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[shesinspain-blog]

6 months later...

Hello and welcome to the epilogue!

I’m on my cozy bed in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, surrounded by twinkle lights and the scent of a newly thrifted candle. I have to teach before work tomorrow, but it has been so long since my last entry, since I left Europe, since I started this new chapter of my life.

She’s not in Spain anymore, baby!

I left Barcelona in October to spend 6 weeks in Rome, which is where you last heard from me. What I didn’t tell you at the time - because I was surprising Angie with my return, and had to keep it all hush-hush - was that my Rome trip was a bookend to my time overseas and a way for me to transition. It was one of the best decisions I made with my life planning so far. To leave Barcelona and fly straight back into the Red White and Blue would have been disastrous for me. I needed time to process, and I needed an open space to do that. Barcelona and Wisconsin are too washed with memories and sentimentality for me to have made my peace.

I was INCREDIBLY nervous for my flight back and landed in a freezing, snowy NYC around ten. A passport officer said “welcome home,” and I started crying. I went to my friend Heidi’s house, where she was gracious and generous and warmly welcomed me back to the USA. I am going to remain ambiguous here about my legal status in Spain. Suffice it to say that returning knocked a weight off my chest. I will never fully recognize the obstacles that immigrants overcome. Spending just fourteen months overseas, in two cities that are far friendlier to non-natives, I cannot imagine how hard it must be elsewhere. Immigrants are stronger than steel and have insane determination and perseverance… words are just not capable of expressing my feelings on this truth.

So how does it feel? To be able to ask any question I want and understand every reply? To suddenly comprehend every conversation around me that is happening at TOP VOLUME? To be able to read every word on everything in my line of vision, instead of just 30%? To be expected to small talk with any stranger? To drive a car? To not translate? To not hear Reggaeton? To realize how far I am from the life I was building?

Yeah. Overwhelming.

I kept crying in public. Jamming my Spanish music into my ears and sometimes literally pressing the blaring headphones in to block out the American English. It wasn’t just the Americans, it was the 1000% of it all. Being used to stores the size of a Subway, and suddenly being 60 isles deep in Wal-Mart. I got tunnel vision. I got headaches and my eyes hurt. I would shut down, especially my first weekend, and stop talking to anyone; just stare at the floor.

Like in Bruce Almighty, when he can hear ALL THE PRAYERS AT ONCE? That’s how every public space felt. Like waking up and having a superpower to hear everyone’s thoughts. Why do I know about this stranger’s carb-free diet? Why do I know about the cost that man paid for his kid’s new lacrosse equipment? It’s too much, too loud, too everywhere, too different.

So am I home?

Why does coming home feel like visiting my old elementary school?

It’s smaller than I remembered, but bigger too. And duller. And bolder. This didn’t used to look like this… this place is so clean! It looks like the movies!

REALLY REALLY shocking was returning to Ohio and seeing Columbus. After five years there and only one away, it was outrageously different than I remembered. So much cleaner. The streets are HUGE. Everything is so close, but spread out too, and campus looked miniature. I’m not even being condescending. It was like taking drugs. You know it’s not how this thing looks, or has ever looked before, but that doesn’t change your perception of it in the present. And you can’t un-know this side of it too.

I was very fortunate to have Kelsey returning to the Midwest from Barcelona at the exact same time as me. We were able to share a lot of our excitement (POP TARTS! CHEETOS! REESE’S!) along with our feelings of extreme isolation. I was even more fortunate because she is a Harry Potter fan, which helps with our conversations about horcruxes.

Since I moved and started hacking it overseas, I realized the fracture I was making in my life. It best aligns with the horcruxes in Harry Potter. If you’ve made it this far without Harry Potter spoilers, congratulations, you are a robot. But for those of you who are not fans, a brief explanation: horcruxes are pieces of the same soul, separated and located in different vessels. On my bad days, that’s how I feel about my adventures. I have created multiple entities. I can no longer be contained or whole. Some of my best friends may never meet each other. I cannot take people to my favorite bar, order for them in Spanish, or go out and draw something else in my city.

But I moved out for a reason just as much as I moved back for a reason.

And to quote Tupac, that’s just the way it is.

I had a fantastic day today. I woke up in Madison and had breakfast with my friend before we worked together. I laughed my butt off with my coworkers. I made date plans with my boyfriend. I get to see my two uncles next week for the first time in years. I saw the lake in the quiet of morning, and it was beautiful. America, Wisconsin, look beautiful again, and my reverse culture shock (along with my seasonal depression) are behind me but not forgotten.

I have greater appreciation now for my life and the serendipity of it all. Maybe it sounds like hippy-dippy nonsense, but it doesn’t change my more peaceful and grateful mental state. Having translated my way to hell and back makes a parking ticket feel a lot less tragic. I know what I’ve learned about myself, especially about how strong and determined I can be.

Spending Christmas with my family overflowed my heart with joy, and I cried. I am so beyond happy that I went to Barcelona, and I feel just as happy about my decision to come home. My people, my places, my indescribable moments. I have lives I love equally on either side of the Atlantic.

It’s broken.

But so is a mosaic.

Thanks for reading and sharing in these stories with me. I appreciate you so much and I hope you’re well.

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty ‘yes’ to your adventure.” -Joseph Campbell

[shesinspain-blog]

Amateur Hour

One thing I always forget is to change my verbs from “I” when I ask questions in Italian. On various occasions, I’ve asked strangers, “What do I like?” “Do I live here?” “Do I speak English?” Yes. Excellent. I understand better than I speak, but I usually have to nod and say “si”, processing after they walk away. It’s a barrage of information, and fast-paced, and stressful. But I still want to learn. I want my own legs to stand on.

I used to play the game of “translate what you’re thinking.” When I moved to Barcelona, this would practically push me to tears. I’m not speaking the language as well as I want to, but this game is a real benchmark of how much I’ve improved.

This post is gonna be a lot about learning a language! But wow it’s so exciting. I’ve also gained infinite respect for multilingual people. Right now, my “good Italian” means I talk like the immigrant who’s the butt of 90s sitcom jokes. Aside from my awful verb phrasing, my sentences I’m proudest of are cookie crumbles.

“You good cook. Really.”

“Today I teach then run maybe then I read.”

“Today clear sky. I am happy. I go to draw in city center.”

The reports are in: learning a language is hard! See, this blog is full of wildly new information. Here’s how it feels to be tightrope walking a language barrier.

Okay. I need to send these letters.

Lettere. Letters.

Can I use “I would like?” and an infinitive? That seems easiest.

Vorrei. Lettere. I would like. Letters.

well in Spanish… it’s enviar. But Italian usually ends with “re.” Enviare? Is that right? (Google translate) Okay. Inviare.

Vorrei. Inviare. Lettere. I would like. To send. Letters.

These. Those. Questi… Quelli… I think quelli is those. so questi.

Vorrei. Inviare. Queste. Lettere. I would like to send these letters.

OH BUT DON’T FORGET PLEASE.

AND DON’T FORGET THANK YOU.

AND DON’T FORGET GOOD MORNING.

AND DON’T FORGET THE REST OF THE CONVERSATION. How do you say “normal?” How do you say “United States?” What else might they ask? Is credit card going to work? Will they know any English?

That’s one conversation, one errand. And that’s why for months, I didn’t even approach fruit stands; I memorized coffee shop and grocery store interactions, learned how to say “the back” of the theater for the movies. It was months before my voice sounded like me, before I remembered my manners, or smiled.

And now. I am memorizing the way it sounds when two old ladies part ways, screaming “CIAO-CIAO!” I am asking bartenders where they’re from and if they like it, in Italian. An old man barks to his friends, “vamos! Vamos!” and I smile, happy to hear Spanish after 5 weeks away from HQ. It gets better. Sometimes it takes a year… but it gets better.

OCTOBER RECAP!

October knocked my socks off! I got to see my mom (one week), two friends from Barcelona (three-day weekend), an old college friend (a Wednesday and Thursday), and another friend I made in Barcelona (5 days). Somewhere in there I blind-dated a Facebook friend named Ben who just moved to Rome, and we hit it off at lightning speed. Both of us, craving international food in a world of pizza, went to Krishna 13 and ate some BOMB Indian food.

All the visits were amazing. It really felt like Amateur hour though, because while I love Rome, I don’t have the pride I had in Barcelona. I don’t know this city yet. It’s not mine the way Barcelona is. In Barcelona, I can tell you the best bars, the best cheap bars, the best cheap street food, the best tapas, the best museums, public squares, section of the beach. Down to my favorite grocery store, and if that one’s closed, these are the best for vegetables, beer or dry goods. Outrageous.

Here, I had a lot of “learning opportunities.” It meant sometimes bolting after the menus hit because we were being tourist trapped. It meant not understanding public transport or if you need to book in advance or “where are we right now?” To their credit, all my guests were patient and thrilled to be exploring & learning with me. And we made new, exciting, fun discoveries together! I didn’t realize how much I city-mouse-hubris I had until it was gone, and my ignorance was swatting me in the face.

Rome has not changed since I left. This surely comes only as a surprise to me, considering it’s also called… The Eternal City. The things I miss sometimes, I swear. I’m happy I came back -- this time, I get to explore a lot more of the food, culture and activity I didn’t see in my “study abroad bubble.” Point being one of our *favorite authentic restaurants* is absolutely a tourist trap turd. But guess what? I loved it then. My love for it and my experience was real. And that’s okay. It’s not any less a part of Rome than the Pantheon is.

Another thing! In October! I went to Palermo and had myself a TIME. I went for four days, a little apprehensive after hearing nothing commendable from His Highness Rick Steves, along with reading a short travel essay about the mafia and anti-mafia in Sicily. BUT YOU GUYS. I loved it so much! First, the food. Panelle was by far my favorite: think chickpea patties, deep fried and salty. Let’s put it on a sammich. Let’s put eggplant on pizza, throw it in an oven hot as hellfires, and call it when the cheese is bubbly and the crust has carbon-kissed edges. Cannoli. A hot brioche bun split with soft gelato, crispy chocolate drizzle, and a cone on top.

Heaven only knows how the Sicilians stay fit.

When I wasn’t eating, I bopped around an art museum, saw the coastline, drew some churches, and alternated listening to the Hamilton soundtrack and the Hamilton audiobook. If there’s something you should know about me, it’s that I binge my interests until they drive me to the breaking point. I’ve seen this pattern with So You Think You Can Dance, David Bowie, Maniac (on Netflix pls watch), and even Hunger Games. Oops! Please keep your psych diagnoses to yourself on this one!

