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The "calling"
Lately... Well every once in a while I kinda feel this in the ambient... Like out there somewhere or someone.. Idk.. Trys to say something to me, like a messague that I need for the future, like my life was... Idk already done, so they or that, whatever let me now... But... I don't know... I don't know what or how or what the fuck it is, also the messague i dont know what it is... And I feel so... Useless that I don't know and also... I don't know if it is a mental illness problem or just bumbs ideas in my head... Yeah, I guess that one it is... Just dumb ideas... Allways... Been the dramaric girl, the shy girl that whish for a prince, when in reality... She donesn't even know... She is playing a carracter in a drama....
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Hello Darlin...
By one... I dont wanna admited, but I feel so lost and unvalue. Sorry... This threatmet is so painful for me 'cause I been through this so many this, and I feel so stupid and inmature about this situations. And... Everything time I fall... Climb... And fall... I hate feeling used... That people just look for advice and body... Yeah pleasure both ways... Like... I don't like it... Am writing this just to take all of this is out, 'cause I feel unblace and so... Bad about myself... Bad' cause... I am... I am still afraid... Of feeling alone... Feeling used... Feeling abandone... How.. Yeah that stupid Sith...son of a bitch. Anyway, this is a letter to get all of these thought away.. Sort of.
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The Knight of the Flowers details | George Rochegrosse | 1894
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Now... This is not a completely down side, just a bit low and I really wanna be alone and think more about this and clear my mind.
Latley I am having this wired fellings, so need to figured that out. I'm not sure to trust my guts... Even though I feel sometimes I should, but ah... I down myself in a glass of water.
I don't need a Hero yo save me... I need to save myself like always. Learn my lessons someway or and other.
Life is a cycle so...just wait I guess and be prepared in the meanwhile.
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Its weird that everything is like a cycle ,but Everytime u see it different. So u have two options or u continue like always or do it in an other way.
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Its been so long... So much has change. And... I am more happy with myself.
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2019 isn’t going to be any different unless you actually put effort in to change it
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