shookening

[shookening]

A thought before I go to bed: Dick Grayson being the test child for essentially every single JL member would do unrepairable psychic & emotional damage. It’s not anything obvious, it’s not anything outright.

But he was their test pancake. The one you put on the griddle to test that the temperature is right and the batter is the way you want it. He turned out a funny shape, burned on one side, and lost half himself before he fully grew up.

And every other child that comes into their lives, every other sidekick after him benefits from his suffering. He’s the one they had to push to the limits to be able to find out what boundaries they should be setting. He’s the one who broke a leg because an adult hero tossed (threw him like a sack of potatoes) way too hard for him to make a landing. He’s the one who got a concussion during training because an adult knocked him down too hard.

He’s the one who got shot by a rogue and then yelled at for it, who got fired (even if it was taken back, even if Bruce swears he was just trying to protect him), he’s the one who got kicked out when he was still a kid. It doesn’t matter that Bruce let him back in. To this day, he hasn’t told Bruce what happened during the four months he spent away from the manor. He doesn’t tell him how he had to play apprentice to Deathstroke the Terminator. He doesn’t tell anyone what he had to do to escape.

He’s the one they forgot on special occasions the first time and then after that made sure to never forget a kid’s special day they were invited to ever again.

One person showed up to Dick Grayson’s high school graduation. He was salutatorian and graduating a year early. Alfred Pennyworth was the only one there, watching, clapping for him, taking photographs, congratulating him. Took him out to dinner to celebrate then had to watch as Dick cried over a bowl of pasta he didn’t even end up eating.

Everyone else either forgot or put the mission first. Dick never forgives any of them. He never forgets it. He may not bring it up, he may not hold it over their heads, but he’ll never forget how alone and worthless he felt when he looked out into the crowd as he was giving his speech and he saw an entire section of empty chairs with Alfred sitting on the end.

He listens to their excuses and their apologies. But then he sees every other kid after him have a whole section of heroes cheering them on when they get their diplomas, and Dick can’t help but feel bitter about it.

And it sucks, because on one hand, he’s so glad these actual adults aren’t fucking up other kids like how they fucked up him. But on the other hand, why couldn’t they have just been there for him? Why couldn’t they have gotten their shit together for him? Why is was it always him?

Anyway nighty night perhaps I’ll expand upon this thought process tomorrow

[shookening]

DCXDP Fanfic Idea: Book Bind

Danny Fenton gets kidnapped by the GIW and used in an experiment. Technically, they captured Phantom, but after a collar was snapped around his neck, meant to keep his powers at bay, Phantom turned into Fenton.

The GIW had no idea what to do with a human child. They haven't come across a Halfa before or had a single record of the possibility. Why would they?

Vlad was the first Halfa in history, and Danny was the second. Heck, the GIW weren't even sure what to call him. It's entirely possible that the Fruitloop was the one to coin the term Halfa, though Danny could never prove it.

The GIW weren't the most intelligent people around, nor were they taken half as seriously as any other underfunded government department. This played in Danny's favor because they had come to the assumption that Phantom had merely formed around Danny.

Much in the same way, Kitty once tried to take over Jazz, the GIW assumed Phantom had given him some kind of object that anchored him to the mortal realm. They searched his body for anything that Phantom could have infused with his power and all decided the pocket size spell book Danny picked up for Sam was the anchor.

They assured him they would free Danny from his role of a human puppet and flung the spell book into a ring of runes. Apparently, it would send the spell book back to once it came from as the agents stood around chanting.

To Danny, it just looked like a bunch of grown adults dancing around a poorly drawn salt circle. He was halfway through a witty remark when the spell book suddenly caught on fire. From there, the spell book rose, spinning in tight, fast circles until it melted away into a purple portal.

All portals Danny knew were green. It did not sit well with him that these hacks were able to obtain a different-colored one than the normal one. All at once, his inside turned, the hair on his arms rose, and a part deep within him actually felt like it was recoiling away from the salt circle.

