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kids these days are like “i need chat gpt to write an essay that would normally take 12 hours in 2” but back in my day i did that all the time by using a little technique called “writing some absolute bullshit.” and yet i still walked away with a better essay and more critical thinking skills than i would get if i used chatgpt. write a bad essay that you started on the day it was due, but write it yourself.

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which 3 US presidents do you think would be the best omegas and which 3 bisexual pop stars would be their best matched alphas

1) John Adams

John Adams was a tireless advocate for the revolution (i.e. topping from the bottom) and he once described himself as "obnoxious, suspected, and unpopular" - "he was known for his bluntness, impatience, and tendency to be easily frustrated with those who disagreed with him." As a brat in Congress, his personality was repulsive, but everyone listened to him and they all still wanted him. They wanted him so bad they made him president. Kind of makes you think.

His match:

Adams needs someone with a strong personality to challenge his - someone who's not afraid to repel the mainstream in order to realize their vision. Gaga has it, and he needs it. "Bad Romance" in many way encompasses Adams' struggles through the 1776 Continental Congress. They could teach each other much.

2) Theodore Roosevelt

A man dedicated to the preservation of natural parks and ecological wonders - and for what? To run through the trees under the full moon as his pheromones wafted through the air? We know.

His match:

Grimes once described herself as becoming "way less gay" after she became pregnant, which is 1) weird, and 2) the reason I'm sticking her with Teddy. I don't think that he could fix her completely, but she seems the type to maintain no moral compass of her own, simply adopting the political ideology of whomever she's with, so maybe there's hope. Maybe Grimes could introduce Teddy to shrooms, and Teddy could take her out on trips in the forest. And then we can find out if Grimes getting a man pregnant makes her more or less gay.

3) Richard Nixon

Best known for his one legendary debate with the handsome JFK, wherein he became a stuttering, sweating mess, unable to focus or say what he meant. Interesting!

His match:

Bisexual icon Taylor Swift is also struggling to appease both sides of the political aisle. They could share their woes and their love of good ol' fashioned Americana, and then Taylor could tie him to the wall and make him bark like a dog. The pregnancy would be difficult on both of them with Taylor's extremely busy schedule, and Nixon would regrettably terminate it in the second trimester, causing a rift in the relationship that would never be mended. The resulting laments that Taylor composed about Nixon's abortion would of course be dissected and attributed to a secret relationship with a woman - Nixon's wife.

I welcome critical analysis.

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It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

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So I am sitting here playing solitaire on the Linkin Park website, and the computer LOST THE FOUR OF CLUBS! It literally is missing a card!

There is nowhere it could be hiding! The four of clubs is just not there!

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When I am appointed to represent a child, my first action is to separate them from their parents and tell them the following things:

1. I am their attorney. I do not work for their parent or the judge or the cops. I don’t care what any of those people want.

2. My job is to listen to them and try and make what they want happen in court. (At this point I make a joke about how most people want me to get them out of trouble but if someone wanted to be in trouble I would do my best.)

3. What they tell me is confidential. It goes nowhere unless they agree to it. (If old enough, I talk to them about mandatory reporters, and how I’m a mandatory non reporter.)

4. I will give them lots of advice because I’ve been doing court for a while and I know a lot about it, and they don’t. It’s all really complicated, and if they don’t understand what’s happening it’s my job to help them figure it out.

5. They will make the decisions. (At this point I usually have to reassure them that I’ll help, I’ll speak for them in front of the judge, and I’ve got their back. It’s scary to have an adult say you’re in charge, most of the time.)

6. I tell them I know it’s absolutely wild to have some stranger come in here and say “hey, you can trust me!” and that I get if they don’t believe everything right away, because I plan to show them through my actions and my words that I’ll fight for them.

7. But nonetheless, I will treat them like a person who can make decisions, because they are living their life and I am not.

I do not:

Pretend to be cool.

Try to be their BFF.

Overwhelm them with detail.

Let their parents in the room until the kid asks for them. (I provide openings for this, and ask if the kid wants their parent to help them remember and understand.)

I want to emphasize I went into this job knowing nothing about how to interact with vulnerable populations, especially children. The training was minimal, and my role means that I can literally walk into a facility and get an unmonitored visit with a minor client one on one.

In my years of practice I have never felt threatened by a child, even one that was “violent” and “unstable.” It turns out just saying “hi, I think you’re a person with thoughts” is wildly successful? Now people treat me like I have special Child Whisperer powers. My powers are that I ask the child what’s up and I’m not scared to say things that are objectively awkward. I know nothing about anything.

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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[shvoowsh]

the genius of megamind (beyond the obvious genius ofc) is that it's superman parody actually presents a genuinely unsettling depiction of the "hero" that I like wayyy better than "what if superman was evil" or "what if superman was wrong"... it's "what if superman didn't care"

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my first wondertrade in oras and i got a machamp incredible

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something something lou wilson playing an older and wiser slightly magical man and befriending ally beardsley playing a young trans character who is learning about the world that lou’s character has experience in

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Shooting practice💥💥

Bonus shooting practice aftermath <33

(Marya Van exes, and now Marya and Olethra having a similar flirty dynamic to what theirs used to be back in the day real and canon to me)

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i hope luigi mangione is proven innocent & gets to sue a ton of companies for slander and win & i hope he gets enough money to rebuild his life and get any help for his chronic pain that he needs & i hope he’s able to disappear from the public eye entirely if that’s what he wants

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you cannot look like THAT and make facial expressions like THIS and expect me not to COMBUST are you KIDDING me

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no way i just saw people in tiktok comments crying screaming throwing up at the idea of aslan being a jesus figure. worsties the lion literally dies to save edmund (the sinner) and then rises from the dead. he tells the pevensies he can be found under a different name in our world. what else could this have meant

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The interpretation of “rowdy” as a slur is so funny in battle.

Maxwell going “call off your rowdies” is the equivalent of telling the guy pointing a gun at your head that all his friends are faggots. I don’t think that’s going to do what you think it’s going to do, mate.