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Leaving my front door

Sometimes I am afraid to leave my house. A feeling of anxiety rushes over and overwhelms me until I step back and shut my front door closing myself off from the world. This is a destructive feeling that prevents me from doing things that I wish, and I hate its power over me. I hate it so much that sometimes I hate myself.

Today I will try to step outside my door. I will try to fight this panic to shield myself from the unknown. I will try to go someplace new.

I will try...

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New Words 9/15/19

Amalgamation: the action, process or result of combining or uniting.

Anchorite: A religious recluse

Behove: It is a duty or responsibility for someone to do something. 

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Lost

Get lost outside yourself, not within. 

The inner maze is one you will never find a way out of. 

The outer one will lead you to greater and more fulfilling discoveries. 

-STSN

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Educated by Tara Westover

“Educated” was a fantastically written memoir. It was one of those that you pick up for the hype and find yourself unable to put aside even when it gets rough or bogged down by the emotional weight of it all. This book starts off really slow, immersing you with small episodes of Tara’s life that come to have tremendous importance even if the reader is unaware of them. These episodes all build on top of each other to reveal the change in Tara, the standstill of her mother and father’s views and her struggle against this as she matures.

I wasn’t certain that this novel would have any impact on me. In fact, it didn’t until I finally closed the book from cover to cover. Something about it gripped me the way “Fountainhead” did in my senior year of high school. The two main actors in these stories or completely different in every way but one. In the end they don’t compromise their dreams for others. They stick hard to their desires and will fight those that try to repress them. For Tara this is something she must learn to do unlike Howard (Fountainhead). She is not built with that already in her blood. She comes to be shaped this way by every trying time in her life. 

Reading this novel made me aware that education has the power to do so much. For Tara it was a metamorphosis, a transformative thing that shaped who she is now and will be later on. 

This statement has stayed with me and reminds me that by learning I can shape myself into the person I want to be. 

It made me ask: What do you want from life and how did you truly know what, if you haven’t explored the options outside the world you were brought into?

How about you?

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Dream Career

Sometimes we put so much weight on our shoulders trying to find our Dream Career. Is it possible not to have dream career or job? Is it possible that someone just wants to change the world, explore it, live it? Does everyone in existence have to find a role that involves monetary transactions. 

Could my Dream Career in fact be a dream lifestyle? 

I am torn every morning when I wake up feeling like a failure because I haven’t found my purpose in life. However, I think the issue resides in the fact that I interchange the word purpose to mean job when that is not the case at all (even though it might as well be in our society). 

I want to put down these struggles to find a dream career and instead experience a few different avenues to find out who I truly am.

Does anyone else feel the same way? Do you feel lost? Goal less? 

I have to assume I am not the only one. It is the only thing that gives me comfort. 

When I propose these questions I don’t mean throwing off all responsibilities and not having a job. I do have a job and it allows me to do things that I want, but it is not my be all end all and I really wish it was. 

Everyone that surrounds me has always had a clear goal: manager in the food industry, teacher, job with retirement, doctor and yet I feel under water because i don’t even know what direction to swim towards. 

A thousand careers could whip through my head and none of them seem to take. 

I just need to know if it is fine to not be career driven and instead be driven by the desire to grow physically and intellectually through life itself?

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New words: 9/07/2019

-Aperture: opening hole or gap

-Hetaerae: a courtesan or mistress, especially one in ancient Greece akin to the modern Geisha

-Sobriquets: a person’s nickname

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When I feel lost...

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Same here. 

More fulfillment quotes here.

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New book for me: Faefever by Karen Marie Moning

“Faefever,” the third book in the fever series follows Mac in her attempts to find the unseelie book while learning how to protect herself without others aid. Funny as always I found myself thoroughly entranced by this world as Mac navigates new obstacles and somehow still keeps a positive vibe.

Like always this book is sexy (sometimes to hot to handle), laugh-out-loud-funny, dark, twisted and ends with a bang. 

The ending of this novel thoroughly surprised me and I cannot wait till I can get my hands on the sequel “Dreamfever.”

For any fans of paranormal romance or urban fantasy you might want to take  a little stroll in Dublin Ireland with Mac. You won’t be disappointed.

-STSN

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New words - 9/06/2019

-Nubile: Sexually attractive, suitable for marriage

-Innocuous: not harmful or offensive

-Fracas: A noisy disturbance or quarrel

Great new words to try and use today!

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New words 9/5/19

Just a few new words that I came across while reading “Faefever” by Karen Marie Moning that stuck with me. 

-Vagaries: an unexpected and inexplicable change in situation or in someone’s behavior.

-Immolate: kill or offer as a sacrifice, especially by burning.

-Onus: Used to refer to something that is one’s duty or responsibility. 

See if you can try and use one of them today. 