Other books I read (and obsessively broadcast) can be found on my Goodreads, so I won’t waste your time double-dipping here.

Well as usual this has been an aimless post! I have no idea what my “life purpose” is! Bo Burnham’s Make Happy can get you out of the bummer-summers! But maybe you won’t need a pick-me-up after that general election?? (WAY TO VOTE GANG!) I found a Margaret Atwood book in my Airbnb so I’ll be reading that, and running, and maybe finishing my Trevi Fountain drawing, if I can stomach the crowds again this week.

Ciao-ciao!

[shesinspain-blog]

I’m Gonna Let it Shine

Hi, Hello! Hola, Ciao! It’s been a week for three languages, checked baggage, firsts and lasts. I’ve said this already but for October I am living in Rome, Italy. Today is day 5!

I’m back from a run - the hills in Rome are VERY HARD, so I am still working at my distance running. Did you know I run now?! It’s been one of my favorite changes of this past year. In September I even ran a 10K! I’ve never done any race before (and still haven’t because I ran this by myself lol). Running is my anxiety medicine, my stabilizer, my energy release and sometimes the highlight of my day.

Anyshoe, what the hey am I doing in the Eternal City?! Wellll after a year in Barcelona I wanted to do some travelling and Rome has always been my favorite city. I came back to sketch, eat gelato, practice my Italian, revisit some stomping grounds that first made me want to live abroad. And my mom is visiting me here! I tease her that she wasn’t too keen on Barcelona, but I can’t blame her for being picky when she’s coming 4000 miles.

I haven’t seen my family since last August, so this is a super big exciting thing.

Since my last post, I’ve had a few stellar moments!

my Barcelona Birthday / Espanniversary. There really was a time where I was planning to use my return ticket to the US on Oct 23. And now! I stayed! I wrote a looong thing for International TEFL Academy about all my vibes that have shifted after a year. They’re a lil backlogged on publishing, so I’ll give a shoutout when it gets posted!

SARAH CAME TO VISIT! Sarah is my BFF / Yart Queen that I lived with for four years of school and have texted every day since 2012. It was insane having her in Barcelona. We had a ton of tapas, she met my friends here, and we watched Superstore on Hulu, so all in all a perfect week.

I met a guy who has his own bakery in Barcelona! He is The Cake Man, and he told me his story about becoming a baker / entrepreneur. I’m not sure what my plans are but I am so obsessed with food and pastry; having a conversation with him was truly insightful for my path forward. I never thought cold-emailing a role model would open doors this way. Some people are so generous with their time; I feel very fortunate.

Not sure how to sum this up but I’ve had so many great moments with friends. From goofy wine nights in with a whole box of chocolates, to dancing at our favorite club, to meeting up with a pal in Sitges, September shined its light on me.

Which leads me to my next thing, my purpose in uncertainty, my pursuit of happiness.

A week ago I was having a coffee with a meaningful friend of mine. I’m lucky to know a few people like this - our vibes together get in a cycle of inspiration, confidence and love. Hanging out with them is like an hour with a personal cheerleader. We share vulnerabilities and accomplishments, and I leave feeling nourished to my core.

As we talked, we discussed how to have an impact in this challenging world and season, especially as artists. How can my perspective affect change? How can we raise our voices in a meaningful way, and not just in an echo chamber?

OF COURSE PLEASE VOTE. This is number one - I have already requested my absentee ballot. If I’m voting here, you can vote stateside!

My mission right now is to be a light. Bring others up, and find ways to impact people on a personal scale instead of so globally. Thinking globally had horrible effects on my mental health last winter, as well as leaving me feeling hopeless and actionless. Instead I’ve found more paths forward in small ways. Conversations with friends and family about why I believe what I do, and examples I’ve seen of current system successes and failures. Opportunities to bring people together over commonalities and creating spaces to learn each other’s background, family, struggles and hopes.

I have no idea where this next year is gonna take me! And sometimes that gives me severe anxiety like it did before my run today!

Then I went out and I was running in the park, thinking about Barcelona. In September I hosted the ITA World Alumni Day in Barcelona, and we had a fantastic turnout! I thought of the friends I know living around the world now and how scared I was before I met them. I thought of the projects I’ve worked on, the changes I’ve made in my life, and all the surprises this year brought me.

No matter what I do this next year, I will be happy. If I’m not happy I will pivot into a better direction. I can figure these things out because I have before. This line of thinking always makes me think of Harry Potter 3.

You were right, Hermione! It wasn't my dad I saw earlier! It was me! I saw myself conjuring the patronus before! I knew I could do it this time, because... well, because I'd already done it! Does that make sense?

As for Rome, I’m really happy here! Continously slingshotting through emotions of: I love it here! I miss Barcelona! I could live here forever! I miss speaking Spanish! I miss my friends! I love drawing so much! I can’t believe I’m seeing my mom tomorrow! 

I think I have to reach a conclusion about my feelings, when that doesn’t matter at all. I’m exhausting myself with trying to decide everything everyday. But I really am happy here. The food is out of this world. I’ve been drawing for hours everyday, reading my book and hammering on with my hodgepodge A1 Italian skills. Let’s see where the rest of October takes me :)

[shesinspain-blog]

The things you think are useless, I can't understand

Well, HI! It’s been a while! It’s now A U G U S T and my last post was in May. So I guess that means we have a lot of catching up to do!

Before I left for Barcelona, I was vulnerable with my friends, often bursting out with “what if I don’t make friends! How long will it take to settle in!” Everyone rooting for me was incredibly optimistic. “Kayla, you’ll make friends in like three days!” One wise colleague paused and said, “probably three weeks, then you’ll have it.” They were all right and wrong. Yes I did make friends really fast, and find a job and apartment within the first month. But if I were answering myself now, I would tell Young Kayla that it takes almost a year. I’m in month eleven now.

My life here now includes

finding my favorite brand of coffee at the grocery store

an entire saturday home, cooking, baking and reading my book

a favorite movie theater where I watched Jurassic World 2

a restaurant that says “welcome back” when I come in

feeling relaxed when I buy produce at the market in Spanish, instead of the horrible sick-stomach nervousness I had when I started 

I had a fantastic hike in June, around the base of Montserrat with a wild apricot tree on the path. I had two bad excursions afterward - one where my logistics were perfectly planned but I misunderstood the kayak rental rules; and another cut short for safety concerns. I have a favorite thrift store chain with specific favorite locations. I sassed a moto driver at a crosswalk. I can usually identify if a text is Spanish or Catalan.

It’s more good than bad. But it’s also been a testament of how settled I am into the city that I have complaints and critiques. It’s really rewarding to see who I am when I am unabashed of my license to live here.

Living here has made me feel more confidence in myself and my choices. When I landed, I had so much trepidation about the “American Stereotype” I was either confirming or creating. I don’t care now; I’m just me. Sometimes this means I don’t know enough Spanish to order medicine at the pharmacy, and sometimes it means I talk too loud. But I don’t hate my accent, my culture or my home the way I used to. There are so many fluid aspects of identity. Being American doesn’t define me, and my international friends see the multitudes I see in them, too.

As for Barcelona, I like to oscillate. I leave my house, direct tourists to the Picasso museum (in Italian!) and see a Cathedral that has been standing for nearly 800 years, adjacent to ancient Roman aqueducts. I have a coffee in my happy quiet place, then hear French, German, Dutch and Polish conversations spattered around me. I go have my lunch on the beach, sunbathing and binging my new favorite podcast.

In the same breath, I’m cursing Barcelona: for the 27th rendition of Despacito I’ve heard today, for the psychotic crying seagulls, for the siesta hours that close my supermarket from 2-4:30 daily. As we all know, I have never been known for planning and saving, so teaching has taken its $ummer toll on me. If only holiday was not mandatory! Now over halfway through, I’ve accepted my living circumstances for what they are. I just really did not put enough thought into saving for these monthS off lol.

In spite of these woes - especially money and otherwise that I’d have in ANY city - I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Not just when I’m crying seeing the Chainsmokers at sunrise (LOL WHO CRIES AT THAT). Sitting speechless and listening to music with friends. Having breakfast in bed (with a movie) on a Sunday morning. Being here has given me so much resolution in being who I am - because no one cares. No one cares if you have a start up, or pink hair, or clothes from Louis Vuitton. No one cares who your parents are, what you studied at school or how old you are. Without this pressure, your friendships and relationships are able to be defined by so many other relevant factors. We are more alike than we are different. It is still so magical to be surprised by the facts I never knew, the stories I never heard, that were waiting behind my Hollywood education of worldly matters.

My perspective on where my life is going and my values has shifted so much. The title of this post is from Steely Dan’s Reelin’ in the Years, which I didn’t even know I liked until I heard it again this week. The song captures a lot of how I’ve been feeling lately. The expected trajectory of my life was so wrong. Using my hard-earned degree to move abroad and teach isn’t useless at all. I can’t imagine my life without this move. There is so much joy, peace and understanding - especially within myself - that I wouldn’t have known if I moved forward in Ohio. 

Mid-June, I decided to take a month off all social media. I did it for a multitude of reasons, but mostly to be more present and mind my *own* business for a while. The beginning was so hard. I was embarrassed by how challenging it was to not check my accounts, or all the times my thumb swiped for my social apps. Now I’d say I’m still pretty quiet and I feel so much better because of it. I saw a friend recently for drinks, and she told me about her mom’s visit to Barcelona, showing me photos on her phone that I hadn't yet seen on instagram. It was old-fashioned and exciting.

Other things -

MADDY VISITED omg my bestie was here for a full week and we did stupid stuff like watch Queer Eye and really cool stuff like barbeques and the Magic Fountain. It was surreal to have her here and do a crossover episode of my two separate lives. We had a freakin’ blast.

I’m getting more and more obsessed with re-entering the kitchen, especially to do pastry??? IDK we’ll see but it’s fun to be excited about something, no matter where it may lead

Books I’ve scarfed down this summer: Brain on Fire, The Underground Railroad, No One Belongs Here More than You, Before the Fall, Like Water for Chocolate, and my current is The Invisible Bridge (NO SPOILEES PLEASE)

I taught some classes for my friend Kelsey and it showed me that I do NOT like teaching in classrooms hahaha I made a 7 year old cry (yikes) but we all really loved playing Ghost in the Graveyard! I learned a lot being there. Sometimes I am good at things, but I don’t know how good I am until I fail in another setting or circumstance. So in a roundabout way it made me become a better teacher for my online angels in China.

