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RED DEAD REDEMPTION II ᨖ

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Game over

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I remember how I'd find you, fingers tearing through the ground

Were you digging something up or did you bury something down?

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their little gang

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I want this man so bad 🤭

All of these pics were captured by @kaphzzz so go and show them some love rn for capturing these 😩

There isn’t enough nsfw headcanons on him and that upsets me 😭

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It finally happened.

I finally got Emerald in league last week. It's been something I've been actively working towards for the last 4 years. There were times when I felt frustrated and there were times that I felt like I was the best player in the server. I’d like to thank.. Well, me. For not giving up. For learning from mistakes and accepting that there are things outside of your control. Despite the other hardships in my life, not getting my license, not having money because I resigned and just being overall sad at where I am in my life. At Least I was able to accomplish something I’ve been wantign to achieve for a while now. I know it’s not a high rank– I mean, it’s not challenger, but it’s high enough for me.

In other news, I finished reading this manga called The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity. It’s not over, I just updated myself. I really love the manga, it’s about how 2 people from schools who hate each other slowly develop a circle of friends. And as someone who hasn’t really had a circle of my own, a social butterfly if you will, it feels like.. A coping mechanism? It feels like I’m part of their group experiencing their highs and lows. I ended up being sucked into the manga so much.

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sometimes i wish i just ended it right then and there on march 28 2018

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the only company i would love right now is my girlfriend’s. fuck.

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So thankful for my girlfriend. She gets me. Whenever I fuck up, she’s very patient and understanding. Whenever she does that thing where she doesn’t get mad, but instead teaches me how to be better and listens to what I have to say. Man. I feel so weak. I love her.

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so thankful for Lala

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i love my girlfriend

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So I’m gonna speak up. #HijoAko

!!!Trigger Warning!!!

3 years ago. I learned that anyone can manipulate you into doing what they want. And I learned it the hard way. I’m not really read to call him out yet, but I want to share my experience and let people know that I sympathize.

LONG VERSION (Skip to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for the short version)

Prior to these events. I’ve been avoiding Jerick. I felt like our friendship was getting.. a bit too toxic. He’d coax me to come over and with food since he lives nearby. He openly admitted it in a conversation with my friend saying “Oh, you want him to come over? Just tell him you have food. Easy.”

He’d find excuses to come over to my place (we both live alone) with statements like “I bought too much food, can I come over?”. He claims he’s depressed and that he has panic attacks. I remember he had 2 panic attacks on 2 separate classes. So a little part of me thought he was faking it so I would feel soft for him and take care of him. But at the same time.. what if he wasn’t? Worst case scenario, it’s real. So naturally, I’d do what any person would do and look after him.

I remember one time, it was our finals for one of our programming classes; GDEVDAT (idk what it meant. Game DEVelopment DATa???). He asked me to come over since he had food and so he could help me with the finals. I was in a bit of a struggle, so why not. I came over and the moment I setup my laptop he insisted that we played DoTA til well into the night. My software wasn’t working properly. So I stopped playing and asked him if he could help me fix it. He looked a little disappointed because I didn’t want to play anymore. Needless to say, it was a silent room for 2 hours. Then I walked back home at 4 am. A part of me that time felt like I wasted my time. I felt like, as the gamers call it -baited- into coming over.

He would tell me to stay away from my circle of friends since they were not his kind of crowd. He’d point out my friends’ flaws and say mean things about them. I’m not gonna drop their names, but they know who they are. So me being me, I believed him. I could see his point and thought “huh, he’s right”. Before I knew it, I was closer to him than I was to my friends. Before long, I began.. protecting him. He’d have suicidal thoughts, I’d come rushing over. He needed company, I was already there. I knew something was up at this point. Which brings me back to my disclaimer. I started avoiding him.

It felt tiring and I couldn’t get time to myself because.. well, yeah. He kept guilt tripping me into meeting up.

So here’s where it got.. fucked up.

I remember coming home after buying a mop ‘cuz my friends were gonna’ sleepover so I planned to clean before they arrived the next day (we had an overnight event at school). I then received multiple messages on facebook telling me to take care of Jerick because he was attempting a suicide. He lived nearby, so I laced up my shoes and went to his place. I come over and there are just.. guards from our school in front of his flat. I ask if they’re there for Jerick. They said said yes. But they couldn’t enter because the landlord said only the Jerick could let us in. He was pissed drunk. Moments later he comes down drunk as hell and the landlord lets us in. He smelled like vodka. Me and who I assume is the commanding officer lifted, L I F T E D –this guy was 3 times my size– back to his unit. I tell the officer that I’ll handle things. So they leave. Leaving me and Jerick alone. BAD IDEA Vince. We sat quietly in the room. I looked around, forcing to look for something to break the silence. I had a cigarette. Sat down and asked him why he had a condom on his table. He said he hooked up with a guy but he finished super fast. I deadass said “huh, maybe I should keep a condom. I heard it’s good luck for guys” at this point 2020 Me is telling 2017 me to stfu. He told me if I wanted to get my dick sucked, he was right there. He tried to pull down my shorts and force himself on me (we were sitting on the bed btw, i know. my bad). I pushed him over and he stopped. He then passed out. I sat there for a good 5 mins. Processing what just happened. I thought to myself, should I report this? or just keep it to myself? I left a note saying that I would stay quiet. I come back to my room and pass out.

