shhhleepy - Tumblr blog

[shhhleepy]

Hi, so I came back from a crushes place because I got tired of waiting to talk about my feelings and he told me that he hasnt changed his mind since the beginning, that we're two consenting adults and all of that other stuff. He also told me things I knew like for settling down with someone a guy knows within a month or two, so yeah. As I was leaving he decided to bring up what I told him earlier on in our conversation about moving out of this small town and I told him "yeah, I'm just ready to get out of here." I'm not mad at him, and I knew since jump, it still hurts not to be chosen. I don't want to be a pickmeisha, but its still unfair. I can't keep seeing him anymore.

[shhhleepy]

Hi! So as of late I've been taking myself out and just enjoying my life, also just taking time to touch base with myself. One of the main things I can see is that I'm doing my best to avoid self sabatoge. School has been going pretty okay which I'm grateful for! Work has been eh with scheduling and bs, but I've already built up enough resilience before I start looking forward to my vacation. Money is tight at the moment but I'm going to try and take some action so I'm not stressing out way too much, you know? One of the main things I've been thinking about lately are the friendships that I've let die, and ones I'm creating. Maybe its not so much of friendships, but getting to know people along the way. I want to be there for everybody and take them with me no matter how far away they are, but thats not possible. I'm not even staying in this little town, I'll be moving back home when my lease is up. I feel terrible because I'm not responding to people, I let them do their thing you know especially this one individual who I was actually really cool with and liked. We sang disney songs together!! However, I don't think we were good for eachother. I also feel like that friendship (because ya this was a friendship) brought out a version of me that I didn't want to be anymore, it just wasn't working out. I did talk to her but its not like I said I dont wanna be friends, but I did tell her I got triggered, she told me how she felt, I apologized and said its something I'm working on but after that I just kept my distance. She unfollowed me the other day because I think she saw me out with other people and that was her last straw. I get it and understand, and I hope that she finds the people best for her. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not a bad person or anything, but now I'm really going into things like that with 1. No expectations 2. less emotional opennes (not completly shutting that shit off tho) and 3. keeping my eyes on my goals (aka minding my business!!!!) I cant change or fix anyone, at this moment they have more support than me, so there's only so much I could do. What I want though for next time is to be able to tell someone that I don't think the friendship is going anywhere. I'm really trying to stick up for myself more because I should be heard and if people don't change then I'll continue on my merry little way. I've been rejected and lost so many people in my life already, but I'm fine and I'm still here. There's a lot more that I need to focus on, but I know I need to socialize as well... so here's to mingling with the people who actually align with me!

[shhhleepy]

Life Update

Anyway hi, I believe I've turned my life around in a sense which has been my goal. I just hope that I can keep it up because I have goals I wanna achieve now!

[shhhleepy]

I come back just to make sure that tumblr doesn't sell my information, because HELL NAUR

[shhhleepy]

Hi, so I’ve decided to keep to myself because obviously there’s things I actually need to be focusing on and I’ve gotten myself back to a good energy level and also I’ve been trying to lessen distractions for myself as well because I’ve always made myself too available and while I continue to think of if I’m being the asshole I’ve realized I’ve chosen kindness every time. The only bad is me not telling someone that what they did to me wasn’t right or made me feel some type of way. The way I’m speaking to myself and others have changed as well because I actually have people who fwm. The rest of them I’m allowing to fall away. I’m also just stopping myself from doing the most because that’s when I get drained and frustrated and all. I can hang out with people but you bet it’s also not giving everything to them. Right now my cup is empty so the things that I need to do for myself to make it better is getting my hair and nails situated, my glasses and new contacts, little things like that. This is because I’m done being resentful of people. So yeah working on boundaries and expressing myself clearly.

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

"Finding your passion isn't just about money and careers. It's about finding your authentic self. The one you've buried beneath other peoples' needs."

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

✮ Make a wish ✭ 

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]

[shhhleepy]