My friend Natalie gave me her bike-share pass for a week. For those of you moving to Barcelona, GET VIU BICING! It’s 45 Euro for a full year - unthinkably cheap - and the bikes are so convenient. It made me feel super local and happy to bike everywhere. I really loved it.

Since teaching hours are slow right now, I’m trying to make the most of my time. This includes beach runs, reading, sketching / painting in the city, meeting friends, baking, and even updating my portfolio. I’m looking forward to a chill August ahead of me and more fun in the endless sun.

[shesinspain-blog]

Me vs. Beach

“It’s so beautiful,” Maddy said. We were walking down my street after a bougie lunch, heading to have beers and chocolate by the water.

I do this walk almost every day. Even though I try to appreciate my surroundings, I never feel like I’m doing Barcelona enough justice. The weather is so much warmer now; my Norwegian heritage is content with low-70s temperatures all summer. This will not be the case. But this, right here and now, is perfect.

Back home, people would *mention* being from California or going to a tropical vacation destination. They’d get this dreamy, delirious look on their face and say, “I mean, the water, the sand-- what more could you want?!”

I USED TO HATE THE BEACH. Hate hate hate. To the point that I would exempt myself whenever possible of Florida vacations. I would sulk in the dreadful sun, watching my skin become salmon pink and later graduating to blistering, glowing red. I’ve had sunburns so bad I can’t sleep. I’ve been to too many pool parties where I get stuck in the shade, wishing I could read a book in peace or think about anything besides how hot it is.

So, when people got beach-crazy-eyes, I used to roll mine. “Yeah yeah, can’t wait!” I’d lie before my move to Barcelona. I didn’t even care for palm trees. I had it out for the beach.

Living here has opened up my eyes to how life can be different. It doesn’t have to be 12 hours of beach, 5 days straight, and then a flight back to the Midwest. It can be 30 minutes, or with friends, or alone, or with a book, or with music, or after work, or in the mornings, or working out, or sitting on a bench.

The tables really turned for Me vs. Beach on my maximum homesickness days.

I had another one this month - a day of homesickness so bad my stomach hurts. My first move was to buy a jar of peanut butter (a ~delicacy~ here), and eat some with my pointer finger, mean muggin and listening to Wake Me Up When September Ends. Not my best look, seeing as I noticed more than one person wait for me to get out of a shot before they took a *Barcelona!* picture lol. After buying the PB, I kept marching to the beach and sat looking out at the water.

Seeing the waves, smelling the saltwater, and acknowledging the vastness of everything puts me at peace. I can’t explain it. I never thought this would be my mental vibes cure. A couple months back, I came to the beach at night and sat listening to Eat Pray Love for an hour in 50 degree weather. The ocean helped me then, too. CALL ME MOANA I GUESS LOL!

As the months pass, it becomes harder and harder to keep up my once a month entries. So much happens in four weeks! I know! But there’s so much less drama than the beginning.

Besides my 1 bad day this month, May was AWESOME! I got to see three people I haven’t seen in over a year: a dinner with Emily & John, who I met through my BFF Sarah, and my best friend Maddy, who I met in the OSU design program. I had so much fun with both visits. Lots of laughs! And so fun to tell stories with old friends. And it was intense. My brain definitely turned off the awareness of how far I am from home. I don’t realize it until I’m hugging people who I last saw 4000 miles away. It’s easier, mentally, this way - to go day by day, not acknowledging the passage of time. My feelings played catch-up after saying goodbye (hence the beach-peanut-butter-adventure). But I’m okay. Some fellow expats backed me up & reminded me how normal it is to miss somewhere else. I cannot state strongly enough how happy it made me to see my pals here.

May also included a LOT of saving money for me, which should be paying off very soon! Like I said in my last post, Barcelona is pretty break-even, but I was living on a wing and a prayer for a minute (re: 8 cavity fillings). I’m happy my days of staying in and baking galettes or only getting ~one drink~ actually made a difference. It makes me a lot more excited for Barcelona Beach Fest, June, and all the other fab things coming sooner or later.

In May, we said goodbye to Maja AKA Baby Toasty. As always, it was a really hard goodbye - we made so many memories in this city together. I think I’m getting better at accepting Barcelona’s transient nature. When friends leave, I know how special our time is together and how lucky we were to have gotten close. It’s almost like college again. People graduate, people move, but your friendship is still true & fierce & spectacular.

OH ALSO my BOOK CAME OUT THIS MONTH! You can buy my comic book, Gezellig, two ways on the internet: a PDF file and a real stinkin’ printed book. Super exciting and really incredible to have so many people react positively to this. I’ve been quietly working for months on it. Being able to share my hard work and passion project with people I love was overwhelmingly meaningful. And if you’re one of the people who bought a copy, THANK YOU! And I’d love to hear from you! Did you like it?! Any comments!? Hit me up!!!! (Please I really have no way of knowing who bought it and I’d at least like to say thanks personally!)

Anyway, I’m still not sure what I’m doing but I don’t think about that, or care, anymore. I’m making more art here. I got to check out Nit del Museos (ALL MUSEUMS ARE FREE FOR THE NIGHT) and saw some cool exhibits at two museums. I’ve lost friends here, I’ve made friends here. I listened to Little Women (now I’m listening to HP1 and guys really it’s good but wow the movie is so on point). I just unsubscribed from the NYTimes Morning Briefing to give my brain a break. I’m focusing on good vibes and becoming such a hippy. I’m happy. I’m happy. I’m finding myself. I’m happy.

[shesinspain-blog]

F A Q / Make Moves, Bby

Inspired by this fantastic post from Christina Bates, I answered my most frequently asked questions about teaching English in Barcelona. These are all from my experience and don’t carry weight to be generalizations.

I’d like to call this post “no one will do it for you, but you can do it yourself.” Moving here is totally possible, and it may feel super overwhelming but step-by-step you will make it happen. And what better city than Barcelona?!

What did you do before teaching English in Barcelona?

I was 22 in Columbus, Ohio, finishing my Bachelor’s in Visual Communication Design. After I earned my degree in May, I worked at the taco hut for the summer, and moved here in August.

Why did you make the jump?

It was a long time coming for me. I was very fortunate to study abroad in Rome in 2015, and through 5 short weeks I fell in love with Mediterranean culture, the eternal city, and so much more. I’m obsessed with design, so I was torn for my post-grad plans. As much as I wanted to start my career, especially in a big city like Chicago or NYC, I couldn’t shake my desire to move internationally again. I did a lot of stupid simple google searches like “How to move abroad american” and “teaching english overseas.” I got this great book about how to teach overseas. Once I was certain it was a real possibility for me, I made moves to learn what to do, how to do it, and when. Choosing this path as my means to live abroad meant selecting my own housing, determining my own timeline here, and the option to say no to work I didn’t like, which gave me more mental security than some other (totally valid!) ways of being an expat. Like aupairing, for instance.

Why did you choose Barcelona?

For a person who’s constantly following her feelings, my decision for Barcelona was largely pragmatic. I know no languages besides English. I wanted to live somewhere where I could learn fast, or at least read street signs and subway maps. Barcelona’s climate range is not extreme, so I could pack less. It’s centrally located in Europe; traveling from here is easy and cheap. Then there’s the TEFL opportunities. International TEFL Academy recommended it as one of the top locations for teaching abroad. There’s a high market of under-the-table employment, so I didn’t have to spend money on a work or student visa. There is a huge international community. Barcelona has a large population, so schools and private students are everywhere. Reading guidebooks and blogs before I came here really gave me no cultural expectations for this city. I’ve gone from knowing nothing about this city to declaring it the best city on earth. Tapas, sunshine and beach hangs really do that to you ;) 

Why did you choose to get TEFL certified?

Like I said, there are lots of avenues to live overseas. I personally know people who have used the sites AuPairWorld and Workaway and Bunac. I’m considering these for future endeavors. However, TEFL certification allowed me control over my work schedule in a way other jobs did not. Knowing English already made me feel confident about the career change, and I really like my independence. Being able to separate work and fun has been important to me.

Are you on a visa?

I am on a tourist visa, which is the visa Americans have to enter the Schengen zone for 90 days. Catherine Bates has more information about getting a Spanish visa, and you can find a lot of info about visa requirements (for work or students) around the internet. 

Do you need to speak Spanish?

No, especially not in Barcelona. It’s so international here. Oftentimes when speaking with strangers, I will start in Spanish and they respond to me in English anyway. Employees at train stations, grocery stores and movie theaters have all been kind and tolerant when I resort to English. However, why not learn it?! Spanish is awesome. I’ve been learning poco a poco here, and being able to communicate in multiple languages is more than a resume-skill; it’s exciting and beautiful and so alive. When I moved here the Catalan and Spanish languages were really exhausting for me, so learning something before you go (“I would like, please, thank you, and sorry”) can help you adapt better and sooner. 

How do you communicate if your students do not speak English?

It’s almost exactly like language classes in high school / university! Immersion works. With my younger students, we do less sentences and more just vocab words, letter sounds and simple sentence structures. My tutoring students are A2 and C1 level, so it’s fine to do immersion conversations. The A2 students I use more structure for, so that they have the tools to communicate, and they’re not just thrown in the deep end.

How did you find housing?

Housing is crazy. But it’s crazy everywhere, right?! The way it works in Barcelona is basically same day / same week turnaround. People post an empty room and have it filled within 7 days. In this sense, it’s nice, because you wait until you land to start looking. You see the apartment and meet the roommates in person. I booked an Airbnb for my first month (Aug 29 - Oct 1) and looked with apps that are popular here, like Idealista, Badi and Facebook. Like I said, it was highly competitive for renters in September - this is one of the most popular times for students and workers to start a contract. Here is where not knowing Spanish was a major pitfall for me, as fluent speakers commonly wanted to speak Spanish at home.

With this kind of turnaround, most apartments did not even get posted until the last week or two of September. Oftentimes when it felt like I was running out of options, 15 more places would get posted on September 24 or something (available for October). But you can do it! I have yet to hear of someone returning home because they literally had no options. 

How did you find a job? What is the ESL market like? Any tips?

