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So I know it has been a while since I last posted. Exactly five months to be exact…but! It has been a crazy five months to say the least and reading these last two posts now it really solidified how far I’ve come this year. As we approach the end of July, this marks just over a year of being a college graduate. This has without a doubt been the scariest, most exciting, and eye opening year of my life. I have never felt more like an adult while at the same time feeling (99% of the time) like the most immature person in the room. I guess that is what early adulthood is all about, technically being an adult on the outside, but feeling like a preteen on the inside.

So I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. Last I checked in I was planning on going to France, which I did and was probably the most exciting and scary decisions of my life. Being in France was amazing, I got to see so much of the world, experience so many different cultures, and meet so many incredibly one of a kind people. Also, I had my first experience teaching and being in a classroom environment, which was actually really fun and genuinely rewarding. It was exhausting and often frustrating, but I would one hundred and fifty percent recommend to anyone who is looking for a cheap way to travel to look into teaching abroad. There are so many programs and often (the one I did) you can work for one week up to three months (on a tourist visa). 

While in France I lived in the south of France on a farm in a town called Manosque, about a 45-minute bus ride from Aix en Provence and then moved to Aze, a small town in wine country about an hour from Lyon. It was amazing to see these unique little communities aside from just seeing Paris. After my six weeks of working I spent the next two traveling. I went to Amsterdam by myself for three days and then met up with two friends who happen to be in Copenhagen for five days. I ended my trip spending three nights in Paris, meeting up with a girl I worked with and her boyfriend at the Louvre. At the end of the two months I had never been more exhausted in my life. I spent my last day in Paris watching Netflix and eating frozen dinners, which I know is a slap in the face to French cuisine but YOLO.

I will probably dedicate one whole post to my travels, but I feel like I need to catch you up more broadly first. Arriving home in the beginning of May, I knew I needed to find a job. Two days after coming home I found a waitressing job to tie my over while I looked for a real job. After six weeks of looking I finally landed a job in my field. I am working as a Marketing Assistant for a consulting/solution provider firm on Long Island. It is probably the bipolar opposite of my last job but so far has been good. Ironically, the dream job I mentioned in my first post that I did not get due to nepotism reached out to me two weeks after starting this job saying they were having some openings in the end of July/August. Life is funny like that.

When I wrote my last post I was so stressed out and scared about my future. I was scared about quitting the job I hated, scared of never finding another job again, scared that doing a short work trip to Europe would ruin any chance of being hirable. And not that I am in any way shape or form qualified to give advice on anything but – the few words of wisdom I have gained from my experience is that: 

Things will be okay.

You have to be proactive.

Make friends. (the good relations will ALWAYS benefit you whether it be socially or in the job market)

Do what you want to do and don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

It’s corny but if you feel like you’re making the right choice do it. So many people told me not to go to France and as scary as it was at the time I knew I just had to do it. 

I had an amazing experience and was still able to come home and find a real job that I don’t cry every morning thinking about going to. Do these things when you’re in the early 20′s because if you don’t you’ll always regret it otherwise. 

[shitthatdoesntsuckblog-blog]

Day 2: Okay, I get it.

So yes, this whole writing every single day thing is not exactly going as planned. I know, it has been almost a WEEK since I first posted and yes, I realize I do nothing all day so I have no excuses. 

So I guess I should go back to where I left off in my last post. No, I have not become a floater, living out of a bag and passing town to town like a desperado ghost in an old western movie. 

I did not exactly quit my job with zero plans. I’m actually moving to France for two months to work at a camp teaching English on March 7th. I am equally terrified and excited about this venture, mainly because I am traveling alone and spending a night in Paris by myself. I usually haven no problems being by myself but traveling to a foreign country where the native language is not English and having to navigate is kind of scary. I am also nervous because yes I want to travel Europe and yes I’m exploring teaching and yes it looks fun and rewarding but I am completely running from my future and making real decisions. After not landing the job of my dreams, which I was really confident about I guess I have been feeling really down about myself and my future. I finally found a job that seemed perfect and relevant to my field and I did not get it because of complete nepotism. Which in a way is good because I know it was not all me, but at the same time is heart breaking and really shattered my ego. It was a great job, at a great university that would have lead to a lot of opportunities, and was in Philadelphia where I really want to move to.

I know dwelling on it will get me nowhere but it really scared me that I was unhireable and never going to start a future in a career I’m passionate about. 

So instead I’m moving to Europe for two months. And I am excited and I think will gain a lot from the experience, but at the same time know I’m using it as an excuse to run away from having to deal with finding a long term job and figuring out a career. 

The future is scary. Being 22 is scary. I it’s always better to have more options than less but I feel like I’m always making the wrong ones. 

The future freaks me out. 

[shitthatdoesntsuckblog-blog]

Day 1: The Day That Finally Came

Today is the first day of my writing challenge. The last six months have been a whirlwind of emotions and big decisions, and to be completely honest I never actually felt like I would get to this point. I dreamt of this moment since the beginning of August, every single day counting down until the moment I would be able to quit my job. The job I would grow to loathe and stress over incessantly over the course of my time there. 

To give some background, I accepted a job in sales, knowing whole heartedly that I hated working in sales. You must be thinking, “What a dumb ass. Why would someone who knows they hate sales, take a job in sales.” That my friend, is a fabulous question. To be completely honest, I have no idea why I accepted this job. Just kidding, I am some ideas.

First, it was in New York, I could live at home, save money, be close to all my friends. I was finally living that big city dream...even if that still meant living in Queens with my mom. And no not the cool part of Queens. Trust me, not Astoria or Long Island City. Deep Queens, boring Queens. Second, it was for a trendy well known tech company that had a very ‘young’ culture. Kegs in the office, barista on hand at any moment to fatten you up with free Macchiatos and Chai Lattes, no dress code. What else could a basic bitch millennial ask for? Third, it was a job. Graduating and getting a job is what recent grads strive for, right? Plus, getting the job was easy and I accepted it in January, which meant all second semester senior year I did not have to worry like all the other peasants about finding a job after graduation. 

Looking back now, I realize I must have really been delusional. Finding a good job is not easy. Actually according to the internet and every TV show about millennials that I watch, it’s actually really hard.  So why was getting this job so easy? 

Because it’s a shitty fucking sales job. 

But to be fair, its not. As far as sales jobs go, it’s actually probably a really really good job. I’m just an idiot who accepted a job in a field they knew they did not like and were not very good at. 

So here I was, at a job I knew I was going to despise, all young and fresh faced. Just one year, one year here and I’d be off to law school. This was just my way of making some money, beefing up my resume, and maybe making some friends. Except, I bombed my LSAT, knew deep down in my heart I did not want to go to law school, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Things I probably should have all figured out while I was still in college.  

And just like I excepted, I did the job. Hated every moment of it, not believing in the product, and feeling like a huge pain in the ass to everyone I spoke with. And that is when I decided, six months and I’m out. For the sake of my sanity. I’ll save as much as I can for six months, and figure it out from there. So I did what I sought out to do: make some friends, gain about 10 pounds from drinking three lattes a day, and save a decent chunk of change. 

February 1st that six months was up and I quit. Free as a bird with no expenses and not a care in the world. 

Now what.