your control and you apologised time and time again when I did have to sit and wait for the pharmacy or for Oncologist to sign off my script. I appreciated that, even if I didn’t ever say so.

You watched my weight and my blood pressure like a hawk, yes it was your job to do so, but you showed genuine concern when my BP was high or I had lost too much weight. It wasn’t just completing forms to comply with the trial, it was making sure that I was taking care of myself and I appreciated that, even if I didn’t ever say so.

You were at times so rushed off your feet, I tried to be patient. Your nurse clogs could be heard from far and they were always walking at a fast pace, because there was so much to do and not enough time and I often wondered how sore your feet must have been when you finally arrived home. I knew you also had a family and children that needed you and you were so much more than ‘’just a nurse’’.

You were not ‘’just a nurse’’, to me. You made my appointments bearable because I knew no matter what the news or outcome would be, you would be there to give me a hug and calm me down. You had a peaceful nurturing way with patients and honestly, I don’t think I would have made it through this trial if it was not for your kindness and empathy when I needed it the most. You knew how hard it was for me, and you listened to my complaints and you did everything you could to make me feel like I could go on, even though I really thought I didn’t have it in me. I really appreciated that, even if I didn’t ever say so.

 My heart is sad, just to know you left and actually I didn’t have the chance to say good-bye but more importantly to THANK YOU.

 To thank you for everything you did for me for 3 years, I really really appreciated it more than you will ever know.

 Tons of love

Shelley

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Fighting for Jen!!!

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Fighting as hard as we can!

My friend Jen is fighting for treatment at the moment. She does not have medical aid and she needs to have radiation. Its a real mess when you dealing with government healthcare. I posted on twitter about it and somebody reached out to me via DM who has the weight to take this further, a similar case has just been won in KZN where a woman was also denied treatment. According to Poonitha, if Government cannot provide the treatment, they have to arrange treatment with private healthcare. Who knew. Luckily we have everything on a recording, the part where the doctors told her in a nutshell she is too old for treatment, and palliative care patients are given preference. Apparently the list is more than 2 years long.... Also, it was mentioned to Jen that she will NOT be pushed ahead of the cue because she is white. Yip, that is correct. Honestly, this government has failed us in so many ways, but it is just totally unacceptable that you have to fight for treatment in this country. This because of bad administration and corruption. Totally totally unacceptable. But there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. Social media has its place and hopefully Jen will get her treatment. We want to fight for every person who has cancer to get the treatment and surgeries that they need to. There are many who cant even have surgery, life saving surgery, because of the backlog. Public healthcare is at its worst... it shouldnt be called healthcare, because there certainly isnt any care given. Yes there may be one of two doctors who do care, but the rest, its just a job, and they do a real shoddy job. And people are dying because of it. I just cannot accept it. I wish I could expose every single one of them and get some people fired! But their time will come. We headed in the right direction. Things need to change. Jen, Im fighting for you love. And all the other woman out there that need treatment so desperately. 

[shelleyvanniekerk]

The story behind the story

It always amazes me how cancer organizations prefer to portray a really pretty story when it comes to ‘’cancer survivors” and what they have been through. A friend of mine is busy going through this ordeal currently and was approached by an organization to do a story so as to educate woman on a certain kind of breast cancer. She asked whether they want the good or the bad, and they made it very clear that they want the article to be a positive one so as to give woman hope.

My issue with this is, why do we as woman who are going through this, or have been through it, need to paint this pretty picture of hope, when in many cases the story is actually quite the opposite and rather dismal. The stories you read in the cancer mags, are often not what goes on in real life, and behind the doctors’ doors. There is a story behind the story which for some reason people don’t want to read, or acknowledge. They hide behind the reasoning that it is to give woman hope and create awareness (aren’t we just sick of awareness.), but for me, they hiding the real truths about breast cancer and just turning a blind eye. Wave the pink flag, tie the pink bows, paint the walls and covers of magazines pink, smile for the camera (and in the meantime you are crying inside).

In South Africa, if you are not on a medical aid which covers a certain amount of cancer treatment, you are faced with going to a government clinic or hospital. The real story is you are just a number that nobody cares about. The system is so full of flaws, nobody knows what the hell they are doing. You get told a different story by every doctor you see, you are seen by unqualified doctors who haven’t got a clue about what they are talking about, your scans are done by unqualified, unprofessional doctors who cant even give you a proper report (if you lucky to have it printed due to the ongoing lack of stationery). You are sent from pillar to post; nurses have a don’t care attitude and they care little to nothing about patients and will barely assist you unless of course you bring along a nice little bribe’sh gift like a donut or two.

