shrimpathizer

[shrimpathizer]

[shrimpathizer]

but actually genuinely why is the ant sad and leaving with a bindle

[shrimpathizer]

The only mention of religion is 'get the fcuking religion out of here'.

Never include religion in politics.

[shrimpathizer]

Jimmy Wright, Ice Bear

[shrimpathizer]

People who give pets a bit of chocolate when they know it’s their pets last day are a bit of a funny concept. Imagine being old and friends with an alien who will live ten times your lifespan and they’re like “ah shit he’s dying, well since you’re dying anyway haven’t you always wanted to know what uranium tastes like?”

[shrimpathizer]

Boulders in now abandoned Dogtown, MA. In the 1930s Roger Babson commissioned unemployed stonecutters to engrave 35 boulders with “inspirational” phrases after the announcement of the stock market crash that would lead to the Great Depression.

[shrimpathizer]

Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week

[shrimpathizer]

[shrimpathizer]

they call it his achilles heel because ack! It killies him

[shrimpathizer]

God the 11 year old girls you put on this earth to climb trees and play with plastic animals are buying foundation at the drug store

[shrimpathizer]

[shrimpathizer]

[shrimpathizer]

If I ever wrote a superhero story I’d want there to be a recurring shitty C-list supervillain in the background whose power was changing something’s colour and all her villainous plots would be colour-themed things like “If the city council doesn’t give me a million dollars, I will turn the city of GREEN Bay into the city of RED Bay!” and she’d turn the Golden Gate Bridge magenta or whatever.

So it’s all low-stakes villainy, but everyone absolutely hates fighting her because her very shitty superpower works really really well, and there are dozens of background characters who’ve fought her that are just permanently green now

[shrimpathizer]

reblog game put in the tags how you found prev

[shrimpathizer]

hi, you've reached the marriam Webster hotline. marriam Webster is not in right now.

if you'd like the definition of aardvark press 1

if youd like the definition of aardwolf press 2

[shrimpathizer]

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

[shrimpathizer]