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shoeshoecin · 5 years

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I recently requested a prayer from Skippy when my mothers was seriously ill. Skippy and Brewster both contributed to the prayer and they really got through me through difficult times. We buried my mother aka Nana today and we all said goodbye. My daughter read her this letter at the funeral today and I wanted to share it with you. I never post on tumblr I enjoy all #megxit posts and appreciate your insight and research regarding MM.

Dear Nana,

The last time that we talked you told me that you don’t like funerals. When I asked, “why?”, you said, “at funerals people just say a bunch of nice stuff about the person that everyone knows wasn’t really true.” To that I ensured you that people only have nice things to say about you because you are simply the best. Although, you didn’t seem convinced, but you can put your fears to rest because I promise I am only going to say things that are 100% honest.

On the topic of honesty, you are the most honest person I have ever met. A bit brutally honest actually. For example, I remember coming back from the beach one day and you asked me if I gained the “freshman 15” after going away to college. A bit perplexed by your sudden question, I replied, “umm..I don’t really know, I haven’t weighed myself…why? Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You said, “well yeah. You look like you’ve gained some weight. Maybe not a full 15...maybe more like 5 or 10. You still look good though.” Even though that probably wasn’t what I was looking to hear while I stood in the kitchen in my bikini, I can appreciate the honesty. Another example of your honestly was the time that I painted you a watercolor painting of a cat (because I know how much you love cats). I was so excited to give it to you after working on it all night, and when I presented it to you, you look one look and said, “what happened to the tail? The tail is too short it looks like something happened to it.” I said, “oh yeah, I guess the tail is a little short, but do you like it?” You replied to my hopeful question with, “well, it’d be nicer if the tail was longer, but I’ll still hang it up.” Yup, you are definitely not scared to speak your mind. If I ever need an ego check, you know where I’ll be. With that being said, despite the small blows to my self esteem, I’ve always admired your honesty as it was quite refreshing and always consistent.

Speaking of consistency, you are one of the very few people that I can always count on to be consistent. For example, everyone always looks forward to going to Nana’s for dinner because everything you bake or cook is always amazing. From your angel hair pasta, to your lima beans, to your brownies, zucchini bread, pies and magical (almost too perfect) assortment of Christmas cookies every year, everything you make is always consistently delicious. Even from the youngest age, I always knew that I could look forward to dinner and dessert at Nana’s. You are also extremely consistent when it comes to buying anything marketed as “NEW!” I know that if I walk into your kitchen there will always be a package of the newest limited edition of Oreos sitting there…unopened. Even your response to the question, “Nana why did you buy these?” was consistently, “it’s new!” You’ve never failed to tell me how much you dislike the fact that my jeans are ripped and I actually bought them like that. I can always expect to see clean clothes perfectly hanging on the clothes line in the yard. You consistently wear Keds and cashmere sweaters while eating a sticky bun from the bakery in the morning. You are also pretty consistent with feeding the dog at family parties even when my mom and Johnny Z asked everyone not to. Watching you feed Marsden huge chunks of cheese and crackers under the table right after being asked not to always made me laugh. You always keep a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge, fresh peaches on the counter, and mint chocolate chip ice cream in your freezer (never the white mint though because according to you the white mint does not taste the same as the green mint ice cream, and you will not eat the white mint). I’m really glad that mint chocolate chip is your favorite flavor of ice cream, because it’s my favorite too.

Sometimes I wonder where I got my sweet tooth, but if you’ve ever stayed up past midnight with Nana, you would know that the timeframe of 12 am to 3 am is filled with candy, sour cream and onion chips, popsicles, Cheetos, and ice cream sundaes. People always think that you don’t eat very much, but you and I both know that they just don’t stay up late enough to witness the late night snacking that happens over a game of scrabble, while baggage or family feud is playing on the TV. These late nights have been some of my favorite memories over the years, and you always gave your best advice during these times. For example, I vividly remember one summer night at age 16. I was on my second bowl of what was now melted mint ice cream and losing pretty bad at a game of scrabble. To make matters worse, all the letters I was left with were all vowels and my mind drifted to the break up I had earlier that day. Shockingly, I began to cry for probably the 7th time that day, and you said, “Oh god what are you crying for? You should be happy. Now you can play the field. Playing the field is much more fun than having just one boyfriend.” Like I said, you always give the best advice.

As I’m thinking about all the advice you’ve given me, I am reminded of all the other things that you’ve shown and taught me. For example, thanks to you, I know what its like to walk into a room with a celebrity. I remember it like it was yesterday, one rainy night my mom and I drove down to play a game of bingo with you. When we walked in the door, I was immediately stopped and questioned by the tight security who asked to see my ID because I apparently looked “12” – which would be a no-go considering that apparently the bingo staff takes the age restrictions of bingo very seriously. Just as I was about to show the security my proof of ID to confirm that I was in fact above the age of 18, you came to our rescue. A simple, “they’re with me,” and all of a sudden we were treated like royalty and all further questions turned into staff members offering us refreshments. I learned something else that night too. It was brought to my attention that my mom and I are really bad at bingo, like really bad. It’s a good thing that you were there to inform us that our cards were upside down and we had been playing the game completely wrong for the first half hour. By the end of the four-hour bingo game, you were playing all of our cards for us alongside the 20 that you had laid out in front of you, while my mom and I resorted to eating gummy bears and counting the number of sneezes for every minute that went by. Watching you play bingo was honestly an honor because that takes a level of skill I most definitely did not inherit. When I think about you, I think about good times like these, and how honored I am to be your granddaughter.

Although above all, when I think about you, I think about how strong you are. A particular moment of strength was the time that you broke your hip on the fourth of July. Most people would probably be crying or at least deeply concerned with the physical pain they were experiencing, but you were much more concerned with the deviled eggs that were in your hands when you fell along with who was going to make the pie if you went to the hospital. Unfortunately for us, the blueberry pie was left in the hands of Uncle Jeff…and I’m just gonna go ahead and say, your concerns were all too valid. To be honest I’ve always thought about my mom and wondered how she became such a strong, independent, and amazing woman, but now I can clearly see that its because she always had you to look up to. And I want to thank you for being someone that I could also always look up to. Thank you for teaching me all about the virtue of honesty. Thank you for being someone I could always consistently depend on to be there. Thank you for all of the late night chats and all of your priceless advice. Thank you for passing on your love of baking and sharing a sweet tooth with me. Thank you for gracing me with the honor of learning how to play bingo from a real pro. Thank you for showing me what a strong, kind, and beautiful woman looks like. Thank you for everything.

I started this letter by referencing the last time we we had the chance to talk. You explained why you don’t like funerals because of the apparent lack of honesty. Well, I hope this letter delivered the kind of authenticity that you were hoping for because I just have one last thing that I would like to revisit. In that same conversation, after we had discussed the flaws within funerals, I told you that I love you. You replied by saying, “aw I love you too, and I hope that I can love you from heaven. I think I can.” Your response to my statement was one that I will never forget. So, I just want to say that I will always love you, no matter where you are. Thank you for being you.

Love,

Ella

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