Files are lost, there are no follow ups with patients. Doctors contradict one another all the time. There is a huge delay from one treatment to another, often resulting in woman just falling through the cracks and just end up dying before their next appointment, or next scan or next line of treatment. There is a two or more year waiting list for radiation, and you are supposed to start radiation within a certain period of time after your surgery otherwise its pointless. That period of time is still to be confirmed because every single doctor in the oncology team say something different. How on earth are you supposed to get treated properly as if your life mattered when the doctors don’t work together, don’t seem to be trained or skilled enough, and work with staff who simply don’t care. The inconsistency and lack of knowledge and disgusting administration in the hospitals is beyond me.

Nothing that happens here is pretty – very few women walk away happy and smiling and many many more are just left to wither away and die, without the necessary treatment. It’s appalling. Now, go ahead and put THAT in your story and a nice glossy pic of what a mastectomy hacking really looks like!

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Stage 4 needs more

Its been two years now that I have been on the trial drug called Ribociclib. It was hard in the beginning, loads of scans, tests, bloods, hospital visits, all the nasty side effects, but I have settled into it now, and I've had very good results thus far. I have my next scan on the 22nd of December (three monthly scan) and I see a new oncologist the next day. A few weeks ago I received a letter from my oncologist saying that she can no longer be my doctor because she cannot meet my demands, and she thinks there is mutual distrust in our relationship.

First of all, I have never demanded anything, except a copy of my medical records. I asked and asked and asked, kept being given different answers and one and a half months later, I was told it is with their attorneys. Why you may ask? Well I don't know. The attorneys deal with medical negligence so maybe you can join the dots. 

Secondly I've never given her reason to not trust me. She has given me plenty though.

Anyway I see a new doc soon but I'm not sure how that will turn out. I have met her, I'm not particularly keen on her (now you probably thinking I'm fussy) but I hope that she takes me seriously and treats my like a human being, with respect and dignity.

This is what oncologists today don't realise. They don't understand what they put us through every time we go for a scan and we cant get hold of them for our results. Its unacceptable to make a cancer patient wait a week to hear what their results are.... I mean come on! I know they are busy, but please!

I've started taking things like turkey tail, dandelion, hydrogen peroxide and fenbendazole.... So it will be interesting to see what my results are now in December because for a year now I have been stable.. which is great, but no more shrinkage. It may seem strange to you, but every scan causes more and more anxiety. You never become complacent and the fear just growths because you KNOW you are living on borrowed time and you KNOW things can change literally overnight. That, and I have lost so many people in my life in the last two years, my best friend died of cancer. My very close friend is now going through treatment, just had a double mastectomy and also fighting the fight. I read about it on social media, ladies passing away from Metastatic Breast Cancer ALL the time. There is a new drug called Erso which kills cancer cells in mice in almost no time. Bayer bought the patent and now they don't have ‘’funding’’... Its being taken over by Systems Oncology, undeniably the one thing all of us are praying for. Its huge! It needs to become available ASAP. Woman are dying for fuck sake... and it can be so much different. I follow a group on facebook and the desperation is just overwhelmingly sad. Lord help us! To all the woman out there in the world battling to survive this fucked up disease, I see you, I feel you, I hear you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[shelleyvanniekerk]

There are gazillions of cancer blogs out there, and I think that for the blogger its mainly a way to express their emotions and maybe sometimes reach someone who may need to read and understand a certain something about cancer either for themselves or maybe for a loved one. Do people even read blogs anymore? The world has gone mad. I don’t think they really achieve much, I may be wrong. For me, its just an outlet. When I have so much pent-up emotions that I feel nobody understands, I write about it.

This morning my daughter and I were speaking in the car and got to chatting about a boy in her class. She says he lives with his dad and I asked where his mom was. My daughter seemed uncomfortable to answer and then said ‘’ I don’t want to sound insensitive but she had breast cancer and it spread to her spine and she passed away’’. I tried very hard not to show any sort of emotion but a million things went through my head at the same time. I said ‘’oh okay that must be tough on him’’ and proceeded to change the conversation.

So here I am and just over 1.5 years ago (I think I have lost track) I was told my cancer had returned, found out by accident really. Had a cough that wouldn’t go away blah blah. I’m on a trial drug, have had good success so far, about 40 % shrinkage in my lungs. But there is still uncertainty about my spine, ribs and right femur. The oncologist now feels I’ve hit a plateau and won’t see too much more progress, so now we hope and pray that the cancer does not spread elsewhere and the medication keeps working.

