shieldsfilemistress

[shieldsfilemistress]

i love you, bitch. i ain’t never gonna stop loving you bitch.

[shieldsfilemistress]

                                   “Just can’t seem to miss.”

                           Marvel RP blog for Clint Barton aka Hawkeye

                                           Multi-Verse | Multi-Ship

                                      Prompts | Need me?| Memes

                                          MCU & 616 Influenced

[shieldsfilemistress]

          Party City costume, 

               can of pepper spray, 

                     and invulnerable skin. 

                            Sounds like an origin story to me.

ORIGIN STORY || RULES

[shieldsfilemistress]

"They never get easier," Lisa said rather bluntly. "The bad days. They'll still hit you like a semi. The only difference is you learn to feel less like roadkill and more like a mountain."

She was quiet for a moment, silently gathering her thoughts on how best to approach the topic. It was one that she hated talking about. Her first marriage was full of toxicity and bad memories, intertwining themselves with the few good moments so they could never be separated. She still felt the rage of every betrayal discovered, the pain of every argument, the hurt that always came afterwards. Her muscles still knew the training on how to hold herself in public so no one knew she was suffering and how to have a genuine enough smile so people believe she was doing okay, never knowing the cocktail of antidepressants and cranberry juice she had to take just that morning so she'd have the strength to even show up. The voices of her parents still nagged her some days, reminding her of how she was supposed to be the perfect daughter to them and a perfect wife to her husband. She never forgot their threats of disowning her if she failed, nor did she forget the pain when they actually did. Her love for Rebecca had been the one thing that had kept her going most days, and even then, she still felt like she failed her.

Taking a sip of her lemonade, Lisa's eyes shifted to another star. "Justin and I used to fight all the time. I know, next you'll be shocked to hear that water is wet." She forced out a small chuckle that sounded fake even to her ears. Sighing, she took a few steps forward to lean against the railing. "Most days, we could do it quiet enough that no one would hear. But sometimes...sometimes they got bad. Never physical, but loud enough that people would have to break us up before the neighbors heard." She closed her eyes, pushing back the memory of the time her twin had gotten between them. "One night, it was really bad. The worst one we had ever had. And I didn't know it at the time, but Becca had come down to ask for a glass of water. She heard it all."

Lisa forced herself to take another sip. "Anyways, next morning, I come into the bedroom and I hear someone rustling around in the closet. I think it's another one of his secretaries that he's shoved in there, so I yank the door open to scream at someone as I was still pretty riled up from the night before, only to see Becca in there instead." She'd never forget the terrified look her daughter had given her that morning. "She had heard me yelling at Justin about me having to clean his mistresses' lipsticks off his collars, so she stole one of mine to color on his shirts. She was covering for him without even really understanding what she was doing. And I was so mad. I have never been that angry at anything in my life and have yet to reach that level again. I yelled at her in a way every day I wish I could take back. And she broke down into tears, sobbing on the floor as I tried my best to console her, to tell her that I wasn't mad at her, but at her dad. But she couldn't understand that. She was seven. Seven years old and trying to save her parent's broken marriage."

Her eyes fell down to her glass as she swirled the liquid inside. "That was the moment I realized I had to get her out of there. I couldn't soldier on anymore. Couldn't pretend like if I just ignored the bad enough, it would go away. Couldn't be the perfect daughter or the perfect wife or the walking trophy anymore. I could let him ruin me all he wanted, but...but I couldn't let him ruin her."

Despite the seriousness of his answer, Lisa still softened her features and offered up a reassuring look instead. Shaking her head, she chuckled quietly.

"Opposite ends of the spectrum, you two," she said, gesturing towards the glass door then Sterling. "When she was on stuff for that, she refused to take it after a while. Went full cold turkey. So Miss Zero over there managed to snag Mr. Self Dosage." Her wide smile showed that she was clearly teasing the both of them.

She took the two glasses and began pouring the lemonade, but paused when she saw him struggling again. "You don't have to apologize," she reminded him. "It's okay. You were obviously dealing with some stuff. You'll have bad days when that happens. What's important is that you're here, and that you love them. And they love you too." She offered him the glass. "So all you need to do is take care of yourself, or let them in so they can take care of you."

Although she wouldn't say it out loud, Lisa was worried about him. She could tell that he was still bothered, and while she would have loved to take some of that burden from him, it was his alone to deal with. The best she could offer up was a brief distraction to keep his mind off whatever was cracking under his surface. She turned her face up towards the stars, gluing her eyes to the most steady one as her grip on her own glass tightened ever so slightly.

