shittys - Tumblr blog

[shittys]

✨A DUO✨

[shittys]

jack and shitty friendship that vacillates between brotherly and vaguely homoerotic because neither of them have ever had a normal close friendship before, so they have no idea how it’s supposed to look, but they’re gonna put their all into it so they don’t lose the other person

[shittys]

William Poindexter: the king of falling asleep at any desk, in any chair, in any place, all the time.

Derek Nurse: the king of hunting down dex and finding him everytime they have practice.

dex: *asleep in the computer room in one of his classes.*

nurse: *walking across the quad* hmm. computer room. *changes walking directions*

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Whenever SMH is out together and some random person says the words “Is that Jack Zimmermann?” within his earshot, Holster takes the opportunity to introduce everyone like he’s the host of Whose Line is it Anyways and you’d have to kill him to make him stop. Some of the team plays along and does a little pose when he introduces them.

“You know him from somewhere, it’s Jack Zimmermann!”

“He’s the only boy who could ever teach me, it’s Justin Oluransi!”

“He’s travel sized for your convenience - Eric Bittle!”

“All of his hair time travelled from the 70′s - it’s Shitty Knight!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she could do a kickflip, it’s Larissa Duan!”

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i think it would be really funny if there was a first-thing-your-soulmate-says-to-you-is-written-on-your-skin thing where one character starts greeting EVERYONE with something really stupid but unique like “hello bumbo” because they want to find their soulmate so much and have heard too many stories of soulmarks just saying “hello.” but the thing is, this person met their soulmate when they were like 10, wayyyyy before they started doing the stupid greetings thing, so they’re just doing this and looking like a dumbass for years before realizing their childhood best friend has known the whole time and just likes to watch them make a fool of themself lol

[shittys]

Tweet out #checkpleaseTV! 

Quote tweet and share! The more tweets we get in a smaller period of time, the better. Just to show ‘em…there are readers OUT HERE!!!

[shittys]

random wellie at 3am: I think…I might start using they/them pronouns? shitty: (surrounded by weed smoke, immediately puts down blunt) thank you so much for trusting me with that

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i think the absolute funniest thing ever would be if before bitty even got to samwell, holster, ransom, and shitty started the trend of cellying in just the most extreme homoerotic ways they could pull off as kind of a fuck you to the toxic masculinity in hockey. and bitty shows up and after that first goal holster skates up and just full frontal kisses him on the lips. and then later bitty has to explain when coming out to shitty that no, holster was NOT the one to make him realize he was gay. but holster has to explain to ransom that yes, bitty was the one to make him realize he was bi.

[shittys]

Anything with Tater my beloved

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Jack and Bitty sexytime:

Jack: are you ready to get jackhammered?

Bitty:

Jack:

Bitty:

Jack: I said, are you —

Bitty: absolutely not

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concept: sophomore year lardo has to sleep at the haus sometimes bc her roommate sexiles her or smthing, and the cauch (haus couch) is disgusting and nobody wants to force her to share a bed, so she ransom and holster have attic slumber parties where they stay up all night talking and playing truth or dare and doing face masks and junk

[shittys]

some Key Facts™ about jack laurent zimmermann:

is hecking observant as fuck

v e r y dry sense of humour. like. bone fucking dry.

good at dancing

thinks he’s bad at clothes, but is actually not bad at clothes when he tries (bitty always approves his choices actually??)

bad at drawing (although this suggests competitiveness will work wonders on his ability with a crayon)

definitely understands texting etiquette and DEFINITELY plays up that he doesn’t for his own enjoyment

can sing nice ლ(｡•́‿•̀｡ლ)

does swear in french (deliberately, not accidentally)

thinks it’s funny that his friends are comparative Weaklings™

is a busybody, bothering lil shit

demonstrates strength to show affection

amused by bitty’s Smolness

is nautically stern on and off the ice

legitimately thinks he’s fucking hilarious

insomnia

kind of (very) insecure about people getting the wrong impression of him

legitimately thinks he’s fucking hilarious

recreational interests include items 1 through 6 on shitty’s list of “boring white guy shit”

bonus:

19. a Gentle Giant when the situation calls for it.

[shittys]

Oh you’re a nurseydex shipper… how’s that religious trauma treating you

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me at an expensive 5-star restaurant: i’ll have the chicken tenders

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Okay first of all,,,, thanks for blessing my flowershop au i love you and your style forever,,,,, secondly i saw you were taking requests! so how about Jack helping Bitty practice his french while he's in Providence visiting?? Or just them being cute and supportive. Im a slut for cute supportive bfs

supportive bfs help bfs learn languages (even if their accents are God Awful™) 

@thesongoflouis :,)!!!!!

[shittys]

when adam “holster” birkholtz was 19 years old he murdered a man in cold blood it simply was not relevant to bitty’s journey #truth