The hardest thing for me is thinking of my mortality daily. Its so fukin hard. I’ve tried not to but I just can’t help it. I read about cancer, I hear about people dying, I know people whose friends and family have passed from it, its constantly around me, its on my mind every second of the day. If its not social media that reminds me, its friends or family, someone at work may be ill with cancer, I hear something on the radio, or I am faced with looking at cancer patients receiving poison every month when I myself go to oncology. I just can’t escape it. And after this morning’s conversation I am very sad, because my own daughter (and this is reality) will eventually be the person whose mother passed away from cancer and she wont talk about other people’s moms but her own. And that, that is just fukin terrible.

You will get a handful of people who completely understand this, and then you will get those that say ‘’but you don’t know that’’ or ‘you may live another 20 years’’ or something along those lines. But I know the reality, as hard as it is to come to terms with it. It is a very very hard pill to swallow.

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Cant find a fitting title ???

I have not blogged much of late, mainly because I feel like a stuck record and also I don't think people have time to read blogs much anymore, and my topic is rather depressing to say the least. I hate to always sound like I am complaining, but somehow writing about what goes on in your head allows it to make sense for yourself so you don't think you going mad, and maybe sometimes it hits home for others, and they can look at things with a different view and have a little bit more understanding.

So my question is this. Imagine you were told you had a terminal disease, and there is no cure. And the only thing that may extend your life (for no guaranteed time), is medication that you have to take daily. That's not too bad you might think, I mean most people are on some sort of medication for a chronic condition and the meds may be life saving. But add to that, that this medication has no guarantee, and hellish side effects! You also have to go for monthly injections, monthly blood tests, and three monthly scans, and oncology visits to hear the outcome. I'm on my 16th cycle now so its been just over a year that this has been gone on. I cant count how many times I have been poked by needles and how many pills I've swallowed, and how many scans/tests I've had and how many times I've had to sit at the Doctors rooms waiting for results. The worst is I've done it all pretty much alone, because of Covid I've not been allowed to take anyone with me. And yes on top of all this you have Covid to worry about. You are high risk and so as if you don't have enough to worry about there is a virus going around killing people also, and guess what, it affects the lungs. 

So my cancer has spread to my lungs and in the beginning they said spine, ribs and right femur. They have since ruled out spine as what they saw on the scans was a life long issue with my discs, even though I told them that in the beginning, they are more likely to assume its cancer. They don't comment on the ribs anymore - I am assuming since they haven't responded to the treatment that it is not cancer and the right femur we don't know about because they have not done another full body scan to actually check that.

I've made peace with the fact that I have to take the pills daily, it is after all a small price to pay for extended life. Although sometimes when I have a few wines in, (yes I drink), I get really annoyed with it and have violently thrown the tablets around some nights spewing out some vulgar language about how much I hate taking them. I have to diarize each time I take them, so obviously I do take them and at the same time everyday, 6h30 each night to be exact.

What I cant seem to make peace with is for starters, the monthly injections. Mostly because they are painful and its not a pleasant experience being jabbed in the stomach each time and you left with a nasty bruise. Sometimes the bruise from the month before is still there and then you get the next bruise. I have the decision of having my ovaries removed, that way I wont need the monthly jabs anymore, but again that's surgery, and now with Covid I don't really want to go to hospital unnecessarily any time soon. But I do get dreadful pains in the ovaries, much like a period and that just makes me mad, I mean, why do I need to put up with unnecessary pain? But its something I will do before the end of the year I think. That will sort one issue out at least. Well two, considering the pain.

Also I have not made peace with the scans and the results.... it really is a difficult thing for me. Its called in cancer terms, scanxiety and yes it exists its not something I made up. And the thing is because its every three months, its like you in a never ending cycle of anxiety. I never relax. I can never sit back and be complacent and think ‘everything is ok’, because with cancer you just never know. I mean 7 years ago I was stage one, it didn't go to the lymph nodes where it apparently goes first if it does spread, and I had a mastectomy and chemo and radiation and and and - and I thought back then that its all over. But it wasn't was it. It went to the lungs and I found out myself because I could not stop coughing and went to see a new GP who suggested bloods. Funny that my oncologist never did bloods - she said they just don't do them and a physical examination is good enough. Well clearly its not. Clearly. If anyone is ever in this situation demand blood tests.... at least every three months. I think its very necessary to keep a record of your cancer count. I mean how the hell else are you supposed to know what's going on it your body? Had they picked it up 3 years ago when I had a normal chest x-ray and started me on treatment then, maybe things would have been different. Who knows.