"Have I ever told you about the day I realized I had to leave my husband?" she asked, her voice unusually quiet.

[shieldsfilemistress]

Despite the seriousness of his answer, Lisa still softened her features and offered up a reassuring look instead. Shaking her head, she chuckled quietly.

"Opposite ends of the spectrum, you two," she said, gesturing towards the glass door then Sterling. "When she was on stuff for that, she refused to take it after a while. Went full cold turkey. So Miss Zero over there managed to snag Mr. Self Dosage." Her wide smile showed that she was clearly teasing the both of them.

She took the two glasses and began pouring the lemonade, but paused when she saw him struggling again. "You don't have to apologize," she reminded him. "It's okay. You were obviously dealing with some stuff. You'll have bad days when that happens. What's important is that you're here, and that you love them. And they love you too." She offered him the glass. "So all you need to do is take care of yourself, or let them in so they can take care of you."

Although she wouldn't say it out loud, Lisa was worried about him. She could tell that he was still bothered, and while she would have loved to take some of that burden from him, it was his alone to deal with. The best she could offer up was a brief distraction to keep his mind off whatever was cracking under his surface. She turned her face up towards the stars, gluing her eyes to the most steady one as her grip on her own glass tightened ever so slightly.

"Have I ever told you about the day I realized I had to leave my husband?" she asked, her voice unusually quiet.

Lisa smiled. "Good, because you're stuck with me. I mean it. All three of you are scooped up into my little nest and I'm not letting any of you wiggle out. Ask Becca; she's tried numerous times and continuously fails."

She glanced back at the table with the beverages on it. Her accidental trip down memory lane had made her want quite a bit of that vodka, but she figured it would probably be best for both of them to remain sober. The last thing this poor boy needed was a tispy, blubbering woman rambling about problems from decades ago. "Lemonade it is, then. But only--" She turned back to look at him, an almost stern look threatening to take over her features. "--if you promise me you'll talk to an actual doctor about those medications. Play with that fire too much, and you will get burned."

She had known that all too well.

[shieldsfilemistress]

For munday, you’re allowed to ask me anything you want.

…and as many things you want.

[shieldsfilemistress]

Lisa smiled. "Good, because you're stuck with me. I mean it. All three of you are scooped up into my little nest and I'm not letting any of you wiggle out. Ask Becca; she's tried numerous times and continuously fails."

She glanced back at the table with the beverages on it. Her accidental trip down memory lane had made her want quite a bit of that vodka, but she figured it would probably be best for both of them to remain sober. The last thing this poor boy needed was a tispy, blubbering woman rambling about problems from decades ago. "Lemonade it is, then. But only--" She turned back to look at him, an almost stern look threatening to take over her features. "--if you promise me you'll talk to an actual doctor about those medications. Play with that fire too much, and you will get burned."

She had known that all too well.

For a moment, Lisa was lost in her own memories, replaying old scenes that she had worked through long ago. Days filled with yelling, betrayals, and forced smiles while she tried to keep herself together, never fully realizing how little she had actually been hanging on. The exact moment when she realized she needed to get Rebecca out of there so she could at least have a normal life was just as clear now as if it had happened this morning. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't made that choice, if she had just stayed and forced herself to be okay with it, would her daughter have ended up just as damaged as she had been?

The sound of Sterling scooting over helped bring her back to the moment. She was a little surprised by the hug at first, but she quickly hugged him back, a warm smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she held him. She had always been a hugger. It had been a firm belief of hers that a good number of problems in the world could be solved with just one good hug, and she was glad she was at least able to get one from her son-in-law. She wouldn't pretend that he'd be all fine and dandy now the he had himself a good cry and a hug, but she at least felt like he was taking a step in the right direction.

"You don't have to thank me, hun." Lisa said, giving him a soft pat on the back. Whatever choices she had made in the past, whatever regrets that still hung in the back of her mind, in the end, none of that really mattered. All of those things had led her to this moment. She couldn't bring herself to regret anything or wonder about any what ifs when all of her actions had brought her a son she cared about deeply and a granddaughter that made her incredibly happy.

"Crying will do that to you," she chuckled, shrugging as she stretched out her back. "Wipes you out and makes your body hurt, but it's quite refreshing once it's over. Plus, you can use it as an excuse to get yourself a Popsicle or some ice cream and no one can judge you for it."

[shieldsfilemistress]

alt!

