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it's both the answer she expected, wanted and dreaded all at once. if anyone was meant for this world it seemed like ben was even if he didn't deserve it, she wonders if anyone in this world ever did. she definitely doesn't know what she deserves anymore whether she was meant to die in that basement, whether she was meant to never been in the subway that night, whether she deserved this or the good life where things healed themselves almost in a fractured way.

" because you're a good person and i'm- " beck sticks on the words that would confirm she was a good person too because honestly she knew fundamentally at her core she wasn't. " i need to be here, i think i need this, ben. somehow, someway i think i need this because bad things keep happening and there's so many people who don't deserve it. "

maybe she was never one of them.

" i can .. i can do this. " there's a firmness to her words now as she blinks past the film of tears still lingering just enough to blur her vision in the slightest, " i need to do this. "

she doesn't know why she thought she could do this, be this person. she's never been the strong one, never been the hero or the white knight .. maybe those two never really existed outside of fairytales in the first place. she's not clyde .. she's not strong or brave like this world demands, but she can't .. she can't just give up. she didn't give up down in that basement and she's not giving up in this filthy subway.

" i'm okay, " it still feels unsteady, but less like a lie as she drags her hand over her face and through her hair. her sleeve damp with fearful tears that she sniffs back, " i can't just pretend, ben, could you ? just walk away from all of this now ? "

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she can't help the flinch when he grabs her shoulders, but she manages to keep steady on her feet when she pulls away because all she can are joe's hands pulling her to safety, " sorry, uh .. sorry about that. "

thankfully, at his words she can be sure she didn't spill on him because that would just be her luck to spill all her coffee on the seemingly nice guy, " right ? didn't even think people roller bladed anymore, guess its still a thing. "

slight surprise covers delicate features before she covers it up with a smile, at his words she realizes her hand does hurt, she doesn't think its a bad burn, but he sounds more experienced than the somewhat failed writer, " think it should be okay, coffee wasn't scalding at least. "

beck's out and about. there's no tsunami, killer bees or even just road rage. it's a regular tuesday that she's sipping on a caramel macchiato of all things in los angeles when of course she's bumped into someone by a passerby rushing by on rollerskates,

" fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't spill on you, did i ? "

... @skunkks

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(　◕‿◕✿)

[shoelacestied]

she doesn't know why she thought she could do this, be this person. she's never been the strong one, never been the hero or the white knight .. maybe those two never really existed outside of fairytales in the first place. she's not clyde .. she's not strong or brave like this world demands, but she can't .. she can't just give up. she didn't give up down in that basement and she's not giving up in this filthy subway.

" i'm okay, " it still feels unsteady, but less like a lie as she drags her hand over her face and through her hair. her sleeve damp with fearful tears that she sniffs back, " i can't just pretend, ben, could you ? just walk away from all of this now ? "

it's just the subway and still it makes her want to scream, all these little things in her life that are gripped by darkness .. more darkness than she ever really knew. beck still wonders if she'll ever be able to breathe the way she did before, to just live the way she was before, but it feels like some far off dream that disappears further everytime she wakes .. or now when she's huddled by the steps in the subway wishing her brother was there because there's monsters everywhere now. it's not her brother that calls out to her, but a man with dark and messy hair and concerned eyes,

" i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm okay, "

she used to be such a good liar.

... @benbraeden

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the soft tinkle of the bell greets her in such a normal way that it almost makes her forget what she's here for. she hasn't heard from her brother in over a week and while that's been normal for the past couple of years, this past year he's been the one making sure they stay in contact, he's the one looking after her again, and now he's gone and she doesn't know what to do. a frantic search through his things had led her to this diner of all things, it's warm inside and makes tears spring to her exhausted and red-rimmed eyes,

" i was told this was a safe space for .. " she lowers her voice, blue eyes flickering around almost desperately, " for hunters, i'm looking for my brother, "

... @milleroptimism

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it's just the subway and still it makes her want to scream, all these little things in her life that are gripped by darkness .. more darkness than she ever really knew. beck still wonders if she'll ever be able to breathe the way she did before, to just live the way she was before, but it feels like some far off dream that disappears further everytime she wakes .. or now when she's huddled by the steps in the subway wishing her brother was there because there's monsters everywhere now. it's not her brother that calls out to her, but a man with dark and messy hair and concerned eyes,

" i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm okay, "

she used to be such a good liar.

... @benbraeden

[shoelacestied]

beck's out and about. there's no tsunami, killer bees or even just road rage. it's a regular tuesday that she's sipping on a caramel macchiato of all things in los angeles when of course she's bumped into someone by a passerby rushing by on rollerskates,

" fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't spill on you, did i ? "

... @skunkks

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so how do we feel about beck's brother being a hunter who got into through his job as a police officer and we could also combine my idea of joe being a literal wolf in sheeps clothing or even like a fae but i don't think i wanna do vampire. but like clyde coming back just after beck's rescued herself and introducing her to this world, wanting to teach her to protect herself , feeling guilty that he wasn't there again when his little sister truly needed him.

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i have never had such trouble with verses as trying to come up with an spn verse for beck! like i could go the cliche route and make joe a true monster ie. wolf, vampire, etc. i could make beck's brother a hunter because that vibes for clyde but, idk i'm just struggling kids

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starter call !

i added a 9.11 verse for beck and working on a spn verse for her too ! until then, i wanna celebrate so please click the world's cutest little heart for a starter !

feel free to specify a verse if you'd like !

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and i cant sleep 😭😭

[shoelacestied]

starter call !

i added a 9.11 verse for beck and working on a spn verse for her too ! until then, i wanna celebrate so please click the world's cutest little heart for a starter !

feel free to specify a verse if you'd like !

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tag wrangling !

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sweetheart , you look a little tired ..

ind. & mutuals only guinevere beck , canon-divergent & headcanon based. written by abigail, thirty.

o1. carrd , o2. pinterest , o3. playlist

re-established 3.24.25