He messages me the next morning saying what happened. I of course, decided to keep quiet. I didn’t want to talk to him because.. it felt weird. He says he doesn’t remember anything and what was it that I didn’t wanna tell anyone. Remember we had  an event at school? I told him personally. He said he was sorry and that he was drunk etc. I let it slide.

Fucked up #2. MAJOR. MAJOR. MAJOR. TRIGGER WARNING. I SWEAR TO GOD JUST SKIP THIS IF YOU’RE EASILY TRIGGERED BY SUICIDE. I’LL MARK IT  WITH “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” IF IT’S DONE. JUST. OKAY?

Same events occur. Messages telling me to go to Jerick. Ayt. Cool.  So I rush over to his place. I see you asking “How you gonna get in through the main gate?” I got lucky. Someone was gonna enter the same time as me. I reached his door and the lights were off. Pitch black. Sketchy. I went in. His place wasn’t that big. So I went in and saw a silhouette of him standing on the window about to jump. I coax him to come down and sit down and talk. He said he felt abandoned and that I wasn’t there to help him. And how it was my fault that he felt sad. THEN HE OFFERS TO BUY ME DINNER..?? AT ARISTOCRAT?? if you’re a Filipino and from Manila. You know.

We talk over dinner and he confessed that he only kept talking to me because he wanted to make a female friend of mine jealous. WE WERE LAUGHING THE NIGHT AWAY. And I come  back to my unit. And think.. DID I JUST GET FUCKING PLAYED AGAIN?????????? I sat on my bed puzzling  the scheme that was the attempted suicide.

Issue 1.) WHY THE FUCK WAS HIS DOOR CONVENIENTLY UNLOCKED??  I mean.. everyone locks their front door. You lock it. You always lock it.

Issue 2.) Did he fake a suicide attempt.. JUST TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME?

Issue 3.)  I got played.

At this point. I avoided him altogether. Facebook, Twitter and his number.

I learned later that same year, I wasn’t the only victim. And that he too chose to keep it to himself.

I’ve had trouble believing people since. I’ve had trouble getting attached to people because of the vulnerability or what might happen.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It’s been 3 years since this incident. And I’ve never publicly talked about this issue. I was scared. I was scared of what would happen to him if I accused him of sexual assault. A mom and dad would lose their child, and a person’s hopes and dreams would be unreachable. It was also hard for me to talk about it because.. I felt easily dismissed but at the same time, I didn’t want to dwell on a topic that brought  back memories as bad as this one.

I decided to just keep it to myself and hope he becomes a better person. I thought I could just put a tough face on and power through the day. It’s not like that. I’ve developed a fear of trusting people and being overly attached. And for a short time, developed a sick and twisted mindset. At one point, I resented gay people. I thought “what if all of them are as manipulative as him?” –I no longer do of course. I’ve grown past the stereotyping, and I’ve met wonderful people of the LGBT+ community.

Okay, the thing is. Sexual Assault and Gas Lighting.. are bad. In a word, they’re bad. In more words, it’s.. I don’t know. I felt like a dog who had to obey their master. A dog who was at the mercy of their master so I could eat and be able to speak when I’m allowed to. At the same time, I felt like I was just another chunk of  meat for someone’s pleasure. It’s like I wasn’t human. I wasn’t a guy who goes to school, plays video games and watches anime. I was just another guy on Jerick’s list of people he’d want to get on top of.

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Yeah.. :l

I feel like these past few months have been really.. bad. lmao.

Quarantine Shmarantine.

I was never really he one to strive for greater things. I was always content with just being.. average. Ya know, Silver Medals, 2nd or 3rd Place, getting luke warm water in restaurants. It’s been like that for me for the majority of my life. I’ve always settled.

But now, that I have time. I feel like it’s time to prove to myself I can be good at something. Lately, I’ve been grinding it out in League of Legends Solo Queue and I’ve been practicing my art. Aside from just trying to pass time, I want to enjoy the things I used to be really passionate about. I don’t really have much to say

Just wishing ya’ll a good day. Stay Safe. STFAFE and STFH.