Send me "alt!" and I'll introduce you to a character I've rped in the past, want to play in the future or are currently playing somewhere else!

Grace Locke is a thief-turned-information broker for the underlying criminal activities in the world. While slow to anger, she is quick to terminate contracts or relationships if she feels like the person involved is a liability. She doesn't necessarily view herself as a bad person, but she also despises the so-called "heroes" of the world.

[shieldsfilemistress]

what are their most common turn-ons?

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 & 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

"Being well-dressed, a nice manicure, mildly sarcastic flirting or teasing, and a massage after a long day. I have very simple tastes."

[shieldsfilemistress]

how do they feel about foreplay?

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 & 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

"Depending on the partner, it can be the best part of the night. It's also the most important. If you can't get the engine running, you're in for a bad night."

[shieldsfilemistress]

Send me "alt!" and I'll introduce you to a character I've rped in the past, want to play in the future or are currently playing somewhere else!

[shieldsfilemistress]

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 & 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

intended for mature audiences, minors dni. specify muse if interacting with a multimuse.

what is their sexuality/sexual preference?

what is their romantic preference or inclination?

what are some features of others that attract them from the outset?

what are some features of others that arouse them, or they find arousing in a sexual situation?

what are their most common turn-ons?

what are some more situational or contextual turn-ons?

what attire do they feel most attractive in?

what attire do they find others most attractive in?

what is their favourite sexual act?

do they indulge in masturbation or personal fantasies?

how do they feel about foreplay?

how do they feel about one-night stands?

are they openly flirtatious/sexual, or are they quite private?

how open are they, or how do they feel about sexual experimentation? elaborate if needed.

what is something they consider a kink of their own?

have they engaged in sexual acts beyond themselves and a single partner (group sex, swinging, polyamory, etc.)?

how satisfactory has their sex life been thus far?

what is something they wish to try? why haven't they tried this yet?

are they dominant, submissive, switch, partner/context-dependent, or unsure?

do they prefer to give or receive sexually?

+ established ship question. in any/all verses, with any/all ships, have your character/s speak about that ship's intimate & sexual dynamic, and how they feel about it.

[shieldsfilemistress]

ᴡʜᴀᴛ’s ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ᴘᴏsɪᴛɪᴏɴ?

[shieldsfilemistress]

For a moment, Lisa was lost in her own memories, replaying old scenes that she had worked through long ago. Days filled with yelling, betrayals, and forced smiles while she tried to keep herself together, never fully realizing how little she had actually been hanging on. The exact moment when she realized she needed to get Rebecca out of there so she could at least have a normal life was just as clear now as if it had happened this morning. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't made that choice, if she had just stayed and forced herself to be okay with it, would her daughter have ended up just as damaged as she had been?

The sound of Sterling scooting over helped bring her back to the moment. She was a little surprised by the hug at first, but she quickly hugged him back, a warm smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she held him. She had always been a hugger. It had been a firm belief of hers that a good number of problems in the world could be solved with just one good hug, and she was glad she was at least able to get one from her son-in-law. She wouldn't pretend that he'd be all fine and dandy now the he had himself a good cry and a hug, but she at least felt like he was taking a step in the right direction.

"You don't have to thank me, hun." Lisa said, giving him a soft pat on the back. Whatever choices she had made in the past, whatever regrets that still hung in the back of her mind, in the end, none of that really mattered. All of those things had led her to this moment. She couldn't bring herself to regret anything or wonder about any what ifs when all of her actions had brought her a son she cared about deeply and a granddaughter that made her incredibly happy.

"Crying will do that to you," she chuckled, shrugging as she stretched out her back. "Wipes you out and makes your body hurt, but it's quite refreshing once it's over. Plus, you can use it as an excuse to get yourself a Popsicle or some ice cream and no one can judge you for it."

Confusion crossed her features as Lisa tried to piece together what he was saying. She knew his mother had passed a while ago, yet he was claiming he saw her. She thought back to her phone call with Akihiro, when he had said that Rebecca sent him a gift basket with a note explaining how she had "seen" how awful she had been to him in the past. Her assumption had been that her daughter had just been thinking back on her teenage years with her step-father, but now she was wondering if she had literally seen something.

She watched Sterling as he kept his eyes down. Clearly, whatever he had seen with his mother had not been a good memory for him. Especially if he was feeling like she made him the way he was. Taking a deep breath, she quietly exhaled as she looked up at the stars.