And that brings me to the anger. That on top of the anxiety. Its the anger that I cant deal with. I thought I had dealt with it but every time I hit a wobbly, its very evident to those around me, especially my husband who gets the brunt of it, that I have not dealt with the anger. But then again, how can you? How can you make peace with the fact that you did everything you should have, and then this nasty disease still decided to come back. How do you make peace with the negligence on the doctors side? And how do I make peace with the fact that this is my lot in life and nothing I do can change it. I mean I love the fact that some people can become NED (no evidence of the disease) after being stage 3 or 4.... and apparently they do so with various things. But its not the case for everyone. Some peoples bodies just don't respond to any diet, any miracle pill, any exercise, and it just keeps spreading elsewhere. And trust me its not for lack of trying. I do follow a reasonably good diet, I do try exercise and drink water, I do take vitamins and constantly searching for new things. I do take cannabis oil, and I'm forever trying to incorporate natural things that have proven to have good results for cancer like turmeric, ginger, bicarb and lemon blah blah blah. The only thing I have been consistent on is the cannabis because it took me from being on 3 patches of morphine to almost no pain in a matter of months so I truly believe in its benefits.

And so far after about 14 months (or more I don't know) I have had good results. Meds and all. There has been about 40% shrinkage and there is no new cancer so that is great news. But I'm at a point now that no matter the results, even though they have been good and I'm very grateful, I still feel so defeated. I cannot get excited and jump up for joy, purely because A) I am anxious about what lies ahead and B) because I've been disappointed before. I've been misdiagnosed and been through so much already that even though its good news I just cant find inner peace, happiness or joy right now. The anxiety outweighs everything, and I wish I could shake it off somehow, but I just cant. I am constantly reminded of cancer, and I'm constantly going for scans and bloods and tests that one never gets to a point where you can forget, even for just a little while. Why cant I just be happy and forget about all this, just for a little while?

I've tried to hand things over to God, I talk to him daily. He knows my struggle. I so hate people who say you don't have enough faith... gosh, whatever. Some people just need a kick up the arse for their insensitivity. They don't know my relationship with God and let me tell you if you were in my shoes you would be quivering in your shoes also, and trust me faith is hard to find when you got all this going on!

So I wake up scared and I go to bed scared and the anxiety is just the pits. And I just try to the best of my ability to function like a normal person, wife, mother, friend, daughter etc. But this thing has seriously taken over my personality. Most of the time I'm faking everything and its so exhausting. So so exhausting. This Covid hasn't helped because that in itself has presented new challenges and has made life rather depressing on top of everything else. But here we all are, trying hard to keep our heads above water and plod on despite the horrible stuff happening around us. 

I am however exceptionally lucky to have a very understanding husband and some really awesome friends. There are a few people in my life that truly understand and never judge me. There are also some who have no clue and they judge me for sure behind my back. I'm not too worried about the judgements because you know, none of us are perfect and if you think you are then you have a big surprise when God Almighty comes down one day soon and tells you what a terrible person you have been.... (eeek, I am judging now too). But I am very grateful to those who have stuck around despite my Wobblies, who genuinely care and love me despite my craziness. You know who you are and I love you so so so very much. And of course my daughter who keeps me on my toes. Without her I would be locked up in an asylum pleading with the nurses to let me go!

To anyone and everyone who is going through a similar journey (I hate that word) , I get you, I totally get you. I love you and I pray for you. And most of all I wish I could make everyone’s pain go away. 

Blessings and love always

Shelley

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Its been a while since I posted anything. Still trying to wrap my head around my friends passing. Then I read today that Kelly Clarkson passed away from Breast Cancer this Sunday, after a 2 year struggle with the disease. Not that being a celebrity makes it any better or worse, but it makes it real, because it just goes to show, no matter how young, old, fit, healthy, unhealthy, rich, poor, etc etc you are, Cancer has no boundaries and can affect anyone. There are millions of people being diagnosed and dying, daily, from Cancer. At the moment our world is so fixated on COVID-19 - understandably so, however when you compare numbers, why aren't our Governments and people of influence or power trying harder to find a cure (if there isn't one already) or a vaccine to put this dark cloud that nobody likes to talk about, at bay? Nobody likes to talk about cancer, and if it hasn't affected you personally you somewhat turn a blind eye. That ‘’it will never happen to me’’ syndrome. Well guess what, it can. I met a lady last week, who I met on twitter and then in person, who has the same Oncologist. This world is very small. Small enough to know that in a circle of 10 friends, 3 of you will most likely get cancer. Not only do I have to worry about Cancer but now also Covid. Really universe? Really? Why the fuck am I here and what is my purpose? God only knows. Because this life is a living hell. I miss Addi dearly, but let me tell you, she is far better off than being here. If the cancer doesnt kill me, the stress will. Over and out. I hate you cancer.

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Life after Addi

My very good friend Addi, passed away from Cancer a few weeks ago. We met in the parking lot of our surgeon’s rooms 6 years ago. She said, ‘excuse me, how long does it take for your hair to grow again’. She knew I was a cancer patient… we started chatting. Discovered, then, that we had the same surgeon, general surgeon, oncologist etc etc. I said to her that I never give advice but I would recommend she goes and shaves her head, because it falling out in clumps is just so shattering to the soul and shaving it takes a lot of strength and balls but makes you feel in some small way a little better, than finding pieces of hair all over your pillow every morning.

