shrimpyjoe

[shrimpyjoe]

at the club doing the fork in the garbage disposal

[shrimpyjoe]

I keep forgetting that “hi I’m johnny knoxville and this is a ceaseless hell of our own making” isn’t like a big tumblr meme bc it’s a screenshot from mancrushes dot com that my friend sent me once that only we know about. That doesn’t stop me from saying it every day tho.

[shrimpyjoe]

when the zombie apocalypse happens I just know I'm gonna be the first guy who gets infected by getting his cock bit and everybody's gonna think I tried to get a zombie bj but it'll really have been unintentional and it's gonna be a whole thing

[shrimpyjoe]

i was at an event last night in california and i went to the bar to order wine bc wine was like, a thing, and i looked at the menu and saw i was completely out of my depth bc idk any wine names, so i turned to my right and there was a man in a gorgeous suit standing at the bar beside me and i said “do you know anything about wine?” and he said “a little, yes!” i told him i liked white and dry wines and asked if he’d order for me. he asked the server for two glasses and had one poured for each of us and then he clinked his glass on mine but he didn’t take a sip, he just watched me taste mine and then he asked what i thought and i said “it’s pretty good, but like i said, i wouldn’t know.” he laughed and told me to have a good time & i walked away. fifteen minutes later i found out he’s the winemaker.

[shrimpyjoe]

[shrimpyjoe]

everyone should delete tiktok except this guy i wanna be alone with them

[shrimpyjoe]

stop playing it cool, just be passionate and intense and insane and whoever sticks around is meant for you

[shrimpyjoe]

we did the best we could to extract the perfect columbo reaction gif, and here it is - been wanting to make this for bloody weeks

[shrimpyjoe]

Does anyone else remember playing music in Windows Media Player and just sitting there and watching this for like two hours

[shrimpyjoe]

[shrimpyjoe]

My favorite Car Seat Headrest Genius annotation probably ever.

[shrimpyjoe]

i think about this every day

[shrimpyjoe]

[shrimpyjoe]

feisty cat mini by ArtisanBurrow

[shrimpyjoe]

funniest thing our wizard has ever said after spending several seconds going through their spell list:

"oh who am I kidding? fireball."