shouganaismile - Tumblr blog

[shouganaismile]

little guys on my flip phone ...🍀

[shouganaismile]

My favorite part about being sapphic is when the things I love about other women become things I love about myself. One day I was tracing another woman’s stretch marks in a dim bedroom light. And then, seemingly by accident, I was doing it to myself in my bathroom mirror. I loved the feeling of a full hand of flesh when I grabbed a woman’s hips, and then mine didn’t need to be so skinny anymore. I looked at a woman’s lower stomach pudge and thought it was so soft and cute, then never wanted a flat stomach again. Loving women can be so healing when you come from a world that doesn’t.

[shouganaismile]

Thinking about the last three years and all the romantic things I did that weren’t enough, the way I looked good most of those 3 years.. as good as I could. The way I tried my hardest to be caring and romantic. The way I was completely devoted to my partner.

It breaks my heart so badly. I want that too. I don’t want to look back on years and years of feeling like I’m not good enough and trying to find answers that calm me down enough to believe the syrupy sweet deer in the headlights ass shit my partner has said to me since everything happened.

I just don’t want to spend my life like this and only have this too look back at, to reflect on how I spent years trying to feel comfortable or safe.

[shouganaismile]

Sad and I have to act strong and tough and like I’m not permanently tormented by my own fear that my partner doesn’t know what they want sexually and that my life will be wasted when they inevitably find out. My life, my love, my children, everything will be a waste when they realize I can’t satisfy them.

And it’s a thought I can never turn off only try my hardest to ignore and hide from others because if they loved me like I love them they never would have looked for someone of the opposite gender as me in the first place and i know that’s the truth and I choose to believe their lies and it’s not comforting.

[shouganaismile]

[shouganaismile]

[shouganaismile]

went for a walk yesterday...

[shouganaismile]

The way everytime I feel scared I wish I could just crawl inside of him and forget of what happened. Forget everything the past. Everything. I don’t want to remember anything not the good or the bad anymore. I don’t want to know what I thought I had. I don’t want to know what happened. I just want to stay inside him and cry and beg to him how he could have hurt me so bad when he was everything to me. Everything to me.

I just want him to take the pain of knowing this away. I want him to just make it make sense how he could hurt me so badly when I never loved anyone more.

I feel this nightmare everyday in my chest and I have nowhere to scream to cry or to talk about it I just have to choke it back.

I just want to be comforted.

[shouganaismile]

I love boys who can come in their pants just from giving head. Is that all you need, baby? Just letting me use your mouth? Hearing me tell you what a good little toy you are? Humping the air after one little taste?

Best boys. All of 'em.

[shouganaismile]

I seriously miss my partner in a way I can hardly explain but I know isn’t ever coming back

I know I’ll always miss what I thought we had and how I used to feel and how they used to make me feel

It’s like a nightmare feeling that doesn’t ever seem to go away

[shouganaismile]

[shouganaismile]

San Jose Cochran Frog

[shouganaismile]

fuckk that’s creepy as hell. makes me feel sick n disgusting. i love it i need more of it right fucking nowww

[shouganaismile]

I’d fuck marry and kill myself

[shouganaismile]

I just wanna say it's absolutely okay to experience moments of hypersexuality and then hyposexuality. It's not weird or wrong to suddenly feel very uninterested in sex in a way that is sometimes jarring, even to yourself

[shouganaismile]

[shouganaismile]