I’m kind of outside the bubble here! I work for VIP KID, which means I work 20 hours a week from home, online. I teach students ages 5-12 in China for half hour classes. So I am not really employed at a school here! I do private tutoring which offers me spending money - it’s really nice to have Euro in hand for weekends, markets, and splitting the bill at a restaurant. I found these opportunities on TusClasesParticulares, which also posts school jobs. I originally got VIP KID as a “side hustle,” and a way to make money until I found a teaching job here. But I never really pursued working at academies - choosing my own schedule and not commuting, etc, were perks of VIP KID. Once I had one job I turned more to the apartment hunt and other things I had to figure out here. A few of my friends are employed by after school programs here, and the TEFL certification has helped all of us have confidence and land jobs.

Can you make enough money teaching in BCN to live comfortably and pay off student loans, travel, etc.?

This is what ITA calls a “break-even” location, not a “potential to save” location. I completely agree. While my income has been enough to support my lifestyle, pay my rent and pay one student loan monthly, I am still very much below the poverty line. You won’t be making a big-bucks salary here in any field - it’s just the way this city is. I’ve been able to do a couple 3 day vacations. I’m getting my 8 cavities filled (kill me!). Overall, I haven’t been scared of supporting myself, but my savings aren’t something to write home about. For financial purposes, you can make between $16 and $22/hr with VIP KID (before taxes). In 2018, I would say a fair price for a room in Barcelona is between 375E and 500E. I used the city to city comparison website to see how my spending habits in Columbus would pan out in Barcelona. Some people ONLY support themselves with VIP KID - some people ONLY support themselves with private tutoring. You will find your own balance of work to be able to afford what you want to do here. 

How can I prepare before the big move?

Learn Spanish! See your friends! Join Facebook Expat communities (one of the best aspects of being an ITA student / alumni). Try to find resources that will help you lesson plan later on, so that you can hit the ground running. Join libraries and set up the ebooks, so that you have access to English books for free. Do all the beaurocratic things, like telling your bank about the move, getting whatsapp, and figure out what to do with your cell phone. Also, get a credit card! So many people advised me against this, but I have no international fees and pay it off with my American bank. It’s perfect. And DON’T FORGET A WINTER COAT. I used mine a lot, surprisingly! 

How much should I save?

You’ll probably have three months between landing and receiving your first paycheck. Budget for 3 months of no income - eating takeout, buying groceries, getting a metro card. Extending your Airbnb you stupidly booked until only the 28th of September and not actually October 1. Your phone may break. You may get locked out. Emergencies happen, and having wiggle room helps you make smart decisions instead of desperate ones. I came here with $2500 and a blank credit card. I think more in the $4-5K range would help you breathe during all the searches. You can do it with less. But more money is like buying time.

How do you become a TEFL teacher and is it as amazing as it sounds?

For me, I pursued the International TEFL Academy online program. It was a great way for me to get certified while being at University, and saved me the cost of housing / etc that I would spend taking an in-person class. The online course was ten weeks, including quizzes and projects (mostly, writing lesson plans). After this, I contacted Ohio State’s American Language Program to pursue my in-person practicum. This meant working with our University’s instructors across Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced English courses for adults. The entire staff was incredibly helpful with this experience, and I met a buddy doing the same thing! We met during our internships and wrote lesson plans together, sometimes teaching joint lessons. Obviously, programs and TEFL Certifications vary with requirements, length and learning, but make sure yours is accredited so that it holds up internationally. My first lesson I was terrified! But I was lucky with my practicum too, because the teachers helped me ease in from leading a 15 minute activity to doing a full hour lesson plan solo. I don’t lesson plan with VIP KID (it’s done for you), but I do for my private lessons, and I just try to get them talking confidently as much as possible. Yesterday, we played HedBanz and we all had a blast.

What does a typical schedule look like and do you have time to do other things?

I wake up around 9am and do my thang until I teach 12-4. I have to write feedback for VIP KID, which generally takes a half hour. Lesson planning for my private students is probably 2h/wk of my time. This means most days I’m free around 4-5pm! I feel like I have so much time. Some days I can meet friends, sketch in the city and try a new recipe for dinner. Especially without commuting (besides 30m each way to my tutoring students), I have been able to own my time a lot here.

Do you need a degree?

ITA says Spain does not “require” this but it definitely helps. It is required for VIP KID. Other countries with less supply of American teachers, or different values for them, may be more lenient with this. For example, Japan may reimburse you with your flight, provide housing AND pay $2K/mo. Every market is different.

What happens when your tourist visa expires?

For the most part, nothing. Leaving the Schengen zone is the time where people may fine you or ban you from Europe. If you’re staying in Spain, your day-to-day lifestyle will likely not bring you within range of immigration control. Despite the “border-free” Schengen policy, some places like Paris will still make you go through customs in the airport and re-check your passport. For this reason, it is best to be smart about when and where you cross country borders. A few different sources have more information on this.

What have been some of the challenges you’ve faced?

I just wrote about this recently! Frustration with myself for not learning Spanish sooner. Homesick days (which are infrequent but can hit ya hard). Apartment hunting in September, but not so much in April. It is easy to live in the expat bubble here, so I would say it is challenging to meet and befriend local Spaniards. (Again, would help if I knew Spanish.) VIP KID has been amazing, but the first few months were unsteady with pay, which I didn’t account for in my moving budget. Winter is hard - even though it’s only 50 degrees here, it was still emotionally difficult. Finally, I really miss my design community and working in the field I’m so passionate about.

Final thoughts…would you change anything?

I don’t regret anything in my life, because even mistakes have lessons. Coming here with more money would have given me greater security in the beginning, but I’m scrappy and I persisted; when that happened I found out how strong I can be. Being in Barcelona has been a dream come true for me. I’ve made friends from all over the world, learned some Spanish, and have learned a lot about myself. It’s hard to say because my time here is still not over! I’m excited to keep learning about my values, who I am and what I want in my life. The culture here is AMAZING. People really value and enjoy their lives here. Get out here and dive in headfirst (preferably into some patatas bravas).

[shesinspain-blog]

Life is about learning!

All the good feelings, now cranked up to the max.

April has been a tornado! The good kind, like Dorothy’s! All my feelings of spring and happy and things looking up here are now in full force. We’ve been having great weather here (sorry, midwest) and everything is starting to feel easy.

I just had one of my favorite weekends here. Highlights include:

chatting with Alesia in Italian and teaching each other new words

crispy, cheap, saucy patatas bravas on a stick, eaten on the go

dancing to reggaeton as we decided on toast nicknames

coffee in the sunshine with a long lost amiga

chatting with a local artist from Mexico, after drawing my third piazza this week

high-fiving new friends during a pickup futbol match

hearing nothing but streams, wind and wildlife on my mountain hike

I’ve loved a lot about different places I’ve lived. Even visiting places, I can see the merits of living there, and I can also usually detect my kryptonites for the city. Amsterdam? Too chill! Lisbon? Too hilly!

But what is there to complain about for Barcelona?! It’s easy to navigate. You can see the ocean or the mountains, and I saw both this weekend. Everything is here! It’s metropolitan, so you have Sephora and Lush when you’re not shopping at Zara, but it’s also so jamcrampacked that I rarely walk more than 30 minutes. Walks filled with windowshopping, people watching, and ancient aqueducts.

Speaking of OLD THINGs, I moved to Born in April! I’m already missing my roomies on Paris, but this location suits me much better. I’m by the cathedrals, the ruins, and the city center that has been active for every rise and fall of Barcelona. The American side of my heart is thrilled to be so close to a Starbucks (I’ve been twice in the first week lol).

Besides moving, April has been full of other “aventuras”. I went to an FCB match!! OMG! I have a conversation buddy named Sergio, and he generously invited me to a match. We went on a cloudy, chilly day, and I got to cheer along for Iniesta (my favorite), Shakira’s husband, and of course, MESSI. I loved clapping and singing along in Spanish, and using Sergio’s vocab to boo the refs: “burro!” (He even cued me at one point!). There was such a buzz being in the stadium - I forgot about the electricity I felt at football games back home.

One really funny thing about the game was that no one bought concessions or came & went from their seats, like at American games. Instead, at the half, the ENTIRE STADIUM stood up at once and rushed the restrooms and concessions. Then they all raced back in time for part two. They also do not sing their National Anthem at the match, because it was mandatory during the fascist dictatorship. Overall, an unforgettable experience.

With every month that passes, I see the chasm widening between me and the US. It’s one of those things that’s happening so slowly I barely notice. Until it’s been 6 weeks since I facetimed with my BFF, or I realize the details I don’t know these days about my friends. Also, I missed yodeling boy, and I’m blaming ~being abroad~. Generally though, I don’t browse social media anymore, so I really need a direct message for major life updates. Getting off my phone and being more present has been great for me.

I’m trying new things here - like playing futbol, speaking Spanish/Italian, and going on my first solo hike. The hike was SO BEAUTIFUL. I went out to Girona-ish yesterday to do a 2 hour hike. You can see it here.

I allowed myself 5 hours and had dropped a few pins for navigation. Since I’ve gone camping maybe twice in the past 10 years, I assumed I’d be a natural in nature.

IT WAS A LIL LESS “Wild by Cheryl Strayed” and a LIL MORE BLAIR WITCH IF YOU FEEL ME!!!! I totally lost the trail for ninety minutes and it was a real wake-up call for how risky solo hiking is. I went in with too few navigational tools and misunderstood how hard it would be to follow a “marked trail” when it’s going up a mountainside, at a diagonal, sometimes on rocks. I really want to try again especially before it gets hot, so next time I will bring: a paper map, a compass, and use the TwoNav app the ENTIRE TIME.

Victories from this experience include: catching both (BOTH!) of my busses, FINDING A HIKE I CAN GET TO BY PUBLIC TRANSPORT, finding the trail head, bringing enough water, eating lunch in a beautiful location, wearing the right clothes and successfully escaping the city for a day. The beautiful weather didn’t hurt, either. And next time will be easier.

When I texted my friend Alex about how it was a disaster, he replied “Life is about learning!” At first I laughed out loud, then I felt so delighted. It’s not too late! I’m 23! I can start playing futbol, speaking a new language or learn some outdoorsy skills. 

It’s just the beginning.

[shesinspain-blog]

pastels and playas

If I were on Jeopardy, and got hit with the question of what my favorite season is, my hand wouldn’t flinch as I jabbed at the buzzer. 