Stay The Fuck Away From Everyone

Stay The Fuck Home.

-b1ns

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Year end blog post that was supposed to be posted 3 week ago :P

Hmmm. Hello.

2020 just started and so did this blog post. Have a Jisun GIF.

2019 sparked all sorts of what the fuck moments I never knew I’d experience.

For one thing, I actually participated in a League of Legends Tournament with my friends. We got 2nd place, which isn’t that bad. We actually came out of that tournament different. I think we all did. We all played the games we loved and got to watch different people we know play the way they play. Sadly, the clip is in my other computer. So as much as I want to show you guys the play that got us into the finals, I can’t.

>For my friends reading this blog, it was when I caught the Volibear near Baron Pit and *cough* Justin *cough* cleaned up.

I guess, like every year, you kinda’ just look back at what you did for the past 365 days. And you think to yourself “Wow, I made it to another year”. I wanna just list down a few things that happened last 2019. If you guys don’t mind.

>Played in a League of Legends Tournament.

>Bought an onahole.

>Got introduced to Fromis_9, BUSTERS, Rocket Punch and a few other KPOP Groups.

>Made a working video game for the first time.

>Honestly still confused about my sexuality. Not gonna lie.

Those are just a few of the things that happened to me last year.

But  I guess, lessons have also been learned in 2019. Like how the past will always try to come back. You can run away from it, hold on to it, or run away from it.

I also learned that.. I’m the kind of person who really has major trust issues. A few days ago, I asked myself ‘I wonder what sort of gut wrenching tragedy was experienced for me to feel this vulnerable and defensive”.

I’m also.. very reserved. I realized in family gatherings, I’m the one who’s just there because the family members insisted I be there. Oh well.

I’ve been ogling the screen and keyboard for a few days now thinking of things to write.

I guess 2019 was a year of learning. As well as.. every other year. We all learn a thing or two about ourselves each year.  Anyway, I hope this year goes well for both of us Mr./Ms. Reader. You and I have been through so much, and I know deep down all we both want is to just settle down. Good job.

All the love, Happy New Year.

-bins

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o3o

WHAT CRACKING, DILDOS?

 I wouldn’t say I’m the most eager poster but here’s a little 411.

Failed my thesis again. Well, not really much of a shock. I guess I saw it coming :Q I feel like, this term really brought me to an all time lazy. I feel like I keep setting these goals for myself but I’m not really doing anything to attain them.(wow, this saerom GIF is really distracting me why is she so pretty >:c )

Uhm.. What do I talk about? ;A; I was supposed to post last month after my birthday but I got really sad that day and I felt like I needed to just clear my mind of things before really doing any talking. 

Ah! Right. I wanna talk about skinship and why I absolutely don’t like it. 

Taken from urban dictionary.

For those of you who have tried to touch me or tried putting their arm around me, or even tried to wipe something off of me. STOP. Okay? Just don’t.

I just don’t really like the feeling of another person on me. It’s like I’m a germaphobe or anything. Sigh.. I feel like it has something to with my grade school days - high school days. Because every time I was touched, I knew pain was going to follow. If not pain, then some sort of embarrassment. So I guess my mentality kind of just adjusted that way. Not wanting to be touched or avoiding any physical contact with anyone.

HOWEVER. There are exceptions.

1.) You’re my mom / dad.

2.) You’re my significant other.

3.) We’ve been wasted together.

4.) I consider you to be a wholesome sack of sh*t.

5.) You’re dying.

6.) I plan to put food on your body. (e.g. Cake Icing on your cheek, Whipped Cream on your nose)

7.) I’m gonna beat the shit out of you. >:c *angry shrimp noises*

8.) We’re doing intimate stuff. (e.g. Fucking, Kissing, Hand Holding, Hugging)

9.) I have no choice but to touch you. (e.g. Our Father during Mass, You’re hanging off of a cliff or sumsht, Jiu Jitsu)

10.) We’re doing a sport that involves physical contant. (e.g. Basketball, Futbol/Soccer)

11.) I haven’t seen you in a long time so I have to give you a hug or a high-five or some shit.

12.) Hand shakes.

Those are some of the reasons I can think of right now. But believe me when I say, I will avoid you like a disease if you try to touch me randomly.

But all in all, I get it. I mean, some people are touchier than most. The other day (28,11,2019), my friend walked over to me and I instinctively avoided their touch. But here’s the thing, he/she didn’t even try to touch me. So, there’s that. I don’t know. I’m Me that way.

Uhm.. yeahhhhhh :l

I hope ya’ll are ready for the Holidays :O

Take care!

Love,

Vince