Before Danny could even think of doing something- scream, run, fight- he felt himself being pulled towards the swirling shards of plum as if some invisible hook grabbed hold of his stomach and yanked.

The GIW agents watched, jaw slackened as what they were sure was human fly by, still tied to the office chair, screaming vulgar swear words. Danny collided headfirst into the portal, feeling the strange spell wash over him like a splash of ice water. The sensation of water didn't disappear as he was dragged through a tunnel of plum light, feeling his lungs scream for air.

As if being dragged underwater, Danny scrambled to make heads and tails of which direction he was going,- which was up? Which way was down? Where was the air!?- until the rushing water sensation spat him back out.

Gasping for air, Danny coughed, trying to get the water sensation out of his lungs even though he was bone dry. He floated a little across the floor, as if he were sliding on a puddle, unable to tug himself free of his bonds.

Since Danny was tied down from his wrists to the office chair armrests and his ankles to the pole holding the chair wheels, he was unable to push himself upright, winding up against a wall on his left side.

The sound of crashing waves eventually disappeared, leaving him groaning in pain on the ground. Black dots danced in front of his eyes, so he shut them, trying to get the nausea to stop swishing in his belly. Danny had never been inside a whirlpool, but he thinks that was a pretty accurate representation of the sensation.

Where in the world was he?

"Who's there?" Someone yelled from a distance away. They sounded young, likely close to Danny's age, and male. He tried to turn his head in that direction but found that doing so made his vertigo far worse.

Not to mention the ache in his lungs.

All he wound up doing was making a pathetic, small whimper of pain.

Danny felt the last bits of his consciousness start to slip away as footsteps grew closer. The echo that accompanied them made him think he was in some kind of underground cave. He swore he also heard the sound of waves, but that might just be the portal's non-water still stuck in his ears.

"Oh!" The voice from earlier gasped, now far closer. "My word. Are you alright!?"

Danny cracked his eyelids a little, looking up into the eyes of a strange-looking ghost. Danny would have almost called him human were it not for the gills he could see on the guy's neck. Though he did note that the stranger's grey eyes looked good with his sharp facial features and blond, white hair.

Danny's eyes felt heavy, causing his gaze to slip down to the bright red shirt the stranger was wearing, and then lock onto the golden, spear-like belt buckle. He slumped against the ground when his neck could no longer hold him up. Distantly, he noticed the gills weren't just a neck accessory. He had fins on the back of his calves and webbed feet.

Was this ghost part fish or something?

"Aqualad to Team, I have found a half-drowned civilian, requesting medical assistance." He heard the Fish-Ghost order before hands were on his body, cutting away at the rope. "You will be alright. Help is on the way."

Danny attempted to answer, but all that came out was a strange wheezed mutter before he passed out.

[shookening]

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

[shookening]

The ceasefire isn’t working because there was no ceasefire.

Just like there was no stolen election in 2020 or abortions after 40-week births or non-consensual public-funded trans surgeries at middle schools.

It’s all lies with this guy.

Rapists and abusers don't get to unilaterally declare outcomes that benefit their own power.

[shookening]

Jason being immortal but it’s kinda like Klaus from the umbrella academy in the sense that he doesn’t fucking realise that he’s immortal. Damian is the only one who knows and it’s been pissing him off for YEARS that Jason won’t get with the fucking program.

the thing is, Jason never questioned what exactly woke him up back in that coffin. he was slightly distracted by dealing with the wood and dirt attempting to suffocate him back beyond the grave, and once he’d gotten free and was wandering around Gotham, he didn’t have the presence of mind to do much but zombie-walk around until the league found him. after that? well he was too busy with training, annoying Ra’s, helping raise Damian, and just overall getting used to life without being Robin to think about the fact that he’d come back to life at one point.