“WHAT IS FALL!” Definitively, absolutely, fall, crispy leaves and a brisk chill in the air.

But now I think Trebek would tell me I was wrong. Spring is winking at me from across the room and I can’t help but blush.

Pumpkin spice who?!

Yesterday, Angie called me and after a quick conversation, I made to leave.

“Why? Can’t you talk for five more minutes?” “No, I’m running late! I have to eat this mango and then meet my friends on the beach!”

I think I might be doing photosynthesis, because the sunshine is giving me superstrength. I feel invincible. Each month I say this, but month seven has finally made me relax about teaching. The online lessons are pretty much a no-brainer at this point, and I enjoy it way more. When I started I had the butterflies especially if a parent was next to the computer, seeing Cwazy Teacher Kayla in full force.

Money-wise, things can be kind of rocky for me (mostly because my spending habits involve sequences like: bake a chocolate cake, vacation to Lisbon for 3 days, eat McDonalds, take an extra day off work). But I’m chillin and grillin, baby!

A friend and I once were commiserating about money at work. Once a month, I think of this brilliant thing she said to me -

“Every year I have a meltdown like this. At 16, 17, 18. This is just my annual challenge. And you know what? I always find a way to make it work. I keep going, and make ends meet, and things come together, and a year later I figure things out all over again.”

So when I say I feel invincible, I don’t mean it in every direction. When I wrote last month’s post, I reflected a lot on the things that have challenged me. These challenges have made me stronger. I have so much more confidence in myself. I don’t feel invincible because I think “everything will just work out.” I know what I can do when I’m desperate. That online job I’m always mentioning? I applied 5 times because my application kept getting denied. I can be relentless when the circumstances demand it.

And now with the sun shining, what is there to complain about? Tuesday night, my plane landed in this city, and I remembered the full gravity location has on my happiness.

Things I love MORE about Barcelona after seeing Lisbon

the flatness of the urban area!

THE WALKABILITY (you can pretty much cross BCN on foot in an hour)

Tapas! Tapas! Tapas!

Speaking Spanish!

the beaaach

the size

Things I love about both cities!

the ocean

the seafood

the street art / tropical temperatures

relaxed vibes

Things I loved specifically about Lisbon

seemed very hipster and chill

PASTEL DE NATA OMG

Hearing Portugese!

The building colors!

The streetcars, the windy streets, the multitude of piazzas

SO CHEAP (Beers really are $1, on draft at the bars!)

Vintage stores! So many more thrift shops here!

TILE

People were SO NICE. Including: waitress at Frankie who gave us a list of Lisbon recommendations, strangers at the bus stop who pointed us in the right direction (even though we didn’t speak Portugese), bus drivers, etc etc

We spent about 3 days in Lisbon! I went with Omar, and while we didn’t make it to Belem, we were able to see -

San Jorge castle

Barrio Alto (our favorite, and the most bang for our buck neighborhood wise)

The aquarium!

Locals hanging out at bars, in squares, on patios

S0oooOoo much street art

The world’s oldest bookstore!

But basically we did the Lisbon Food Tour. We ate dinner in an old palace, lunched at the Time Out Market, tried the famous bacalhau (think cheesy potatoes with flakes of whitefish) and tried so. many. pastel de nata.

These beautiful angels have the awful translated name of “egg custards.” No gracias! I bake about once a week and NEVER would have tried these before Portugal. They should be called “cream tarts,” or “pudding pastries,” or just “heaven.”

Unprepared for the cold the first day, we had been walking around the city for some time. I saw a line out the door at a pastry shop and we decided to try our first Pastel de Nata in the city. Ordering two each, and an espresso (for about $3) we snagged a spot at the counter and watched a baker pulling sheet pan after sheet pan out of their multi-tiered oven.

Dousing our pastries in cinnamon and powdered sugar, we took our first cautious bites and our knees buckled. I was speechless.

Other things that have happened in March-

We made friends with some Erasmus students from France. On paper, I would have seen it as an unlikely combo: kids 3 years younger than me, here for the short term, met at the bar. But people and things can surprise you. I’m becoming more breezy about my concepts of socializing.

My English is still getting worse as my Spanish and Italian get better. But it’s worth it!

I finished my Amsterdam book AHHH!! I’m trying to do some final touches before sharing that, but it was a true test of my creative endurance. I know now I have more willpower than I previously assumed - I’m excited to keep exploring this stamina in the coming months, with other big projects ;)

I got obsessed with more podcasts, including My Favorite Murder, Do You Know Who Jason Segel Is, and finished my 2000 piece puzzle!

This is getting LONG, but I’ll try to write again in mid-April so that it’s not as much of a blitz (for you AND me!).

I am so happy here! The warmth of spring, fresh changes and comfortable / stable lifestyle are combining perfectly for me right now. I’m so excited for the paella, sangria, beach days and George Saunders stories ahead of me. Stay tuned!

[shesinspain-blog]

Trouble in Paradise

It is a cold morning in February as Annalisa, one of my best friends, flies to Paris. I'm seeing her one last time before she goes back to the US, but that day is less than a week away. The reality of her leaving still hasn't hit me. It certainly was real for friends who said their goodbyes last night and ended up crying in the club.

Summer Camp Syndrome is setting in. I'm grateful to be going onward in this magic city. And yet. There's something so perfect about being the first one to go, not seeing the friend group wane and wax, having the perfect preservation of being the senior going off to college while your friends cheer you on from home.

Of course this means I have ~friends from all over the world now!~ which I truly love. But it will be different here not having one of my main squeezes around for Friday nights at HQ.

I wanted to take a moment here to share the dark side of expat life. Before I moved, I was so willing to blindly take on whatever may come on my path. I think that mentality helped me actually do the darn thing. But I also wish I had acknowledged, or at least known about, the hard days here too. I do not want to speak for anyone’s experiences outside of my own. Here are some things that have happened along the way.

Some of these “things I’ve learned about myself” have come from pushing my spirit to the extremes.

The more Spanish I learn, the better, more confidently, and happier I communicate. Learning a language has a massive learning curve. If there is one thing I hate, it is being bad at things! I hated how bad I was at Spanish. I wish I learned more before coming here. YES MEXICAN SPANISH IS VERY DIFFERENT but oh my gosh I would have been sooo much better off if I had even attempted in the US. And it’s not just me who hates the language barrier I have. It can be isolating and overwhelming to be outside of the conversation. When I can understand, I usually can’t respond in a normal pace, if I can think of anything to say at all. I was so rude when I started speaking Spanish! I could only say “coffee,” not “I would like a coffee for here, please”, which are two totally different personas. It wasn’t me, and I was cringing on the inside 24/7. I also had this “impostor syndrome” fear -- an idea that if I DID try to speak spanish to people, they would tell me I didn’t deserve the language. Or look at me like, “why are you destroying our beautiful words?” NO ONE DOES THIS. No one has ever done this. I think I just felt so intimidated and confused.

There was the day my phone broke which I could not talk to people about for a long time because I was seriously so vulnerable. I breezed by it in my October post but I truly almost came home when that happened. It felt like my plan was falling apart. I maybe had an apartment, I had a job, but I had NO MONEY. The true peak of my misery with this was the morning after my phone just…. died. I woke up in Sant Antoni, realized I could no longer -

have a constant map home

listen to music / podcasts / English on my walks

text anyone for an apartment

hear back from anyone I had been in apt talks with

do every other dumb thing i use my phone for

I went out of my house to see if I could fix the phone. I went to 3 separate places, mime-asking for a mini-screwdriver and kept getting redirected. I got some Starbucks and had just read an email saying “sorry, no” for the 50th time on my apartment search. It was a bright, sunny morning and I walked outside and just started crying. By myself. A guy asked after me concerned, but I just dodged eye contact (really nice, Kayla). And not like a soft cry, like full weeping with lil hiccups.

Eventually I bit the bullet and bought a new phone from Amazon but WOW money is hard??? and that really swept the rug out from under me.

Other random hard things.

The time difference that means my mom calling after work ASAP is midnight my time. Even outside of the time difference, there are certain people for whatever reason it’s been hard to stay in touch with. When I wanted to have a fresh start, I didn’t realize how important my history can be. Sometimes you just really need people who know the whole story. Even if you’re sick of telling that story, you need someone who gets it. I miss my home base sometimes.

Going to the grocery store and not being able to read anything. Going to the grocery store with your list in Spanish, only to find everything written in Catalan. Going to the grocery store with a recipe and not being able to find - a roast? dill seasoning? hot sauce? do these chicken pieces have bones in them? if I need a cup of something, how many grams is that? is this soap for my hair or my body?

The air here is different from back home, so my first two weeks I had HORRIBLE allergies. I fiiinally got some medicine and now I’m assimilated, but before it was scary bad.

There are little stupid things I miss - like libraries full of English books, or IPAs on tap. Or having the Office on Netflix!

One night we talked about this with a group of fellow expats. A friend put it best for me when she was talking about the crippling confusion and difficulty.

“When I first moved here, my host family kept asking - are you gonna leave the house today? Are you going to do anything today? And I just couldn’t. I didn’t know … how to do… anything. ANYTHING. Anything I wanted to do involved planning and decisions and keeping my brain on for every move. I couldn’t just do something. It had to be orchestrated and it was just so exhausting.”

I watched a LOT of American Netflix that first month (like 2 seasons of Narcos nonstop). And I felt that sentiment all too well. Sometimes just doing anything was too hard and I couldn’t be brave about it. Even now when I feel like my Spanish is going well, someone will have an English conversation with me - about politics, religion, family history - and I realize how LITTLE i know of the language.

It’s always a work in progress. And I really love it here. Even when I wanted to move BACK, I never regretted moving here in the first place. But I wanted to put something out there about some of the challenges with moving abroad. If it hasn’t been clear, I would also like to express my undying gratitude for everyone here. Strangers and friends who have been patient, kind, and unbelievably helpful to me. The good truly does outweigh the bad.

Thanks for sticking with me for this long post!! Here’s a fun gif of me trying to do a jumping pic at the Light festival this weekend! 

[shesinspain-blog]

Mele Kalikimaka // A DOODLE POST

I woke up to bright sunlight and blue skies Christmas morning.

“Where are you going today?” I called up to the loft.

“France, ending in Paris,” Kelsey replies.

“Wait, weren’t you just in Paris?”

