shieldfoss

[shieldfoss]

random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

[shieldfoss]

@inferentialdistance

can I come over and look at you like this

[shieldfoss]

[shieldfoss]

and stole your charger

grandma ate my fucking pizza

[shieldfoss]

boutta learn all her secrets !!

[shieldfoss]

why do you and others like vaccines so much?

not dying of preventable diseases is actually one of my favorite hobbies

[shieldfoss]

[shieldfoss]

#okay that does sound pretty useful

Literally none of those additional examples are as blindly stupid as the WoD thing though.

only thing that comes to mind today.

[shieldfoss]

this is your daily reminder to dump a glass of water out onto the ground and then eat the glass. take care of yourself please 🩵

[shieldfoss]

getting to the afterlife and learning that you have perfect karma because there were two souls in your body and the other fellow in your body did 100% of the sins.

[shieldfoss]

not too crypto if you found out

People in real life: hey man how's it going.

People online: hey man how's it going.

The chipmunk that was struck by lightning, gained human intelligence, and lives in a Victorian dollhouse in my basement that he paid me $1,000 to buy and refurbish: hey man how's it going.

[shieldfoss]

And yet you piss on the poor?

reject modernity (sth that existed 3000 years ago) embrace tradition (sth that was invented in the 1960s)

[shieldfoss]

"autistic people need instructions for every simple task" okay how about we talk about the neurotypicals not following clear instructions. what do you mean it didn't work the way you wanted, i gave you the instructions. oh you didn't follow them? you didn't see where i clearly indicated the directions you were supposed to follow for this task? and you're shocked it didn't turn out right? you decided to pull a Jared I'm 19 and go rogue? you're surprised the road less travelled isn't fucking paved because no one travels it? do you get off on this

[shieldfoss]

Good, I love collective transit and it's great that Uber can step up in cities that don't know how to do it.

[shieldfoss]

sometimes i keep getting the intrusive thought to write about how pronouns in bio and preferred pronouns are just a reflection to how english doesn't really have a way to gender yourself linguistically so you have to gender yourself by proxy of others; watashi think that we should just have neutral 3rd person pronouns but have Thailike open-class first persons

[shieldfoss]

understandable

What if I just tear something out of my own soul and leave it on the table for my next article

[shieldfoss]

I'm going to start telling people that they took the lead out of gasoline to pacify the population