Damian, on the other hand, clocked that Jason was immortal as a toddler when he watched his new older brother accidentally fall off a cliff during a ‘nature hike’ that was actually endurance training that Damian had been allowed to attend from a chest harness that, luckily, he hadn’t been inside of during the fall. he peered off the edge of the stomach clenching drop, sharp spikes littering the bottom, to see Jason un-skewer his shoulder from a rock and stand up to crack his neck, before casually calling up that he was fine and it was ‘just a little fall’. little Damian called bullshit.

things continued like that the entire time Jason spent at the league, and it pissed Damian off to no end that Jason kept just walking off fatal injuries and absolutely REFUSE to believe that they were fatal. ‘i just have a high pain tolerance.’ ‘you got shot in the neck, ahki.’ ‘it skimmed me.’ ‘YOU DIED.’ ‘stop making up stories, demon brat.’ it’s driving the kid insane. the worst thing is he can’t even tell anyone else for fear that Ra’s gets a hold of the realisation and decides to use Jason in his research for finding better ways to prolong his lifespan.

Jason, bursting into Damian’s room in the early morning, spurting blood from an arrow wound to the chest: Dami- Dami- u- argk-

Damian, half asleep, watching blankly from bed as his brother bleeds out on his floor:

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-twenty minutes later, Jason wakes up on Damian’s floor completely healed-

Jason: …

Damian:

Jason: wow, sorry Dames, guess i drank too much last night and blacked out. didn’t mean to crash here.

Damian, unimpressed and holding a bloody arrow: grandfather says you stopped an assasination attempt on my mother.

Jason: haha yeah, craaaazy night

Damian: get out.

Jason: -getting out.

eventually Damian heads to Gotham and, of course, his overprotective immortal brother follows soon after with the mission of building a crime empire, killing a clown, pissing of the fourth Robin at any opportunity, and infuriating the fuck out of Bruce Wayne. after a while the Red Hood gets his identity reveal, and gradual tentative truce, and Damian gets both of his families to be more or less on ok terms for once.

the issue is Jason is still really bad at staying alive. and the rest of the family is kind of sensitive to that specific thing. and Damian’s apathy is not appreciated. it takes them a while to figure everything out.

~

*all four batboys are captured by a rogue, Bruce on his way but they need to stall*

Rogue: and now, you will have to pick amongst yourselves who will DIE!

Jason and Dick, instantly: ME!

Damian, dryly: Red Hood.

Dick: ITS GOTTA BE M- Robin what the fuck

Damian: *shrugs*

Jason, so used to Damian being weirdly ok with his more dangerous activities he’s not even offended: YEAH SHOOT ME. I CAN TAKE IT!

Tim: no he can’t, don’t shoot him!

Damian: no, shoot him.

Tim and Dick: ROBIN!

Jason: bite me non-believers, i’m getting shot today-!

Damian: please do it quickly so he shuts up.

Rogue:

Rogue:

Rogue: the others told me the new Robin was fucked up but like i didn’t realise exactly how much-

~

Tim: me and Damian didn’t really get off on the right foot, on account of he kept trying to kill me.

Jason: ? so? that’s just what he does when you piss him off. he tries to kill me all the time.

Tim: ?

Jason: i called him a wanker last week so he shoved me off a building with no grapple. luckily the garbage can broke my fall and saved me haha!

Tim: ???

Damian, fully never wanted Tim dead and was instead so used to never having to worry about hurting Jason that he forgot that murder was actually fatal to his other brothers: yeah that’s my bad, Drake. it was instinct.

~

*Bruce walks into the batcave to see Jason, gunshot in his forehead, laying obviously deceased on the ground with Damian stood over him, nudging him with his foot and holding a gun.*

Bruce: oh my- oh my god, Jaylad no please-!

Damian: in my defence he told me the safety was on.

Bruce, crying: JASON PLEASE NOT AGAIN-

Damian: just give him like ten minutes

Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT- OH MY GOD HIS BRAIN’S ON THE BATCOMPUTER

Damian: again, not my fault.