We became good friends over the years. She started the Forever Changed Foundation. She visited corporates to try get them to put policies into place to cover cancer employees. Her husband David was a scientist and he did a lot of research into cancer and alternative therapies etc etc because they soon realized how toxic chemo was and in fact had no guarantees.

She put her heart and soul into helping others, but she became a mentor to me. She was brave and took each day as it came and never complained. Last time I saw her was in hospital after she decided to have her left breast removed and the right implant removed, which was by the way, covered in cancer growths. It was on her birthday (few weeks ago) and she asked me to bring her the biggest carrot cake I could. So, I did. Fuck you sugar, we ate the cake. Well at least she did, and she loved it. I never saw her again after that.

After her initial treatment she also believed that her cancer was gone and she would be fine, but between her and I we started realizing that this was not the case.  She and her partner went to Israel to find new technology and bring it back to south Africa because its not available here. She was very involved in trying to find better ways to help people recover and get rid of the disease without having chemo and radiation and surgeries that were not necessary.

She phoned me at least 3 times a week to see how I was doing even though she was going through such hard times. Her surgery was tough, but they had to remove the tumors before they popped. She went home for a bit but was in a lot of pain. I spoke to her a Saturday night before she passed, and she sounded like she gave up hope a little bit. I could not see her again because of COVID but I really wish I just got in my car and went to see her.

I go to the cemetery tomorrow morning early. I feel like her soul is still here, I do not know. People have asked me why I am going there weekly, well because its part of my grieving process and I am 43 and can do the fuck what I want to. I speak to her when I am there and always leave a butterfly of sorts because her campaign was all about change and being forever changed after cancer. She only wore clothes with butterflies on them and I wear her butterfly scarf each time I go.

Addi you were my inspiration and still are. I am concerned about David, but I will phone him regularly and I know that he misses you terribly and I wish I could take his sadness away. You were my soul sister and I will never ever forget you. You were a better person than me and probably your life should have been spared because you cared so much for others – it makes no sense.

Forever changed.

Forever in my thoughts.

Forever my soul sister.

Forever my cancer warrior friend.

Love you Addi.

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Tired of cancer

Lung biopsy shows cancer. So was I really in remission or did I just not know the cancer was back and had no symptoms? Its been a rough 6 weeks. Everything I have feared the last 5 years has come true. My oncologist wants to put me on a trial drug together with another drug called tamoxifen. This is going to put me straight into menopause (lovely) and so I not only have cancer to worry about, but also hair loss, weakness, joint pain, bleeding gums, and of course a dry vagina. Plenty more terrible side effects like heart and liver issues, coughing, lung problems, poor immune system. And best of all : NO guarantees. Isn't that just wonderful. I am going to possibly feel like death everyday, to possibly avoid early death.. My mind is all over the place right now. I'm scared, angry, and more scared. Oh and tired. Tired of cancer. Really really tired.

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Don't quit

Been a while since I blogged. Looking at my last post, I’m thinking I should practice what I preach. Shouldn’t we all. Well here I am in my 5th year of this anxiety-filled, nauseating journey of life after cancer, when now my cancer count is up (although blood tests we know are not always very accurate) and my oncologist who I told to f&ck off 3 years ago, has now sent me for some tests. And so, here we go again.

Let me just say, a lung biopsy is very painful, and any doctor who tells you it sounds worse than it is, is basically lying through their teeth and you should punch him/her in the face (anyone sensing my aggression here?).

Cancer is a very depressing topic to write about. I follow a lot of people on twitter who are going through similar journeys, and some are worse off than me (physically) and so I wonder sometimes why I complain or even feel a little sorry for myself.

I actually don’t feel sorry for myself, although I have been known to disappear and go sit in a bar and drown my sorrows here and there) – yes, I drink alcohol. I feel sorry for my family and that I am putting them through this hell. I’ve had a good 5 years, am in pretty good shape, go to the gym occasionally, don’t eat too badly (no I didn’t go vegan) and generally try take care of myself as best as I can. But unfortunately, there is this thing called stress, and stress is a killer in itself. Every time you cough, or have an unusual pain, your mind starts to wonder and then your anxiety takes over and before you know it you not sleeping. And the body heals when you sleep, so if you not sleeping, you can’t possibly heal! See the vicious cycle here?