Moments like these can happen four times in one day or once a week. But when they happen, I am struck again by the surrealness of my life here. I’m just so happy in Barcelona. I have such a good balance of my life here. Even though I’m not designing as much as I did back home, I can’t complain about my 20 hour workweeks (which leave plenty of time for side projects, puzzles, and books!). I can finally say I’ve had some 6am nights out, awesome museum experiences, and my friends and I have a favorite bar.

Christmas was definitely hard! I made myself a full-blown feast and watched Home Alone, smiling ear to ear all afternoon. But I am very close with my family. In fact, I think I’ve gotten closer to all of them since moving here! This week I spent two hours howling with laughter as my sister re-capped the holidays (everything from horrible puns to our polished impressions of Mom). I’ve realized how important it is for me to spend time with them, at Christmas or frequently throughout the year. Someone recently asked me what I miss about Christmas at home, and my only answer was “sitting on mom’s couch.” It’s probably the happiest place on earth.

I’m not one to dwell on the mopey, so suffice it to say I definitely missed my family last week. BUT this might be the only Christmas I get to spend in Barcelona! I got to see their endless Christmas lights on the streets, Nativity Scene in the town square, and Christmas market (okay there were probably 11 stands selling nativity scenes - at that point, how do all of you profit?! I don’t understand).

When I started this blog, I had such a classic story-arc in mind for what was going to happen here. Move abroad. Have experiences. Rises. Falls. Scandal. Betrayal.

Just kidding! But drama-wise, I really did think I’d have these crazy fresh experiences to be constantly sharing and projecting here. Aaaand it’s … not like that! I’m even more boring now than I was in my November post.

Barcelona really does get cold. I thought Ohio prepared me better, but somewhere between the city buildings, early sundown and mountains, I’m colder than I planned to be. I really only brought one sweater and a few sweatshirts and I’m missing my mismatched, grizzly wardrobe from my old winter days.

Today is New Year’s Eve which is my FAVORITE HOLIDAY! Keep your Christmas, keep your Halloween! Actually wait I love ALLL holidays, but NYE takes the cake. It’s a fresh start, and no matter where you’re at, there’s hope for what a new year can bring, change or repair. And it’s a holiday that involves chanting crowds, parties, and ~staying up late~. What’s not to love!?

In honor of the New Year, I wanted to do my personal wrap-up on 2017! I wrote it all down, scanned it in and made it into pictures. If I were a better designer, or more detail-oriented, it would be more legible. But I’m currently working on designing 2 books, a video project, a freelance project, and reading three books! So, in line with my constant mantra, “done is better than perfect.” There has been so much stink in 2017 (nationally and personally) but so much to celebrate too. So much happy.

Other things I’ve been up to -

This week was my first Spanish-stranger compliment! Only took me 4 months. I had to say it twice but I DID IT

I’m getting better at grocery shopping! Buying less and more frequently, also actually going to the fruit/veg stands or fish stands (which are cheaper but they literally gave me anxiety when I first got here. It’s the little things)

I got a 2000 piece puzzle of AMS as my personal Christmas gift so my geriatric score just went up another 40 points :(

Seeing my same group of friends, regularly, for: walks, tapas, mojitos, movies, museums, tacos, birthdays, baking,

SPEAKING OF BAKING I made my annual cinnamon rolls in Barcelona! I’m so proud of myself for keeping the tradition alive and figuring out how to make it happen! Okay onto the wrap-up, hopefully another more detailed post again in January!

[shesinspain-blog]

How to Succeed in Barcelona Without Really Trying

To me, November is synonymous with crisp fall air, smoky campfires, travel mugs roastin’ my fingerpads as I stroll, football games, road trips, and cinnamon leaves sprinkled on every walkway.

Okay, I miss fall, a lot. But lucky for me Barcelona has fall too! Our weather still hits about sixty-ish degrees during the day, but those chilly mornings and nights have me feeling some typa way. And I actually had to buy another blanket for my bed, so I guess the seasons, they are a’changin!

If moving here was a roller coaster, I’m on that stretch of track right before you enter the ride shelter. I careened over a precipice, saw my world flip upside down in front of my eyes, felt my stomach turn somersaults and alternated between having my hands sky-high and white-knuckling on the handlebar. I’m beyond grateful to see solid ground. I love rollercoasters, and adventure, and I have no regrets at all. But being past the point of adrenaline is also… peaceful. Do I like peace and stability!? WHO AM I BECOMING HERE?!

On that note, here are some things I realized I actually appreciate that I never valued in the US:

Stability. Oh my gosh, back in Ohio, I had a hunger for the temporary, ephemeral, and Eat Pray Love-style “chasing adventure at a moment’s notice.” Here, I have my adventure. But I also have people I talk to regularly, I know how to walk home, and I go to the same grocery store constantly. It’s nice to have some predictability.

Patience. Can any of you describe me as patient? LOL me neither. I’m not. Never have been. But here is different. I couldn’t survive here without some patience. Patience while communicating, thinking and listening in a second language I hardly know; patience for five year olds learning the sentence “This is a medium square,” and patience with myself. With patience comes forgiveness and understanding for mistakes.

Rituals and routines. One of my best friends and I have a running joke about this. She is so good with her routines, she has managed to keep working out, reading and keeping her habits while ALSO BEING IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY EVERY MONTH. We all used to tease her about her consistency. Now, I acknowledge how habits can offer a person strength and security when so much else seems unpredictable.

Okay so now that I’ve done my promotion quota for Elizabeth Gilbert, I’ll share some more fun things!

I’m making friends here! It feels… almost easier than back home. No one is embarrassed about the fresh-start aspect, so there are tons and tons of lone-wolf expats (and natives!) who are open to coffee dates, hiking mountains, and meeting for dinner and drinks with total strangers. Sometimes I see people who are so set into their friend circles it seems impossible to infiltrate or expand beyond the usual crowd. I’ve been there before, too. The culture here is encouraging and welcoming and fluid enough that nothing seems set in stone. If you ever move abroad, join a ton of facebook chats, Whatsapp groups, and MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. Flying solo here has made me willing to put myself out there and risk rejection, because 9 times out of 10, other people are hyped about new friends, too!

Besides the Bible-y traits I’ve learned here, I’ve also confirmed my quirks. Now I’m feeling like ~to thine own self be true!!!!!!!~ Hahaha but for real. I’m a grandma. My favorite things include: podcasts; reading novels, short stories and poetry; baking (I’m currently on a hunt for the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe); and early morning walks. And I like these things about myself! I like these things more now that I’m in a foreign land and these are the things I keep going back to. I don’t have anyone to compare myself to here, really, so I can feel happy doing my own thing. Even if it means dancing to Crank That (Soulja Boy) in my bedroom at 10p on a Saturday night. Or if it means staying home all day to do a Miley Cyrus illustration. I like the things I like. I’ve always been impressed by others’ cool confidence and sureness of their own self. I’m getting a taste of that here and I can’t stop chasing that feeling.

I’m also chilling out. Now with the job, apartment, other foundational aspects, I’m not balling out on tapas by myself like I used to. The online classes are getting easier with more practice. I have ice breakers that are appropriate for 5 year olds (not questions like “what are you watching on netflix?” or “what’s your major?”). AND I have those two kids I tutor, and I’m finally showing them Youtube videos that entertain them. The first week, I tried a Jimmy Fallon video that I LOVED, but they stared at me and sulked. A clip from the Office last week was a smash hit.

Homesickness is real, but I mostly fend it off with the “plane ticket home” proposition. Every time I’m dumpy-grumpy, I ask myself, “If you went home right now, how would you feel?” and I know the answer is “not happy. Unsatisfied. Irritated.” When that answer changes, I’ll book a flight back to MSN. For now, I’ll keep mutilating the Spanish language, converting my recipes to grams, and binge-watching Dexter (once I can recover from the Season 4 finale. I’m SHOOK.).

Cookie recipes, for anyone who’s interested, include:

Sarah Keiffer’s Internet Famous Cookies (too buttery for me, and the texture was v greasy, but I could not stop myself from eating all but 3)

ChefSteps Cookies (I think my only error here was using too-sweet chocolate -- the roomies loved them, and I loved the cakey texture)

MY FAVORITE, Cha-Cha’s Cookies (Always popular, I love the texture and the chocolate-density, and the SALT!)

Staying true to my grandma ways, I’m planning a personal bake-off across recipes at some point, so if you have a favorite recipe pls send it my way! (actually I’m always taking recommendations for everything ever so shout out whatever you’re lovin’ lately!) 

[shesinspain-blog]

I moved to Paris!

Happy October!

Not really sure what fall is like here since it’s still 70 degrees. I think it’s just not gonna be a thing. I’m looking forward to temperatures dropping in November and December and having a bit of a chill in the air!

So I’m actually a human being over here you guys. Life is good. I just passed my one-month point litrally yesterday. I can’t believe how much has changed already!

I got hired with VIP KID! YAAAAY. It’s an online organization that connects Americans to kids in China for 30 minute classes. It is awesome. I have taught at least 50 classes already and work from home. My “classroom” is full of props and has a backdrop of ABCs and numbers. It takes a lot of energy to teach these kids, but I’m having a lot of fun with it, and some of them have done multiple classes with me. Today, I taught a girl named Angela about colors and bigger/smaller. We had extra time after class and she was showing me all the things she has that are blue (her favorite color). Then she goes, “Teacher, what is your favorite color?” it was so adorable, I couldn’t stop giggling.

This week I start tutoring privately! I’m excited for that too. The family is about 20 minutes from my house. So yes. I got the job thing kind of figured out. And I also have….

AN APARTMENT!!!!!!

*deafening cheers from the audience*

Yeah the apartment search was awful. Sarah (my BFF) always found our apartments in Columbus so I had no idea how much work it would take. I texted one hundred people for places. I looked at 2 major websites almost every hour for two weeks. I visited sixteen places and spent so much time and energy trying to figure it out. Oh and since the demand is so high right now I was just trying to fit in with *any* kind of roommates. I went to one house where the girl had a dog and was smoking weed during the whole interview. Another house the guy told me they don’t make friends with each other and they don’t like any noise. At both of these (and everywhere else) i was like 

LOL YEAH PERFECT LOVE IT LOVE YOU GUYS HI I’M ARTSY AND ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH PLS LOVE ME

But my home now is perfect. Perfect. It’s on Carrer de Paris (hence this post title lol). I’m including the link to the “AirBnB” guide of my neighborhood bc it will give you a good sense of the vibe! It’s in a really *authentic* part of the city. It’s close to my friends here and it’s in a safe area. I spent 2 hours yesterday walking my suitcases back and forth from my airbnb to my new apartment and I passed so many cafes, gelato shops, and wow there are like lots of plant shops?? Like it almost seems like they can’t all be in business???? Haha I love it. I’m excited to have the day off tomorrow and explore way more.