Dick walking in: hey whats all the noi- LITTLEWING?!?!!

-

*ten minutes later, the family is sobbing and Damian is tapping his foot impatiently*

Jason: wooaaaaah, headache. …is everything ok?

Everyone else, devastatingly shocked:

Damian: i shot you in the head and you died again. they panicked.

Jason: ha-ha, funny as always brat. what’d you do, hit me with the butt of the gun or something?

Damian, turning to the others: it is a miracle he ever managed to get his GED.

[shookening]

WARNING: organ trafficking stuff

Sequel to this post

Also inspiration from this fic

[shookening]

[shookening]

The cowl needs to be stronger.

In a fight with Bane, Bruce takes one too many knocks to the noggin and gets amnesia (classic bastardisation of what a hit to the head will actually do to you). When he wakes up, he remembers a few things:

1. He is Batman

1.a) He is Vengeance

1.b) He is Darkness

2. Alfred

He is unsure about more things:

1. Who the FUCK are all these children?????

Bruce wakes up to find Damian perched on top of a cupboard, glaring at him.

Bruce: Alfred, who do the children belong to?

Alfred: That would be you Master Bruce.

Bruce then has a mini panic attack realising the amount of children he's had.

Bruce: Well who's their mother? I don't remember having a wife?

Damian: My mother is Talia Al Ghul, daughter of the Demon's Head.

Bruce: Alfred, please tell me I didn't become the son-in-law to Ra's.

The rest of the kids then decide it is their solemn oath to fuck with Bruce as much as possible.

Tim: Wow, you really hit your head hard, do you not remember my mother either? Janet Drake? Lived next door?

Bruce (internally): oh my god, did I cuck Jack Drake and hide the child????

Jason: Yeah, next you'll be telling me you don't remember Selina giving birth to me!

Dick: Isn't that just Helena in that one universe?

Jason: Shut it Dickface.

Bruce: Surely I didn't have all of you, that one doesn't even look like me!

Steph: Wow Bruce, just cause I'm a girl???? Na, I'm a good 50/50 split between you and Quinzel.

Bruce: Oh no, that was one time, and I was at University! To be fair, you might not be mine then.

Tim: What the hell did he do in University?

Bruce: There's a high chance you could be Jonathan Crane's or Harvey Dent's.

Dick: Not a "what" Tim, a "who". In this case, 3 who's.

Jason: Doesn't Harvey count as 2 people though?

Duke: Not at that point I don't think.

Bruce interrupts the discussion on whether or not he had a threesome or a foursome.

Bruce: Well what about the one in yellow?

Duke: I'm not yours. I broke in.

Bruce: What.

Cass: I am the daughter of Lady Shiva.

Bruce: Yeah, I figured that out. It makes sense that you are mine.

Steph: Favourite much?

Cass punches her arm.

Dick: I think everyone should leave him alone until we're sure his brain isn't going to explode.

Bruce: And who exactly are you?

Dick: I'm your eldest, Dick.

Bruce: And who is your mother?

Dick: Oh, Superman.

Bruce passes out.

Once he regains his memory, the ears on the cowl are fitted with carbon fibre rods, so that no one can get a clear shot at his head.

[shookening]

what should my canadian tim drake tag be? tim drehke? always fresh always tim drake? drake industries north?

[shookening]

actually can we have Tim not being adopted into the batfamily and instead after his parents go broke and then die leaving him with nothing he just decides ‘well i know where the batcave is’ and starts living in the tunnels underneath Wayne manor because of the logic that he can’t get kicked out bcs 1. squatters rights and 2. whats Bruce gonna do? call the police and say ‘this guy won’t leave my secret lair. no im not Batman wdym’? and he manages to go unnoticed for like. a good fucking while. not even Alfred realises bcs wtf would he be snooping around down there for?

even better is this happens after Jason dies so Tim still becomes Robin and Bruce is so overwhelmed with grief that he literally never realises that Tim has never once used the front door to come over. he just kinda sneaks up from somewhere in the cave. he assumes that Alfred’s letting the kid in without telling him. Alfred assumes Bruce is doing the same.