I think every person who has been through cancer, handles their journey differently, but I can tell you that every single person has the same fear. Is it going to come back, if so, when? That fear never ever goes away. As I sit here and type this my heart is racing because I’m thinking the same thing. But the thing is this, we have options on how we handle things. (again, I should practise what I preach). You either tackle it head on, believe that God has the final say and that your mind is a powerful thing that can conquer any disease. Or you admit defeat and let the disease destroy you. Its hard, very hard, because those two choices are your only ones and there isn’t anything in between.  

Me - I’m going continue drinking my beetroot juice, take my bicarb, swallow my magic mushrooms and take my cannabis. Also thinking of seeing a hypnotist who specialises in stress and trauma due to health issues. Get my ass back into the gym (have said this for weeks), and try to be as brave as people think I am. I didn’t go through 8 surgeries, chemo, radiation, scans, scopes and everything else in between for nothing in the last 5 years. Keep swimming as they say and be the best possible support system to others that are going through similar or worse. Hugs.

[shelleyvanniekerk]

“There’s a Japanese phrase that I like: koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. It’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.”

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Cancer Sucks

When you are diagnosed with Cancer, its almost always a huge shock. I still hear people saying things like ‘’we dont even have it in our family’’. News flash : Only 2% of cancers are hereditary. Most cancers are caused by toxins in our environment and our food that cause our immune systems to not be able to fight disease anymore. Our bodies are constantly bombarded with poisons, whether its the air we breath, the water we drink, the hormones and pesticides in our food. These things cannot be tolerated by our bodies anymore and after a while our cells start to deform. Deformed cells become cancerous. We are also not as active as we used to be 100′s of years ago. Most of us sit all day and dont get to do much exercise. Exercise not only keeps you fit, but also gives us vital oxygen in our blood. Cancer struggles to grow in an oxygenated environment. Our bodies are also extremely acidic. Cancer cannot grow in an alkaline environment - therefore its very dangerous to be too acidic and following an alkaline diet is a good way to ensure cancer keeps far away from you. Lastly Cancer LOVES sugar. If you are someone who eats a very sugary diet, sweets, chocolates, pastries, cakes, sodas on a daily basis, you are looking for trouble. Cut back on the sweets, eat more fruit and veg for a healthier you! Lastly try your very best to buy environmentally friending cleaning products for your home. Be care of pesticides as they contain carcinogens. Trust me, you dont want to inhale the poisons you spray on your plants! Add things like turmeric, black seed oil, flax seeds, sour-sop, Chlorella, garlic, ginger and medicinal mushrooms into your daily diet. These things are known cancer kills. Cannabis is legal now, and its a known fact that it kills cancer cells, so dont be afraid to use it. Dandelion Tea is a great tea to boost immunity and fight tumors. There are many options other than chemo and radiation for a person to consider. Surgery is not always the best route either, cutting can spread cells (trust me I know!). Lastly, a positive attitude is always a winner. You can overcome anything if you believe it in your mind! 

[shelleyvanniekerk]

A cancer pioneer is someone who has gone through cancer, thus knowing a little more about cancer than someone who hasn’t, (because most of us don’t educate ourselves on a topic we don’t need to) constantly does research on the subject, and shares their knowledge with others.  That’s me. And that is why I blog about it.

 ‘’I’m too young’’.

‘’I’m only 40’’.

‘’I don’t have cancer in my family’’.

You are never too young to get cancer – cancer has no age limits or boundaries.

You are in charge of your body and you decide whether or not you want to have certain tests done. They told my husband he is too young for a colonoscopy, knowing full well his mother had colon cancer and he is at risk. WTF? Society says you ‘’should’’ have a mammogram from the age of 40. Why 40? Yes maybe a gazillion years ago when cancer wasn’t so rife. Personally I am not a fan of mammograms – sonar is cheaper, less invasive and doesn’t contain radiation. It also picks ups lumps which mammograms sometimes miss.

I reckon in about 5 years, every single person on this planet will have cancer in their family. Do yourself a favour and go visit an oncology unit. See how many people of all ages are sitting there. Times that by the number of oncology units in your region. Do the math. It’s out there, and the increasing volumes are insane.

People are always kind of shocked when someone is diagnosed with the disease. Let’s be real. We live in a toxic environment with no fresh air and chemicals and pollutants everywhere. We clean our houses and wash our bodies with products containing ingredients which may be carcinogenic. We eat food containing hormones and toxic ingredients used to prolong their shelf life. We live stressful lifestyles by demanding jobs and high crime. These are all contributing factors. And they put every single one of us at risk, no matter what your age, your ethnic group, your genetics etc.

Don’t let naivety be your demise. Be wise! Take control of your health. Go for regular check-ups. Go for second opinions (I’ve said this many times before). If you have unexplained pain for a long period of time, have it checked.