"Sometimes," she whispered, trying to find the right words to say. "The people we love most hurt us in ways we don't always see at first. And when we finally do see it...it hurts way worse than it did the first time around." Her thumb absentmindedly turned the old silver band on her left finger. "You can love a person but hate the actions. You can trick yourself into thinking it's not that bad, that other people had it worse. That the fond memories you hold make up for whatever bad days they might have had."

She could feel herself drifting off-course, down a path that she had tried to stop walking down decades ago. Clearing her throat, she looked back over at Sterling. "I'm sorry, Erikson. For whatever you went through--whatever you saw with your mother. I know how dear she is to you. But know that whatever she did to make you the way you are, it doesn't have to define you. She could mold you one way, but you can wet the clay that is your life and make tiny movements to put you back to how you'd like to be. And if you want us to, the people you love can help you do it, baby step by baby step."

[shieldsfilemistress]

Confusion crossed her features as Lisa tried to piece together what he was saying. She knew his mother had passed a while ago, yet he was claiming he saw her. She thought back to her phone call with Akihiro, when he had said that Rebecca sent him a gift basket with a note explaining how she had "seen" how awful she had been to him in the past. Her assumption had been that her daughter had just been thinking back on her teenage years with her step-father, but now she was wondering if she had literally seen something.

She watched Sterling as he kept his eyes down. Clearly, whatever he had seen with his mother had not been a good memory for him. Especially if he was feeling like she made him the way he was. Taking a deep breath, she quietly exhaled as she looked up at the stars.

"Sometimes," she whispered, trying to find the right words to say. "The people we love most hurt us in ways we don't always see at first. And when we finally do see it...it hurts way worse than it did the first time around." Her thumb absentmindedly turned the old silver band on her left finger. "You can love a person but hate the actions. You can trick yourself into thinking it's not that bad, that other people had it worse. That the fond memories you hold make up for whatever bad days they might have had."

She could feel herself drifting off-course, down a path that she had tried to stop walking down decades ago. Clearing her throat, she looked back over at Sterling. "I'm sorry, Erikson. For whatever you went through--whatever you saw with your mother. I know how dear she is to you. But know that whatever she did to make you the way you are, it doesn't have to define you. She could mold you one way, but you can wet the clay that is your life and make tiny movements to put you back to how you'd like to be. And if you want us to, the people you love can help you do it, baby step by baby step."

Lisa let him go through it, keeping a watchful eye on him to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt himself. She only moved once to pick up the small water bottle next to her chair and the wandering tortoise to keep him close by, then sat herself down in front of Sterling, offering hushed soothing words as he cried. Again, she found herself wished she could wrap him up in a hug and tell him everything would be alright, but she refrained from any physical touch to be safe.

Once it seemed like he had gotten it all out of him, she carefully pushed the water bottle in his direction, a slowly stomping Hogarth trying his best to catch up with it--and failing. She was about to ask him how he was feeling when he answered all on his own. The tiniest hint of a scowl only appeared for a millisecond when he mentioned the larger doses of medication, but it quickly vanished in a blink.

"Well," she said, adjusting a bit so she was sitting flat on the floor. "I know it can be hard to talk to people sometimes, especially those you care for, when you're having a hard time. The words..." She paused. "Sometimes, you can't find a way to say the things that you want to say. You know you need to say something, but the words don't sound right. Or the person who's listening to them won't understand what you're trying to say, which only makes you feel worse. Or you don't actually know what you're feeling, other than bad, so you can't find a way to describe what's really bothering you. It's a struggle, but with the right people, it's worth it. Every time, it is worth it to talk it out."

She offered him a soft smile and a shrug. "I'm no therapist, but if you need a neutral party to talk to, to tell things to, I'm always willing to listen. Any time, anywhere. If you think you can tell me about what you saw, I'll listen. And if you can't, it doesn't matter, because I'll still be here to help pick you up every time you break down. You're my family, Erikson. If you can't be messy or broken or barely hanging on with them, who else can you be that with?"

[shieldsfilemistress]

Lisa let him go through it, keeping a watchful eye on him to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt himself. She only moved once to pick up the small water bottle next to her chair and the wandering tortoise to keep him close by, then sat herself down in front of Sterling, offering hushed soothing words as he cried. Again, she found herself wished she could wrap him up in a hug and tell him everything would be alright, but she refrained from any physical touch to be safe.