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A New Challenge: Reduce TV consumption

I have a terribly habit of turning on the TV and losing hours to it. The TV takes over my life and I feel like I have no control especially when a show drops on Netflix, Hulu or Prime. 

This bad habit has caused me to complete some research on the act of binge watching. Of course, most of it told me what I already knew and always dismissed while others gave me options for reducing it slowly but surely. Whittling it down until it is a reward and a random act rather than a daily one. 

Here were a few ideas tossed my way:

-Log your TV watching

-Fill the void with something different

-Replace TV with exercise

-Allot your time giving yourself and in and out time to reduce continuous viewing

As my blog is about trying something new I have decided to try and take on some of these tips to reduce my consumption thereby making me the master of my actions not my TV. I want to cut that chain, and move freely from my couch.

I have already started logging my TV watching and it turns out I watch about 3 hours or more a day. That’s disgusting and means that I have lost about 3 months a year to television. How sad :(

I need to reduce that. Now when I log my TV viewing it has to remain under 7 hours a week. It can always be less but never more. This will mean that I will only lose one month out of a year or less to TV. Also I will replace this void with reading, writing and exercise. 

To reiterate and hold myself accountable: I am making a vow for the month of September that I will only watch 7 hours or less of TV a week. 

Unlike Fleetwood Mac’s song, I will break this chain.

-STSN

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A New Author (Lauren Kate)

I was at the Library and itching for a new read to an already completed series and came across the novel “Fallen” by Lauren Kate. I have seen it many times over the past years and have never had the inkling to pick it up until now. 

Thanks to a lovely thing called the Library which I am trying to adapt more into my life because of my Year of Less challenge (a challenge I mentioned in another post) I readily rented it. To my surprise I found myself utterly enjoying the world and characters of this novel. 

It was great to read a YA book with strong established female character relationships, hot boys vying for the main protagonist’s attention, paranormal plots and deliciously written settings.  I absolutely adored this novel and loved watching Luce rediscover the world surrounding her. 

I cannot wait to pick up the next installment. 

“Sometimes trying a new thing can be as small as picking up a new book by a new author and seeing where it takes you”. -STSN

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A New Challenge for a Year

I have challenged myself to a year of less. This means that I will only buy items from an approved shopping list. Anything frivolous is not approved and will be seen as me falling off the wagon.

I am allowed to spend money on:

-Groceries (only buy what you will actually eat and absolutely no impulse purchases. This means you must look to your list)

-Car (gas/parking garages)

-Medical bills (such as checkups/contacts/emergencies)

-Rent

-Gifts for others (birthdays, Christmas, baby showers, promotions and weddings)

-Repairs (ex: auto shop)

-Traveling

-Shoes (running & work shoes & only when my others are completely unusable)

-Events/Socializing (example Star Wars 5K, an occasional dinner with friends. If I am going to spend money on something fun it needs to be an experience. No materialistic items).

 I am not allowed to spend money on: 

-Books (these are my weakness. However, I have access to a great library so I have no excuse for purchasing any)

-Clothes (unless my clothes suddenly all get cast into a fire. Crossing my fingers that this doesn’t happen now)

-Jewelry

-Knickknacks

-Souvenirs

-Fast food

-Junk food

-Decorations

-takeout

-Movies (DVD’s, digital videos, & the like)

-Arts and Crafts

-And I am sure there are many other things. When in doubt look to the list provided above.

 Breaking it down into lists like this it makes it a structured concept, giving me guidelines that I can easily follow and turn to when needed. 

I can do it! Now I just need to set my mind to it and not let other people’s thoughts or actions dictate my own. I want to be mindful in all my purchases because I don’t make much money and every little dollar I have should go towards things I really need and want (and no that does not mean materialistic items that lose their sheen after a few days). 

I didn’t come up with this concept on my own. I read this book titled “Year of Less” by Cait Flanders and it guided me to this challenge. I wanted a change and here it is. Something new to try that will hopefully cure my compulsion to make impulsive purchases that leave me wallowing in regret. 

This challenge began two days ago on the 1st of September 2019 and will be in effect until the 1st of September 2020. Hopefully by then I will have created newer and better habits. 

A new challenge for a new lifestyle. :)

-STSN

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Concept of this blog

I want to try new things be they big or small. These new things could be as big as a lifestyle change or traveling to a foreign country, the small ones could be picking up a book by an author new to me or a new recipe. I am hoping that by trying new things I can expand my views and learn to immerse myself in the world around me. 

I am not sure if there will be a timeline to any of these new things but I would like to post my thoughts regularly on this blog keeping touch and giving updates (to anybody who may possibly be out there reading this) about the New Things I have Tried. 

This is basically a fun experiment to see where life takes me when I saw Yes to new things. 

PS. I would like to note that this blog is technically a new thing. Yay  to trying a new thing!

-STSN