My 10 personal thoughts on tests / examinations / and treatment (yes I am going there)

Sonar instead of Mammogram.

Vacuum assisted excision instead of lumpectomy.

 Cancer marker tests yearly instead of blood pressure/sugar/cholesterol screenings at popular wellness days.

High doses of Vitamin C (in a drip if you can) and cannabis oil instead of chemotherapy.

Glutathione and Resveratrol instead of fancy immune boosting multivitamins

Thermoscan instead of Petscan

Chlorophyll in high doses instead of antibiotics

Omegas and fish oil instead of coconut oil

Alkaline diet instead of acidity

Turmeric instead of salt/aromat

Don’t laugh at the last one. If everyone in this world used turmeric instead of salt or aromat on/in their foods, we would have a huge shift in general health! Turmeric is a natural cancer fighter and destroyer.  A teaspoon of turmeric, honey, lemon, ginger and hot water are a far better option to fighting flu and illness than any antibiotic out there!

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Cancer and Depression

 The problem with cancer, is that people automatically expect you to be ‘’ok’’ once you are thought to be in remission. You “fought the fight”, you “won the battle”, you ‘’completed the journey’’…… but what they DON’T realise is, the battle never ends and neither does the journey. At some point after your diagnosis, you will become depressed. It’s a given. In fact, if you don’t, you not normal. There are so many emotions to deal with, and it can affect your sleep, appetite, your energy levels. Sometimes you may withdraw socially, cry all the time, and be irritable for no reason (or is that just a common woman thing?? I dunno).  There are feelings of guilt, hopelessness, self-hate, self pity, sadness, bitterness, and the list goes on. Yip, it’s a journey!

I saw a psychologist for 6 months (courtesy of my employer) and I did nothing but cry in every session. I personally don’t think it helped in any way for me.

I ended up in a psychiatric hospital because anxiety took over and I thought I was dying. Besides meeting some really great people in the corridors, that didn’t help much either.

I was on a lot of medication at one point, which made me put on loads of weight in a short space of time, but didn’t help the depression and anxiety in anyway. Thanks for nothing.

And after almost 3 years of this ongoing upward journey, when I nearly thought I was getting my life back together and felt some sense of normalcy again, another lump in the breast shot every ounce of happiness and hope out the bloody window.

It brought back all the old emotions (which never went away but were tucked under a little cloud of hope), of despair, anxiousness, fear, etc. For a whole week I had to put my world on hold (again) waiting for the results. I cannot even begin to tell you what thoughts went through my mind. And just like that, I sunk into that deep dark pit of depression again.

So, for those of you who think, there is life after a cancer diagnosis, I want to tell you, there is, but it’s NOT an easy one. You are continuously stressed about whether or not the cancer will return, and subconsciously you are always worried about every little ache or pain or cough or sneeze, because you just never know what life is going to throw at you. It is a very hard thing not to have peace of mind. And on top of that, deal with depression. Trust me, it’s a continuous fight with your emotions. It’s a daily battle and a conscious effort has to be made every day for the rest of your life, to stay positive. It takes immense self-control not to punch people in the face that tell you to keep your chin up. You have to take a deep breath and tell yourself that they ‘’just don’t understand’’ and then carry on pretending life is okay and that you not falling to pieces.

There is life at the end of the dark tunnel though. Its called cannabis oil. But that, is a blog for another day. J

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Pinktober

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Forever Changed - Dance of the Butterfly

Forever Changed Documentary (DANCE OF THE BUTTERFLY)– Review by Perkolate

 The Forever Changed Documentary (also known as DANCE OF THE BUTTERFLY) tells the heartwarming story of forty-nine year old Addi Lang’s late stage diagnosis, medical negligence and cancer journey, who  went on to create a global awareness campaign. Cancer prevention and treatment options are the focus of this documentary. Helpful tips and a wealth of knowledge are offered from those in the know. The film also features cancer warriors around the world,  who have had conventional treatment with surgery, chemotherapy or radiation, warriors who chose holistic treatment, medical doctors, including a chemical engineer, chemist, scientist and patents holder.

 The powerful and riveting 50 minute film, produced by Tami Lane (whilst at The African Motion Picture Company), and directed by Justyn Davies (owner of The African Motion Picture Company), took 12 months to research and complete and forms a collection of personal interviews and stories from individuals whose lives have been permanently altered by cancer. Family members, cancer patients and health enthusiasts also give thought provoking insights to their journey of living with cancer.

 Cancer is a subject often skirted around or avoided altogether. There are no families who have not been affected by this illness, some more than others. At times it is the memory of suffering and loss that keeps people away from the topic. For others, it is the fear of it. Either way, cancer is an extremely personal and emotional road, for those who must face the battle themselves and for those family members on the sidelines who can do little but watch, listen and support.