Once it seemed like he had gotten it all out of him, she carefully pushed the water bottle in his direction, a slowly stomping Hogarth trying his best to catch up with it--and failing. She was about to ask him how he was feeling when he answered all on his own. The tiniest hint of a scowl only appeared for a millisecond when he mentioned the larger doses of medication, but it quickly vanished in a blink.

"Well," she said, adjusting a bit so she was sitting flat on the floor. "I know it can be hard to talk to people sometimes, especially those you care for, when you're having a hard time. The words..." She paused. "Sometimes, you can't find a way to say the things that you want to say. You know you need to say something, but the words don't sound right. Or the person who's listening to them won't understand what you're trying to say, which only makes you feel worse. Or you don't actually know what you're feeling, other than bad, so you can't find a way to describe what's really bothering you. It's a struggle, but with the right people, it's worth it. Every time, it is worth it to talk it out."

She offered him a soft smile and a shrug. "I'm no therapist, but if you need a neutral party to talk to, to tell things to, I'm always willing to listen. Any time, anywhere. If you think you can tell me about what you saw, I'll listen. And if you can't, it doesn't matter, because I'll still be here to help pick you up every time you break down. You're my family, Erikson. If you can't be messy or broken or barely hanging on with them, who else can you be that with?"

"Yes, you can," Lisa gently responded. He was clearly struggling more than her or Rebecca had noticed. A tinge of guilt settled near her heart as she thought of how she hadn't even bothered to reach out lately, to make sure he was okay along with her daughter. He was family and she should have been there. But she didn't allow herself to linger on those thoughts. What mattered was that she was here now, and she wasn't going to let him struggle alone anymore.

His apology was like a gut check. "You don't have to apologize, Erikson. You haven't done anything wrong. Your family is worried about you, but that doesn't make you a bad guy in this situation. It just makes you human. You've done an excellent job taking care of them, no one is doubting that. But you've also got to take care of you too."

She held her hands out to offer him a grounding support. "No," she said, firmly but kindly. "You're not getting one little moment to take a deep breath and then mask up whatever you're actually feeling. Something is clearly eating at you, and it's not going to get better until you let it go. So cry. Or scream. Laugh uncontrollably. Bake so many baked goods that people think you're starting your own bakery. Be an emotional mess, Erikson. It's good for the soul."

[shieldsfilemistress]

"Yes, you can," Lisa gently responded. He was clearly struggling more than her or Rebecca had noticed. A tinge of guilt settled near her heart as she thought of how she hadn't even bothered to reach out lately, to make sure he was okay along with her daughter. He was family and she should have been there. But she didn't allow herself to linger on those thoughts. What mattered was that she was here now, and she wasn't going to let him struggle alone anymore.

His apology was like a gut check. "You don't have to apologize, Erikson. You haven't done anything wrong. Your family is worried about you, but that doesn't make you a bad guy in this situation. It just makes you human. You've done an excellent job taking care of them, no one is doubting that. But you've also got to take care of you too."

She held her hands out to offer him a grounding support. "No," she said, firmly but kindly. "You're not getting one little moment to take a deep breath and then mask up whatever you're actually feeling. Something is clearly eating at you, and it's not going to get better until you let it go. So cry. Or scream. Laugh uncontrollably. Bake so many baked goods that people think you're starting your own bakery. Be an emotional mess, Erikson. It's good for the soul."

She would have been lying if she had said she hadn't expected some sort of emotional outburst from him. Usually, when people didn't want to acknowledge that something was wrong with them, they tended to turn their anger onto her and she was quite ready for a verbal lashing if that was what was needed. So when he grew misty eyed instead, she knew it was far worse than what she had imagined when she hopped on that plane.

The hardest part of it all was seeing her younger reflection in him. She recognized the need to hide the tears, to cover the mouth so that no one could hear you. How many times had she done that herself? How many parties did she have to pretend she was fine while inside she was struggling to breathe? The constant pressure of needing to look and act perfect for Justin had nearly broken her, until she decided she didn't need to be perfect for anyone anymore. But what she couldn't understand is why she was seeing herself in Sterling. Their backgrounds and paths in life had been far different from one another. So why did it feel so familiar?

It didn't matter. What did matter was that her son-in-law was clearly not okay, and she wasn't going to let him deal with that alone. Despite his shaking, Lisa stood up and carefully walked over towards him. "It's okay, Erikson," she said softly, squatting down beside him. She considered reaching out to rub his back, but pulled her hand back at the last second, not wanting to startle him. "Let it out, hun. All of it. Don't hold any of it in."