Damian finds out first because that’s so much funnier. he gets to Gotham to 1. gain his birthright and meet his father and 2. do some reconnaissance/avenging of this replacement Robin that’s been the centre of Jason’s angry rants at the league for the past 6 months. he follows Tim ‘home’ and finds him fucking. golluming it up a 15 minute hike through the cave system and he’s like. wait what.

Damian, reporting back to Jason: Drake is a mole.

Jason, vindicated: like he’s working for the enemy?!

Damian, standing in front of an indignant Tim in the middle of his ‘camp’, phone pressed to his ear: no like he lives in a fucking tunnel.

Jason:

Tim, mumbling: slightly harsh,

Damian, angling his face away from the phone momentarily: i watched you dig a hole to unearth the protein bars you’d buried there.

Tim:

Jason, rapidly changing his opinion on this kid: ok actually lets not kill him because thats fucking hysterical and i want to know more-

Tim really likes living alone in the tunnels because he’s a weird little guy and he’s gotten used to the independence and lack of sun, and Damian grew up in the league where ‘wilderness training’ was monthly, mandatory, and from the age of three. so he really doesn’t see the issue in it. he just kinda shrugs and accepts his brother lives in the cave system. Jason is so delighted and amused by the vibes these two kids have going on over in Gotham (he gets video calls from Damian just. in Tim’s camp while they hang out together sometimes. Damian brings him water bottles and various sustenance offerings like he’s appealing so some ancient deity living under their house. Jason thinks it’s incredible) that he decides fuck the league, he needs to see this in person. killing the Joker is a side quest he did on the way; he really only came to see what his idiot little brothers had going on under Bruce, Dick and Alfreds nose. he visits Tim’s little cave home while waiting for his new Crime Alley apartment to be ready.

eventually Bruce and Dick are working on a case and they’re following a lead to do with a criminal escaping via cave systems that they theorise may connect to the batcave, so after Damian’s gone to bed they suit up and start searching around. they come across Damian, Tim, and the fucking Red Hood chilling around a small fire just casually eating leftovers Damian snuck down from the kitchen, just quietly enjoying each others presence in this clearly years old campsite, quietly discussing whether or not the weather will be clear enough next week to go to the new art museum together. Dick shines a flashlight at them and they all snap to attention like that scene in ratatouille where the human comes in the kitchen and the rats all freeze and look up. nobody says anything for a solid three minutes.

eventually Tim is just like “I have squatters rights. you can’t evict me.” and Red Hood nods and points at him.

Bruce, desperate to gain some kind of thread of understanding here: “Damian, you’re supposed to be in bed. …Tim, I’m actually not sure where you’re supposed to be, come to think of it, but I don’t think it’s here.”

“He just said he has squatters rights, father.” Damian responds instantly. “Keep up.”

Dick: “And does the Red Hood have squatters rights?”

“I have a gun,” Jason points out cheerfully. “Same thing, ain’t it?”

Dick and Bruce are so confused they become convinced that they’ve been dosed with something and only figure out whats going on after putting on gas masks and testing everybody’s blood.

[shookening]

“Lilo and Stitch” 2002

Deleted Scene

Lilo plays a trick on the tourists.

[shookening]

Headcanon: Bruce spends one on one time with his adopted kids on their parents’ birthdays every year and they celebrate their birthdays together to remember them. It’s a tradition he started with Dick that got passed down from there. They make a cake, get some of the parents’ favorite things, and everyone sings happy birthday to them, and the child blows out the candles and shares their favorite memories of their parents to honor them and is the single tradition that no child in the family ever begrudges or dislikes. Especially because it means cake and ice cream made by Alfred.