 The Forever Changed Documentary (DANCE OF THE BUTTERFLY) gives a very personal account of a cancer patient’s struggle with the illness as well as the aftermath of treatment. Awareness of all options are paramount when a diagnosis has been given. There are numerous medical as well as natural methods of treatment to be explored. The documentary brings the message home that fear should never prevent patients from asking questions or requesting second opinions.

 The documentary is superbly edited by Ryan Lane, Creative Director/Editor of Awamb Pty Ltd,  and explores the controversy of treatment options, which include the holistic approach and conventional medical profession’s approach as traditional surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. With all the known side effects, there is one side effect that is not well known or exposed,  called neutropenia1, an abnormally low level of white blood cells. These white blood cells are one of our main defenses against infection but they too are destroyed during chemotherapy. With the immune system being systematically depleted by cancer and chemotherapy, patients are at a much higher risk of getting sick, having the cancer spread and or return, possibly have their future treatments delayed or in worst case scenarios, neutropenia may cause their deaths.

 The film’s theme song “Forever Changed”  was written and recorded by award winning musician Aly Cook in New Zealand. Cook speaks openly about the challenges of the information chain, and is a human rights activist who understands the power of collaboration. Celebrity Ambassadors who are also interviewed (and highlight the social responsibility that celebrities have in spreading a much needed message),  include  Nate Butler (A and R, America’s Got Talent/X Factor judge) in Atlanta, singer songwriter Zac Hilon from the USA along with well-known South African actors Emmanuel Castis and the late Jannes Eiselen (Black Sails). Supporters of the campaign in the film industry include the legendary casting director Christa Schamberger (picture Christa and Addi), Sean Cameron Michael (picture Sean and Addi) and Christopher- Lee dos Santos (picture of Christopher and Addi)

 A few years ago Addi Lang was a dynamic and successful business owner, working  as a casting agent, promoting Arts And Culture, across the country and beyond. Today, she is a cancer warrior. Her experience of misdiagnosis combined with the severe side effects of chemotherapy has led her and long-time partner David Salomon on a quest which serves as a roadmap for newly diagnosed warriors. They see this as their contribution to society and is their version of a meaningful“ pink ribbon”,  and is a culmination of the  documentary and global awareness campaign. They have launched their wellness program into the corporate sector, which is a 4 tier program called “Live Life Deliberately”. It is their intention to give cancer the credit that it deserves in the workplace, and open dialogue about company policy, just as HIV has gained. They are fully accredited as cancer coaches, and for their unique content,  with SABPP ( SA Board of People Practices) (Media Statement seen below)

 Treatment is a very personal choice and depends greatly on the type of cancer in question. The Forever Changed Documentary (DANCE OF THE BUTTERFLY) offers valuable insight to natural methods of keeping the body healthy when the immune system has been severely damaged. The storyline is clear that chemotherapy should not be avoided when there is a chance, however small,  of success. The key is to establish honest and informative communication between patients and their doctors, so that cancer warriors understand all the options available to them. It is this systematic break down which Addi Lang has come to know well and caused her to scrutinize her own therapy. In the documentary, she explores alternative methods of maintaining a healthy lifestyle in an effort to contain cancer. Survivor is a word often used alongside cancer. Addi Lang prefers the word “warrior” because the battle is never really over.

 1 Source: https://blogs.cdc.gov/cancer/2015/11/04/chemotherapy-most-serious-side-effect/

 MEDIA STATEMENT released SABPP, July 2017

 “We fully support the Forever Changed Global Awareness (Cancer Prevention)  Campaign which serves to raise more awareness and education  (through the 4 Tier “Live Life Deliberately” Wellness Program)  with focus on cancer prevention and  the imperative of dealing with life after diagnosis, and preventing cancer,  in a more holistic and integrated manner.  People do  have options, and they need to be informed of all the options available to them. In particular, I, on a personal and business level,  invite HR and Wellness Managers including other business leaders to become involved in this initiative about cancer prevention, not just “awareness”.  If you care about your employees and their families, as I do,  now is the time for  SABPP members to participate and spread the message.

 SABPP, as lifestyle partners to The Forever Changed Global Awareness (Cancer Prevention) Campaign, highly recommend all 4  “Live Life Deliberately”  Wellness Programs, as  this is a great stance  for organisations to take, which will enable them  to further  apply the national HR standard on Employee Wellness. 

 In fact, this issue is so important, it is a matter of life and death. Let us all make a difference by taking up the offerings of  the 4 Tier “Live Life Deliberately “ Wellness Programs which includes addressing  mental health, as a side effect of cancer,  in the workplace, and society at large.”

 Marius Meyer

Chief Executive Officer

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