Businesses here seeeeriously shut down on Sundays. On a scale of 1 to Chik-Fil-A it’s a 10. I kind of like it because it forces me to be lazy or do something low-key. I just bought Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie and I’m planning on reading for most of the evening.

So things are going well here. I almost titled this “Darkest before the dawn” because I had a brutal couple weeks. The house hunt made me feel so defeated and confused about ~my purpose~ and I had a hard time staying hopeful. And before I had a job I was pretty sure I would run out of money (I still might LOL). OH AND ThEN IN THE THICK OF IT ALL MY PHONE BROKE. My mom got a craaazy call from me that day. Having a return plane ticket made me feel like I at least had a way out if things didn’t turn around. And Starbucks is still my go-to in crises (hey, everyone has their vice). But I survived, and all those low points have made me reallly appreciate the successes!

Tomorrow, I’m going to IKEA to get sheets and stuff. This month I’m gonna try to actually go to some museums around here. There are 2 visiting exhibits (Andy Warhol & David Bowie) that I’m really excited to see. And I’m gonna try to find more info about the city’s history and sketch the architecture here… I have a lot to look forward to. It’s easier to make these kind of plans now that I’m not putting the puzzle pieces of life together.

I’m just really happy to be here and I’m enjoying myself! More updates soon :)

And no quotes today, just go watch the Lady Gaga documentary lol

AirBnB guide to L'Antiga Esquerra de l'Eixample

[shesinspain-blog]

A Time for First Everythings

If you think I’ve been pretty silent around here, you wouldn’t be wrong. 

I’ve been in Spain about two weeks now. It’s still scary and exciting and scary. I wouldn’t say I have a routine here yet, but I’m continuing a lot of my habits from home. Journalling, reading and drinking coffee are helping me feel less “stranger in a strange land.” 

This last week was a whirlwind! I moved from one AirBnB to my new one, where I’ll be until October. The hosts are so nice and the guy is a skateboard designer from Ecuador! His girlfriend is Venezuelan and has lived here for fifteen years. 

My last AirBnB was mostly hotel style. I rarely crossed path with the hosts. I liked it, but living with this couple makes me feel more at home. It’s nice to have consistency of people to come home to, say hi to, and ask for advice. 

I guess the thing that is surprising me most here is that LIFE TAKES TIME. It’s accurate, right? Like have you ever had a job, or apartment, or friend group fully blossom after 3 days? HAHA NO. That’s literally not how life works! And this is an exciting time! Every day, I get to do new things, try new foods, meet new people. 

One of my favorite things here is just taking long walks home. I have data now! And a European phone number! So if I get lost I can get back home! It’s pretty incredible. My neighborhood is eclectic and artsy. There are beautiful boutiques and real-life etsy shops on every block. Cafes and bodegas are a dime a dozen and I’m still finding my favorites. 

Oh I’ve been grocery shopping here just a little at a time. There’s a Carrefour Market near me that’s open 24 hours. It’s on one of the busiest streets in the city and it is PACKED. Like guys this is probably the size of like the smallest Kroger / Giant Eagle you can think of. Maybe 75% the size of that. Which for here is HUGE. It makes me feel at home to have options. Most of the grocery stores here are like the size of Starbucks, so it’s a big difference to have a supermarket! 

Aside from grocery shopping, I like to try new restaurants (for lunch, dinner or gelato). The beaches are so nice too. I love going for just a couple hours and reading in the sunshine. It’s a great *free* thing to do in this city lol. People are always playing beach volleyball, sunbathing, playing with their kids.. and last week I saw friends playing a board game! I like that the beach is a hangout spot for locals and tourists. 

Everyone strolls around here. No one’s really rushing anywhere. This city is super international (not touristy!). People are from all over. People speak Catalan, Spanish and English (and Italian and French and everything!). Everyone has their own sense of fashion from edgy to sophisticated to casual. And the city is so big ~anyone can be anything~ or at least it feels that way!! 

Finally I’ve had an awesome time meeting new people. Obviously we’re in the early stages here. There’s such a spark, a wildfire of energy, when new friends share their first laughs and jokes together. I’ve had several of these moments this week and it’s exhilarating every single time. Those moments, heart to hearts, first hugs... it’s so good. I love hearing stories of what matters to people with totally unique backgrounds, lifestyles and aspirations. 

Ok so to circle back, I haven’t written because I feel like I have “nothing new to report.” They may not be Facebook events, but all these little moments are teaching me so much and adding so much value in my life. Like two days ago I just took a 3 hour walk around the city, bought some art supplies, ate gelato and listened to an audiobook. Physically seeing neighborhoods from the map was super helpful and fun. I’ll keep you guys posted about the big stuff too, but for now, I’m trying to practice patience and gratitude for the track I’m on. All those celebratory moments are coming, but until then, I’ll be celebrating the every day. 

I’m so rarely a creature of patterns but I really like incorporating quotes into my posts! I listened to The Alchemist this week and it totally had some hokey parts but overall I’m a hokey gal and I loved all the cheesy “follow your heart” quotes so here’s one of them! 

“My Heart Is Afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.” ― Paulo Coelho

[shesinspain-blog]

All I Know is “Hola”

9pm on Thursday night finds me in my Airbnb, dancing to Lost by Frank Ocean, cookin’ up some brie cheese to have with pears and fresh bread for dinner. I’m chatting with Kacey, another resident in this apartment who did the “teach-english-after-college” stint in Madrid a few years back.

The last two days have been a whirlwind. I was absolutely on edge for my flights into Spain and ended up crying probably nine separate times, especially during takeoff / landing. Mostly tears of joy, but still. It’s really awkward to be noisy sobbing next to strangers.

OKAY LET’S GET TO THE FUN PART!

Yesterday was litrally a *perfect* first day in the city. I am trying this new thing called “slowing down?” idk i have never done it before lol. But for real I am trying to pace myself with all the newness. I want to assimilate gradually and actually enjoy everything instead of getting panicky and frustrated. So. Yesterday was kinda slow, I landed at noon and got a cute lil lunch 10 mins from my Airbnb. Then at night I met with my friends Tori and Szuhay (friends from OSU) who are travelling thru Barca right now!! Talk about perf timing right?! We played volleyball on the beach for a few hours and I laughed so hard and so much. The salty sea air, cold beers, new friends… everything felt so relaxed and beautiful and new. It made me super calm down about making new friends here, too.

After a few hours of some crazy fun volley, we went to a tapas place with their friend, Terrence. He’s an expat as well so he took us to an awesome, small tapas place where we drank ~vino~ and ate some of the best food of my life. I’m talking smoked beef. I’m talking salty ham. I’m talking crispy, meaty, fresh calamari. Okay we ate some vegetables too but the SEAFOOD WOW IT’S UNLIKE ANYTHING I’VE EVER HAD. Shrimp has a flavor here!

Today was another chill one. Like I said. Pacing myself. But I feel like a real ~city rat~ bc I took the metro to Park Guell! And listened to a podcast about Gaudi on the way! It was rainy so the park wasn’t packed and it was only SEVEN EURO to get in. Like excuse me. In Barca I can see world-famous architecture for the cost of a movie at home. I’m planning on going back to sketch this week! It was gorgeous even with the grey skies.

I keep doing this thing in Barcelona where I see the pictures of the city I saw on Google before I landed. Like I’m right at the top of Park Guell and I see the “google images” top photo of Barcelona in my head. It makes me laugh out loud every time. It’s super surreal. I guess I still can’t believe I live here now.

Okay so this was supposed to be a “first impressions” post so let me bullet point some things I’ve learned / experienced so far!

My neighborhood, Sant Antoni, is the “hipster” neighborhood here. It’s so perfect for me. Cute cafes, lots of brunch spot, lots of street art. 

My study abroad REALLY prepared me for this. Of course Spain and Italy are v different, but having been abroad makes me like, “oh yeah, this is like Rome,” and it makes things easier for me to understand.

I want to learn a lot more about the architectural history here.

The tropical climate is naaaiice. Being able to eat gelato and walk down the streets and still be warm is so great.

I love the street art! There is so much of it and a lot of it is really weird. I love weird. It’s cool to think about all these different people expressing themselves in such unique ways.

The people here are really, really nice. My friend Tori left her phone in a cab and the driver drove 30 mins out of his way to return it -- for free. He wouldn’t even take a tip. When I was maneuvering my way into my Airbnb, a stranger helped push my luggage thru the door. On the metro today, a woman told me I should get off at the same stop as her and pointed me towards Park Guell.

Okay well this feels like a long post so far and I have lots more to say, but I’m gonna write to y’all more another time! Another guy staying at my Airbnb is from Georgia (the state) and we are gonna go for a stroll through town. It’s almost 11pm here, so for Barcelonians, the night is still young!

FOOD LIST SO FAR

-chicken, avo + almond sandwich with lemon mayo (day 1)

-tapas, including: cured ham on tomato bread, smoked beef, steak and roasted vegetables, fresh-caught shrimp, fried chicken, calamari, salad with ahi tuna, croquettes, cod fritters (day 1)

-salad with avo, salmon, raspberries & creamy dill dressing (day 2)

-brie on bread with pears (day 2)

More adventures to come! I’ll post again soon!

Sorry to all my friends for the radio silence so far! Haha

Also please comment on FB or message me if you have questions about it here, or if there’s anything you want to hear more / less about : )

[shesinspain-blog]

Someday and Tomorrow are Two Different Things

I booked my flight in March. And sure, it gave me all the ~I’M MOVING TO BARCELONA!!!~ feelings. 

But let me tell you, knowing you are going to leave the country and knowing you are leaving the country soon are two very different things. 

These past few weeks have been an absolute rollercoaster. (And a *literal* rollercoaster if we’re talking about the day I went to Cedar Point!) From my hellish move out of my campus apartment, to saying goodbye to my best friends back to back to back, to my car breaking down... yet in spite of everything, this has been one of my favorite summers. 