[shookening]

your pal says something mean about a fat person in shorts this summer you SAY, "oh so they're supposed to get heat stroke because of your sensitive ass?" (fat people deserve to wear weather appropriate clothing)

you're getting ice cream with your friend and they make a comment about the fat person eating an ice cream cone you SAY, "oh then I guess you don't want ice cream, let's go." (fat people don't need to earn food even for enjoyment)

you're at the beach and a fat person is laying out and your dad says something rude about it you SAY, "I think they look comfortable. It's good they're getting some sun. I bet they work hard all year for this vacation." (fat people deserve to appear in public)

telling a someone you like their stretch marks does NOTHING for fatphobia and will NEVER make your friends and family think twice about their shitty learned hatred.

[shookening]

The Wayne family decide to do a 24 hour charity livestream. It quickly descends into chaos and so many new memes are born.

The highlights include:

- Everyone painting along to a Bob Ross video - Steph's painting somehow catches fire (it was Damian).

- Damian challenges his brothers to a lightsaber duel

- All the kids vs Tim at Call of Duty. Tim wins.

- Dick kicking everyone's asses at Twister

- Dick and Jason try the milk gallon challenge. It does not end well.

- Tim tasers Jason. They get a paramedic to supervise. It takes both Bruce and Dick to hold Jason steady. Tim is grinning evilly the entire time.

- They try to play Werewolf but for some reason they let Stephanie be the "overseer" - goes about as well as you'd think.

- Bruce killing is at karaoke

- They read fanfiction of themselves. Jason gives constructive criticism.

- The most chaotic game of Cards Against Humanity to ever happen

- Superman makes a guest appearance to read some bedtime stories

- Damian has school the next day so he can't stay the whole time but he does introduce all his animals before he heads off to bed. There are about four new ones Bruce didn't know about.

- Bruce shows off all his kids' baby photos. No one knows where he got them from.

- There is a "Wheel of Destiny". They spin it every hour and whatever it lands on, everyone has to complete that task.

- Barbara is there mostly to monitor the livestream and donations and also tell embarrassing stories about the Wayne kids

- Just Dance Rasputin

- Cass tries to teach her dad and brothers ballet. Dick and Tim do pretty well, but Jason tries a pirouette and lands on his ass.

- Tim does drag to Like A Prayer by Madonna. This is how his siblings find out about Caroline Hill.

- Duke reads some of his poetry. It makes Dick cry.

[shookening]

[shookening]

A 14 year old girl flushing her miscarriage down the toilet can be charged with mutilating a corpse, but keeping a dead woman on life support for 120 days then cutting her open to extract a 2 pound fetus because her dead body was decaying too fast to sustain the pregnancy any longer is not only legal but compelled by law. America/the world/men hate women so much.

[shookening]

giving tim drake the illness. that boy doesn't have a spleen and when he gets the Normal Human Flu he is out for like two months. no one has ever been worse at being sick. his text chain with dick is just like

tim 8:07 pm

when i die do you want my playstation

dick i thought about it some more and im gonna give it to bart he likes games more. sorry I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings

i measured my heart rate and it's 83 but that seems high. that's too high right?

Cleveland clinic says asplenia can cause heart problems maybe i should call leslie

DONT TELL BRUCE BTW. HE DOESNT KNOW I'M SICK

or about the spleen thing either haha.

wait I told you about the spleen thing right?

haha

tim 9:12 pm

nvm I drank a gatorade All Good Boss!

(1 missed call - Dick Grayson 10:37 pm)

(1 missed call - Dick Grayson 10:38 pm)

(1 missed call - Dick Grayson 10:39 pm)

dick 10:40 pm

timothy drake I am at your door. let me in.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SPLEEN.

tim if you don't let me in i will call babs

tim if you don't let me in i will call babs and also I will tell her about your spleen

TIMOTHY!!!