In an effort to make as many happy American memories as possible, I have had crazy nights and days packed full of kayaking and segwaying and dancing and puzzling and laughing and roadtripping. It’s been important to me to make the most of my time left here with the people I care most about. Sometimes I had to sacrifice sleep or money or my sanity to make it all happen, but it was worth every second. 

This summer has shown me - more than ever before - that Time is my most valuable resource. As my time in the states winds down, I am continuously and fiercely aware of how precious my days are. 

Because of this relentless focus, I have been living in a mindset of Who cares? Why the heck not? I’m moving soon and none of this is going to matter. 

This mindset has made me a more risky, spontaneous, honest, present and authentic person. I live without regrets, but a huge part of me wonders what I would be like if I started acting this way sooner. 

I’ve spoken up about my feelings even when it was terrifying. I have been much more selective of the people I share days / feelings / meals / thoughts with. I took chances this summer that I never would have considered before. And I am a BETTER PERSON BECAUSE OF IT!!! This pre-adventure recklessness has shown me that I took things way too seriously. Especially within relationships, being true to myself has been incredibly rewarding. I hope I can keep this spark of authenticity alive in Barcelona! 

From my friends here to my city of Columbus, I have been living in endless appreciation for all that I have here. I’m desperately trying to hold all these things close. Because I am equal parts excited and anxious for my big move. When people ask me about it, I always say how excited I am. But I also have this voice in my head that’s just as loud screaming, THIS MIGHT NOT WORK AND OMG I WON’T KNOW ANYONE WITHIN 4000 MILES AND I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH!!! AHHH! 

I keep telling myself that I would be just as scared of the future here as I am about my future there. And, to quote The Moth once again, “you either have a good time or a good story.” So if everything falls apart, I will definitely have a good story! 

Something tells me that it’s not going to fall apart. I have a lot of faith in myself now. Believing in your stamina, endurance and ambition creates a mentality that you are invincible. Of course it’s a little foolish. But if I didn’t trust or believe in myself, I would not have made it halfway to this choice. 

Okay well that’s it for this post! EIGHTEEN DAYS TIL MY FLIGHT Y’ALL! I promise my posts in Barca will include wayy more actual travel content. Can’t wait to write to you guys from ~España~ !!!! Okay so I wanted to end on a quote, and then I was looking through my quote list and found this lil bit of gold from a This American Life episode. It’s about following your heart no matter what and I feel like that fits perfectly with this post!!! Here it is. 

Nicole Graev: My whole life up until this point has been school. And in school, you always know that you're in the right place because when you're 15 years old, there's nowhere else you're supposed to be except high school. And you always feel like you're on this motorcycle, and you see the horizon in front of you, and it's the future. I always felt like hitting that horizon, like hitting that future was going to be like flying, like soaring. And I guess-- Phyllis Levy: Life is not like that. That's a very young person's idea of life. It's just not like that. There's not an epiphany. There's not something you know at the beginning that's your pa-- not at all. You take each step where it leads you. And if you follow your heart with as much practicality as you have to have-- you have to have that. But I've always been someone who followed my heart. And probably if I've said, well, if you had it ever to do over again, would you change this, would you change that? And the thing is, to quote Hemingway, "Isn't it pretty to think so?" I've even said to myself about the two great loves of my life, who, if I'd only chosen other people, I could've had families and children, blah, blah, blah. If I were given those same choices again, even knowing, even knowing that they ended badly, I would make those same choices again. Because I believe in following your heart, and that's what I do. And it's worked out just fine. I've had an awfully good time.

[shesinspain-blog]

Happiness is a classroom + a countdown

As I write this, I'm sitting in the intermediate English speaking skills class with the American Language Program at Ohio State. That sentence is the most formal way to describe what I’m doing here. 

In reality, I’m sitting in the back of the class, observing eleven students speaking with each other, practicing Cleveland A’s and saying “oi!” (we’re learning diphthongs and phonetic vowels). I’ve learned about communicative pedagogy, past continuous verbs, and vowel reduction. English is crazy, dude! The rules we follow are wild, and as a Native speaker, I never realized how much of my speaking is instinctual. 

Overall, I’m working with about 20-some students in three different programs (beginner, intermediate, and Capstone). So far I’ve just been observing. Today I get to do my first facilitating activity - I’ll be leading the warm-up interactive quiz. 

During my online coursework for TEFL, I had no idea how I’d feel about teaching English. I was scared before I entered the classroom. If I’m being honest, I anticipated hating the classroom-time part of my TEFL certification. Maybe it’s because I struggled so much in school this year, and the general structure & deadlines make me anxious. I just don’t thrive on other people’s timelines. Graduating in May was more of a relief for me than anything. 

With all of that said, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel coming back to school. But here’s the m-night-shyamalan-twist I never saw coming: I absolutely LOVE this. 

Student-teaching is my favorite part of my day. The classrooms are full of so much more laughter, enthusiasm and excitement than I ever expected. The students are awesome. They’re so engaged and smart and funny. I love hearing them practice new words and learn the language with each other. 

I’m definitely still absorbing and learning about teaching. I’m barely over halfway through my practicum, and I’m still asking questions and learning new strategies. I can’t wait to tell you all how my “facilitation” (non-observation) hours go! 

FIVE THINGS I’VE LEARNED SO FAR

- idioms are everywhere, and even though I was fascinated by them before, I never noticed how many American ones I use in daily speech. 

- there are so so so many resources for teachers. quizlet. kahoot!. the content is out there, the practice is out there, the activities are out there. I will probably never have to develop a game or quiz or aaanything entirely on my own. 

- teaching is a community. teachers can help each other on lesson plans, and if they’re at a school teaching across a level, they will team up. the teachers come up with a cohesive plan to be consistent across classrooms. I’ve been in design where healthy competition is inherent to my success. Teaching is so different. Everyone benefits from shared knowledge in teaching. 

- if i talk less, i win, and so do the students. practicing English is the most important part. having activities that facilitate students taking their education into their own hands is engaging and incredibly beneficial. I will have more energy if I talk less and they’ll be more interested if they talk more. everyone wins. 

- I’m really, really excited to be a teacher. Whether it’s tutoring or a full-time classroom position, I know i’m going to love this. So many of my jobs and interests have prepared me for this kind of leadership. There’s a lot of unknowns ahead of me. But I can truly see myself #thriving in this career. 

EIGHTY. TWO. DAYS. 

That’s the countdown until my flight to Barcelona. 100 days was exciting. 90 days was monumental. Being in the eighties has felt like a wake-up call. I’m picking up shifts at the taco hut like a madwoman to try to make those extra dollar$ before I leave. I have less than 2 months in Columbus. Every hour, every day, I’m trying to use to better myself. My time is my most precious resource and I have become incredibly aware of how I’m spending it. I want to focus on friends, family, and the people I love the most in these last American weeks. 

“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.”

-Sylvia Plath

Stay tuned, y’all! I’ll definitely be posting again before I leave. (Aaaand maybe setting up a #store soon!?) In the meantime & between-time, I’ll be celebrating my life here in every possible way. 

[shesinspain-blog]

Crying in the Theater

As a young kid, I was pretty into Disney. 

 I won’t delve into the magic of Disney too much right now, or why Lion King is the best movie, or the long list of ways Moana is my role model. 

That’s not why I’m here. 

But maybe you, like me, went to see the Beauty and the Beast remake earlier this year. 

I went because of #FOMO. I had no individual desire to see it. But as soon as I saw that fast castle zoom-out intro, I knew I’d be incapable of resisting that sweet sweet Disney magic. 

Somewhere between my two family packs of candy I brought with me, a scene happened that made me cry. In the theater. With my friends. 

It’s about 18 minutes in. 

After enduring Gaston’s harrassment, Belle does the classic sprint-into-the-rolling-hills-and-spin scene we all know so well. I’ve seen it so many times. But in that theater, my blood pumping FDA-approved amounts of sugar through my system, it triggered my childhood attachment to this particular moment. 

“I WANT ADVENTURE IN THE GREAT WIDE SOMEWHERE,” Belle pleads desperately. 

At 22, my heart swelled and the impossibly potent longing for adventure coursed through me. It was so powerful I couldn’t help the tears rolling down my cheek. I knew that sentiment all too well. 

Back in September, my life changed in a major way. After so many other experiences that shaped me, I seriously sat down and considered what I was going to do after this 5-year stint as a Buckeye. 

I made my thesis project about the Colosseum, since travel is one of my favorite things. I reflected on how fast a year passed since my time in the Eternal City. And life was moving full steam ahead all around me. 

It started as a pipedream. 

“What if I just move abroad after I graduate?” 

A laugh. A farce. A fantasy. 

Or maybe not. 

After all, the reasons I’ve heard people give for their permanence in the States are not yet circumstances in my life. Whether it’s kids, careers or car payments - I (fortunately) have none of these things. And for how quickly I’ve seen seasons turn to years, I know how easily I would drift from my hopes to return to Europe. I’d sign a lease, hustle at an internship, and settle into contentment. 

But who says I have to subscribe to someone else’s life path? 

Starting a family, climbing the corporate ladder, and developing skills and hobbies are all incredible life pursuits. But these plans didn’t excite me; they scared me. 

“What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating from college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.” 

- Marina Keegan 

I found a pretty cool book by Nomadic Matt, and found a multitude of other sources telling me the same things: 

1) getting a job teaching English overseas is relatively easy

2) I’m close to being qualified for this position

3) It is, actually, a practical option for my post-grad life. 

So I researched more, and harder, and took it one step at a time. I called my mom. I made plans. Then, I chose Barcelona, almost at random: I can pick up the language relatively easily, it has incredible proximity to other European destinations, and it’s even 16% cheaper than living in Columbus (my current home). 

It’s almost 6 months since my life changed and my need to go back abroad was accelerated. I can’t believe how far I’ve come since I first started planning this. 

Now, I’m less than 48 hours away from graduating with my Bachelor’s Degree, finished with my online coursework, and i’m inching closer and closer to this trip. I’ve booked 2 AirBnBs in Sant Antoni for my first month abroad.  

I bought my ticket to Barcelona over spring break and cried my heart out for 20 minutes straight. It was like my brain realized, for the first time, that this is really happening. Each step I take towards this plan finds me uncharacteristically calm. My lack of panic is like a divine sign that I am truly on the right track. 

I’m finally doing something right. 

I can’t wait for my adventure in the great wide somewhere. And maybe this means I’ll stop crying in movie theaters (but probably not).